Hi, I have always thought that my fiancé was a bit on the stingy side and would like to have opinions as to how things are done these days. He makes 3.5 more money than I do but yet refuses to provide any sort of assistance, which anyways I never ask. He always insists on dividing everything 50/50. we live in separate cities and the other day when I visited him, we went grocery shopping for me to cook for his family (brother and friends), he still insisted at the till that I pay for all the groceries I had picked up (for all of us) while he paid for his shopping (juices and other small items). I was shocked but did not say anything. The other day I asked him for help paying this month’s rent as I spent quite some cash on unplanned tickets to go visit him – he got so mad and told me he would not help – not b/c he could not – but b/c he would not as I am a big girl, said that I should move into a room or smtg which I can afford and then disappeared completely –as in not a call or sms, nothing. Have I done the imaginable by asking for help? I have never depended on him for n e thing but for him to know that I may be facing hardship and still show no concern out of some new – if you ask me completely unmanly and misguided – sense of being a modern man and then just disappear like that, I find it quite cowardly. What will happen when we do get married…have kids…he is the type of men that will actually ask me to put in my half if our kids are to wear diapers. Please, tell me if this is how things operate in a couple nowadays. I know that we are far from the days of our parents when men used to take care of everything in the house, but of my god, has it come down to this? There is a ten-year gap b/t us which makes our current professional profiles thus salaries quite different but this type of men only makes you pray to get there quickly enough so that you may never be shamed/ridiculed again for asking help you from where you thought you would always find a shoulder to support you.
Do you reckon this is normal behaviour?

[size=13pt]bbz wat are you doing with that kinda man if at this point of your relationship where you guys are engaged he is shying away from responsibilities means he is never going to come around.how can he tell you to pay for stuff you guys got for his family men thats crazy if you ask me, . . . . . . . if you guys were still dating i'd say maybe he is just being careful with his cheese but you are his fiance na wa o. . . . . . . this man is not only stingy he is emm emm tight-fisted, old fashioned and a responsibilty shifting person. . . . . if you can live with the 50/50 life he is offering you all the best but if u re not. . . . bolt [/size]

Googles, yes it’s incredible isn’t it? Old fashioned yet pretending to be so modern! He is so stingy it’s alarming. Let me add he has very little expenses and prefers to seat on an ever swelling savings account. Does not even have his own accommodation at 35+++, he says he is waiting for me to come over so that we can share rent abeg…if he had been a student or young graduate struggling I would understand no pb…but come on now…

He's self-centred & Stingy
Try talking 2 him about it & if he doesnt change or he's still ignoring you, den d ball is in ur court
You either stay wit him or Leave

my dear,don't you think his trying to test you.i would'nt know sha,
but for how long have you guys been dating.does he put an angry face
in disapproval in paying for the bills when ever you think he should or when you
ask him to?
Well,if its too hard for you to bear.I adive you to find your way out.

tboy1:

He's self-centred & Stingy
Try talking 2 him about it & if he doesnt change or he's still ignoring you, den d ball is in your court
You either stay wit him or Leave

Why do people 'manage' in relationships. They put one leg in and one leg out. Every man has his flaws, and that is his: (i.e being frugal), forget abt him changing cos he can't (no man is purr~fect). If u don't like him for who he is,then leave him. It z either u continue dating him or leave him; love him or hate him, and stop complaining abt him being thrifty.

He is not testing me. That’s just the way he is, no xmas, no bday present…always the bare minimum with him. His excuse is that he left Africa way too early and is probably too westernized about these things…to which I answer non sense b/c first of all it is not an African thing to take care of your woman the way you should and second of all, even if it was an “African things” I know people who were born here, in the so-called west but who have nonetheless not lost the true meaning of being a man. He says he would never entertain the idea of me being a stay at home mom…something that is still very much encountered here in the so-called white man’s land!

olanna08:

Googles, yes it’s incredible isn’t it? Old fashioned yet pretending to be so modern! He is so stingy it’s alarming. Let me add he has very little expenses and prefers to seat on an ever swelling savings account. Does not even have his own accommodation at 35+++, he says he is waiting for me to come over so that we can share rent abeg…[b][/b]if he had been a student or young graduate struggling I would understand no pb…but come on now…

:oThis really scares me to the marrow. Na wa for this ur fiancee ooooo. Anyway, its ur choice.

Please cut your misery by dumping this dude except if you have low self esteem!

bbz wat are you doing with that kinda man if at this point of your relationship where you guys are engaged he is shying away from responsibilities means he is never going to come around.how can he tell you to pay for stuff you guys got for his family men thats crazy if you ask me,  . . . . . . . if you guys were still dating i'd say maybe he is just being careful with his cheese but you are his fiance na wa o. . . . . . . this man is not only stingy he is emm emm tight-fisted, old fashioned and a responsibilty shifting person. . . . . if you can live with the 50/50 life he is offering you all the best but if u re not. . . . bolt


You really hit the nail on the head.

What is worth having is worth having well.

olanna08:

Googles, yes it’s incredible isn’t it? Old fashioned yet pretending to be so modern! He is so stingy it’s alarming. Let me add he has very little expenses and prefers to seat on an ever swelling savings account. Does not even have his own accommodation at 35+++, he says he is waiting for me to come over so that we can share rent abeg…if he had been a student or young graduate struggling I would understand no pb…but come on now…

[size=13pt]are you for real?? this your boo no be old-fashioned again o na cave-man at 35 he is waiting for you to come and off set his house rent c'mon who does that ? wen he should be thinking of building a house he is waiting for your half . . . .he is even lucky he is dating an independent lady wat if he fell into the arms of one of those ever demanding chics am sure he ll be up to his brains by now. . . .swthrt you dey try i hail you o[/size]

he is your fiance for real or you are just saying that? did he give you an engagement ring or did you do the traditional thing?
anyway i dont fault the guy because if he wasn't in your life you would have budgetted your money better. Besides why are you spending money that you dont have even if it is to go see him. If he makes more money than you he should be the one flying over to you. LMAO he said go rent a room and you still came on NL to call him your fiance. It's obvious that the both of you don't talk about your future together because if you did all the finances and junk would have been settled by now

If this is your fiance then something is seriously wrong with you.

Of course he is my fiancé, he was the first one to shout it everywhere…he did give me a ring after much fussing around, perhaps in relation to the idea of actually having to pay for a small diamond! I never pressured him but he said that he was ready to settle down as he had found the one i.e the one who neva asked for anything perhaps? Of course we do talk about the future. He has expressed his views saying that he could not be the one providing everything b/c I work too and have a salary, however small it is. He has even met my momma – be it said that he went empty-handed when mere flowers or even chocolate would have done the trick b/c he is not into all that pleasing stuff to use his own words. I can tell you he did not score very high but stick I stood by him. At least now I know I am not crazy!

if he is truly your fiancee then that is a major red flag . Marry at your own risk.

But regardless of who you date , try and make you financial planning independent of your relationship. if you needed to make an emergency/ unplanned  visit to him ( dont know how it was an emergency or unplanned , as you did not indicate that he was sick or bereaved) then you discuss the financial implications before the trip and not after. How about if he wanted to pay but could not, then  you miss a payment of rent ,  the price for this will yours and not his.

The grocery issue is just extreme ,  you are the one that has set the pace by accepting that kind of silliness so either continue to live with it or break off the relatinship ( I guess I am trying to say if you call the man your fiancee you have chossen to live with it for ever, not neccesarily a bad thing but please give it some thought)

olanna08:

Of course he is my fiancé, he was the first one to shout it everywhere…he did give me a ring after much fussing around, perhaps in relation to the idea of actually having to pay for a small diamond! I never pressured him but he said that he was ready to settle down as he had found the one i.e the one who neva asked for anything perhaps? Of course we do talk about the future. He has expressed his views saying that he could not be the one providing everything b/c I work too and have a salary, however small it is. He has even met my momma – be it said that he went empty-handed when mere flowers or even chocolate would have done the trick b/c he is not into all that pleasing stuff to use his own words. I can tell you he did not score very high but stick I stood by him. At least now I know I am not crazy!

lol i think u're crazy stick to this dude who certainly has no respect for you. you dont go to your in-laws with goods NOT because you want to please them but because it is the right thing to do.

the other day when I visited him, we went grocery shopping for me to cook for his family (brother and friends), he still insisted at the till that I pay for all the groceries I had picked up (for all of us)

what are you waiting for? Him to dump you?


Does he have some good qualities somewhere because i dont understand your thread.

why exactly are you still with him? Explain.

I am very sure he still has some good qualities cos I really do not see any reason why you should still be with him.
How old are you? cos my dear I if you are thinking that you are too old to get another Man then I must say you are very wrong.
Let me be blank except there is something about him that you really really like, forget him and move on.
BTW Hope you are saving money for your bride-price cos am sure you are gonna split it.

chinesedoll:

I am very sure he still has some good qualities cos I really do not see any reason why you should still be with him.
How old are you? cos my dear I if you are thinking that you are too old to get another Man then I must say you are very wrong.
Let me be blank except there is something about him that you really really like, forget him and move on.
BTW Hope you are saving money for your bride-price cos am sure you are gonna split it.

she may even have to pay for it herself.
this are the type of men you only read about in novels. I cant believe they truly exist . . . and i'm a dude!

I honestly don't know why some people ask questions that they already have answers to. Read your posts again and tell us if the dude's behaviour is normal.
Ball is in your court and you'd better make the right decision.

davidylan:

she may even have to pay for it herself.
this are the type of men you only read about in novels. I cant believe they truly exist . . . and i'm a dude!

My dear, You won't even read of such things in Novels of this days
Haba, Please where is the guy from? _{just curious to know}

jay bee:

I honestly don't know why some people ask questions that they already have answers to. Read your posts again and tell us if the dude's behaviour is normal.
Ball is in your court and you'd better make the right decision.

Hey u, Long time
How are you?

I hate to say this but when all your friends are getting married and having babies, you tend to show a greater tendency at being blind to certain things…after all no relationship is perfect right? Time is not on my side and I’ve being ignoring all the red signs just to make this happen…however this last move of his has made me realize that if I ever fall, he would certainly not be there to help me get back on my feet so either I go on praying that I am neva in a situation where I would need his helping hand or just find the strength to move on and wait for a true life partner.

i am 26,

olanna08:

I hate to say this but when all your friends are getting married and having babies, you tend to show a greater tendency at being blind to certain things…after all no relationship is perfect right? Time is not on my side and I’ve being ignoring all the red signs just to make this happen…however this last move of his has made me realize that if I ever fall, he would certainly not be there to help me get back on my feet so either I go on praying that I am neva in a situation where I would need his helping hand or just find the strength to move on and wait for a true life partner.

this man isnt worthy of the rest of your life. No matter how broke, a real man who loves you will even borrow to pay for your rent if you were ever in need. We've all been there before . . . i cant imagine asking my woman to pay for the groceries when i'm standing right there. Unbelievable . . . soon u'll be paying ur own half of the heating bills.

At 26 you still have plenty of time.

olanna08:

I hate to say this but when all your friends are getting married and having babies, you tend to show a greater tendency at being blind to certain things…after all no relationship is perfect right? Time is not on my side and I’ve being ignoring all the red signs just to make this happen…however this last move of his has made me realize that if I ever fall, he would certainly not be there to help me get back on my feet so either I go on praying that I am neva in a situation where I would need his helping hand or just find the strength to move on and wait for a true life partner.

My dear sister I really do understand that feeling of seeing all your friends getting married,
Please  if that is your reason for wanting to get married then I think you are making a huge mistake.
A very common mistake that women make this-days is thinking that they can change a man.
Please give him the boot and carry on with r life.

Like someone said Marry at your own risk.
Marriage is not about who is first ooo, Afterall dem no dey catch latecomers

you are just [size=14pt]26[/size] common. why are you putting undue pressure on yaself. not needed hun. you will def find a man that will appreciate you as well as understand the act of giving.

@chinesedoll
I dey oh, been a while.  

jay bee:

you are just [size=14pt]26[/size] common. why are you putting undue pressure on yaself. not needed hun. you will def find a man that will appreciate you as well as understand the act of giving.

@chinesedoll
I dey oh, been a while.  

I only see u when there is fire on a thread.
lol

davidylan:

this man isnt worthy of the rest of your life. No matter how broke, a real man who loves you will even borrow to pay for your rent if you were ever in need. We've all been there before . . . i cant imagine asking my woman to pay for the groceries when i'm standing right there. Unbelievable . . . soon u'll be paying your own half of the heating bills.

At 26 you still have plenty of time.

True,

@ poster

Your fiancé is a feminazi 100%.

Even though i personally don't recommend spending to impress a lady _{tho i am guilty} i think he should be ready to take up some responsibilities since he's talking of Marriage. I suggest you should drop him like a shit bag if he's really the man you painted in that picture.

@Poster

I boldly suggest you kick his close-fisted backside to the curb as fast as you can because he does not have your interest at heart. I am sure he is one of those folks that use one tea bag for more than a cup of tea.

FYI, you still have time in abundance to meet people that will respect and value you; they are just waiting for you to discover them. At age 26 is not too late to start a new life.  Please MOVE ON!

@OP
Do you have some sort of low self esteem cos if your previous posts on NL are anything go by then you shouldn't really come back here talking abt the same dude.
First he has children with 2 different women, then he is all over online dating sites then dis one.
I seriously hope u r not blind for love or are you on the non attractive side?

jay bee:

@OP
Do you have some sort of low self esteem cos if your previous posts on NL are anything go by then you shouldn't really come back here talking abt the same dude.
First he has children with 2 different women, then he is all over onlne dating site then dis one.
I seriously hope u r not blind for love or are you on the non attractive side?

Ok i feel like i wasted my advice.