You worked up the nerve to ask her out for coffee (probably your first mistake -- I judge guys who ask me out for coffee). Maybe even a cocktail. And you thought everything went well... but then she totally ghosted. And you're so confused.

So, based on my experience -- as a person, as a woman, as a matchmaker, or as a supportive friend -- here are some likely ways you blew it.

1. You tried to kiss her.
EW! NO! WHY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER!!! WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO KISS SOMEONE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!

As a blogger, I forgive you. You probably don't know any better. You've probably been brainwashed by some douchey pickup artist type -- or even by some silly Hollywood movie -- to think that you "should" kiss the girl.

If you like this girl and you want to see her again, you won't try to kiss her until you actually know her. Otherwise, she's going to think you're some perv who goes around trying to kiss every girl you've ever had a cup of coffee with. She's going to think that kissing doesn't even mean anything to you. For me, that's a total major deal breaker. For me, just holding hands is intimate and special -- something I wouldn't want to do with a person I don't know and don't feel any affection for.

Which is why, as a woman, I don't forgive you. If you try to kiss me on our first date, you are someone I will never talk to again. Yes, that means I'm probably going to ghost on you. In another situation, I might say that ghosting is rude. But if you try to kiss me the first time we hang out, you don't deserve an explanation from me. I've wasted enough time on you already.

Still confused? Try to think of it like this: this girl is pretty, right? That's why you asked her out -- at least partly. You think you're the only guy who wants to kiss her? No! Dudes try to kiss her, like, every single day. If you want to stand out, show her that she's more than a set of lips to you. If she went around kissing every dude who wanted to kiss her... she'd be kissing hella toads.

2. There was no connection, because you asked boring or contrived questions.
A lot of people -- male and female -- have a way of making a first date feel like a job interview. "Where are you from?" "What do you do?" "Do you have any siblings?" "Where did you go to school?" "What was your major?"

BORING.

If we spent an hour doing that, I wouldn't want to see you again. There would be no reason to. A night at home with Netflix would be a lot more exciting.

Then there are people who show up with this whole script: "If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why?" "If you could travel anywhere, right now, where would you go, and why?"

These questions don't feel natural at ALL. If someone asked me a question like this, I would feel weird about it. It would also make me think there was no REAL connection there, because, if there were, you wouldn't be asking me a memorized list of questions -- we'd just be talking!

So where's the middle ground? What should you do or say or talk about if your greatest fear is running out of things to talk about? You could try: Planning a date that involves an activity. Maybe go to a boba place with board games, a bar with skeeball or basketball games (or just go to Chuck E. Cheese -- you'd get SO many cool points from me if you wanted to play games with me instead of just guzzling drinks), or a lake with peddleboat rentals. Start with an activity you can complete in about an hour before suggesting a weekend retreat, though.


3. Want to NOT get a second date? Wear a t-shirt on your first one.
This is probably more true for older folks than younger ones -- but whatever your age, it's sort of rude to show up in a t-shirt or ten-year-old jeans. Because, meanwhile, your date has picked out a cute outfit, done her hair and put on some makeup​. So show some respect and put on a button-down. Or whatever men wear when they're not thirteen anymore.

I know you're terrified of coming across as "desperate" or "trying too hard." I know you might even live in the Silicon Valley, and you think wearing a t-shirt makes you "cool." But I know a shocking number of women who have refused a second date because the guy dressed too casually on the first one.

http://www.thehappytalent.com/blog/dear-confused-dude-heres-why-you-didnt-get-a-second-date

No one fvckng cares as long as she didn't pay the bills of the first date!!

A second date would still show money leaving my pocket!! So she should go fvck herself and her second date!!

BiafranBushBoy:
No one fvckng cares as long as she didn't pay the bills of the first date!!

A second date would still show money leaving my pocket!! So she should go fvck herself and her second date!!

You dey vex wella