Thanks ocho...and thanks4not condeming me4 still havin feelings4my ex and thinking about gettin bak2him...as4the new guy..yea ild take it slow..real slow.and ild make sure i always cum table out any wahala 2u guyz so ild knw im not alone in dis our lifes christian battle..cheers

any time!!!

Hi babycute,
Whats up? Na wa o. So there's gist. I didn't know bout ur new friend. Anyway this is what i think look before u leap. Don't make the same mistake with ur ex. No matter what this one says, make your stand clear as per what u want. Personally, i think for one who has had previous sexual relationships, it's difficult trying to stay away except with sheer determination. But just watch out and be careful and try to make the right decision.

hey whats happening!!guys fill me in im lost ! babycute is doing what?
i guess i need to read previous post.....
i am lost!

alright i think i understand a bit beta. humm ex are one tough nut to crack... let me give u a personal experience i hope it is relevant sha.
some years back i had a girlfriend. i was like head over heel and everything and as a guy sex was hard to stay away from, more harder when u know if u ask u might get a yes.
i fought hard and for 2 years nothin. not even a kiss cause i was afraid of tearing down the walls. get use to that and boom u want more something deeper. well to cut the story short.. one day i found out she got pregnant.... i was broken and hurt.. but i made up my mind becuse i love her i wont leave her.... she couldnt believe me i would do that for her after she was pregnant for someone else so she left.
5 or so years passed one day i get a call.. she was back. i had started another relationship and what have u...  got another degree e.t. c she was back. i flipped. the love bonds came back esp after we started visiting each other. men i broke my other relationship... and started again.. she seem changed was everything sounded spirtual and stuff... did i hear wedding bells. i did.
told my folks.. they werent too happy but they said i was old enough. then my Dad told me something which is the point of my story.  He said to me first loves or ex boy/girlfriends are difficult to leave. cause they remind u of what was and momnent u had and even the innocent emotions you shared but that doesnt mean they are they one for u.
i thot about it threw the idea away.. got myself ready to marry then one day the veil lifted and i noticed the truth. now i had a choice.... break it or be broken.
i chose break it.
my advise for others when dealing with ex esp when u broke up because the other wanted u to sin or u were both not born again then is really take time to consult with God. the person may have not changed. just wants to get u cause u are the only good choice she/he had.

well like i said this might be off point now... but i want to know it diff to let ex go. but worse still don't make the same mistake twice. get some who shares u belief not just your convictions, someone who heart burns for God and not for u, someone who desire is to please the master and not just u.

see ya!

Tassmal men i feel u.its so difficult letting go.like i said i was still so attached.i like spoke with this boy everyday.as in every single day for almost a whole year after we broke up.as in evryday,much as he was selfish and morally incompatible wit me.i still liked him alot,i tot breaking up would be it, it was a tough emotional and physical battle4me. but im glad its over. But tassmal wldnt lie2 u because uv been there done that,i still miss him alot when i think about it.aldo i try not2.but i guess wit time and Gods help ild get ova d whole thing, besides i nid2get on wit my life.and aldo we were like best pals its obvious we can't be that close ive2let go till i get my life back2geda, ill definatly kip u all posted because do u know its easy2talk2u and be so so honest because i dnt knw any of u technically.  , haha later people

God bless you tassmal for that case study.

otokx&babycute thanks ... must confess was a bit awkward writing that case study.
babycute u are right

babycute:

ill definatly kip u guys posted because do u know its easy2talk2u and be so so honest because i dnt knw any of u technically. ..haha later people

it is easier to talk here on nairaland.

Im becoming one emotionally unstable female..tassmal yst he said he wants 2 spend d rest of his life wit me.my ex o.wat do i do?

Permit me to say this babycute, nobody who knows what they're doing will tell you what to do, the call is yours, have you ever listened to sunny ade's album "oro loko laya, aye ema ma dasi, koto tosu mefa, aa pari o"

but i will tell you something you need to hear .........he's messing with your head.

Hope that goes down well with you........have a pleasant day 

@babycute: in other words...............MARRY YOU? ok, so the question is, DO U WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH HIM? think carefully about that girl!

initially i was trilled and dumbfounded but didnt say a word.but in my afta tots i am mad@myself cos i shld v said smtn.why is he doing dis2me and why cnt he just let me go. I know im stl abit attached and im working on it seriously but why wldnt he just let me go..im tired jo..

that's the spirit girl. for starters, you need to tell him that straight to his face and make him learn to face the reality that it's really over between you two. He probablly is still attached a bit too but i guess he's got to face the reality of the whole thing and move on with his life. All the best. and one more thing, try not to lower defenses(in all aspects of your life, especially your spiritual life), it will ensure that you are as tough as u need to be to get through this. God bless you!

word!
it might be hard but i for one dont think there is any thing to consider. no! is a good answer. dont let him mess with ur head. i think it is time for ur own sake stop seeing him.

stop seeing him. there is something u can borrow for one Mr. Joseph Isreal. flee !!! i guess it time u stop spendin time with him at least till u get out of this prison of confusing thots and raise to the point where u know what God plan for u is.

hey wad up, wheres everyone, ive been busy with exams and all.hola anyone

how are you doing girl? All the best with your exams ok.

hey u guyss.things are getting better now.gradually im letting go of this boy.its not as hard as i tot it would be, now he calls only once in a blue moon and unlike before when i would get mad that he had fashied me or something,i don't bother pushing it.just try to talk normal.and when im in die hard need of someone to talk to or share something with i unlike before DO NOT call him.i call my mum or sister instead, its getting better sha, ill kip u all posted, where is everyone in the house now, tassmal ,prettyh ,ocho.where u all at?

we were busy with our vals i guess
babycute girl, you're letting go, that's really Good and that shows you really are healing.The idea of talking over stuff with your mom was a wise step to take considering she's more experienced in this life that you are and you can be sure that in every advice she gives you, she has your best interest at heart. I really am happy for the way things are turning out for you, How are things going with the new guy? hope he's not making you push past your boundaries. all the best and God bless you!!!

we dey. i was on nairaland leave, , i am back sha.it good to hear things are looking up. keep talking to god too. not all ur storms are yet over. have i am happi for u

i agree with ocho, mums are de best esp if the are christains, u be in for some real good times. there wisdom is great. dads are wonderful two. u always learn a way to beat tricks from them esp. i .e tricks guys like to play. generally i always recommed if ur folks are reacheable talk 2 them.friends have their limits.

see u soon

Glad things are working out well for you babycute

@tassmal.u want mey i wound? fine i can talk to my dad but to that extent, lets just keep my dad for when i want to feel pampered or spoilt, im glad everyone is back now except prettyh sha, u all have been good listeners or is it readers and a good pillar or support. u never mit know how much.but i mean it, about the new boy.well things have been abit edgy sha because of all the past issues i had to deal with.i guess he his finding it hard getting over all that happened.im trying my best to clear the air.but its proven difficult,feel he don't really trust me nomore, kip praying for me sha.i got m,y self into this whole mess,its God that will bring me out completly, so how was your vals day people? me hen i just roasted.when all my mates were having fun somewhere me i went to school chasing missing results, imagine, u all don't tell anyone o that babycute na one dry girl like that o, hope to read from u all soonest, later

hahha, that last part was funny. well i wont classify u as dry. just wont say u are wet either, haha. anyway thanks for thanks.
but em i see ur point with the dad issue just that i feel sometimes we dont do justice to the dads and husbands, pardon because i am a male, but dads have alot a wisdom if we ask the would gladly give. mums are wonderful but sometimes they go to dad to get the info we need so why not go to the source directly.
yo. i feel u with the guy issue. believe it i will say a word of prayer for u . dont want u to fall into that mess again. see ya

Good for you girl. Nice that u've got your self out of that jam. It might take a while but don't worry you'll move on.It's also nice u can confide in your mum at least i'm sure she'll understand and that'll keep you on track. As per the new guy, well what can i say, I'm no pro in relationship issues but one thing i know is that trust is essential for the growth of any relationship. If you feel he doesn't trust you because of issues in the past, my advise is sit him down and iron things out so you both can move on and have a healthy relationship.

Just my two cents.

Val's day was a'ight though it was below my expectations as regards subsequent years. But i'm not complaining. Take kare.

@babycute

hey you @prettyH! long time no see. just saying hi to you and everybody else:babycute, tassmal, N2H and everybodyelse

people wad up, prettyh atlast you surfaced.wats been up wit u all?, me ive just been there o,trying to have my fun yet stay clean and pure, im on holidays now,searching desperatly for a job or something to kip me busy, u know as dey say,an idle mind is the devils workshop, im doing good sha aspa my emotional life, i have so so hot jist for you, im sure by the time i tell you guys, i can imagine what someone like nice2have would say, tassmal, well u have always been on my side,as seen u dey my back any day so u would not say 'i told you'',  prettyh and ocho,im sure you will so so give who ever is involved a piece of your mind, ill keep u all guesing what the jist could be, tkea all

Don't keep me in suspense naw, but girl i am sooo waiting. Hmm, i wonder what that jist migh be o! kai!
school are on hols already? wow! that's pretty early!i'll be on holidays in like ummm, 2 months, that's a long time from now. So anyway sha babycute, take care and we're always here fo you

ok here is the jist, u know i told you all sometime ago that my ex told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.well got a call some few days ago,and he told me he was getting married soon, how now?i was mad.but didnt say or act up,i was so nice like ow that is so good,hope you are ready and stuffs like that, after all the pretence and i dropped the phone,in my quiet moments i was like na wa o.thats a brief, i will give you the full details later, ocho its our first semester hols.guess we would be resuming by next month

oh! he's getting married soon eh? that na real wa! Don't be mad girl, eveything happens for a reason, most often for good reasons.I commend your being nice on the phone, i mean hey,what else do you do right? once again he "shows his love"(said with sarcasm) in a very different way.

@baby its true ur story is inspiring and encouraging but i think we must draw the line between sentiment and truth.and if u wanna hear the truth there is no diferrence between 'kissing' and 'sex' if u are a christian.they are bothl immorality and just continue to ask for the grace ofGod if u are to stay away from sleep.we will all make heaven by HIS GRACE but there is a price we have to pay.

Hey Rhino, As hard as it is for me to admit, that is so true. I have read books on this 'kissing" act and how it fuels the burning desire to have sex(out of wedlock of course) and I kind of related it to my last relationship and it was so very much the case. We didn't have sex but the deeeeeeeeeep passionate kisses were't helpful at all. Somehow, it  conveyed the wrong messages to the boy. He had taken it (the kissing) to mean i was more than willing to go all the way. I didn't quite understand at that time what gave him that impression coz being christians, this was something we both talked about before we begun dating. So after doing a lot of readings,i kind of came to terms with how much the kissing really weaked both our gaurds. It was by God's grace and certainly not by my might alone that I managed not to let him go all the way coz he pressured me like you wouldn't believe and that really strained the relationship. oh well, there's one lesson learnt!