My dearest Nlanders, I,d really want to know how one can explain to his wife that his pocket is not smiling at all. The economy is very hard, prices of commodities are high; yet, day to day expenses kept increasing; couple with new and ever increasing demand from the woman.
1. I do agree that a man should be able to take care of his family, but as a woman, is it when he tells you that he has lost his job that you will understand that he does not have again?. If your husband earns an average salary of say 100k, monthly; but spends at least 130k monthly, in sustaining the family, will it be a source of concern to you? I need married women to sincerely respond to this question.
2. I know some would say you better let her know how much you earn. Good! If your husband tells you how much he earns. Monthly, is it not enough to make you adjust to that level? I asked this question because women it seems, are move by the account balance of their husbands, more than their daily income. They usually forget that every man wants to build his own house, invest for his retirement etc.
I still believe that if you have exhausted all available means of communication, in persuading her to cut her demands to the lowest minimum, because you're spending more than your income; you would be as confused as those of us who need the women to answer this question.
Many women use the current account balance of their husband or the total value of his investment as a base for their demand; which I think is very wrong. Because any family. Whose daily expenses is more than their daily income, is technically in recession. This means that in the near future, such a family will go bankrupt. God forbid! It's an experience that I don't wish for even my good enemies.

nairaland wonderful wives, mothers and all loving mothers-to-be; beautiful fiancé and every other intelligent young women here should please tell us how best a husband can convince his wife to cut down her genuine demands, in the interest of the family .

Are you a married man? How are you managing her needs even when it appears you're spending more?

Pls no bashing of women here because they are unique creatures that God used to give life a meaning. #yourmotherisawoman

If she is understandable, then case is closed

Ezigboune:
If she is understandable, then case is closed

thanks, that's the mystery that I'm trying to solve: how to make her understand

silvoice:
thanks, that's the mystery that I'm trying to solve: how to make her understand

Let her know how much you earn, you guys draw up a budget ,
So she ll know you guys can't spend more than xyz amount for this month.

NoToPile:


Let her know how much you earn, you guys draw up a budget ,
So she ll know you guys can't spend more than xyz amount for this month.

have been on budget all along, but women tell stories with their mood and men understands this and most time go out of their way to get them out of those ugly moods

silvoice:
have been on budget all along, but women tell stories with their mood and men understands this and most time go out of their way to get them out of those ugly moods

Does she know how much you earn?

NoToPile:


Does she know how much you earn?

The post suggests so. If not: YES, that is why the budget comes handy.

Finance is a very important aspect of marriage, a leading cause of marital issues. If you both had discussions regarding your finance during courtship _ you probably won't be here asking this question.

It's you duty to observe your partners' ideology on finance and projects. If you fail to do this during courtship _please, manage her like that, or do you best to make her more responsible financially.

Don't make it look like it's the standard with women, 'cos in reality I know women who collect loans, clear their savings and whatever they can think of _in order to raise cash for their homes and projects. I don't think any sane woman doesn't want a family house. All the couples with houses around me were built by both.

After marriage you have to adopt other measures.
*Have a heart to heart talk and be as honest as possible. Also try to understand why she is like that, some people are not just good with money.
*If she isn't good in financial management, take over the bills.
*Work with a budget, no matter how hard it is.
*BE FIRM WITH HER ON MONEY ISSUES, DON'T FALL FOR FEMININE WILES.
*Is she working? If no, she should get something doing _that way she appreciates money.
*I know we are supposed to work as a team in marriage, but with a spouse like that, you need to PROTECT YOUR MONEY.
*Keep advising and praying for her.

You done marry am already, you can only hope for a change. Focus on her good sides for now.

silvoice:

The post suggests so. If not: YES, that is why the budget comes handy.

Well you have to try to make her understand you guys can't spend beyond xyz amount in a month except for emergency cases.

She's your wife, talk to her till she understands, try not too get too moved by emotional blackmail please. At least you guys have been agreeing on some issues before now.
Economy is one kain, people are being prudent nowadays she should understand that now.

NoToPile:


Well you have to try to make her understand you guys can't spend beyond xyz amount in a month except for emergency cases.

She's your wife, talk to her till she understands, try not too get too moved by emotional blackmail please. At least you guys have been agreeing on some issues before now.
Economy is one kain, people are being prudent nowadays she should understand that now.

thanks

Op i see ur predicament. u romance words instead of hiting the nail on the head. something less than 3sentences u wrote 1000words why? now how can u open up to ur wife without using parables of which u know women don't take such trash as important.

go straight tell her ur burden perhaps she's ur wife not ur boss.

PaperLace:

paperlace your post is very helpful

newyorks:
Op i see ur predicament. u romance words instead of hiting the nail on the head. something less than 3sentences u wrote 1000words why? now how can u open up to ur wife without using parables of which u know women don't take such trash as important.

go straight tell her ur burden perhaps she's ur wife not ur boss.

well understood.

An option now is to let her be in charge of the finance. So that she can do the purchasing of all family needs as someone suggested. Not sure if that will work fine with her. What do you think?

silvoice:
An option now is to let her be in charge of the finance. So that she can do the purchasing of all family needs as someone suggested. Not sure if that will work fine with her. What do you think?

Being in charge of finance wouldn't solve anything. In fact, it will even aggravate it, going by women's proclivity to spent on whatever they fancied. I mean, even the temptation to spent more simply because she has the money will likely increase.

Here's what you must do:

1. If you have one source of income, like a salary earner, do well by letting her know what is your salary at month end.

2. Make provision for a sound budget and stick to it religiously, except on emergencies.

3. Tell her your plans. Lets say you want to build a house, buy car, start a business etc. Also, be sure to state how these projects will be funded. Will it be through your savings?

Now, the reason why you must carry your wife along in all of these steps is to get her undivided attention and support. This way, whatever purchases she may want to make, knowing the very size of your pocket, the budget and the plans, she'll simply have to stick to them for the success of the family.

Yes. A reasonable and wise woman will do it. After all, she's your partner and helper for the common good of the family.

All the best!

Insist she gets a job

Splinz:


Being in charge of finance wouldn't solve anything. In fact, it will even aggravate it, going by women's proclivity to spent on whatever they fancied. I mean, even the temptation to spent more simply because she has the money will likely increase.

Here's what you must do:

1. If you have one source of income, like a salary earner, do well by letting her know what is your salary at month end.

2. Make provision for a sound budget and stick to it religiously, except on emergencies.

3. Tell her your plans. Lets say you want to build a house, buy car, start a business etc. Also, be sure to state how these projects will be funded. Will it be through your savings?

Now, the reason why you must carry your wife along in all of these steps is to get her undivided attention and support. This way, whatever purchases she may want to make, knowing the very size of your pocket, the budget and the plans, she'll simply have to stick to them for the success of the family.

Yes. A reasonable and wise woman will do it. After all, she's your partner and helper for the common good of the family.

All the best!

all your point have been observed: she is aware of all my plan and income. Though a small salary with another source which provide regular income too.
Sometimes I conclude that it's either she does not believe me or she is just unreasonable.

silvoice:

Sometimes I conclude that it's either she does not believe me or she is just unreasonable.

I go with the latter, and it's really a sad case. If after taking the aforementioned steps and she still doesn't get it, then I'm sorry, your wife is not doing her job as a "partner & helper".

All the same, just keep on trying. Just maybe, she'll start seeing reasons with you, hopefully.

eyinjuege:
Insist she gets a job

thank you for reminding me this angle. Before know she was doing store business. It went under because I stop funding it since the business was not moving fine, according to her. now almost on daily bases, she will insist I start another business for her, since I can't provide her needs.
But the challenge is that even when she was in business, I still provide almost everything she needs, help her in domestic work also, even at my own detriment and yet would get nothing in return, other than one complaint or the other in the business .

Sincerely, I'm thinking of starting anything for her that will keep her busy, but this option is even more costly for me now, especially now that she has two kids (a baby and a toddler) to take care of.

silvoice:
thank you for reminding me this angle. Before know she was doing store business. It went under because I stop funding it since the business was not moving fine, according to her. now almost on daily bases, she will insist I start another business for her, since I can't provide her needs.
But the challenge is that even when she was in business, I still provide almost everything she needs, help her in domestic work also, even at my own detriment and yet would get nothing in return, other than one complaint or the other in the business .

Sincerely, I'm thinking of starting anything for her that will keep her busy, but this option is even more costly for me now, especially now that she has two kids (a baby and a toddler) to take care of.

You see I didn't mention business to you?

I said insist she gets a job. Such people can't run a business and would eat it down to ruins before you know it.

Let her get a 9 to 5 job, where you don't know the owners and they don't know her.

Let her appreciate what it is to work hard and earn every kobo. You tend to value money then after realising what it takes to make it.

eyinjuege:


You see I didn't mention business to you?

I said insist she gets a job. Such people can't run a business and would eat it down to ruins before you know it.

Let her get a 9 to 5 job, where you don't know the owners and they don't know her.

Let her appreciate what it is to work hard and earn every kobo. You tend to value money then after realising what it takes to make it.

comment appreciated, thanks

Give what you can afford. You have to change your ways and put your doot down. Don't let her bully you into spending more than your pocket just because you are responsible. Many women are vreadwinners and still humble and obedient wives.