Good morning folks, please I need advice on something. I have a girl I plan getting married to by April this year. She is the sweetest I have ever seen, tho not very expressive type of her emotions but love her for who she is.

The truth of the matter is my parents carried investigation of her family and concluded that her mother who singled handled raised her up will have proxy control over my marriage due to reputation she has.

I have fought everyone in my family and defended her to the extent that I don't know why am getting tired of fighting. And on reflection she does have a very soft spot for her mum, but I see this as a natural thing.

And also I worry about our spirituality, in times of challenges she does not engage the word of God. I find myself in the position of keeping calm and letting her know what the word of God says about the challenges we going through .

As a man who is planning of getting married there should be Godly attributes a woman should exhibit in hard times and I must be honest I am not pleased with what I have seen from her. Which brings me to the thought of if she will be able to defend me and our family physically and spiritually from any sought of influence especially those that will come from her mum.

Does it mean I am overlooking what my parents are seeing?? And does having a second thought mean I am loosing interest?

Please need advice

Don't lose interest because of what your family members told you, it might not be entirely true.

Dear tradepunter,

If your suspicion aligns with that of your family members then it is better to relocate to a farther place, away from her mother. Most likely another state or the outskirts of your present location. That way, the meddling won't be direct.

Chikita66:
Don't lose interest because of what your family members told you, it might not be entirely true.

Thanks for the advice, I have stood my ground because I believe that it's my duty as a future husband to defend my family but my family thinks I won't know when my marriage is been controlled. But my lady knows what we both want, so she will do whatever it takes to protect us.

tradepunter:


Thanks for the advice, I have stood my ground because I believe that it's my duty as a future husband to defend my family but my family thinks I won't know when my marriage is been controlled. But my lady knows what we both want, so she will do whatever it takes to protect us.

Don't have any fear, are you not the head of the family, why will she control your marriage when you are there, will her mum live with you guys?

Chikita66:
Don't have any fear, are you not the head of the family, why will she control your marriage when you are there, will her mum live with you guys?

I have made up my mind that she's the one and that it's God that builds, guides and protects. Considering the views of my parents because I love them and I want them to be happy. People say parents decisions don't count but it does because there is this internal happiness when your wife is another daughter to your family.

Chikita66:
Don't have any fear, are you not the head of the family, why will she control your marriage when you are there, will her mum live with you guys?

Fear mother in-laws, especially if your own mum is a cool and calm type.

donstan18:


Fear mother in-laws, especially if your own mum is a cool and calm type.

Haha that's a very interesting comment. Because coming to think of it my mother is very calm and she does not like any thing that have even a hint of trouble.

To OP,

Marry her if you both love each other, concerning the Godly attribute you complained of, it will take her nothing to pretend and fake her Godly life just to impress you, but she went real.

Teach her to be Godly, if you are.

All i have to say is that u weigh your parents words versus yours. Go for anyone that works for u

tradepunter:


Haha that's a very interesting comment. Because coming to think of it my mother is very calm and she does not like any thing that have even a hint of trouble.

Thou, calm mothers can overdo and bounce back when they reach their elastic limit, and you know what that means.

But all the same, marry your woman and teach her how to be Godly, or teach her before marrying her.

Even you have started seeing faults in the girl.

Believe it or not. . . If everyone in your family is saying the same thing. It is not the devil fighting you. They are just helping you see what you ain't seeing because of your blindness. You can move the date of your wedding, take a closer look at things.

From your write up , you want a woman who is spiritually, Emotionally, and Physically strong, not someone easily controlled by the mum.

There are ladies who do not agree with their mother, but love and respect them.

Someone said "Teach her to be Godly" I laugh, you can not teach somebody to be Godly! This is why most people miss it in marriage.

HML in advance. Don't make a mistake that can not be corrected.

Please abstain if you have issues with her mother already. It'll only get worse for you after marriage as the man. Women will always follow advice of their mothers whether bad or good.

I don't have issues with her mum... As a man I have built our relationship in a such a way my wife to be respect me as a man and listens to my instructions...
Is there a tendency of her been stubborn? Off course all ladies got that, so it's up to me to deal with ammicably.

To be frank I am trying to understand fully by what it mean by mother in law controlling my marriage by proxy... Is it in areas of giving bad advice to my future wife to be? In what areas could bad advice be given to a woman that a man won't be aware off? Is it not natural for a man to take account of things in his home and life to easily detetct things that are not right?

[color=#770077][/color] U knew dem beta dan we do xo make d right decision. Sometimes bringing our problems to social media makes it hard for us to reach at a conclusive end due to d different opinions thereby leaving us in a confused state of mind and sometimes vry rewarding.....communicate ur fear wit her rather dan getting fade up unnecessarily.