Infidelity In A New Marriage - Family (4) - Nairaland
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| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by Babyboy26(m): 8:43am On Jan 13, 2010 |
dustydee, "I don't think you are a serious person, If she is having an affair, you need to back it up with evidence, stop acting like a child and grow up.Confront her and let her know u are not happy with her actions." Yes,i will confront her but the issue is that i think i need to do this when i get the fone or wt do u think? wht if she says no cos the name she stored the number with is different frm that she said the person is when she called me. Please,lets share this feelings together,i am not framing things,this is what i discovered. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by otukpo(f): 8:44am On Jan 13, 2010 |
i get disheartnening responses here. For the fact that the wife has a phone hidden from the husband is enough to tell the woman is doing something bad. Even if those men were her customers at her former place of work, what stops her from making their existence known to the husband and the true relationship. i hate it when pple keep secrets abt the opposite sex from their partners only to be telling cock and bull stories when discovered. Poster, from what u said, be sure ur wife is cheating on u and she intends to keep doing that. For goodness sake, are u man enough? If i were u, when i discovered the phone, i wld have taken down the 2 numbers stored with their names. Then go confront her, she will definitely call the 2 numbers right in my presence while on speaker phone. Is she the one feeding u? She even have to gut to say someone said he was harrased on the phone. Bullshit! I can't tolerate a cheating wife, and be ready to be finished if u don't brace up to be the man in ur home. Pssssssssssssffffff |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by ogb5(m): 8:49am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Babyboy26: You accused another man, without proof, that he is dating your wife. If you try that with me, I will make sure I date her at all cost. You have no right to accuse your wife of infidelity just because you saw a third phone with her the next day after your marriage. if you see something with your wife and you don't understand it, the logical thing to do is to ask there and then, instead of accusing people around of sleeping with you wife. Assuming the two numbers you saw in her phone are her casual friends or business associates, how do you think they will regard your wife after you have accused them of sleeping with her. They will simply assume your wife is unfaithful hence your suspicion. What you have done is Deformation of Character. I think your wife should divorce you as soon as possible, I foresee lot of false accusations, distrust and lack of communication between you two in the future unless you grow up quickly. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by HDMI(m): 8:49am On Jan 13, 2010 |
It's so Amazing how we complicate or lives,you found the phone how are you sure she is hiding it from you in the first place and why can't you talk to her about it after all your marriage is just less than 60days according to your story,why don't you talk to your wife about it instead of Nairaland!!! And stop being a cry baby telling us to tell you what to do before you hurt your self. Be a man and shape your family the way you want it to be, trust me on this |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by otukpo(f): 8:50am On Jan 13, 2010 |
If the woman is true to the husband, there is no man/woman she relates with in any capacity, be it business or official, that she cannot discuss or let the husband know. There is basically no acceptable excuse for a wife to have a secret phone or male friends from the husband. Except the poster is some kind of a dimwit, and if he is, why would the woman marry him in the first place. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by Babyboy26(m): 8:55am On Jan 13, 2010 |
otukpo, TXS.she is not feeding me in any way,as a man,am doing the very best i can do for her and everything arround her (hope u know wht i mean,her youger ones,mum,friends and all) which i believe makes me a man. But the issue is,now that i did not ask immediately i saw the fone,wht do u think i should do? |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by cleric(m): 8:58am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Get the proof and kick her arse out, the bible permits divorce when adultery is involved, next time look before u leap, God bless |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by tianshie(m): 8:59am On Jan 13, 2010 |
[b]First thing you need is proof. Suspicion no matter how strong it may be is not fact. It's cool if she hides a mole; a slightly bigger n.ipple etc. But to hide a phone with guys' numbers? That's got to get the red flags waving- you need to investigate intelligently. The fact that you aren't both in the same place now and you just got married isn't good. I know what these bank contractors do to get business. It's a good guess that those numbers are left overs from her 'bangking' days. Here's what a friend did when he suspected his girlfriend was cheating: One day he arrives at her house unannounced and knocks on her door for a long time- no response. So he waits for some time and calls her phone. She picks and he asks where she is and she replies 'At home now.' He asks if she has light and she says yes. He asks who else is in the room and she says ' me and my sister and some friends'. He says ' Are you guys watching TV?' She says yes. Then he sinks the knife ' But I'm in front of your room now and you aren't at home.' She then began to lie that she was at school and couldn't come home now and some other bullsh*t. Her mother's brother was dead and she had been chosen to break the news to her mother so she would be going to her parents' from school bla bla bla. Na things you suppose don do before you marry am be dis.[/b] |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by Nobody: 9:01am On Jan 13, 2010 |
IF YOUR INSTINCTS TELL YOU THAT YOUR WIFE IS CHEATING ON YOU, SHE IS REALLY CHEATING ON YOU. MOST MEN HERE DONT HAVE THAT EXPERIENCE AND MAY ADVISE YOU WRONGLY. YOUR WIFE HAS A PHONE SHE KEEPS SECRETLY, COS SHE HAS 2 MALE CONTACTS, IT MEANS SHE IS THE CONTACTS FROM YOU, SANE REASON SHE HIDES, IS BECAUSE SHE IS HAVING SEX WITH THEM YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT MEANT TO LAST SORRY TO SAY, COS SUCH A WOMAN IS UNREPENTANT, SCOLD HER AND DO WHATEVER YOU FEEL LIKE, SHE WILL ONLY PRETEND. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE RIGHT TIME TO RESPECT AND LOVE YOU MORE AND SHE DOESNT. THE SANE THIS IS TO FIRSTLY; OPENLY TELL HER YOU ARE AWARE OF THE SEX PARTNERS SHE HAS BY REASON OF THE HIDDEN PHONES AND THE CANDY CALL AND HER DEFENCE, FOR GOD'S SAKE DO YOU EXPECT A WOMAN TO ADMIT HAVING SEUXAL INTERCOURSE OUTSIDE MARRIAGE, SHE MUST DENY. WARN HER OPENLY AND DONT DIVORCE, BUT GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE, IF SHIT HAPPENS THROW HER OUT BEFORE SHE SOILS YOUR REPUTATION |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by MyPeace(f): 9:03am On Jan 13, 2010 |
l dont see that as a secret phone, it could be that she used to use the no but has abadoned it. Rember the poster said he only saw two numbers stored there. They are not yet living together as husband and wife, as he said, so the poster is very very wrong for his conclusion based on assumption. Anyway, this just the process of knowing one another, if you scale thru the first year of marriage, then u can live till thou kingdom come. Abeg poster, spare ur wife this headache, your jealous is too much. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by HERO111: 9:08am On Jan 13, 2010 |
@Poster, Guy i can imagine how u are feeling. but u see there is only one thing out the two u can do at ones. Manage ur tension, go underground and with patience , investigate her n nvr let her know u are suspecting her. get enof evidence so that when u want to address d issue she wont have any defense. On the other hand, like someone suggested up there, u can confront her by asking her why she hides her 2nd fone from u and ask her about the contacts on the fone , insist on both of u calling the guys to clear her head. but remember, divorce at this point may be a hasty decision which might be wrong after all. Goodluck. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by dplus(m): 9:11am On Jan 13, 2010 |
@Babyboy26 I read ur post and I have a feeling that u ar too deep into the problem than the solutions. Get me right if ur wife is dating someone else that is a problem but what is the solution don't dig too deep into a problem that will break up ur marriage early. U have said u ar not staying together now. So u cannot monitor this lady but U need to be a man and calm down urself. marriage is not about who is right or wrong but about the two of u getting better, I believe wife must have been going out with some GUY even before both of u meet. So u have to sit her down and talk about the past (u ought to have done this before Marriage but u can still do it). both should open up to each other no matter what has happen at least love will conver up everything if u love urself (I believe). Be a man forget about the phone or the Guy ur Wife is ur immediate target . Take up the issue with boldness, talk with love and show her that ur have already forgiven her even if she has done it because there are more to marriage that claiming rights . Further more show more love, buy her a new phone in the pretend as love gift and make sure she is not with any other phone apart from the phone u bought and make sure u check everything on the phone from time to time may be when u are playing togther or on bed (she must not know u are monitoring her). What you dont know somuch about is very hard to fight for , Time will help you on this be patience. Thanks |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by Nobody: 9:15am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Its ridiculous that people blame this husband. The wife is clearly cheating on him. Reasons 1: Phone was hidden Reason 2: Two MALE contacts ONLY Reason 3: She counter-accused the husband of threatening someone Reason 4: She admitted they are customer at her former work place Husband, openly rebuke your wife, if you chicken out, be prepared for Iraq-America marriage, openly rebuke her and threaten divorce, the fear and shame of divorce will regulate her behavior, Simple. Stop looking for advise, use your natural instincts and be a man. Forget blind love this moment. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by otukpo(f): 9:16am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Babyboy26 What i think u shld do now is this, I hope u took the 2 numbers and names and u still hav it. When she comes around, just try be monitoring her, find out if she still keeps the 3rd phone and if she is still hiding it. U just need an eviddence no matter how small to confront her. She has to call the 2 contacts in ur presence and make the discussion open and convincing. i wish u luck. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by cjay10: 9:20am On Jan 13, 2010 |
i don't want to believe this poster, as a Nigerian we would have don't serious fighting with the woman, but i would advice you to talk to her like a man, confront her and get her own explanation, then you can make your conclusion |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by Nobody: 9:21am On Jan 13, 2010 |
No need to call contacts in his presence men. He has all the evidences he needs. This man opened up his secrets here. Said the wife is indifferent to matrimonial sex life. She is clearly enjoying better love with other men. She probably needed this marriage for social balance. Rebuke her my friend. Marriage is not a place for false pretences, this hide and seek patience is what kills men before women. OPENLY CONFRONT HER doesnt mean u both will not enjoy love life that day, but let her a degree of respect and fear. And make sure u keep a mystery side of you, so u remain unpredictable. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by illusion2: 9:22am On Jan 13, 2010 |
To be candid with you. , . . . .I think her heart is somehere else,she prob married you cos you've been together for so long & enough water has passed under the bridge/the other fellow has no such intentions,your leaving apart further complicates issues. Sending text to the 'suspicious' numbers was really childish. Whoever it was must be current enough to know she ain't using the phone number again and would easily see through your ploy. I feel you're shying away from confronting the issues ,prob cos u know the answer already. My take is that once TRUST is no longer in any relationship,IT'S OVER !!! |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by dplus(m): 9:22am On Jan 13, 2010 |
LeoMax: @LeoMax Sorry I dont think you are married because your advice sound like a school boy who know little or nothing about marriage, Patient and perseverance are key to all sucessfully marriage and even the lady in quote may not be quilty after all since we have not heard her own version . so saying YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT MEANT TO LAST is a wrong word to used as only the two parties decided that. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by candyshore: 9:24am On Jan 13, 2010 |
poster u better take it easy . u just got married take some of d good advive given to u. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by Chookym(m): 9:31am On Jan 13, 2010 |
@ poster. U are nt wrong in suspecting her as hiding her phone from you creates suspicion. But that is nt enough to back out. what u should do is call her and discuss the issue frankly with her letting her know how disappointed you are ( be firm , don't be deceived by crocodile tears)and that she should stop henceforth. But make sure u take the phone and be strict about it. This is your marriage and u hv to save it oooo. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by Nobody: 9:38am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Hiding a phone cos she has 2 male contacts there, what does it signify ? Husband if you dont ask your wife, the reason; You have the answers and you are only afraid of the truth, which is bitter. You know what to do, sure, but for the crazy feelings and MONEY you spent, confront her and make her CHANGE. One more incident with proof, DIVORCE. No room for husband killers. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by Okijajuju1(m): 9:39am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Heres my 10 cent. If you dont have the nerve to sit your wife down and question her on the matter then dont try running any intel on her cause she would only change her MO and you would end up knowing nothing. I had this girl who was in a serious relationship with anoda dude and you would not believe the tricks this chick was playing on the guy. The guy stood no chance of catching her except by sheer luck. Confront her and move on with your life before you go mad. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by maxtop(m): 9:51am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Delay is dangerous,  |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by HERO111: 9:53am On Jan 13, 2010 |
@Poster, Guy i can imagine how u are feeling. but u see there is only one thing out the two u can do at ones. Manage ur tension, go underground and with patience , investigate her n nvr let her know u are suspecting her. get enof evidence so that when u want to address d issue she wont have any defense. On the other hand, like someone suggested up there, u can confront her by asking her why she hides her 2nd fone from u and ask her about the contacts on the fone , insist on both of u calling the guys to clear her head. but remember, divorce at this point may be a hasty decision which might be wrong after all. Goodluck. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by otukpo(f): 9:57am On Jan 13, 2010 |
dplus: The advice is also good but u have to confront the situation first. Then reassure her of ur forgiveness and love only if she is willing to turn a ne leaf. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by shagaman: 10:07am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Well Mr Man,i think it is to early to draw up conclusions,the most important thing is that you need to talk to your wife,heart to heart talk,cos at this early stage,dont ever draw up conclusions, Meanwhile you must start preparing for your wife when she comes you must give her real bed servicing, she no go get strenght to even call her friends.(i fit recommend agbo for you), lol |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by FFA: 10:21am On Jan 13, 2010 |
@ POSTER PLEASE CALL HER AND TALK THINGS OVER. LET HER KNOW THAT SHE NEEDS TO CUT OFF FROM HER PAST AND MOVE FORWARD.DONT HATE HER TALK TO HER AND LET HER FEEL SAFE WITH YOU. BE PRAYERFUL TOO. HONESTLY I HATE HEARING LOVE TURNING SOUR. MARRIAGE IS LIKE A BUILDING CONSTRUCTION IT NEEDS COMMITMENT, DETERMINE YOU ARE GOING TO TOLERATE, LOVE, FORGIVE AND FORGET. WISHING U ALL D BEST TO ERR IS HUMAN TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER A DECADE I THINK I HAVE A LITTLE EXPERIENCE. |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by dupsygal: 10:30am On Jan 13, 2010 |
does a third fone explicitly mean its infidelity?  has any of u heard of official cell fones, CUGs used for internal calls within an organisation, usually big org. like banks, they are use by staff to communicate wt each other at a very reduced rate. so, if ur wife has one of those, i don't think she needs it on while she is away from the office and i won't be surprised if it ws in her handbag or overnight carrier bag u saw it because she does not need the disturbance of official calls away from the office especially wen she is at home wt her husband.my dear poster, i will say u are catching empty air and it will be a pity if u wreck ur home wt mere jealousy and lack of trust on ur part. i don't think she would ve married u if she wants some other man. so think about it before making some stupid mistake  |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by RemKen: 10:34am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Babyboy26, You have not done anything out of the ordinary for coming here seeking advice, to very young people who are yet to see and know what is call LIFE, or those growing adults who have been lucky all the way, they will think your story is lie or that you could have handled it without coming here. Anyway, they are partially right, but for a man/woman that has seen life in its true colour(age has nothing to do with this please), he/she will actually advice you based on their experiences (personal or otherwise). There are very good and sound posts here, it's left to you to actually sieve and take the one you think is best for you. For those doubting the story, there is more to LIFE than eyes can see, there are other REAL ones you will never believe if you were told except you witness it, there is no story that is too good to be true. For some of us that feel he should have done it without coming here, we are also right but his seeking our godly help is not completely wrong, someone else may be having the same experience, some years ago, I read a girl's story in the news paper, the first thing i thought was that the story was that of my very close friend( a girl) referring to me as the man in her story, but on a second taught, I decided to respond to her story by sending an email to her. She replied me after about a month and few days that my advice worked as if I knew the two of them, the truth is that her story was just like mine and therefore I was able to give her what will help her. Babyboy26, i wish i can speak to you directly may be via your email to avoid distraction. My advice to you, don't make any conclusion until you have REAL evidence, my wife will not ask for sex in a month if I don't make the move and she's not cheating on me but your case may be different, you should know the girl you marry. If she's one you know cannot do without such thing in a period of time, then that should be a concern to you. No matter what your findings may be, please be ready to forgive her. If you are a xtian, read Malachi 2:16, but if you are not still read it and see the mind of God about divorce, I hope your wife will be ready too to change and know that she’s now married. God bless you! |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by ronell: 10:46am On Jan 13, 2010 |
When saw the phone, you should have just asked her there and then for explanations. You didn't have to start calling numbers and all that. what you don't know wont kill you,what you know will kill you faster. Remember she is your wife. Good luck |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by Babyboy26(m): 10:47am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Nairalanders, I really appreciate ur advice indeed and will try nd see wht to do,may be by having a heart-to heart talk b4 further move. But wht about the fone in question? She doesnt come to lagos with the fone nd that was the very first time i will see the fone in her wardrobe. I think I really need to lay my hands on the fone for better talk,proof and CANDID WARNING!!! to her while i continue with treating her as a wife widaout any suspiction like u guys have said. Cos,i think I really need to get the fone to clear my conscience or wht do u guys feel about this. Like u guys have said,PATIENCE. PATIENCE is a "very hard thing" to have but its always good. pls advice!! |
| Re: Infidelity In A New Marriage by Valo29: 11:03am On Jan 13, 2010 |
Have you tried asking her? Relationships,especially marriage should be based on trust.Ask her and stop jumping into conclusions. |
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