Gerrard59:


What is the probability vis-a-vis women in their twenties and thirties? The probability of a 29 year old lady procreating is higher than that of a 49 year old. Moreover, the chance of procreating a child with genetic abnormality is high for a 49 year old woman. What is the point procreating a child at 49 year old and s/he has Down Syndrome (in Nigeria where services for children with special needs are scarce and costly)?

I can understand OP'S mom, she's a Nigerian mom. What is needed is proper medical check-up and history telling to the doc. I'll also implore OP to save for IVF, should it take sometime. But honestly, the odds are against you and your partner. This is Nigeria where medical services to procreate at an advanced age is expensive and tedious - psychologically and physically.



Meanwhile @Aquariann: Let her go and marry the spirit then

You are wicked.Let them get married she is still capable of having children although time is not on her side.

Seahawk:
I wish your fiancée would dump you and your meddlesome mother. Nonsense

Honestly.
She can get better,

if you love the lady and she makes you happy, tell your mum to stay out of your marriage. She is not the one that will be living forever(?) with you. if you don't, you mum will want to interfere with your marriage life. A big chance for to let know her boundary

raumdeuter:
What is your moms business with your fiancee getting pregnant?

Tell your mom you don't believe in pre-marital sex or does she want you to go into sin? Ask her if she is ready to say what she said in front of the church priest

Also if she has a daughter and her suitor gave her the pregnancy before marriage offer what will you mom advise as a mother

Why are you calling lalasticlala?

Rubbish! why did she stay until 39 yrs before getting marriage and as for the OP, your marriage is not morally and culturally right. Why on earth will you marry someone that's 3yrs older than you?

Advice is very simple. Respect your mother's wish and also your her faith at this time.
1st. . Take her to a fertility hospital and see a gyneacologist who will conduct series of fertility test on both of you.
2nd. Your mom can be there while she see things for her self. Collect the results and allow the gyneacologist to counsel all of you.
3rd. Seeing her result will make her believe that she is fertile.
Her following you to the hospital is to prove to her that the sample was collected from her and anyone else.
I rest my case.

LadySarah:
hmm,confused indeed.If you.are confused now,what then will happen with other complicated issues in marriage.


Are you marrying for fulfilling life's purpose together or to preocreate?I hope you understan that your parents shouldn dictate what goes on in your marriage?I hope you also know that she could get pregnant,could later lose it an never take in again ;but then she has passed your mother's fertility test.

I have seen ladies marry at 18 and ttc for life and i have also seen others marry at 40 and have 6 kids at 46(twins thrice).

You guys should behave wello,this is soemeone's daughter

Eme unu ka unu choro ime nwa agbogho ahu,okwa o ga adi unu nma?

Well said from an Aba made comment

Butoneday2:
Bros I luv u for this piece of advice just tell him, he has been fuvcking her and now his mum need an answer and he come they form '' HOLY NWEJE''. Am even suspecting the guy sef?

. Don't mind the guy.Can he swear that both of them ve not had sex at least 3times before coming here to form holy holy.

bros ur mum is not in support of u marring that lady just bcus of the age difference and she know that the lady will not subscribe to premarital sex.
see we all say age is just a number when luv is involve but reality ll set in by the time her look change, and she look holder dan u nd people start addressing her as ur elder sister

valentineuwakwe:
Hello Nairalanders,

Nice again to be hear. Please I need advice from anyone that can give me on this issue bordering me..

I'mm a hard working self employed man of 36years and my fiancee is 39years.. We both are graduates and M.sc holders from uniport. ..

We have known selves since 2014 and told my parents in 2016 that its her I want to get married to.. They all accepted her upon meeting her and sat, January 6, 2018 was fixed for introduction... I was so happy and was in high spirit... Then come on Saturday morning, my mum called a meeting, with dad, grand mum, two of dad sisters, 2 kindred men, my immediate younger sister and brother...

My marriage issue was raised as topic and mum insisted on the age of my fiancee and said she must get pregnant first before us or myself would go for any introduction....

She was supported by 2/3 of the people present at an early morning meeting called by 4am on the same Saturday i had told my fiancee my people were coming.....

The meeting went and ended in a disaster and mum called my fiancee to cancel the introduction insisting she first get pregnant...

Please, what do you guys think I should do as my fiancee is a born again Christian with RCCG....

The issue of first takingbinnholds no place in their church doctrine...its after the wedding ...am a catholic....am in love with my woman and am not backing down....am confused and don't know what to do now...someone should please advice me....please

Please move this thread to front page as I need advice, please

Guy, tho I am against premarital sex but do you really know ur fiancee?? I meant do u know her past Your mum might have seen thru her n her lifestyle past?? Only God can bless any marriage with fruitfulness bt sit ur fiancee n question her abt her past so u can know who u r fighting for Or u can go n run fertility test on her n urself So that story that touch wouldn't be the story of ur marriage!!!! Wait, what do I even know about marriage self??

Tozara:
At 36, your mom, siblings and other family members, sit together to make conclusions and decisions about YOUR LIFE, like witches holding a meeting in the dark of the night, and you're busy seeking for "advice", because you're so "confused", owing to the fact that making any important decision in YOUR LIFE, whose consequences YOU SHALL ALWAYS BEAR ALONE, is now a matter of democracy, where everyone in the family cast stones at you in form of votes.

Abeg don't make me laugh,

Why should your mum's decision count in this matter?Okei, you want to get married---you love your Fianceé, and she loves you too---what does it matter if she doesn't like your plans? Why must you do it her way? Is it her marriage?

Too much interferance in the life of a grown man, the mother better respect herself.

And he should be strong, he needs to put his foot down and tell them this is the woman he wants to marry, see the way they are discussing if she will get pregnant or not as if she is a robot they control and can just tell to do anything at any point in time, no care about what she wants at all, they think cos she is 39 and wants to be married, they can tell her "jump" and she would answer "how high"

he is 36 about to get married, even wants to have a child, but he can't put his foot down and be firm? Is that how he wants to marry?

All these people who always try to control someones life under the disguise of " I care about you" forever disgust me

There are two sides to this in my own view. I fully understand your mums view. It's obviously due to the age of that lady because ladies approaching that age could find it difficult to conceive on time. The fact is, God is perfect! . First try to convince your mum because you need her blessing in the marriage so as to allow you wait till after wedding. Secondly , try if your fiancee is willing to bend then you change your church. Am not a Christian. May God guide us all aright!!

My advice is simple if she's a virgin then go ahead and marry her but if not do what your mum ask you.
Majority of all this so called born again ladies you see in the church are retired olosho, don't be deceive by all this RCCG members on nairaland

AreaFada2:

I nor blame you sir. From my bad experience every guy should do same. Even if the girl is very young. Some have ruined their womb as young as 15 years old. Due to roadside/quack abortion. I have narrated my experience here in the past.

Although the pregnancy might not even be yours. Since around 35% of firstborn kids belong to another man. It is then your choice if you will do DNA test if the first child is not your spitting image.

A relative's three kids turned out not to his. Many stories out there.

..Gbam!..i believe this is the angle the mum is seeing things from...nt also forgetting her age

valentineuwakwe:
Hello Nairalanders,

Nice again to be hear. Please I need advice from anyone that can give me on this issue bordering me..

I'mm a hard working self employed man of 36years and my fiancee is 39years.. We both are graduates and M.sc holders from uniport. ..

We have known selves since 2014 and told my parents in 2016 that its her I want to get married to.. They all accepted her upon meeting her and sat, January 6, 2018 was fixed for introduction... I was so happy and was in high spirit... Then come on Saturday morning, my mum called a meeting, with dad, grand mum, two of dad sisters, 2 kindred men, my immediate younger sister and brother...

My marriage issue was raised as topic and mum insisted on the age of my fiancee and said she must get pregnant first before us or myself would go for any introduction....

She was supported by 2/3 of the people present at an early morning meeting called by 4am on the same Saturday i had told my fiancee my people were coming.....

The meeting went and ended in a disaster and mum called my fiancee to cancel the introduction insisting she first get pregnant...

Please, what do you guys think I should do as my fiancee is a born again Christian with RCCG....

The issue of first takingbinnholds no place in their church doctrine...its after the wedding ...am a catholic....am in love with my woman and am not backing down....am confused and don't know what to do now...someone should please advice me....please

Please move this thread to front page as I need advice, please

Fake story. This one just want to learn how to write stories.

giles14:
idiotic and immature prick.

if I b the lady i go look for a better and matured man.

at 36 u are still been pushed around

If you fit look for mature man Na em she dey till 39 ( football age)

Ur MOM wishes u all d BEST in life, your WIFE 2be got no BLAME. Bro everything lies in your HANDS, whatever decision your end up taking just be READY and BOLD to brace any future Wahala.
Bro do what is BEST 4u, not ur MOM or WIFE 2be

Aquariann:
What an elder sees sitting...... Op let no one blackmail you or say shít about your mom because she's right.

Women are generally more fertile in their twenties and have more healthy children at that ages.

As a hard working young man, who intends to get married and possibly have children, you shouldn't even be seen with a 39 years old woman who misused her most fertile years chasing God knows what. Riding the carousel probably and finally hitting the wall, she looking for a soft landing.

Op, go and look for a young lady (18-25) that you can pair bond with and can pair bond with your future children. This has nothing to do with your religion but common sense.

Tell him, he is 36 and she is 39
By the time their 1st child get to 27yrs he would be 63 and she would be 66yrs.
@ this point who will look after who
This dude should get a younger wife that will look after him when he is old and d children when he is gone.

You and your girlfriend should pray to GOD, to turn around the situation of your mother.

Your mum is may be right
Jus consider the Age.

Nnamaka1:

How old are you??

12

erimmy:
Fake story. This one just want to learn how to write stories.

please don't say its a fake story..it's real....must everything to u be fake....this is me....08033559733

mildflame:
Ur MOM wishes u all d BEST in life, your WIFE 2be got no BLAME. Bro everything lies in your HANDS, whatever decision your end up taking just be READY and BOLD to brace any future Wahala.
Bro do what is BEST 4u, not ur MOM or WIFE 2be

thank you so much..this is one of the best advice so far...the whole decision lies with me....I know what is good for me....thank you everyone as well for your advice....

valentineuwakwe:
Hello Nairalanders,

Nice again to be hear. Please I need advice from anyone that can give me on this issue bordering me..

I'mm a hard working self employed man of 36years and my fiancee is 39years.. We both are graduates and M.sc holders from uniport. ..

We have known selves since 2014 and told my parents in 2016 that its her I want to get married to.. They all accepted her upon meeting her and sat, January 6, 2018 was fixed for introduction... I was so happy and was in high spirit... Then come on Saturday morning, my mum called a meeting, with dad, grand mum, two of dad sisters, 2 kindred men, my immediate younger sister and brother...

My marriage issue was raised as topic and mum insisted on the age of my fiancee and said she must get pregnant first before us or myself would go for any introduction....

She was supported by 2/3 of the people present at an early morning meeting called by 4am on the same Saturday i had told my fiancee my people were coming.....

The meeting went and ended in a disaster and mum called my fiancee to cancel the introduction insisting she first get pregnant...

Please, what do you guys think I should do as my fiancee is a born again Christian with RCCG....

The issue of first takingbinnholds no place in their church doctrine...its after the wedding ...am a catholic....am in love with my woman and am not backing down....am confused and don't know what to do now...someone should please advice me....please

Please move this thread to front page as I need advice, please

39 years old fiancee hmmm sounds more like sugar mum, ur mum is right most old church girls are retired oloshos n at 39 she may ve little or few eggs left, na high mileage she be so common sense she tell u she is tooooo old for u

At 36 you still rely on social media for advice. you did not trust your own decision as an educated or Christian, you did not consult your pastors or church elders then I sense your problems are not solvable here because it will still bring same confusion. Review your claimed Christianity and talk to God. Your mum is telling you one simple fact. 39 years old woman has less probability to get pregnant.

Baffupdrizz:
It seems all those years studying to Masters level have reduced the volume of common Sense left for your use.
Get your shît together mahn! YOUR MUM IS RIGHT!

Ever heard of the "Menopause"? Women above 35 find it incredibly hard to reproduce. If you allow momentary emotions to render you barren, then you Sir are a big disappointment to humanity.

No mind the op he want to marry sugar mummy

Reference:


Exactly what I was thinking. How effectively can a man build himself up to be a decision maker in a family set up. Surely a red flag to perhaps other matters of marraige. The wise book says to marry, a man must 'seperate' in order to 'cleave'. This includes exchanging old influences for new ones. I think all parents need to do is to teach their children the right ways and let them take the critical decisions. If the mother has issues concerning conception she should have ironed them out during his courtship but once dates are set, am afraid the horse has bolted.

I've seen mothers chase wife away while husband stand and do nothing. Its one thing if it were the husband asking for pregnancy that's different but for the mom to dictate mehn that's worrisome.

Daeylar:


Abeg don't make me laugh,



Too much interferance in the life of a grown man, the mother better respect herself.

Too many parents see their children as their "own", so they believe they're property that should be made into "mini-me's" that mirror their tastes; a canvas on which they paint their wants and desires, regardless of the wishes of these living creatures who have a mind of their own, different personalities, and plans and goals for themselves that might conflict with what the parents have for them. She sees her son as a means to an end, as opposed to an end in himself.

And he should be strong, he needs to put his foot down and tell them this is the woman he wants to marry, see the way they are discussing if she will get pregnant or not as if she is a robot they control and can just tell to do anything at any point in time, no care about what she wants at all, they think cos she is 39 and wants to be married, they can tell her "jump" and she would answer "how high"

Just imagine. She's an automaton without her own mind. If she's smart, she better dump the guy if he's unwilling to take total control of his own life because of impertinent sentiments. Your family doesn't own you. And any parent that hates you because you didn't do their wishes or allow them to control you is scum, and is never worthy of the name.

he is 36 about to get married, even wants to have a child, but he can't put his foot down and be firm? Is that how he wants to marry?

His mother will soon tell him the number of children he MUST have. And he'll come here seeking for advice.

All these people who always try to control someones life under the disguise if " I care about you" forever disgust me

It's not "care". They rather have a warped idea of it. It's domination and control in the name of "love". It's as though they see one as a marionette or a robot. They would be too glad to manufacture a remote control that would make the job easier for them.

Daeylar:


Honestly.
She can get better,

Not to sound like a pessimist but if it took that long going by the numbers it would take a while or impossible unless she marries someone who is divorced or lost his wife.

valentineuwakwe:
Hello Nairalanders,

Nice again to be hear. Please I need advice from anyone that can give me on this issue bordering me..

I'mm a hard working self employed man of 36years and my fiancee is 39years.. We both are graduates and M.sc holders from uniport. ..

We have known selves since 2014 and told my parents in 2016 that its her I want to get married to.. They all accepted her upon meeting her and sat, January 6, 2018 was fixed for introduction... I was so happy and was in high spirit... Then come on Saturday morning, my mum called a meeting, with dad, grand mum, two of dad sisters, 2 kindred men, my immediate younger sister and brother...

My marriage issue was raised as topic and mum insisted on the age of my fiancee and said she must get pregnant first before us or myself would go for any introduction....

She was supported by 2/3 of the people present at an early morning meeting called by 4am on the same Saturday i had told my fiancee my people were coming.....

The meeting went and ended in a disaster and mum called my fiancee to cancel the introduction insisting she first get pregnant...

Please, what do you guys think I should do as my fiancee is a born again Christian with RCCG....

The issue of first takingbinnholds no place in their church doctrine...its after the wedding ...am a catholic....am in love with my woman and am not backing down....am confused and don't know what to do now...someone should please advice me....please

Please move this thread to front page as I need advice, please

Nairaland may not give 100% counseling. We have mixed multitude here. Go to your church. Pray as well.

Bro i log in just to like your post. Say it as it is no pretense. Thumps up.

Aquariann:


Let her go and marry the spirit then.



Those LTR didn't work out for a reason. Probably she turned them down when they were ready but she wasn't. Or felt someone better would come along you know, based on the hypergamous nature of women.



This is crap. So many people out there regret the sham called marriage today. Besides, if she can't be happy and find fulfilment outside marriage, she'll never find it within marriage. And at her age, she'll only be filled with regret s of the many suitors she turned down in the past because she had to settle with someone 3 years younger than her. Remember hypergamy I mentioned earlier? NO woman desires to marry down.


He's only seeing what she wants him to see i.e a born again Christian. Secondary virgin. I wonder at which point she decided to find her morals again.



You're saying crap again. Yes age matters when it comes to marriage. Any woman who desires to marry should do so in her most fertile years. And yes, the Op would do well to marry a nubile who would not only be able to pair bond with him while also looking up to him for direction, but would appreciate the little romantic gestures he makes every now and then. A 39 years old woman carries a whole lot of baggage with her having seen it all.

If she wants a good man, let her go back to her 20s and find all the men she turned down.

Galatians 6:5

valentineuwakwe:
Hello Nairalanders,

Nice again to be hear. Please I need advice from anyone that can give me on this issue bordering me..

I'mm a hard working self employed man of 36years and my fiancee is 39years.. We both are graduates and M.sc holders from uniport. ..

We have known selves since 2014 and told my parents in 2016 that its her I want to get married to.. They all accepted her upon meeting her and sat, January 6, 2018 was fixed for introduction... I was so happy and was in high spirit... Then come on Saturday morning, my mum called a meeting, with dad, grand mum, two of dad sisters, 2 kindred men, my immediate younger sister and brother...

My marriage issue was raised as topic and mum insisted on the age of my fiancee and said she must get pregnant first before us or myself would go for any introduction....

She was supported by 2/3 of the people present at an early morning meeting called by 4am on the same Saturday i had told my fiancee my people were coming.....

The meeting went and ended in a disaster and mum called my fiancee to cancel the introduction insisting she first get pregnant...

Please, what do you guys think I should do as my fiancee is a born again Christian with RCCG....

The issue of first takingbinnholds no place in their church doctrine...its after the wedding ...am a catholic....am in love with my woman and am not backing down....am confused and don't know what to do now...someone should please advice me....please

Please move this thread to front page as I need advice, please

Usually ladies become born again when they have lost thier womb due to recklessness. Your mum is just protecting you bro. Listen to her.