Good day nairalanders.
My Fiance and I are planning on settling down soon, my problem is that my fiance is earning about 100k monthly and still seeks financial assistance from his dad occasionally and sees nothing wrong with it. He's been working for a year now. I told him to stop it cos I feel it is totally wrong for someone that's planning to settle down. Though his dad is well to do, I still feel it's wrong. This brought about an argument between us and He further said that the reason I feel it's wrong is because I have a poverty mentality, cos my parents are not really well to do
Please I need matured advice especially from married people. I intend to show him your comments. Is it right or wrong? What are the implications of doing this?

Very okay!

It's just like getting assistance from anyone else, so long as he's independent of them. You can ask someone for financial assistance without being dependent on them.

We create problems where none really exists. Leveraging on ones family background is wisdom dear.

Though my dad is one of the 100 wealthiest men in Nigeria today, I don't wanna have anything to do with him; let him enjoy whatever he's got. My biggest desire is that when I'm ready to marry, the old man would have been gone so that I could boldly tell my inlaws that my pop is fvcking gone mehn.

You're lucky to have a guy who's got it cool with his dad.

O boy Eminem too dey vex mehn. The guy no dey bite his tongue ni? Very sensible and well coordinated fast rap mehn.

So far its her dad and the dad is up to the task then she's good to go...I see nothing wrong in it.

It's not wrong.
But he shouldnt feel comfortable and complacent cos he might not always be able to run to daddy.
He should strive to turn his 100k income to 200k, then 500k then more. All that matters is that he's ambitious and not just comfortable with his 100k salary cos daddy is there.

How can a man earning 100k salary still be asking for financial assistance from his dad...


Hell I don't even have any job and I can't even remember asking for money from my uncles or parents... That's just a bad habit... Its in him already..

ikp120:
Very okay!

It's just like getting assistance from anyone else, so long as he's independent of them. You can ask someone for financial assistance without being dependent on them.

We create problems where none really exists. Leveraging on ones family background is wisdom dear.

Though my dad is one of the 100 wealthiest men in Nigeria today, I don't wanna have anything to do with him; let him enjoy whatever he's got. My biggest desire is that when I'm ready to marry, the old man would have been gone so that I could boldly tell my inlaws that my pop is fvcking gone mehn.

You're lucky to have a guy who's got it cool with his dad.

O boy Eminem too dey vex mehn. The guy no dey bite his tongue ni? Very sensible and well coordinated fast rap mehn.

Your last line tho

#teamslimshady

Epositive:



Your last line tho

#teamslimshady

O boy I'm in love with that guy's flow mehn.

I guess his childhood background was quite messed up for him to dey vex like that and still sound sensible, intelligent and highly coordinated.

I fell in love with his flow the first day I listened to one of his songs. I just dey search for his songs everywhere since that day.

ikp120:
O boy I'm in love with that guy's flow mehn.

I guess his childhood background was quite messed up for him to dey vex like that and still sound sensible, intelligent and highly coordinated.

I fell in love with his flow the first day I listened to one of his songs. I just dey search for his songs everywhere since that day.

Eminem is a free-minded person, he draws inspiration from anything or everything around him
Hope you understand his lyrics tho

#joking

First and foremost, what's your problem with him asking his dad for help? Will he ask your dad? Or can you assist him? If you can , he won't ask his dad. See a lot of ladies sit there and judge men for reasons they don't know half of it. There's only one person he can turn to on earth, who ? His Dad. Bcus he will never judge him, he will never make him feel less, he's working but his dad still help when he needs it, unlike some fathers as soon as the child is making money, they will shoulder all responsibilities to him. Please let him be, it's not bad for parent / dad to assist bcus you are working, the father and son relationship is still in existence. The 100k is not enough that's why he goes back to his dad. Have you seen families where the father , fit the bill for the wedding and set up a company for the family? Mhen that's family, his dad can go to the end of the earth to help is son, but can an outsider do it for him? Can you ?. Don't judge him bcus you want to become part of his life. The most important is family. Let him ask whenever and if his dad can help, let him help. There's nothing like family.

Epositive:


Eminem is a free-minded person, he draws inspiration from anything or everything around him
Hope you understand his lyrics tho

#joking

Lol. Sure I understand his lyrics very well.

Very sensible and real talk. I'm yet to listen to a senseless song of his. Very intelligent guy. .

Terryindeed:
First and foremost, what's your problem with him asking his dad for help? Will he ask your dad? Or can you assist him? If you can , he won't ask his dad. See a lot of ladies sit there and judge men for reasons they don't know half of it. There's only one person he can turn to on earth, who ? His Dad. Bcus he will never judge him, he will never make him feel less, he's working but his dad still help when he needs it, unlike some fathers as soon as the child is making money, they will shoulder all responsibilities to him. Please let him be, it's not bad for parent / dad to assist bcus you are working, the father and son relationship is still in existence. The 100k is not enough that's why he goes back to his dad. Have you seen families where the father , fit the bill for the wedding and set up a company for the family? Mhen that's family, his dad can go to the end of the earth to help is son, but can an outsider do it for him? Can you ?. Don't judge him bcus you want to become part of his life. The most important is family. Let him ask whenever and if his dad can help, let him help. There's nothing like family.

My concern is that I don't want a situation whereby his family will be controlling him in the future when he's married. I want him to be in charge of his life!

ikp120:
Lol. Sure I understand his lyrics very well.

Very sensible and real talk. I'm yet to listen to a senseless song of his. Very intelligent guy. .

you guys are derailing my thread o

virtousB:
Good day nairalanders.
My Fiance and I are planning on settling down soon, my problem is that my fiance is earning about 100k monthly and still seeks financial assistance from his dad occasionally and sees nothing wrong with it. He's been working for a year now. I told him to stop it cos I feel it is totally wrong for someone that's planning to settle down. Though his dad is well to do, I still feel it's wrong. This brought about an argument between us and He further said that the reason I feel it's wrong is because I have a poverty mentality, cos my parents are not really well to do
Please I need matured advice especially from married people. I intend to show him your comments. Is it right or wrong? What are the implications of doing this?

Do u assist him financially when he's broke? Does his father interfere in your relationship? Why not mind your business if you know u can't support him financially.

If not his dad, then who's own?

Most parents that can afford to, help their children till they can get on their feet.

God bless them.

But he has to start learning to stand on his own, and how to manage his finances. I hope you're also earning something on your own.
It takes good planning and discipline to properly manage one's finances

virtousB:
you guys are derailing my thread o

Oh, I'm sorry for that.

Hmmm...

For how long will he continue?

Are you sure he's ready to settle down?

There is nothing wrong with that. It is only wrong if his parents are poor village farmers who are struggling to survive, else if one doesn't run to Daddy/Mummy when things get rough then who will they run to? My parents won't even let you get to that point, seems they have this magic of knowing when all is not well. My dear, this is Nigeria, things are really difficult even for hard working people and the only people who can understand you without judging are your parents.

That's not bad at all as far as he's not totally depend on his dad for living, and more so his dad is well to do.

Some adults see noting wrong in taking money from their parents even when they are doing fine. I think he's just a spoilt baby. If the dad is not complaining let him keep taking money from his old man if his conscience can take it.

Hi @ OP, i basically do not get it, you said he earns 100k a month, but he still get assistance from his father, so how is that a problem, who is he suppose to get assistance from, YOU, which is not a bad idea if he is broke, the only thing is you guys are not married yet. How much is 100 k. Do you think with 100 k salary and without cutting corners or assistance from nowhere,he can afford a 2 bedroom apartment in a good area in lagos for example, if you guys decide to settle down today, if you factor feeding, transportation e.t.c in. You said, you do not want them to control him, sweetheart, if he was the breadwinner of the family and they want to control him , they will, is your father in-law to be giving you problems or anything...Why are u insecure. Please do not create unnecessary friction between you and you boo, and yes people earning way more, get assistance from their parents if need be. It is good to be independent, i get you, but assistance from the people that brought him to planet earth is not wrong, provided they are in the position to give such assistance.

How about having the perspective that maybe your expectations of him have put him under pressure financial pressure. Are you contributing financially to your pending nuptials you know 30 maybe 40% of the budget or is it all on him? Men have anxieties as well you know. You can't just say stop asking your father for money will you help him if he is short?

Raine80:
How about having the perspective that maybe your expectations of him have put him under pressure financial pressure. Are you contributing financially to your pending nuptials you know 30 maybe 40% of the budget or is it all on him? Men have anxieties as well you know. You can't just say stop asking your father for money will you help him if he is short?

I'm not putting him under any pressure whatsoever. I'm also working. He's asking for money for his personal use, nuptials is not so soon, so it's out of it.

virtousB:
I'm not putting him under any pressure whatsoever. I'm also working. He's asking for money for his personal use, nuptials is not so soon, so it's out of it.

Listen lady your critic is pressure, you are intending on marrying him he gets help from his parents they can always say no but they don't you can't put yourself in the middle of that relationship. So let's say he listens to you and stops he tells his father my fiancée told me to stop now you have issues with your in-laws. What happens when as a married couple you need help? Their help will that be acceptable to you?

They are his parents some battles even if you do not approve you need to step back. Or maybe it's a case of you wanting to control him? Those are the subliminal vibes you are giving and you are also quite defensive. A passive aggressive personality maybe?

He further said that the reason I feel it's wrong is because I have a poverty mentality, cos my parents are not really well to do [color=#770077][/color]


#Extreme

dingbang:
How can a man earning 100k salary still be asking for financial assistance from his dad...


Hell I don't even have any job and I can't even remember asking for money from my uncles or parents... That's just a bad habit... Its in him already..

hmmmm so u have no job huh?