Hello everyone,

i have been dating my man for two years, we are about to get into our third year. I am 27, he is 29. I have been quite eager to get married since the onset of our relationship but my bf seems to be confused. Today he says he wants us to work towards marriage, and then tommorow he says he is not sure. I hear it takes guys a longer time to be sure than girls, but haba, how long? this is going to be our third year.
When i try to threaten him with breakup, he begs me to give him some more time, but it still turns out the same, confusion.

On the contrary, he is wonderful , treats me wel, spends every spare time he can with me and makes me happy, but he is JUST not sure.
I am getting old oh, and i dont want to hang on to not sure for another 1 year.

He has intorduced me to all his siblings, and told his parents about me this xmas and says he wants me to spend easter with him and his parents, is that a sign that he is getting sure? He calls my mum almost every three days and they are best of friends. I am confused. Why would he be doing all this if he is not sure?

I love him, he makes me happy, and spending the rest of my life with him is what i want. I dont want to break up and end up losing him and marrying someone i dont love half as much, on the contrary i dont want to wait and after two years, he finally decides he doesnt want!

Pls nairalanders, advise me

hi lady be very careful the guy will use you as a sex machine and dump you open your eyes

u better shine ur eyez very well cuz i dont think he is serious abt u

hmmn. this is really tricky. Coz u said he also does all d nice things.
He's def a commitment phobe.
Truth is guys make up their minds much quicker about marrying a girl. So, after 2 years and he isnt sure? There is soooo much to consider. uve talked, and prodded.
D first thing i wud 've written is to give him an ultimatum, but he cud pass that test, and still make u miserable in d marriage, so instead, pray to God for wisdom and insight. He will gude you.
How wud u know? watever u do,one day u'd look back and know u did d right thing. Goodluck

@poster
this guy is going at it at his own pace. . . . . . . we all know that deciding to spend the rest of your life with one person is not an easy decision.
at the moment he is just getting use to the idea, compare it as someone entering a dark room and walking slowly to feel the surroundings.

2yrs is definitely not long in term of relationships, some people need more time to really discover someone.
you have absolutely nothing to loose by giving this guy the time he needs to make his mind up. what else do you want to do?
giving him an ultimatum will definitely not be the way to go.

communicate with him, ask him what is worries are, understand him and try to make him feel safer about it all(if he is open minded enough to let you know)

remember that marriage is about TWO people being ready for the big day and not just one.

follow the signs,

@ poster

Start looking for another husband!

i find it hard to immagine a guy will date a woman for that long, and not be sure if he wants to marry her. Unless he
is just enjoying the sex or something like that. Even after introduction self, a girlz can still get dumped (i have seen it
done several times before).

michelin89:

@ poster
Start looking for another husband!

i agree with you on that one.

Anyone can say whatever they want to say. . .but by the end of your first year together you should be able to determine where your relationship is heading!

If you know its got no future. . .then pls quit wasting your time. . .are you sincerely gonna stick with a man who's obviously confused and has got commitment issues or rather isn't sure about where he stands with you? 

A man who's serious about you and ready to commit to you has no business being confused! He just knows in his heart that your the one!

ThoniaSlim:

He just knows in his heart that your the one!

exactly !

The fact that he's not yet ready to get married doesn't mean he doesn't love you, the truth is that lotsa guys are very scared of the 'marriage' thingy, it's kinda scary to tell the truth, and he might be in love but not know how to approach the marriage institution. As MrbrownJay has said, try discussing the issue with him, bare your heart and let him bear his. While an ultimatum would not be the best thing to do, telling him that you're ready to get married might push him outta his complacent state and make him face his fears. Besta luck

I have heard that some guys are afraid of marriages. I dont, know if it is true of false. But I do know that when a man want to marry you, he would not be confused.

It is true, that a man can introduce you to his sibbling without having in mind thought of marriage. I have seen that several times, even yours sincerely.

What the poster missed is glaring. It is ridiculous for any lady to have intimate affair with a man for two years without knowing what is the man's perception of her. Heading into marriage with that ignorance is like gamgling at a casino. You are yet to know your man except that he is outwardly pleasing and assuring but uncertain. Isnt that what casino is about?

I suggests you take to the advice above where you are asked to talk to him. But do it wisely, so as not to appear as desperate. Nothing drive a man away faster than a lady desperate for marriage.

Another method is to get a third party to do the job for you. Maybe his friend who is close to both of you and can keep secret. He would talk to him as if acting on his own volition. His/her mission is to find out what is holding him down and what is his problem etc.

On your own part, I think you should give him a little more time but no more sex (if you have been giving him that freely before) It is time for you to begin self examination. . . Somehow, the guy may have an issue, find it and try to deal with it intelligently. You may win eventually, just as you may lose.

Thank you everyone.
I called him today, and we sat down and i explained my self to him in details and everything.

He still tried explaining to me that he is still not sure. That i should give him some time to think. I asked him for how long, he said till March. I refused, and he started begging, and telling me that he cant do without me, that i am the one person who makes him happy.

Btw, he doesnt have any other babe for now oh. He spends all his free time with me and doesnt even give me time to meet any other guy, so i am sure it is not a girl issue.

@poster
i hope you are sure at the gamble that you are willing to take by giving your man an ultimatum and NOT wanting to wait small 3months!(if you have waited that long then what is 3 more months?!)

olanajim:

I have heard that some guys are afraid of marriages. I dont, know if it is true of false. But I do know that when a man want to marry you, he would not be confused. . .

Not every guy is like you. I know a few guys dating/who dates 2/3 girls at once and seriously too, they would have met all the girls family ^{mum first, why i no know} and their friends to reassure them they are "the one", but they themselves don't know the one they are going to marry until they decide to propose to the first girl to say yes. It has happened so many times now that I have lost count, and i prolly know this cos I hang out more with men than ladies. Heck we even get plenty threads like that on NL too


The most recent one I encountered happened this Christmas, when the dude in US asked his girlfriend of 3 years, ^{in the states too,} to marry him and she started dilly-dallying, that he had to change blah, blah, blah, next thing, he called his babe in UK whom he had been dating for 2 years the same week, she also tried to stall him cos he had misbehaved before, next thing his friend told me he had proposed to the girl he met in August on his last visit to Naija 6 months ago, and guess what - she said yes This guy proposed to these 3 girls all in the space of 2 weeks, in pecking order


Now the one in Nigeria is getting ready for her big day, unbeknown to her that she wasn't the first choice Heaven helps some girls sha No wonder marriages barely lasts before the ink has dried these days

olanajim:

It is true, that a man can introduce you to his sibbling without having in mind thought of marriage. I have seen that several times, even yours sincerely.

Arghhh, the ones i hate are those long throat friends of the boyfriend who will go to Girl A's house, chop her food whilst reassuring her, her position is secure, wipe their hands, whilst helping their friend field calls from his other girls, sometimes giving up their crib for the guy to get his groove on, go to Girl B's house, do the same, then move to the next girl's crib, chai, naija girls don suffer