Philosophia:
Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

Philosophia:
Hey guys. Thanks a lot.

I don't want to seem like a stupid person or what not. But I am in a confusion like I have never been in.

I slept on this issue. And my mind was troubled through out the night. I find it hard to really believe or accept that she would be seeing another guy right now. The reason is that she has been in several situations where guys would try to hit on her and start up something but she'd shut them down and tell me about it and we would laugh over it.

I remember that atimes I would read stories off nairaland about relationship troubles to her and we would discuss it. She would always give sound and very mature advice. And I would thank my stars for having met such a wise and conscientious girl.

I am thinking, is it possible she just wants to wake me from my seeming "slumber" to take life more seriously and make things happen faster generally? Or Does she expect me to get my act together ASAP and step to the plate to fulfill her desire?

She's the type that would think up an idea this minute and 3 mins later, she's doing it while I would take a bit more time to think the idea through. She has gotten me to take decisions faster in past by pulling up some stunt. Some of the decisions were ok while some others, I still regret till date.

I don't want to be in a haste. I want to follow her as smartly as possible so I don't loose out unnecessarily. Sometimes I fear she is smarter than me in "things of the world". She obviously has more experience, as this is her third relationship and my first.

What do you think?

MrHistorian
Wristbangle
PrimadonnaO
People with experience

Bjrokenhear003:
i am going through that same fate but mine is different

i have over 3 million cash in bank, i am worth over 80 million with inherited properties from my late dad and investment in real estate i love this girl, she knows all my investment, i believed her till today she broke up with me because she said she cant be in a unstable emotionally relationship..."when she asked for finance somewhere and she knew my money tied into a an investment at that period, so couldnt give her, she said she would ask somewhere else, FUNNY ITS JUST 2K ITEM, i kept shut and never said anything to avoid issues, she then told me they were able to help her, i called her and she's its just my bad mind that didnt allow the ITEM to be transfered, i expalined to her, she broke up, already saw the signs that when i ping, she no reply me, she read chat and even though not call me and i have done lots more for her just because i was low at that period.

i wanted her to feel pain and called her my friend and said she should come pack her things, how will somebody i risk for be treating me so foolishly because of i love, she told me of her tenant hitting on her and i saw the way he looks at her earlier.

its not been easy just less than 24 hours i have cried my eyes out, just within a month i dont have much finance, a month investment, which she knows about she called it quit she needed a stable relationship.

i feel pained as i type this because somebody u feel u can go through lots to please her, planning to risk it all despite she older than me, yet she not feel the same about u & last week she promised me of her undying love for me and how i made her feel that she cant trade me for anything in this life, i wondered how my life is being fooled and cant sleep since 4am


here am i, taking solace to alchohol thats how some men would turn to a devil and girls be saying YORUBA DEMON, its people who bring out that demon wicked part in somebody life.

i feel like dying but knowing well i am the only son child of my mother i must pass through this phase and buy what makes me happy

i will buy my iphone 8 and my honda crosstour to be driving at least to make sure the car is my new babe during december

money isnt all... finding someone who is patient and can accommodate u is the KOKO, my lesson to u is not all about money sometimes u might have more than enough but she might feel she has lots of security and finance with another..

LOVE IS JUST A DECEIT..i can never go back to her with the way i feel

Philosophia:
Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

Philosophia:
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What you guys are saying is the hardest thing for me to do right now. It is hard to even contemplate. My hands are even shaking as I type this.

Philosophia:
So many things have crossed my mind. Is she seeing someone? But she assures me that she's not seeing anyone. Is she just looking for a fresh start? What did I do terribly wrong?

I am so confused. I called her, maybe to get direction or to hear something else. I'm not sure. She is advising me to fast and pray about it to get direction on what to do. She said she has prayed and fasted and she was told to prepare her mind for marriage.

I do not want to loose her but I don't know how I am supposed to do that. What is that supposed to achieve for me?

I am so lost.