No one knows it all.

I don't know it all.

So I turned to you guys for help.

So I took her out last sunday and she told me her mum was sick.

Fast-forward to yesterday, she sent me a text message that 'Her mum was gone'

Now I am a very busy guy, and so the text message came when I was asleep around 7.45AM (resting for a hard previous day and night of work)

Some hours later at 10.45AM, I sent her a message enquiring about the health of her mum.

Needless to say, she saw the message but never responded

So today, I called her asked: "Are you at work?" She said no.

Next she tells me, have you checked your text messages, I said you haven't sent me a text message.

She says, check your phone.

I do and see that she sent me a text message at 7.45AM yesterday which I never saw until 8.45AM today.

There is a brewing crisis.

Help me manage it well.

Two issues here:

1. How does the perfect boyfriend respond to his girlfriend's loss of her mother?

2. How do I mitigate the impact of seeing this earth-shaking message 25 hours late?

Thank you for reading this and helping a brother make good capital of a bad situation.

Whichever way I handle this, I will be judged, please help make the judgment not a sentencing to the dungeon!

Chai

Lemme cry first before i comment

If she is truly your 'sweetheart ' she should understand the kind of work you're engaged in and of course, it is understandable that you were not able to check your messages. That should not be a reason for an argument- no need transferring aggression.

On the second issue, her mother is dead. Confirm this first and then console her. Now, are you officially married to her and what sort of commitment do you have with her and are you known in her family?

I'm asking as your level of commitment with her will affect the next steps to take.

Good luck.

Dear boyfriend. ..you u should go n see her ASAP or call her dt u want to come see her.



Drop some cash wen u see her cos she will need it....try n console her wen u get der too.


If u didnt see d msg ....den tel her u didn't see it.

This issue is not phone call ish.

Simply tell her sorry and send her some money to help "manage" the situation.

As you may have noticed, there is no beef between women and money.

BlackDBagba:
If she is truly your 'sweetheart ' she should understand the kind of work you're engaged in and of course, it is understandable that you were not able to check your messages. That should not be a reason for an argument- no need transferring aggression.

On the second issue, her mother is dead. Confirm this first and then console her. Now, are you officially married to her and what sort of commitment do you have with her and are you known in her family?

I'm asking as your level of commitment with her will affect the next steps to take.

Good luck.

All her sisters and brothers know me.

The sisters call me "inlaw"

She calls me "the one"

Go see her that's the first and most important thing to do

hiremyminivan:

Two issues here:

1. How does the perfect boyfriend respond to his girlfriend's loss of her mother?

I can tell you one thing the perfect boyfriend doesn't do: The perfect boyfriend doesn't go online to ask random strangers who don't actually give a fork about him, about how to handle issues with his woman. The perfect boyfriend knows how to make decisions independently.

Naqade:
I can tell you one thing the perfect boyfriend doesn't do: The perfect boyfriend doesn't go online to ask random strangers who don't actually give a fork about him, about how to handle issues with his woman. The perfect boyfriend knows how to make decisions independently.

Thanks.

I am not perfect.

I am in the middle of a very important project - deadline is 13 hours away.

I cannot think about how to solve her problem or show I care, so I decided to crowdsource wisdom so kickstart my thinking process and to provide me options to explore until I can get to visit her much later in the day.

Never a bad idea to seek advice.

In the end, the decision is mine.

I thank all who have volunteered suggestions so far, really helpful.

Sometimes we are lost and need to find a direction - and for personal reasons, my choose to do anonymously.

Hope you appreciate that.

I am working on something and will update you all.

don't av anything to say cos to case isn't Dah serious

_____

Simple..........
[color=#990000][/color]Just RAISE HER UP FROM DEAD

That's how Jesus consoled Marry nd Martha [img][/img]

hiremyminivan:
No one knows it all.

I don't know it all.

So I turned to you guys for help.

So I took her out last sunday and she told me her mum was sick.

Fast-forward to yesterday, she sent me a text message that 'Her mum was gone'

Now I am a very busy guy, and so the text message came when I was asleep around 7.45AM (resting for a hard previous day and night of work)

Some hours later at 10.45AM, I sent her a message enquiring about the health of her mum.

Needless to say, she saw the message but never responded

So today, I called her asked: "Are you at work?" She said no.

Next she tells me, have you checked your text messages, I said you haven't sent me a text message.

She says, check your phone.

I do and see that she sent me a text message at 7.45AM yesterday which I never saw until 8.45AM today.

There is a brewing crisis.

Help me manage it well.

Two issues here:

1. How does the perfect boyfriend respond to his girlfriend's loss of her mother?

2. How do I mitigate the impact of seeing this earth-shaking message 25 hours late?

Thank you for reading this and helping a brother make good capital of a bad situation.

Whichever way I handle this, I will be judged, please help make the judgment not a sentencing to the dungeon!

go and see her

Give her the best support you can. You can't come and kill yourself.

You have (you both ) a life to live beyond the funeral and wearing asoebi or whatever it is people do these days....

Good luck.

hiremyminivan:


All her sisters and brothers know me.

The sisters call me "inlaw"

She calls me "the one"

Dear boyfriend. ..you u should go n see her ASAP or call her dt u want to come see her.

Drop some cash wen u see her cos she will need it....try n console her wen u get der too.

If u didnt see d msg ....den tel her u didn't see it.

This issue is not phone call ish.

@hiremyminivan, I'm just coming online to see this thread. Please I will advise you to go with the above advice posted by "yomi007k" for now.

lalasticlacla and all the mods, please move this thread to the front page.

na waoh

I went to see her

But there was another "guy after her heart" around

So I waited in expectation that the guy would leave and I would have a chance to meet her in confidence

But she left with him in his ride

Given my home training, which taught me to avoid confrontation at all costs, I was unable to go see her in company of the other guy, as she walked into his car and before they drove away.

What I did do is to walk past them before they drove away, so she would know that I came around. As soon as I was parallel with her in his car, I used my remote to unlock the doors of my car, got into my ride, and returned home.

Thank you all who commented.

Unfortunately, at this time all my lines are dead - one the battery is gone, the other the SIM went bad today.

If she tries to reach me... it will not go through.

After reading all what you wrote here, I decided to take a leave from my project to see her, but sadly there was another emergency, a broken down vehicle - my brother's and I had to be involved in its repair until 6.30pm.

So there was no way I could go see her until after 7pm. Waited till the other guy and her came out at 8pm and then the rest of the above transpired.

I went with cash and calling cards for all the networks she uses and with a promise to send more cash within the week, but I could not give her any of the above or say anything either.

Once again, I really appreciate you all.

Being there to support her goes a long way. If she's the one, place her above your work. People cancel jobs for emergencies. You sonded like your job is too important. It's fiverr, I've told clients before that I'll have to submit late because of emergencies. They should understand.

gsparks01:
Being there to support her goes a long way. If she's the one, place her above your work. People cancel jobs for emergencies. You sonded like your job is too important. It's fiverr, I've told clients before that I'll have to submit late because of emergencies. They should understand.

I said I left after reading all the comments. I was on my way to meet her when another emergency caused a detour.

I will go there again tomorrow.

Thanks again.

hiremyminivan:
I went to see her

But there was another "guy after her heart" around

So I waited in expectation that the guy would leave and I would have a chance to meet her in confidence

But she left with him in his ride

Given my home training, which taught me to avoid confrontation at all costs, I was unable to go see her in company of the other guy, as she walked into his car and before they drove away.

What I did do is to walk past them before they drove away, so she would know that I came around. As soon as I was parallel with her in his car, I used my remote to unlock the doors of my car, got into my ride, and returned home.

Thank you all who commented.

Unfortunately, at this time all my lines are dead - one the battery is gone, the other the SIM went bad today.

If she tries to reach me... it will not go through.

After reading all what you wrote here, I decided to take a leave from my project to see her, but sadly there was another emergency, a broken down vehicle - my brother's and I had to be involved in its repair until 6.30pm.

So there was no way I could go see her until after 7pm. Waited till the other guy and her came out at 8pm and then the rest of the above transpired.

I went with cash and calling cards for all the networks she uses and with a promise to send more cash within the week, but I could not give her any of the above or say anything either.

Once again, I really appreciate you all.

Bro, prepare for another gf in case of the other guy around. That's my gift.

Bros you no try at all.
Try and make out time for your gf, she needs you more now.
Ok fine, you get to see her message after 25hrs she sent them, you would have just gone there immediately even if it's late at night for crying out loud she loss someone.
When you finally decide to go there, you saw her with someone, after making sure she sees you, you drove

hiremyminivan:


I wish you can explain so I can understand.

off. What happened to checking on her siblings? Giving them your condolence, ask them how they are going about it, show concern! For crying out loud, the siblings and her late mom accepted you.

That bring about the next question, how can you stay more than a day (25 hours), without hearing from someone you claim to love? No matter how busy you are,if you had been sparing five min of your time to call or check on her, you will definitely know what's up. It's obvious that she wants the relationship more you do.
Treat her the way you want her to treat you. You want to sit up cos you don sense rival wey dey do all those things wey u no dey do abi.
If you don't treat a woman well, when she leaves you for someone that treats her better, don't complain. Same applies to the ladies.
Just spare more time for your relationship, especially this trying period, let her know you are genuinely concerned

Chommieblaq:
Bros you no try at all

I wish you can explain so I can understand.

Why are you fretting like a little boy on prom night.

Is it hard to call her and explain why you missed her message or simply go see her at a later time?

Why are you blowing the whole thing out of proportion?

joey150:
Why are you fretting like a little boy on prom night.

Is it hard to call her and explain why you missed her message or simply go see her at a later time?

Why are you blowing the whole thing out of proportion?

LOL.

Recall, I mentioned what would a perfect boyfriend do, cause I am not perfect.

Now, whether or not, I end up marrying her.

I want to do my very best to treat a grieving partner right - for the records, for history and for posterity.

So I could use some help.

Finally several months running, there was been another guy, I will not tell her to leave him, I know he wants her, I have proof of that though she will not disclose to me.

This guy appears to do everything right that I am not doing, otherwise she would have gotten rid of him.

I could use some help to score some points in this her time of sorrow.

Like I said for the record, irrespective of whether we marry or not, in the light of the new kid on the block.

I have found some pretty good resources online.

It occured to me to check after I had already posted her.

But I wanted unique insight into the female perspective - the Nigerian female perspective and this thread was helpful.

Also guys that have been in the circumstance could help - that's why I came.

There is another issue - I have been accused by her of not treating her right, but when I ask, she refuses to tell.

So I want to treat her right, but what does she mean? Since she won't answer.

I want to know what a women in general feel is the right treatment - so I can try something different in case I can get a different set of results

And bask in the euphoria that no one knows who I asked - and no one knows me - but in the end I got some help

In the past, I told her I asked close friends who may know her - to help me demystify her - and she got upset - so if I have to ask, I ask those who know nothing about her or me - sort of the what would a rational man or woman on the street do?

Then I can deliberate on it and decide what seems appropriate in the circumstance

hiremyminivan:


LOL.

Recall, I mentioned what would a perfect boyfriend do, cause I am not perfect.

Now, whether or not, I end up marrying her.

I want to do my very best to treat a grieving partner right - for the records, for history and for posterity.

So I could use some help.

Finally several months running, there was been another guy, I will not tell her to leave him, I know he wants her, I have proof of that though she will not disclose to me.

This guy appears to do everything right that I am not doing, otherwise she would have gotten rid of him.

I could use some help to score some points in this her time of sorrow.

Like I said for the record, irrespective of whether we marry or not, in the light of the new kid on the block.

I have found some pretty good resources online.

It occured to me to check after I had already posted her.

But I wanted unique insight into the female perspective - the Nigerian female perspective and this thread was helpful.

Trust me on this.. If she's feeling the other guy already she can only care to carry you along out of pity.

That been said..do what a normal perosn would do.. Go see her at intervals. Buy her little stuffs, try and consloe her and know how she's doing from time to time.

It is only you that feel you need to buy the moon and slice it in half for her.

For me, a simple and honest apology from the very start could have saved you all this stress. If you feel she is still giving you the cold shoulder even after apologizing and following up, then you just have to allow sleeping dogs lie.

joey150:

Trust me on this.. If she's feeling the other guy already she can only care to carry you along out of pity.

That been said..do what a normal perosn would do.. Go see her at intervals. Buy her little stuffs, try and consloe her and know how she's doing from time to time.

It is only you that feel you need to buy the moon and slice it in half for her.

For me, a simple and honest apology from the very start could have saved you all this stress. If you feel she is still giving you the cold shoulder even after apologizing and following up, then you just have to allow sleeping dogs lie.

Funny.

I have apologized.

But just want a ruler too determine if I am doing what I ought to do or I should do more.

You were helpful by the way.

A boyfriend that can't raise my dead mother, is that one boyfriend?

Chommieblaq:
Bros you no try at all.
Try and make out time for your gf, she needs you more now.

Ok fine, you get to see her message after 25hrs she sent them, you would have just gone there immediately even if it's late at night for crying out loud she loss someone.

When you finally decide to go there, you saw her with someone, after making sure she sees you, you drove off. What happened to checking on her siblings? Giving them your condolence, ask them how they are going about it, show concern! For crying out loud, the siblings and her late mom accepted you.

That bring about the next question, how can you stay more than a day (25 hours), without hearing from someone you claim to love? No matter how busy you are,if you had been sparing five min of your time to call or check on her, you will definitely know what's up. It's obvious that she wants the relationship more you do.

Treat her the way you want her to treat you. You want to sit up cos you don sense rival wey dey do all those things wey u no dey do abi.

If you don't treat a woman well, when she leaves you for someone that treats her better, don't complain. Same applies to the ladies.
Just spare more time for your relationship, especially this trying period, let her know you are genuinely concerned

Thanks for taking the time to update your post with a detailed response.

Here is an update for you.

I have gone there so many times since this post than I can recal.

I have taken her to hospital and foot the bills twice.

The day I took her to hospital, I ended up spending the whole day at the expense of my work, and repeated the next day when she had to return.

I have bought her stuff and given her cash.

I will provide more cash to support the funeral. I will be personally present at the funeral. I will provide her transportation to the venue which is out of state since she is going earlier than I can afford to. I will bring her back home, we have agreed on that. I will delay my departure by 2 days to accomodate her in my ride.

Her siblings are out of state except one. But I have communicated with everyone one of them. I drove the one in the state to the park so she could board a bus home to discuss burial arrangements with the family.

I cannot relate with her in the presence of that guy, two reasons - I don't want to fight, and I am not sure I can control how I feel in his presence, that explains why I drove off, but I came back the next day.

I keep checking on her daily. She is a short fuse which is difficult to deal with but I have managed to handle things good so far. The sibling I am closest to tells me she is a big baby and that I should not take to heart her antics.

It was the short fuse that caused me to give us a gap, it is not an easy thing to deal with. If I did not care, I would not come back.

But then I told an elderly female figure about the antics and she retorted, no woman is perfect you got to pick one whose faults you can either ignore or manage.

My God help me with managing her short fuse, other than that she is a good woman.

Once more thanks for your time.

a

hiremyminivan:


Thanks for taking the time to update your post with a detailed response.

Here is an update for you.

I have gone there so many times since this post than I can recal.

I have taken her to hospital and foot the bills twice.

The day I took her to hospital, I ended up spending the whole day at the expense of my work, and repeated the next day when she had to return.

I have bought her stuff and given her cash.

I will provide more cash to support the funeral. I will be personally present at the funeral. I will provide her transportation to the venue which is out of state since she is going earlier than I can afford to. I will bring her back home, we have agreed on that. I will delay my departure by 2 days to accomodate her in my ride.

Her siblings are out of state except one. But I have communicated with everyone one of them. I drove the one in the state to the park so she could board a bus home to discuss burial arrangements with the family.

I cannot relate with her in the presence of that guy, two reasons - I don't want to fight, and I am not sure I can control how I feel in his presence, that explains why I drove off, but I came back the next day.

I keep checking on her daily. She is a short fuse which is difficult to deal with but I have managed to handle things good so far. The sibling I am closest to tells me she is a big baby and that I should not take to heart her antics.

It was the short fuse that caused me to give us a gap, it is not an easy thing to deal with. If I did not care, I would not come back.

But then I told an elderly female figure about the antics and she retorted, no woman is perfect you got to pick one whose faults you can either ignore or manage.

My God help me with managing her short fuse, other than that she is a good woman.

Once more thanks for your time.

Thanks for taking your time to clarify me on the matter.
I will just advise you give her time, but after the burial you need to have a deep talk with her, let her know you don't appreciate the closeness btwn her and the guy. no sane man will will be comfortable with that kinda closeness,. A guy that has interest in her, abi the interest disappear?
She just have to draw a line or let go of that closeness.