If your story is true, then That isn’t a brother but the devil living with you. You even talk like a small boy. See your home is broken now. Keep housing him and paying the rent for him so he can increase his number of concubines. You will soon become his foot stool. After eating and having his sex romps he will soon begin to ask you to clear the room and wash the dishes.

Please grow up and be a man!

kimbraa:
Oga, I think I get why your wife has fallen out of love with you. Women like men who know when to draw the lines. You saw how she stood up to correct your brother before leaving your house, that's what you as the man of the house should've done but you didn't.

Why do you care so much about the opinions your family members will have of you? Who cares about that? Are you married to your family?. You're too weak for a man...You tire me abeg!. No wonder you were driving your bro to and fro when the situation was uncomfortable for you. You rather displease yourself and please family members.

I don't even pray to marry a man that doesn't know when to draw the line.

Most of them are like that, once it involves their wife and family members...the wife takes the bullet.

OP,enough has been said.
Pls, reconcile with your wife...not like you should go insulting your people, but apply wisdom.

Newboss:
I keep telling people that this thing called marriage is a big scam in this generation, but they hardly get it.

There is no need trying to "tie" a person down if you can break out anytime this don't go your way anymore. Yet they market it as "happily ever after", "for better for worse". Hahaha .

Marriage this days is nothing more than a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Just leave it at that level. Love (as they call it) shouldn't be so selfish and self centered to be thinking of "tying" the other down.

Marriage is a scam! Don't say you weren't told!

No, it isn't. You just haven't met the one yet.

There is nothing you do that would ever right. Your family will come around sooner or later. It is good to compromise but you should draw a line when it starts affecting you regardless of whose ox would be gored.

Take charge of your life, be a MAN. It is your job to protect your wife. Find a way to get back your wife and child. If your family does not respect you or your wife, it is not going to start now. Learn to be firm.

deleSayo:


I find it difficult to tell him to get out since he's my elder bro and I wanted to respect the age gap
one thing is, my brother can be very manipulative and has a way of turning people against you. sending him away will give him a narrative to use to tell our family members that my wife and i threw him out when he needed help. he can do no wrong in my mother's eyes and she will definitely believe him
was only trying to protect my wife's image by allowing him to stay

deleSayo:


I find it difficult to tell him to get out since he's my elder bro and I wanted to respect the age gap
one thing is, my brother can be very manipulative and has a way of turning people against you. sending him away will give him a narrative to use to tell our family members that my wife and i threw him out when he needed help. he can do no wrong in my mother's eyes and she will definitely believe him
was only trying to protect my wife's image by allowing him to stay

This is the most annoying and shallow statement I have read today. Common man! Your brother has not done you any favours, rather he has destroyed your family and you're here wondering what your family will think. Well done sir!

@delesayo

I try to put myself in your position, i must say i understand what you must be going through, it is sad, nevertheless, you seem like a responsible man, and for that some persons might think you soft and dumb, but in all entirety i think you're the opposite....

First off, i am impressed with the fact you have'nt turned your back on your family and still hold them in high-esteem, afterall family is family...i noticed in your writeup your brother seems to be the only one conversing with them, you should change that....

Now you know where the problem is and you got to fix that, no one but you holds the cards, only a nitwit would believe you have not tried, your brother's blatant disregard for your happiness is quite distasteful, he is a snake and must go..

Your wife leavingbisbtge least of your problems, the day you tell your wife your brother is gone is the day your pain ends!, so until you fix that, let your wife be!......

Hmmm!

Everyone is telling op to go n apologised to his wife to come back, when he's not even man enof to keep her.

If I may ask, what exactly will change when she comes back?

This man is a weakling n his family is jealous of his wife's background.

She accepted d bro, hoping to get to d hearts of other family members but they r bent on destroying her.

She has done d most sensible thing n she must never return to dat hell, called marriage!

She deserve better.

Imagine, accepting ur bro turning ur home into a brothel sef, ur family has no principles!

Life is too short for all these trouble!

Blonchilli:
deleSayo sorry to say but you've lost your wife, son and family. Haba you too weak nau. Drive your brother to work then come back home and tell your wife that you're too tired when your family are not showing any support and it's obvious that your wife noticed it and has fallen out with them? From your previous topic you explained how she was badly treated by your mom after she gave birth yet this woman would still prepare lunch for your brother who his wife openly showed hatred from the first day and you make her felt like she's second choice? Worse still you saw the red flags but I guess you were among the crew that believes 'It's my home'. But you've failed to protect her and your son and she's right to leave you. Confronting your brother would lead to dastardly consequences and as far as I'm concerned the only way your wife will come back is if your family change how they treat her. She wasn't mad at you but at your family but you made her less important and she isn't stupid. The only way to bring your wife back is for your brother, his wife, your mom and dad to settle with her and you show her you're a man but I don't think that would work because since April you couldn't settle that problem now it has escalated. I'm sorry just look for a lawyer to finalise the divorce procedure and then you can marry your family.

I wish I cld give a hundred like for dis!

ImaIma1:
Op why? Don't you know that being married means protecting your wife? Your wife had taken a lot and could not take it anymore. It is unfair to put her in such situation and expect her to be happy.
Your wedding ring does not qualify you as a husband but putting your house in order. How can you allow your brother come to run your home. Whether older or ancestor, he has to respect your home and you have to define that respect.
Your attitude of allowing anything and everything has got you here. You don't seem to have any standards or rules...so anything goes.You drive him to work at the detriment of your sound health and of staying a little longer with your wife and kid. Are You under a spell?
You should know that your brother will not allow you to come to his house and try the rubbish he is displaying in your house.
If you don't have plans to move out yet, pack his things and keep with a neighbour, lock up your house and go stay with a family...friend for a while with your wife.
Your brother is selfish. He will not do for you what you are doing for him. Live your life and let him live his.

D bolded reminds me yrs back when my sis accommodated my bro for months in her one room apartment ( both single as at then). He just came into town n needed a place to stay to sort out his accommodation issues.

He got a flat after some months. When d sis opted to move wt him, he refused n said he needs privacy!

The fact that you choose your brothers comfort over your own son, the first seed of your loins, your only surviving seed....you ll rather have him experience the trauma of a broken home over "what my mother will say" "what my siblings will say" speaks volumes of ur character. If i was your wife, i will forgive you But will NEVER return to u

pattybf:


I wish I cld give a hundred like for dis!

Much obliged

eyinjuege:
If this your story is true, i would advise you ask your brother to go and rent his own place, and you must mean it.
He works and is getting paid. He should plan his life around the salary he makes.
Give him 1 month to find a place.
You also need to learn to stand up for yourself. How can you drive him to work everyday? , and still drive to your own place of work? Did you need your wife to tell you before you realize its stressing you out?
Your brother is just a user, you can never gain anything from him, so forget comments like you or your children may need his help in future. Even if you do, he will never give it.
As per your wife, just go and apologize. Talk to your inlaws. Once your brother leaves, bring back your family.

One month?

If na me na 24 hours I go give am.
If he like make he go sleep under bridge.

deleSayo, from your narration, it would seem that you have always been faced with a choice which required picking one and leaving the other. I read your other thread too and it's the same situation - pick one, leave the other.

These two choices would either, and inevitably so, leave you estranged from your family but give you a happy marriage OR make you lose your marriage and keep a conceited and selfish family that care less about you.

Unfortunately, you chose to sit on the fence through your inaction, forgetting that indolence would make you lose both ways. And you sure have - Family doesn't still care about you even though you may have lost the wife they so resent, and you may have actually just lost your marriage. Loss on both fronts. Doing a careful risk analysis early on should have informed you to take action instead of keeping quiet.

See, you will most likely never, I repeat NEVER, win the affection of your family no matter how hard you try, even if you kill yourself for their sake. But for a woman whom you confessed love to and declared here 'is the best thing that ever happened to you,' should you let her go just like that?

"Wisdom is profitable to direct." Enough people have told you the right thing to do on this thread and I needn't echo their voice as you already show reluctance to act. The only thing I'll tell you is, "do what you should have done from the start to make you truly happy - whatever that is. For in the end, that will matter the most and you'll be filled with less regret."

deleSayo:


i have completed it but the damage is done already. in her people's eyes i can't seem to erase the bad impression.
if you read my previous thread you will see that the problem has been from day one. my wife is so beautiful and respectful
but was never accepted from my family because she's from a wealthy home and her parents are divorced.
how do I reconcile with her when she has said to my face several times that she appreciates that i'm a good guy but she has
fallen out of love with me. my wife has logged out emotionally.

log in back emotionally if you still love her but with a price- a serious one at that because it is a bit difficult to make a woman refall in love when her heart is out. But don't you worry it is still possible provided a 3rd party has not occupied your space. Your inability to safeguard her home she was co-building with love and care; financially and emotionally pissed her off. While the hell of a brother was desecrating everything sacred in your matrimony , you neglected the only and the most important deity - love- and were worshipping fears,indecision, bias and others' perceptions about what they are least qualified to judge. where was there judgement to have raised a person like your bro in the first place given their busybodiness about your wife / her background and not necessarily her character?

The price is to define all the boundaries around your marriage and keep all intruders far away , go beg your wife and prove to her that you would henceforth safeguard una home. Make sure she and her mother! are convinced in their hearts that you are genuine. To prove to her your seriousness and commitment to making the marriage work, send Mr leech out immediately. Tell me why your other siblings don't wanna see him?

So the ball is your court. Forget what she is saying angrily out of the frustration you pushed her to but rather concentrate on winning her heart back. Make sure you visit her more often now than before and spend more time with her. And who says you can't keep late nights there, help out with chores , sit next behind her in the church and embarrass her with a new commitment that is grand and sincere? Truth is you still love her , and she does too. Oh forgot to tell you to pray to God too! Merry Xmas.

You are a silly man, what do you want us to tell you?

Your wife is my kind of woman, spineless man.

Marry your brother

Please sit your agbaya brother down and calmly tell him to leave.Your wife is pissed and has every right to be! From day 1,you should have set the ground rules for your brother. It's what you allow that continues. I can't blame your wife's family at all, maybe now you will wake up and see clearly! You have not acted like a man at all. Sorry bro, but it's the truth! Get your brother to move out and go get your wife. I pray you don't lose your home anyways.

deleSayo:
shortly after my wife delivered, we received a phone call from my elder brother who we haven't heard from for 3 years now. he claimed to have gotten a job in our town and needs a place to stay. I initially refused as my wife had just had a baby and we were already going through a tough time in our marriage but he begged that he would just stay for 2 weeks and afterwards would go to one of our other siblings across town. Needless to say, it has now been 9 months and my brother is still in our house refusing to go stay with any of our other siblings as he is not on good terms with them.

Since he has been here, tension has been building between my wife and my brother until they recently had a big fight due to the following reasons:
*since coming to stay with us, he has never bought N1 gift or card for our newly born son. this hurt me so deeply but I kept quiet. ...
.
Please I'm completely shattered and feeling all alone in this world. bro is still in my house and is not moved by any of this at all. I overheard him saying as long as he's making his money and living rent-free whats his own"

Is he 12?

Move out secretly and leave him and his things in the house.

Wow.


You ought to have changed it for your bro since his 2weeks ultimatum lapsed.
Your brother gotta leave NOW Ykno.
Then, find how to get your woman back ASAP!
DAFUQ!

Everyone has just said what I would have said in this situation, so I'll summarize with, a word is enough for the wise.

Hmmmmm you took this out of my mouth Dr, why should a man get this weak? His wife won't even honor him at home since he has refused to give her were she rightly belongs in his home. His elder brother too is a demon, married and yet brings ladies into his younger bros house who is married too? I expected the younger brother to confront that behavior and condemned it out rightly. But he seem too weak thus messing up his wife before his brother. I understand younger brothers are not permitted to look up their elders in the face even during scuffles,But his elder brother meant evil for him and his family as a result only sterned confrontation would have settled that situation.

kimbraa:
Oga, I think I get why your wife has fallen out of love with you. Women like men who know when to draw the lines. You saw how she stood up to correct your brother before leaving your house, that's what you as the man of the house should've done but you didn't.

Why do you care so much about the opinions your family members will have of you? Who cares about that? Are you married to your family?. You're too weak for a man...You tire me abeg!. No wonder you were driving your bro to and fro when the situation was uncomfortable for you. You rather displease yourself and please family members.

I don't even pray to marry a man that doesn't know when to draw the line.

Broda the fault is yours, and I do not blame your wife for the action she took. If you still want your family together, better go in your knees and beg ur wife and in-laws, do that as send your brother away.

deleSayo:


I find it difficult to tell him to get out since he's my elder bro and I wanted to respect the age gap
one thing is, my brother can be very manipulative and has a way of turning people against you. sending him away will give him a narrative to use to tell our family members that my wife and i threw him out when he needed help. he can do no wrong in my mother's eyes and she will definitely believe him
was only trying to protect my wife's image by allowing him to stay

You deserve to be single with this your sissy, mouse nature. I feel like resetting you with a slap.

You have to give your wife reasons to respect you. Respect breeds love. Is it the family that dislikes your brother he is still sending those messages to? If you can't face him, give him one week notice, after that time elapse and he is still there, once he leaves the house that day, pack his things in front of the house, lock the place up and go stay in a hotel for two days. I won't be surprised if your brother breaks those locks and moves back in. And you won't do anything about it.