My Friend Invited Me To His Girlfriend's Birthday omo This girl Father is Very rich and The girl Herself was Beautiful, The Party was attended by Her parents and a Few friends, My friend left me and went to the front row to sit. As i jejely went to the back, After the dancing and every thing it was time to Cut the cake Then every body shouted"happy Birthday to You Susan!
The Girl smiled and took the microphone"Thank You very much i wish you all the same"
What!!!......Every body have been fainting acording to Their seat postiton...

# The Time i knew this recession was Getting Tough is when i Heard a Man Pricing NEPA Bills
**Bros How Much for Low Current??

*Pastor always tells his Members that they should not Open their Eyes when he is Praying. Who ever does will be Poor .One day, an Old Woman opened her eyes and saw the Pastor taking some of the Offertory into his Pocket .The Pastor saw The Woman and ended the prayer by Saying,"Blessed are those who see and don't talk".And the Woman replied,"For they shall have their Share whether YOU like it or not."*

WOMEN NO GO ALLOW WAHALA TO SLEEP?
.
.
A man returned home one evening very drunk. To prevent his wife from knowing he's drunk to avoid trouble, he quickly took his 'laptop' pretending he is busy doing something on it.
His wife went close to him and asked
Wife: You are drunk again, abi?
Husband: Me drunk? You've started again oo
Wife: Then why are you typing on your brief case?

A mad man saw his fellow mad friend crying by a river side. He sat down beside him and asked:
*_“Why are u crying?"_*
The other one replied:
*_“I put a cube of sugar in this river, but when I tasted, I felt nothing. It's not sweet!"_*
The mad man blew up with laughter and said:
*_"You! You are really very mad! Did you shake it?"_*

Two mad men organized to run away from the mental hospital,they started planning that they will go to the gate, beat up the watchman and open the gate and run away. When they reached the gate, the watchman wasn't there and the gate was widely opened, they said "Goodness" our plan has failed, let's go back, we will try again tomorrow.

You rob a bank and carry 100 millions naira. Policemen lay hands on you but you succeed in hiding the money in your ceiling. The court sentences you to 20 years in prison. You make 19 years 11months in prison (i.e 30 days remaining). That's when your mother appears with the money and says Take back your money and release my son. what will you do??

1.Beat a Nigerian child
2.Console him with biscuits
3.Ask him ..who beat u?..he will point another person...This was how bribery and corruption started in Nigeria...

Daughter: Daddy, I want to go and collect my notebook from my classmate.
Father: My friend, Go and sit down! That's what your mother used to tell her father when she wanted to visit me.

I Used To think that have heard the craziest thing in the world until yesterday wen somebody ask me for NYSC past question. What do you think should be my response

A man returns a book to the library,
banged it on the counter and yelled, “I read this entire novel; there are too many names of people and no story at all!”
The Librarian looks up and responds,
“Idiot! So you were the one who took the Attendance book?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpt7kiMGWWU

Hey Guys I haven't posted for a while 'cause you guys are not encouraging at all..I post jokes for you guy, make you guys laugh but you don't like and share the posts...please appreciate a brother's effort..God bless!

Krystaal:
Hey Guys I haven't posted for a while 'cause you guys are not encouraging at all..I post jokes for you guy, make you guys laugh but you don't like and share the posts...please appreciate a brother's effort..God bless!

Baba go and an Instagram account and build a fan base..

A gal dreamt dat she died and came back to earth as a chicken,she then became pregnant tried to lay eggs as a chicken.she pushed and pushed then she laid the first egg,shortly afterwards,she laid the second egg,she was pushing hard to lay the third egg when her room mate screamed....,"TOPE!!! Wake up you day shit for bed;

A Wife took her very ill husband to see d doctor. After d medical routine check-up.... the Doctor confidentially told wife: ...... Give him healthy breakfast daily, be pleasant & in good mood, don't fight over sex or deny him sex,... . Cook tasty dinner & don't discuss your problems wit him. Stop watching TV shows & facebook. Don't demand for money or new jewels. If u can do this for one year, your husband will be ok. On the way home.,
Husband asks wife: What did the doctor say..?
Wife: He says your survival is not possible!

Isn't it funny how ladies are not moved when their babies sucks thier breast,but you will hear all kinds of moaning and groaning when a guy starts sucking it,isn't God wonderful?

Somebody said, somebody oh!, not me that if you want to hide something from ARSENAL Forever, Put it Inside Champions League Trophy!!

keep it up bro cos u just keep making my day every day am reading it

she Wrote...... Treat Your Girlfriend Like a Toothbrush. don't Let Anyone Touch or Use it. Only You and You alone. Keep It Clean And Safe. I den replied "As tooth brush u said, But please Remember u are to Change It after three months of use. It's Healthy Next She blocked me. Biko, wat did I do??

A man dreamt that he was giving bread to eat, after eating it he saw some coconut, he tried to open it but it was too hard, so he decided to use his teeth, all of a suddenly he received a dirty slap from his brother, saying " you ate all the pillow now you want to eat my head"

**** AVOID SLEEPING IN CHURCH****
I was sleeping in the church last week sunday, when the usher woke me up. Then i heard the pastor saying "stand" i stood up and church started clapping, i was surprised, the the pastor said " is there any body else who would like to donate the sum of $1 million

***Best ways to break up before Valentine***********
1) i called you 6 times you did not pick, and you killed my battery you are capable a killing me, it;s over
2) am talking to you you are busy breathing, no respect, it;s over.
3) i gave you two egg boil one and fry the other, you boiled the wrong one, oya pack your things.
4) i texted you by 11:49:99pm and you reply me by 12:00 am the next day, you are too slow, it's over
5) i gave you my phone to charge you used my charger instead of yours, you don't like sharing, it over between us

Krystaal:
# The Time i knew this recession was Getting Tough is when i Heard a Man Pricing NEPA Bills
**Bros How Much for Low Current??

Now this got me more , weldone

Wahala - dey oooo
If your man is cheating on you......don't argue with him my sister because you will not win..Save your self from High blood pressure....Just change all the names of the girls on his phone.....do not delete the numbers... Mix them...... replace Natasha with Lisa...Nikki with Grace....so on and on.........wait the moment he's gonna call or sms them one by one......Make your self a cup of coffie and relax.. you'll thank me later.

U CANNOT give a woman everything she needs. If God Himself gave them eyebrows, they shave and draw their own. God gave them nails, they cut it off and fixed their own, God gave them hair, they cut it off and fixed their own, gave them breast, they repackage to what they want, God still gave them buttocks ,they rearranged it to what they want, then who are U to please them ? . My brother don't kill your self.

little john was looking at his mothers voters card and saw a portion written "SEX" "F"... he started laughing uncontrollably and his mother asked him what was it he was laughing at he pointed at the " F" and said "wow mom you are so bad at sex you even got a " F" no wonder dad is always with the maid"
One word to this kid ?

That awkward moment when you save up to buy 1k recharge to subscribe for data, and when you decide to load it you realised you ate the paper forget fully

Finally your boyfriend accept that you have stretch marks and tries to be romantic, and be like "come here you sexy zebra"

I thought I had a girlfriend until I asked for her plans for tomorrow and she told me she wants to see a dentist to check her eyes that she can't hear anything