Ubenedictus:
not really, registry doesn't work for Catholics

I didn't know but they should try and have one.

I am more concerned that you want to marry a man who doesnf conpromise.
You have mentioned You are happy to attend catholic church with him after the marriagr but hes still not shifting his stance.
Pray you remain happily married with this choice of yours

Ubenedictus:


let me tell you the simple truth. your man is trying to help you, if you are married in his Church he is sacramentally tied to you and cannot divorce you without a serious back lash from his Church.


let me explain.

Catholics consider marriage to be a sacrament... that means it is an effective means of grace by which God sanctify and bless a union of man and wife, for us that Union is so deep and that it mirrors the Union of Jesus and his Church... thus marriage now has an intrinsic Christian character....that it becomes indissoluble, stable and self given... I don't even know if you will understand this... it is not found in Protestant theology. you may check the thread for Catholics if you really wish to understand it.



to cut a long story short a Catholic is only recognized are sacramentaly married if he weds in his Church, or seeks and receive dispensation to be married in your Church.

without this, his Church will not recognized this so called marriage and it will be as if you guys are just living together, he won't be able to receive communion. in fact If you guys divorce tomorrow his Church would not even care because he isn't considered validly married.
this is very serious.

he needs a dispensation to get married in your Church or you marry in his....

it is important the guy isn't trying to be rigid... where a Catholic marries is a very valid concern.

Well didn't know it was a doctrine so if you don't receive the dispensation and you get married in another church, the Catholic church doesn't recognize the marriage, those ones are not valid right?


There's also the cultural factor here too now, Yorubas don't really do the marry in your husband church thing, that's where the matter is for the lady if she was igbo from another denomination it would have been easier to convince her family since they seem to be more inclined to such.

My friend was in this same position and honestly it was not funny.

Lalasticlala

NoToPile:


Well didn't know it was a doctrine so if you don't receive the dispensation and you get married in another church, the Catholic church doesn't recognize the marriage, those ones are not valid right?


There's also the cultural factor here too now, Yorubas don't really do the marry in your husband church thing, that's where the matter is for the lady if she was igbo from another denomination it would have been easier to convince her family since they seem to be more inclined to such.

My friend was in this same position and honestly it was not funny.

I am just confused about this whole drama of a thing, It is getting tougher than my expectation, My family can never follow me to his side for wedding

keepingmum:
I am more concerned that you want to marry a man who doesnf conpromise.
You have mentioned You are happy to attend catholic church with him after the marriagr but hes still not shifting his stance.
Pray you remain happily married with this choice of yours

Amen, He has given me another alternative that my Family should look for any catholic Church for the wedding to hold in our side but My Dad can never agree with that.

keepingmum:
I am more concerned that you want to marry a man who doesnf conpromise.
You have mentioned You are happy to attend catholic church with him after the marriagr but hes still not shifting his stance.
Pray you remain happily married with this choice of yours

Why must he be the one to compromise?

Ubenedictus:
it is doctrine but there is a process to escape it

Thank you sir. Please can you elaborate more on the dispensation?

Ubenedictus:
registry isn't recognized as sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church... in fact he won't be allowed to receive communion

That was exactly what I was told

Exponental:
I think this is an Igbo-Catholic modified doctrine. It is not purely Catholic. I have attended weddings of male Catholics in other churches. My Aunty's was one!

Please can you explain how your aunty was able to do it successfully without going against the husband church doctrine? Pls Is your aunty a Yoruba?

Exponental:
I think this is an Igbo-Catholic modified doctrine. It is not purely Catholic. I have attended weddings of male Catholics in other churches. My Aunty's was one!

You're right,my brother in law who is a staunch Catholic member got married in the bride's church.

If anybody is wondering why marriages these days fail just after a few months, this thread is one of the reason.

One is tempted to ask during their courtship period, what did they discuss? Or was it just just about hanging out if fast food joints and taking pictures for their social media profiles?

And for those saying traditionally for Yorubas, it takes place in the girl's church, y'all know that's some BS. Does the Yoruba tradition have a church?

Yes, the traditional marriage takes place in the girls fathers house (or anywhere of their choosing) but it's not mandatory for the wedding.

My elder brother had his wedding in the Catholic Church (bride Yoruba and Pentecostal). My elder sister had her wedding in the Catholic Church (Husband Yoruba and Assembles of God). This was possible because they sat down long ago and trashed this out and not when their wedding was due. With both Letting their spouse see reasons.

And yes, I'm Yoruba and Catholic too.

And if I may ask the Op, after the wedding what next? Where would the kids worship? Your dad cannot be the man of his house and be the man of your husbands house too. If you can't deal, go look for a brother in your Church and marry.

deity:


You're right,my brother in law who is a staunch Catholic member got married in the bride's church.

wooow, I am loving this, Hope there was no repercussion as per the communion of a thing?

Aquariann:
If anybody is wondering why marriages these days fail just after a few months, this thread is one of the reason.

One is tempted to ask during their courtship period, what did they discuss? Or was it just just about hanging out if fast food joints and taking pictures for their social media profiles?

And for those saying traditionally for Yorubas, it takes place in the girl's church, y'all know that's some BS. Does the Yoruba tradition have a church?

Yes, the traditional marriage takes place in the girls fathers house (or anywhere of their choosing) but it's not mandatory for the wedding.

My elder brother had his wedding in the Catholic Church (bride Yoruba and Pentecostal). My elder sister had her wedding in the Catholic Church (Husband Yoruba and Assembles of God). This was possible because they sat down long ago and trashed this out and not when their wedding was due. With both Letting their spouse see reasons.

And yes, I'm Yoruba and Catholic too.

And if I may ask the Op, after the wedding what next? Where would the kids worship? Your dad cannot be the man of his house and be the man of your husbands house too. If you can't deal, go look for a brother in your Church and marry.

Thank you my brother, We want to settle this issue before moving to the next stage. This topic was brought up during discussion and we are trying to settle it amicably. Not even my Father but my whole family wont allow the wedding to hold in the guy's house. I have determined to join catholic after wedding and all our children must also be catholic.

NoToPile:


Well didn't know it was a doctrine so if you don't receive the dispensation and you get married in another church, the Catholic church doesn't recognize the marriage, those ones are not valid right?


There's also the cultural factor here too now, Yorubas don't really do the marry in your husband church thing, that's where the matter is for the lady if she was igbo from another denomination it would have been easier to convince her family since they seem to be more inclined to such.

My friend was in this same position and honestly it was not funny.

right, it won't be recognized.


the truth is, maybe there are cultural factors involved, I don't know...
but the Catholic law goes both ways, I attended a mixed marriage last year between a Catholic and a redeemed... the lady was the Catholic, she had to pressure her husband to get married in the Catholic Church and every thing, after which each continued in their own Church.

there is also a condition to such marriage, the kids will be raised Catholic and the non catholic party must agree

MYSELF2018:
wooow, I am loving this, Hope there was no repercussion as per the communion of a thing?

there will be if there was no dispensation....

this isn't negotiable it is just there

Ubenedictus:
there will be if there was no dispensation....

this isn't negotiable it is just there

Please kindly elaborate more on the dispensation

MYSELF2018:
Thank you sir. Please can you elaborate more on the dispensation?

a sacrament consist of form, matter, minister and intention.

take for instance baptism, the matter is water, the form is the words spoken by the minister, the intention is to baptise.

marriage has matter and form and minister and intention, he needs to ask the Church to dispense him from the need to fulfill the form of the sacrament I.e he will be dispensed from the need to do the wedding in the Catholic Church.

so instead his Bishop will empower someone usually a priest to be in your Church on that day to witness the wedding on behalf of the Catholic Church, by dispensing him from the form, he can be married in your Church and because the Catholic Church officially witnessed the wedding he will be recognized as valid..... there is a whole theology here.


if he agrees to this, then you guys need to see his parish priest immediately... he will tell him what to do.



the other option is to have two wedding, one in your Church I.e the big one with reception and everything, then a small one in his Church the next day at morning mass, without reception or other money sucking stuff.

his family may not like either options, I know if it is my house my mum won't attend the wedding in your Church she will meet us at the reception... you guys need to discuss this extensively.


I wish you luck

keepingmum:
I am more concerned that you want to marry a man who doesnf conpromise.
You have mentioned You are happy to attend catholic church with him after the marriagr but hes still not shifting his stance.
Pray you remain happily married with this choice of yours

this isn't really an issue up for compromise, he may even allow his wife to continue her Church but he can't comprise on this issue without injuring himself in the process.

MYSELF2018:
I am just confused about this whole drama of a thing, It is getting tougher than my expectation, My family can never follow me to his side for wedding

you guys need to sit down and discuss... ask about a dispensation

Ubenedictus:
a sacrament consist of form, matter, minister and intention.

take for instance baptism, the matter is water, the form is the words spoken by the minister, the intention is to baptise.

marriage has matter and form and minister and intention, he needs to ask the Church to dispense him from the need to fulfill the form of the sacrament I.e he will be dispensed from the need to do the wedding in the Catholic Church.

so instead his Bishop will empower someone usually a priest to be in your Church on that day to witness the wedding on behalf of the Catholic Church, by dispensing him from the form, he can be married in your Church and because the Catholic Church officially witnessed the wedding he will be recognized as valid..... there is a whole theology here.


if he agrees to this, then you guys need to see his parish priest immediately... he will tell him what to do.



the other option is to have two wedding, one in your Church I.e the big one with reception and everything, then a small one in his Church the next day at morning mass, without reception or other money sucking stuff.

his family may not like either options, I know if it is my house my mum won't attend the wedding in your Church she will meet us at the reception... you guys need to discuss this extensively.


I wish you luck

Amen, thank you so much for taking your time for the full explanation. He is also silently following this topic because I have shared the link with him, We'l weigh the two options given by you and You'l surely be invited on that day. As for me, I am okay by the dispensation method and I'l let you know the outcome from him. Thanks once again sir

Ladyhippolyta88:
This is the best advise.

no. it's not.

if you have these issues before the wedding what about during the marriage?

this is what your courtship ought to be about, planning the family not just posting pictures up and down.

dear op, questions you may still wanna settle with your man are

which church do you both attend after marriage? (it's quite important you worship at the same place)

how is the naming ceremony of your children going to be (Catholic or Pentecostal)?

where do the children attend?

you can't but admit that there's a difference between Catholic and Pentecostal.

these differences no matter how little could be a problem during marriage and you don't want such.


finally

in my opinion the wedding should be done in your church. YOU'RE THE WOMAN.

have a great life op

MYSELF2018:
Amen, He has given me another alternative that my Family should look for any catholic Church for the wedding to hold in our side but My Dad can never agree with that.

let me spit the bitter truth dear.

YOU DON'T WANT TO MARRY THIS KIND OF MAN.

DON'T LOOK AT THE WEDDING ISSUES NOW.

SEE THE MARRIAGE ISSUES!

.

promiseolaoye:


no. it's not.

if you have these issues before the wedding what about during the marriage?

this is what your courtship ought to be about, planning the family not just posting pictures up and down.

dear op, questions you may still wanna settle with your man are

which church do you both attend after marriage? (it's quite important you worship at the same place)

how is the naming ceremony of your children going to be (Catholic or Pentecostal)?

where do the children attend?

you can't but admit that there's a difference between Catholic and Pentecostal.

these differences no matter how little could be a problem during marriage and you don't want such.


finally

in my opinion the wedding should be done in your church. YOU'RE THE WOMAN.

have a great life op

That is the norm in Yorubaland, wedding is meant to take place in my church but that is against Igbo tradition. I have agreed to join him in catholic together with our children after wedding, The naming would also be done in catholic way, Thanks alot sir

MYSELF2018:
Amen, thank you so much for taking your time for the full explanation. He is also silently following this topic because I have shared the link with him, We'l weigh the two options given by you and You'l surely be invited on that day. As for me, I am okay by the dispensation method and I'l let you know the outcome from him. Thanks once again sir

I'll pray for you guys...

it seems you guys have settled most issues... this is the last huddle may God help you scale through.

These kind of issues tend to get very serious... my aunt married a Jehovah witness some decades ago, they married in the kingdom hall and only my grand dad and my uncle went for the service, my gan dad was ejected from the service because he had a rosary, my uncle had to stand in.

I pray yours won't be like that, you'll have a happy day, and blessed day and all this wahala is something you'll look back on and smile, it will just be memories.


besides my aunt who had all that trouble is still happily married about 30 years later.

it is just to convince both families to find the compromise.


may God bless you guys especially at this time.

It is not just the yorubas that have thw weddings in the bride's church. Your fiance is that being stubborn. My close friend is yet to have her church wedding after two children because her husband is catholic and she ia Pentecostal and the parents are not helping.

Your husband is coming to marry you. So he has to follow your way. He cannot insist that it is done in his church. If you let it slide like that, be ready to let many more things slide in future.

My husband's family is JW and they came to my church. My FIL kept saying that it is my day and they will do it however i want it.

Your husband should know that you also have cultures and tradition.

I thought we are the ones complicating matters for ourselves. I thought we worship one God, or is the Catholic God different from Pentecostal God?

HallaDaTruth:
You don't have to marry in catholic or pentecostal church, both of you should go to white garment church. Love is what matters

ImaIma1:
It is not just the yorubas that have thw weddings in the bride's church. Your fiance is that being stubborn. My close friend is yet to have her church wedding after two children because her husband is catholic and she ia Pentecostal and the parents are not helping.

Your husband is coming to marry you. So he has to follow your way. He cannot insist that it is done in his church. If you let it slide like that, be ready to let many more things slide in future.

My husband's family is JW and they came to my church. My FIL kept saying that it is my day and they will do it however i want it.

Your husband should know that you also have cultures and tradition.

That's how I know it is most times but it's kind of the other way round here, and from what I read here it seems it's a Catholic doctrine and we know quite a large number of Igbos are catholics. I do know igbo pentecostals really don't follow this strictly.


I would have said more but since the lady has agreed that she will go the Catholic way after the marriage there's an agreement already so there won't be complaints after marriage. It's just to convince the families for the solemnization, she's in a position I don't envy.

Your best best madam op is to get the dispensation stuff ubendictus said so that everybody will be happy.

Ishilove:
I thought we are the ones complicating matters for ourselves. I thought we worship one God, or is the Catholic God different from Pentecostal God?

anyone who is sincere will note that Catholic Church is actually more ecumenical than most. this isn't a issue of whether people serve the same God, it is about difference in belief.

if you get baptised in a Baptist Church they will teach you it is only a mere symbol, if you go to a Lutheran Church they will tell u it is a sacrament and very important for salvation.

if you go for communion in ur average Protestant Church it is just a symbol and after they will start playing with the biscuit, in Orthodox it is the real body and blood of Jesus and you dear not try play with it, in fact if you aren't Orthodox u won't receive it.

these are serious difference in belief.

in the Catholic Church marriage isn't just a contract it is a sacrament, the same with Orthodox but not for Protestants... these doctrinal differences causes difference in practices

All this are tactics to draw mugu