Hello, Nairalanders. I've been a guest on this esteemed forum for quite some time now but took the bold step only yesterday to become a full-fledged member. I hope I'm welcomed wholeheartedly into this one, big fold.

I was reading an article on a blog just this afternoon and it inspired me to putting to paper something that I've been putting off due to my very cluttered schedule which affords me little to zero time.
It's a bit lengthy write-up but mark my words, it's worth every kilogram of your attention and time. Prithee, your remarks and criticisms would be most appreciated. Enjoy!

Ladies: Why wouldn't you date/marry a younger man?

The question posed by the heading of this piece is, of course, largely rhetorical, for even the bluntest of minds can from a remote distance already fortell the potted responses such question is in habit of invoking. Responses ranging from "Because a younger man cannot handle me" to "Because he cannot be manly enough for me" to the even more risible "Because such a thing is abnormal".

Before I inch any further, I would like to task you with a short anecdote:

Sometime in April this year, I went on a date with a girl. She is tall, ebony-skinned, smart, and gifted in those "special areas" in the female anatomy, a letter-perfect beauty. We met on Facebook –thank you, Mark Pooperberg!– and it also happened to be the first time either of us would be meeting an online personality, so naturally both our nerves were on fevered overdrive. But soon the unease dissolved once our tongues got to wagging. The more we talked, the more audacious and less inhibited we became, the more comfortable, and the more our eyes opened up to the vast goldmine of shared and interlocking interests that lay between us. It was too good to be true, two individuals on a first-time encounter whistling their hearts out like two old friends? It really was too good to be true, perhaps that explains why it had the longetivity of a smoke escaping the jaws of a cigar, because something incredibly shell-shocking followed, something I couldn't have forseen but which nonetheless clipped the wings of that euphoric moment. This lady – Margaret – asked for my "age". I told her I was "twenty-three", an answer that made her chuckle lightly, probably because she thought it was just another prickly feather from my rich plummage of deadpan humour — trust me, I did made her laugh...a lot!

When I told her again that I was indeed twenty-three years old, this time wearing a sober expression on my face, she harrumphed a perfunctory "Okay", but I could already tell that the "beginning of the end" of "whatever we had going" had been set in motion. My suspicions, sadly, proved correct because every thing went downhill from there: the buzz and excited chatter evaporated, things got clumsy and awkward, and the conversations went dead cold, so cold you'd almost have thought it was a body fresh out of the morgue.

In the aftermath of our date, she, Margaret, has not returned my texts or calls up till date. And that, my friends, was how the tiny flames of a potential union was prevented from maturing into a full-blown bonfire – not because I couldn't engage Margaret in meaningful conversations, not because I looked like the Grinch that stole Christmas, and surely not because I wasn't funny enough, but rather because my "age was deformed".

It was Werner Herzog who said, "All original art must have experience of life at its foundation".
There's no denying that I write out of experience, a bitter-sweet one at that, which brings me to the very heart of my piece: "Why won't women date a younger man?"

Biologically, a 25-year old man can impregnate a 40-year old woman, which rules out the fact that such a "match-up" is heavily frowned upon by Nature. It's reasonable to conclude that biology endorses such a union. Now, let's play a game of counterfactuals, shall we?: Imagine this same 25-year old man genuinely loves this ravishing 40-year old woman, imagine too that he has profound maturity of mind; financial clout; is responsible and sexually adroit, would it then still be a decision running on the steam of logic should the woman spurn his overtures not because she doesn't love him or because he doesn't fit into the mould of her personal preferences, but because society frowns upon such age disparity? Or because she doesn't want to seem like a "sugar mummy"? Or like a MILF?

Another angle I would want us to cogitate upon is this: Is the rejection of younger men by women a subtle manifestation of a deeply biological inclination of women to lust after and be dependent upon a superior and ultimately "older" figure? But then that would negate the truism of "gender equality", wouldn't it? Because a woman who intends to get married only to a man older than her is almost literally declaiming, "I am a child. I do not think I am capable of steering the affairs of my life by myself, and so like children, I require an older authority to govern my steps". A tad hyperbolic I know, but you get the point.

I have a working theory which I would like to share. I don't think, neither do I believe that it's unhealthy for a woman to be the older person in a relationship. I also don't believe that such a relationship is abnormal, far from the truth in fact. What I do think and believe is that we are all unwitting lab rats in an insidious experiment bordering on mind-control. We've all been collectively indoctrinated from births and have internalized the skewed notion that the ideal model is for a man to have more "years" than a woman with whom he's in a relationship. We've also been misled into accepting that men in relationships with older women must certainly have "mommy issues" or some unresolved childhood oedipal complex – forgetting that we could just as easily accuse women of having "daddy issues" for wanting to date/marry older men.

So, to all the "Margarets" out there who would become frigid and unresponsive after having an earful of a guy's age, I think it's high time you began scutinizing suitors with a fine-tooth comb that isn't partial to nonsensical and superficial additives –such as "age"– but which instead looks out for the finer qualities which really are the things that "makes a man a man".

What do you think?

I call on the esteemed moderators to scrutinize this humble piece of my mind, to see if it warrants a spot on the front page.

cc: Seun, Rocktation, Lalasticlala, Mynd44, Farano.

Twaci and Gabinogem, do leave a remark in the "suggestion box" when you're done vivisecting the animal.

Make I Spread Mat Sleep...Wake Me up when u finish ur write up.

gabinogem:
Make I Spread Mat Sleep...Wake Me up when u finish ur write up.

I don finish am o.

Anyway some ladies do but many cant. In this part of the world we belong to, alot cant just work.

Can you marry an older woman?

iamfroshsylver:
Anyway some ladies do but many cant. In this part of the world we belong to, alot cant just work.

But isn't it a much more wiser bargain for a woman to get into wedlock with a younger man who truly understands, respects, and loves her, than to marry a man who is older than her but lacks the emboldened trifecta?

This "age criteria" used in tapering down the pool of suitors stinks of unprogressive archaism.

dingbang:
Can you marry an older woman?

Yesssss, Mr. Dingbang. I can, insofar as she loves me and I love her. What about you? Can you?

LASUnarian:


Yesssss, Mr. Dingbang. I can, insofar as she loves me and I love her. What about you? Can you?

nope...

Age isn't maturity or restricted to any gender, but when placed at par, the average girl matures faster than boys in her age grade.

Women want men that are in charge, this comes easily with older men. Men also tend to be egoistic and love to dominate a woman...physically, financially, mentally and in whatever way you can think of. Depending on the age difference, this won't be so easy with an older woman, because she may earn more, be more emotionally and mentally mature...etc, all formed by experience. Most of her actions could be misinterpreted as trying to dominate the man. In our society, the odds against such relationships are much. It will take a lot of maturity and respect from both parties to make it work.

Anyway, I am more concerned with dating or marrying the right man, but the probability this man would be the AVERAGE younger NIGERIAN man is low. I like them older, not more than 35yrs

This is strictly my personal view

To date a younger man,no problem.But to marry,then there is. First of all,if the woman is older,then the man should be ready to b submissive.Secondly, if the man is not financially buoyant,then the woman will become older facially thereby becoming unattractive to the man.Girls don't want that.

my brother women find the maturity of a guy 8-10 years old a little sexy. they act a little different, they are a little bit more sure of themselves.. and they have a different set of things they can offer. not necessarily money but they are somewhat/pretty much established. they can do grown people stuffs.

they have a real house and you can walk
around the house naked and not worry about
room mates and shiit like that looking at you. also a guy that age has had 10 more years of experience dealing with the opposite sex than the guys her age so he (should) have a little bit more game and she is a little bit more under his thumb, and girls generally
like that.

@Lasunarian, your writing is so beautiful. I enjoyed reading every single line. It's not everyday one gets to see a trite & overflogged question delivered with such exquisite prose. Keep it up bro.

Nice write up

Normally u can datę a girl who is older if shes not too older than you.... or you can datę anyone you want be it way older or younger girls if you have the MONEY!!!!

LASUnarian:


I don finish am o.

Clap 4 urself u try ooh... All Throughout wey I dey sleep u busy dey write. U be true prolific writer. I hail ooh Baba.

IamKashyBaby:


Why everything must ended with marriage ?

But anyway, most men regardless of his age a lot of them still acting like a child We ladies, we need someone who gonna comfort us and reassure us that everything will gonna be ok even were on the deep shii But a lot of men wont understand this tho..the moment their wife is going thru sumtin, they will think their wife dont love them etc etc...and their diiick will do the thinking & they end up cheating..Its too late before they realized that they lost that person they love before

e be like say somebody done break ur heart ooh...

gabinogem:
e be like say somebody done break ur heart ooh...

Hahahaa...im addressing it in general sha..

Cholls:
my brother women find the maturity of a guy 8-10 years old a little sexy. they act a little different, they are a little bit more sure of themselves.. and they have a different set of things they can offer. not necessarily money but they are somewhat/pretty much established. they can do grown people stuffs.

they have a real house and you can walk
around the house naked and not worry about
room mates and shiit like that looking at you. also a guy that age has had 10 more years of experience dealing with the opposite sex than the guys her age so he (should) have a little bit more game and she is a little bit more under his thumb, and girls generally
like that.

I truly appreciate your contribution. If I may add, there are also men in their twenties –many of them in fact– who do "grown-up stuffs", who are as self-possessed as they come, who own their own houses or at least pay rents, and who exude an infectious aura of complete self-confidence that's capable of leaving even made women like Oprah Winfrey and Angela Merkel in disbelieving awe.

This is the Big Data Age, an epoch where everything progresses at lightening speed, and that includes growth and development at individual level, both in physical and mental aspects. What a full-grown adult in the 1960s was terribly unaware of, a prepubescent child of today with unlimited access to the internet can lecture you on at length. My point is that the long-held belief that "age" is most reliable judge of "wisdom, character, self-composure, intelligence, and overall maturity" is but a fusty, out-dated argument that barely holds sway in this current world we live in, especially if we take into account the many marriages that have come unglued at the slightest insinuation of a crisis despite the "husbands being fairly older than the wives" — a singular fact which stands to reason that the factor of "age" isn't directly proportional to "marital success".

And I think I made mention of something similar to your submission when I asked that if truly women are biologically predisposed to being "under the thumb" of a "superior and older man", then doesn't that sui generis defeats the very idea of "gender equality"? Surely the feminists amongst us would have a field day in doing justice to that question.

Countrygirl:
Nice write up

Thank you, ma'am. All praise belongs to you for blessing my write-up with your patience, attention and time, the greatest accolade a writer can ever hope to receive for his noble labour. Once again, thank you.

DouglasH92:
@Lasunarian, your writing is so beautiful. I enjoyed reading every single line. It's not everyday one gets to see a trite & overflogged question delivered with such exquisite prose. Keep it up bro.

Shirley Povich once said that, "There hasn't been a story written that couldn't have been written better".

No issue under the sun is so hackneyed that it is incapable of being brought to shining redemption by a fresh and unused perspective.

Thank you, bro.

pocohantas:
Age isn't maturity or restricted to any gender, but when placed at par, the average girl matures faster than boys in her age grade.

Women want men that are in charge, this comes easily with older men. Men also tend to be egoistic and love to dominate a woman...physically, financially, mentally and in whatever way you can think of. Depending on the age difference, this won't be so easy with an older woman, because she may earn more, be more emotionally and mentally mature...etc, all formed by experience. Most of her actions could be misinterpreted as trying to dominate the man. In our society, the odds against such relationships are much. It will take a lot of maturity and respect from both parties to make it work.

Anyway, I am more concerned with dating or marrying the right man, but the probability this man would be the AVERAGE younger NIGERIAN man is low. I like them older, not more than 35yrs

This is strictly my personal view

I hope when the six-faced dice of fate has completed its stochastic orbit around the intricate solar system of your beautiful existence, that it ends with you getting bethrothed to a fine Nigerian specimen who is 20 years your junior but who would love and cater for you in a manner bordering on clinical obsession. Today is Sunday, dear, say "Amen" to my little wish for you.

It's all about individual preference. For me though, the older,the better.

shasha101:
It's all about individual preference. For me though, the older,the better.

We are all very quick to claim that it's all about "individual preference", but I think that statement serves only to obscure the fact that it really isn't a choice conceived by our own freewill, but a default choice we've come to accept as given due to an over-arching and yet subtle reach of societal influence.

We are akin to prisoners completely unaware that we are in mental prisons; completely unaware that our choices are not really our own but those of external elements to which we've long been exposed up to the fatal point that we are able to fully convince ourselves that our choices are totally independent of these "external choices".

Let me pitch you a question, would you say you went to the university based on a personal choice or because it is what your family and the larger society demands of you?

LASUnarian:


We are all very quick to claim that it's all about "individual preference", but I think that statement serves only to obscure the fact that it really isn't a choice conceived by our own freewill, but a default choice we've come to accept as given due to an over-arching and yet subtle reach of societal influence.

We are akin to prisoners completely unaware that we are in mental prisons; completely unaware that our choices are not really our own but those of external elements to which we've long been exposed up to the fatal point that we are able to fully convince ourselves that our choices are totally independent of these "external choices".

Let me pitch you a question, would you say you went to the university based on a personal choice or because it is what your family and the larger society demands of you?

I've seen older women getting married to younger men not caring what people think or say about them, so I'll still say it's individual preference. And to answer your question, I'm in school because it's my choice not because it's what my family demands of me..........personal quote: do you, do what makes you happy. your happiness is all that matters.

Love matters, love should matter more..

Well said. Especially it being a thing of maturity, pride and ego..... and alas societal views.

pocohantas:
Age isn't maturity or restricted to any gender, but when placed at par, the average girl matures faster than boys in her age grade.

Women want men that are in charge, this comes easily with older men. Men also tend to be egoistic and love to dominate a woman...physically, financially, mentally and in whatever way you can think of. Depending on the age difference, this won't be so easy with an older woman, because she may earn more, be more emotionally and mentally mature...etc, all formed by experience. Most of her actions could be misinterpreted as trying to dominate the man. In our society, the odds against such relationships are much. It will take a lot of maturity and respect from both parties to make it work.

Anyway, I am more concerned with dating or marrying the right man, but the probability this man would be the AVERAGE younger NIGERIAN man is low. I like them older, not more than 35yrs

This is strictly my personal view

supersystemsng:
Love matters, love should matter more..

.....but even if with love, one ought to draw line of age gap somewhere albeit "arbitrary".

Otherwise, there is a bit of perversion with love at any cost.


Will you allow your 18 yr old to tangle with a 38, 48, 58, 80 yr old? Or will you go with that gap of age?

No, right?