So i

stoyaldeway:
So i had this guy friend..The day the marriage business became clear i started acting like unclear tv.
I couldnt let him hold my hands in public,his conversations makes me soo upset,he did everything a real man will do to keep a woman mehn the attraction was zero..i remember how he was travelling out of Country for a while and he opened the door with just his boxers on....i told him right there i came to pray for you.. biko..
I like an intelligent man's woman..i enjoy intelligent and openminded and jovial men..How can i get that in one piece if i dont see that the attraction wanes quickly and marriage is long term thing

you only whine about what you didn't get but didn't say what you gave to him. That's about as selfish as it can be.

nigerialog:


But, in all this he forgets the most important thing to test or look out for, which is the MUTUAL-ATTRACTION index between BOTH of he and the woman. By “attraction” I mean PHYSICAL (not monetary, professional, status related, religion based, familiar connections, anything else) attraction.

Double emphasis: This index measures the physical attraction from the man to the woman and from the woman to the man.

]

A man setting out looking for the attributes listed is setting out looking for a woman to marry...not a wife.....as in he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing. Both parties being physically attracted to each other is not the most important thing to consider for a successful marriage.... that's most important when it comes to one night stands... or short term relationships. That physical attraction can disappear overnight. I may be attracted to the most beautiful girl in the city.... but a few days or weeks later see her in her element...shouting at her parents... spitting at the handicapped. ... that physical attraction will disappear. Many men have married such women.... and when they begin to live as man and wife.... her true colours come out.... then...divorce. Women marry men.....physical attraction ...start living together... finds out the man is a wife beater...then...divorce. When love or trust begin to fade...so will the marriage.

gentlegenius:

Right now I am dating a young girl who I'm planning to marry in the next few years and I don't care so much whether she finds me attractive or not. All I know is that she respects me and I can manipulate her feelings and make myself attractive to her. If I can't do this, then I won't marry her.

Bro...after saying what you said. ...was all good until the above! Don't you think you can manipulate her feelings because she is young?...inexperienced?..unexposed? You need to double check..... I guess this is the type of marriage decisions OP is warning about.... marriage decisions that have a high risk of ending in divorce.

Any man who banks on a lady's physical attraction to him as a basis for a blissful marriage is on a very long thing!

Women are usually confused about what attracts them to a guy and so the attraction is usually erratic, coming on and off depending on her mood and the general perception of her friends about the guy. Therefore, a woman's attraction is not reliable in sustaining a marriage.

This is why a man should rather look out for a lady with good character and who is respectful and then learn how to work on her emotions at any point in time to get her in the mood for romance.

Typing from experience, i have had cases where an aunt of mine claimed to be madly in love with a man, rejected all counsels for her not to marry the man, went ahead to marry him, but after having her first and second issues, things took a different turn and the once lovey-dovey couple started living like cat and dog.

This op is lame to think that those couples who are getting divorced were never physically attracted to each other. As a matter of fact, most couples who get divorced were once madly in love with each other and this love blinded them from their lovers real characters. Hence, when the attraction wanes, reality dawns on them and they begin to see their partner's true colour.

So, guys please never get carried away when she begins to profess love to you and think that you can capitalize on that to manipulate her to your advantage in marriage. It never works!!!

SonsOfLiverpool:
you only whine about what you didn't get but didn't say what you gave to him. That's about as selfish as it can be.

My dear,biko nu..How is my definition as to 'attraction in relationships' connected to whinning or what he gave or did not give..
You see...i can interpret the message just incase we are getting eachother wrong..
'' I was NOT attracted to Oga for one day"!

stoyaldeway:

My dear,biko nu..How is my definition as to 'attraction in relationships' connected to whinning or what he gave or did not give..
You see...i can interpret the message just incase we are getting eachother wrong..
'' I was NOT attracted to Oga for one day"!

yeah well said.

Like there has ever been a time in the 21st century where souls attract people?

Good thread

Originalsly:

Bro...after saying what you said. ...was all good until the above! Don't you think you can manipulate her feelings because she is young?...inexperienced?..unexposed? You need to double check..... I guess this is the type of marriage decisions OP is warning about.... marriage decisions that have a high risk of ending in divorce.

I think you are right, and I was wrong.
I finally discovered her true colors...
She was only pretending to respect me because of all the help and assistance she was getting from me. Pretence doesn't last for ever. So, I dumped her long time ago and move on with my life.

Jman06:
Any man who banks on a lady's physical attraction to him as a basis for a blissful marriage is on a very long thing!

Women are usually confused about what attracts them to a guy and so the attraction is usually erratic, coming on and off depending on her mood and the general perception of her friends about the guy. Therefore, a woman's attraction is not reliable in sustaining a marriage.

This is why a man should rather look out for a lady with good character and who is respectful and then learn how to work on her emotions at any point in time to get her in the mood for romance.

Typing from experience, i have had cases where an aunt of mine claimed to be madly in love with a man, rejected all counsels for her not to marry the man, went ahead to marry him, but after having her first and second issues, things took a different turn and the once lovey-dovey couple started living like cat and dog.

This op is lame to think that those couples who are getting divorced were never physically attracted to each other. As a matter of fact, most couples who get divorced were once madly in love with each other and this love blinded them from their lovers real characters. Hence, when the attraction wanes, reality dawns on them and they begin to see their partner's true colour.

So, guys please never get carried away when she begins to profess love to you and think that you can capitalize on that to manipulate her to your advantage in marriage. It never works!!!

I agree with you intoto

Oh

darbeelicous:
i didn't read all of it, but from ur topic and d few I read ure literally saying that women are d cause of divorce? well, I just found out that a well recognized man, a devoted Christian a loving father and a caring husband to d most calm and submissive woman I've ever known has about four concubines secretly. if them divorce now them go blame the woman. mtcheww....... do ur calculations right and edit!!!

actually OP is putting the blame solely on Men

you need to read it completely

Originalsly:


A man setting out looking for the attributes listed is setting out looking for a woman to marry...not a wife.....as in he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing. Both parties being physically attracted to each other is not the most important thing to consider for a successful marriage.... that's most important when it comes to one night stands... or short term relationships. That physical attraction can disappear overnight. I may be attracted to the most beautiful girl in the city.... but a few days or weeks later see her in her element...shouting at her parents... spitting at the handicapped. ... that physical attraction will disappear. Many men have married such women.... and when they begin to live as man and wife.... her true colours come out.... then...divorce. Women marry men.....physical attraction ...start living together... finds out the man is a wife beater...then...divorce. When love or trust begin to fade...so will the marriage.

few people have ever been able to develop agape for their significant other without first starting from eros

Op you need to realize that human beings, both men and women respond to different social dynamics. I have had girls who were passionately attracted to me almost to the point of idolization. But as soon as the social dynamics changed - maybe she got a better job, met a hotter guy, moved location or some other issue, the whole thing just went down.

My personal understanding and conclusion is that nature did not design us humans to be sexually exclusive to one person. Marriage was invented to advance the course of civilization and to organize the society. But our natural instincts are not predisposed to be mutually exclusive to each other except in the situation of extreme scarcity of options.

Humanity is really too delicate to withstand the amorous pull of nature.

monex:


few people have ever been able to develop agape for their significant other without first starting from eros

Common now with social media....people fall in love from the inside out! Right here on NL ones be falling in love with others without laying an eye on them!

Originalsly:
Common now with social media....people fall in love from the inside out! Right here on NL ones be falling in love with others without laying an eye on them!

eros doesnt neccesarily have to do with looks.

i know ladies who are more attracted to text and speech than looks.

monex:


eros doesnt neccesarily have to do with looks.

i know ladies who are more attracted to text and speech than looks.

Exactly my point!

What the OP said about marriages in the eastern part of Nigeria has a lot of truth in it

Most men re becoming too lazy in our society, u will see dem doing well ND after dey get married to a hard working lady, dey turn d woman into bread winner, now use dere money 2 go after gals, drinks nd all dat.

Gone re does days wen women re been patient on dere husband, dis tym our women has wisen up nd dey re not ready 2 suffer for any body. Who lyk suffer