eish.... I have not been here for a min!

So if you have been following my post yall would know that I met an Igbo man via this platform. I have been to Nigeria twice this year and all has been well.

However, we are dealing with some issues of narcissism. Initially i thought it was just an "Igbo" thing but as time went by i realized its actually more than that.

I now find myself in a relationship with a man who blames me for everything that goes wrong in the relationship!
He is very jealous
Sooooo Controlling
Doesn't like me discussing our relationship issues with my mother (but he finds it quite fine to call her to complain)
When i confide in him he uses it against me
He apologies for things and just repeats them the very next day!

I have not been innocent though all this, because before when he irritates me or hurts me i lash out!
And i have tried other methods of fixing issues, even begging him to calm down for the sake of the relationship when HE was the one who messed up!

I love him but im tired. I dont know what to do anymore.

How do i make him see what he is doing to hurt me!

Lets talk people, how do i deal with this matter.

Note, we are in a long distance relationship so frustration is x10 than that of a normal one.

Seun come and see what you have caused o
.

...Outta your fúçking mind?

The writing is on the wall but you're trying so hard not to read it

As long as you keep forcing yourself on him, he'll keep misbehaving. DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING LESS

And it hasn't occurred to you that you deserve better rather than enduring?

I know, but I love him. N i always feel that he could change. Be the guy i fell inlove with . You know ?

makydebbie:
And it hasn't occurred to you that you deserve better rather than enduring?

Mention the mo'fucker's moniker and let's hear his own side of the story top. We can't pass advice premised on your supposed claims or assertions

You obviously ain't tired. When you're, you know what to do.

Who distance relationship dey epp dis days sef

Blackhawk01:
You obviously ain't tired. When you're, you know what to do.

LOL! makes alorra sense

Wezma:
I know, but I love him. N i always feel that he could change. Be the guy i fell inlove with . You know ?

If his excesses are too much for you, then babe don't let love hold you. Sometimes, we feel we can change men and it most times doesn't end well.

gabinogem:
Who distance relationship dey epp dis days sef

E epp me.

your man is cheating on you......don't argue with him my sister because you will not win..Save your self from High blood pressure.... Just change all the names of the girls on his phone.....do not delete the numbers... Mix them...... replace Chioma with Nneka...Oluchi ola with Vicky.....Amaka with Ngozi....so on and on......... wait the moment he's gonna call or sms them one by one......Make your self a cup of coffee and relax.. L l You'll thank me later

mumumugu:
your man is cheating on
you......don't argue with him my
sister because you will not
win..Save your self from High
blood pressure....
Just change all
the names of the girls on his
phone.....do not delete the
numbers... Mix them...... replace
Chioma with Nneka...Oluchi
ola with Vicky.....Amaka with
Ngozi....so on and on.........
wait the moment he's gonna call or
sms them one by one......Make
your self a cup of coffee and
relax.. L l
You'll thank me later

Honestly, I dont think he is cheating. But during my recent visit he be looking at every woman that passes. We had lunch in Mr Biggs one day and one woman looked and me..... then him... and back.... i swear it went on for a good few seconds. He said nothing is going on but i dont know again.

makydebbie:
If his excesses are too much for you, then babe don't let love hold you. Sometimes, we feel we can change men and it most times doesn't end well.

E epp me.

make I take fear & style believe u

Sometimes i even question myself. I asked myself what have i done that is so wrong to this man.
He tells me to stop using things he told me about his past against him, But he does it to me.

Sometimes i even ask myself what do i want from this man again.

He has not kept ONE single promise.... but he calls me demanding for wanting to spend time with him(note that we have been doing long distance and i get to see him for 1/2 weeks every 2/3 months), demanding when i ask him to love me for me, demanding when i ask him to give my respect in my family and do the right thing reg hz "proposal"

Wezma:
I know, but I love him. N i always feel that he could change. Be the guy i fell inlove with . You know ?

Simple truth

I feel bleeped (for the lack of a better word)

Im sure his reading this but i dont really care anymore.

I have done SO much..... and he still said that i dont really love him, i dont care about his well being!! !! !! !!

Why would a man SAY SO MUCH when he know its untrue.

Once he made up a bunch of lies about me saying i have been asking a close family friend about him.
It was a complete lie! N he ended up saying that it was misinformation.

It made me feel so sad. Because just a week before that something happend and i defended him.... knowing he wouldn't do what he was being accused of.

you are from south africa and you are privileged to have Major Shephard Bushiri in pretoria and Prof Daniel Lesego these two men can actually help you so you would not face this nigerian problem with our men. Even Here in nigeria our Ladies are stressed and also face worse issues, you should LOOK before you leap next time.

Wezma:
eish.... I have not been here for a min!

So if you have been following my post yall would know that I met an Igbo man via this platform. I have been to Nigeria twice this year and all has been well.

However, we are dealing with some issues of narcissism. Initially i thought it was just an "Igbo" thing but as time went by i realized its actually more than that.

I now find myself in a relationship with a man who blames me for everything that goes wrong in the relationship!
He is very jealous
Sooooo Controlling
Doesn't like me discussing our relationship issues with my mother (but he finds it quite fine to call her to complain)
When i confide in him he uses it against me
He apologies for things and just repeats them the very next day!

I have not been innocent though all this, because before when he irritates me or hurts me i lash out!
And i have tried other methods of fixing issues, even begging him to calm down for the sake of the relationship when HE was the one who messed up!

I love him but im tired. I dont know what to do anymore.

How do i make him see what he is doing to hurt me!

Lets talk people, how do i deal with this matter.

Note, we are in a long distance relationship so frustration is x10 than that of a normal one.

@OP

Believe you me, you failed to ask the right question (inquiry), just like an average Nigerian who would rather ask "where will the leader come from?" instead of the cogent question "who will lead better?"

In your case, the appropriate question should be "who do I need as a lover?" And my answer to this question when you asked it by yourself would be, kindly redefine what constitute true love - real love - for you (fancy - superficial love - is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship). Quite obvious you fancy your guy, however, he doesn't posses the unpronounced values that constitute a romantic love for you; his narcissistic attitude as a case study.

One thing with narcissists is that aside the fact that they are always domineering, they are also self-centered, hypocritical, insatiable, ungrateful and full of impunity. Normally, it takes goodness to sustain a healthy relationship with a good person, but that's not possible when dealing with a narcissist (they are not evil per se, but they can be unintentionally wicked through their small-minded person's actions and inaction). . . It only takes servility to sustain relationship with them - this means inner peace and happiness will elude you so long as you remain with such a person.

cc Olisa4all

kelvinclint !!!! come and tell us the story from your side pls... I don't wanna a$$lick this lady abeg!

This is what happens when you only go for looks instead of Character. I remember your threads when you found what you thought was the "one"

I'm not even shocked that your lamenting here. It takes wisdom from God to differentiate between love and infatuation.

@bolded sounds like something from a broken record. But it makes all the difference in the world.

Use style and be looking for new boyfriend, narcissists are devil.

Sabrina18:
Use style and be looking for new boyfriend, narcissists are devil.

Sabrina18:
Use style and be looking for new boyfriend, narcissists are devil.

We ain't devilish

Apina:

We ain't devilish

Sure you are, I wouldn't wish people like you on my enemy sef.

Maybe you are the problem. Have you thought of that??

And what do you mean " initially i thought it was an igbo thing"?

What do you know about the igbos or any tribe at all in Nigeria.

That statement of yours tells me you have a problem of judging people based on baseless assumptions. Do you even know him well or do you just think you know an "igbo" man and what one should be like?

Access yourself too and see if you changed in any way.

Now, if after a complete and unbiased assesment of yourself and you don't find yourself wanting in anyway. Then i'll kindly ask you to get up, dust yourself and walk. Thankfully you guys aren't tied together in anyway, spiritually, physically or otherwise. If he changed, then you're not supposed to be the docile one to bear the brunt of the changing circumstances. Gone are the days you die trying to change people.

Before i give you my final PROFESSIONAL advice, tell your igbo man to come and tell us his own side of this story.

Thread Closed on behalf of all Nairalanders until Igbo man arrives with his story

And YET you assume that I don't know much about Igbo people to say what I'm saying.... Lol.

ScotFree:
Maybe you are the problem. Have you thought of that??

And what do you mean " initially i thought it was an igbo thing"?

What do you know about the igbos or any tribe at all in Nigeria.

That statement of yours tells me you have a problem of judging people based on baseless assumptions. Do you even know him well or do you just think you know an "igbo" man and what one should be like?

Access yourself too and see if you changed in any way.

Now, if after a complete and unbiased assesment of yourself and you don't find yourself wanting in anyway. Then i'll kindly ask you to get up, dust yourself and walk. Thankfully you guys aren't tied together in anyway, spiritually, physically or otherwise. If he changed, then you're not supposed to be the docile one to bear the brunt of the changing circumstances. Gone are the days you die trying to change people.

Before i give you my final PROFESSIONAL advice, tell your igbo man to come and tell us his own side of this story.

Thread Closed on behalf of all Nairalanders until Igbo man arrives with his story

Wezma:

Pure and simple a man that loves you won't take you down this lane. In another tot some of us believe additional care n understanding is part of "loving" maybe your bf just does not.

Wezma:
I know, but I love him. N i always feel that he could change. Be the guy i fell inlove with . You know ?

No man change with your kind of altitude give him space to reevaluate what brought you too together. If he still cherish that he would come back to you understanding you lack the mental strength for his drama. If he walks away, he was always going to walk someday so either way take the bull by the horn.

Poster you are lucky you are in a long distance relationship. Cut it off sharp sharps.

Imagine when you live under the same roof what will happen. Ha you better get out of that hell hole.