You need to explain everything to your husband, seems your in-law had some level of respect and fear for his elder brother. From your narrative seems your husband isn't aware of these behaviour of his brother.
Only your husband can help you out by checkmating his brother.

Not one of my family members will live in my house in the first few years of my marriage...

Please talk to your husband biko..install spy camera in your house, then send the video as an evidence to your husband about your brother's wayward attitude.

Thank me later with a bottle of wine

Wonderful, I stand with DingBang tell your husband to provide him an accommodation elsewhere since he's being an accommodating brother and move on with your life...life is too short for unnecessary dramas.

Please did you report any of these to your husband with evidences before? That's what you ought to do before things moved further up. Will the bil dare try that if his brother were around?

No strangers in your house.
No hard drinks in your house.
No late nights in your house.

These are your rules. And they are not too much to ask. You will bolt your doors by 10pm...if it doesn't suit your bil, let him trek again to wherever! All this worrying about bad name is inconsequential. You are a woman that's got to protect herself and her wards, if anything bad happens now...even your husband may not be able to help you. EOD.

It's all your husband's fault.He should have drawn the line from the start.
Did you speak with your husband about all these?You made no mention of that. Tell your hubby to start making alternative accommodation arrangements for his brother.
It's your house and the house rules will be yours.Your marriage is still young,you have a right to enjoy your home.
Don't worry about how your in-laws feel about you.Don't be rude to them but maintain your position.Develop a thick skin.

Some family find it difficult to understand that their members are married and now require privacy. Tell your husband about the situation but first visit your MIL and explain the unfolding situation to her and her family

I think it too early for any family relations to be living with you, More so , You husband is not around. What was your husband's reaction when you told him about this?

@ Olalan, mrjojo and thorpido, my husband is fully aware of his brother's attitude. I told him severally to address the issue when it all started (over aa year ago). However, my BIL's issue worsened. I had to resort to telling BIL my expedtations cheerfully, respectfully and jokingly, but the issue became worse. He will only say okay and do another one. I had to tell him with all firmness yesterday amd he said I have no right to tell him that and what do I mean that this is my house.

All my inlaws are calling for my head for telling BIL to stop drinking with friends in the house and to stop bringing them to the house. My husband initially said his brother's behavior is uncalled for, and he later changed it and he blamed me. He started taking his people's side.

sisisioge:
Please did you report any of these to your husband with evidences before? That's what you ought to do before things moved further up. Will the bil dare try that if his brother were around?

No strangers in your house.
No hard drinks in your house.
No late nights in your house.

These are your rules. And they are not too much to ask. You will bolt your doors by 10pm...if it doesn't suit your bil, let him trek again to wherever! All this worrying about bad name is inconsequential. You are a woman that's got to protect herself and her wards, if anything bad happens now...even your husband may not be able to help you. EOD.

The only one with evidence was the issue of drinking. He caught him once.
My BIL does not bastardize the issue of friends when my dh is around. He comports himself.

dingbang:
Not one of my family members will live in my house in the first few years of my marriage...

Please talk to your husband biko..install spy camera in your house, then send the video as an evidence to your husband about your brother's wayward attitude.

Thank me later with a bottle of wine

I did that for several months and nothing changed.

@BruncleZuma, my inlaws have resorted to BIL staying with my married SIL.

greenpenwriter:

I did that for several months and nothing changed.

@BruncleZuma, my inlaws have resorted to BIL staying with my married SIL.

did u forget the spy camera part?

michlins:
Some family find it difficult to understand that their members are married and now require privacy. Tell your husband about the situation but first visit your MIL and explain the unfolding situation to her and her family

This simple step has caused me more pain. They are all saying they have always known that I don't likke him and don't want him to stay. Staying is never my issue. None of them is addressing my issue. No one even talked about me cooking breakfast for him for 2weeks and he refused to eat it. I told him I'll stop doing his brkfast if he'll keep wasting it and he simply said no problem. No one addressed that too.

greenpenwriter:

This simple step has caused me more pain. They are all saying they have always known that I don't likke him and don't want him to stay. Staying is never my issue. None of them is addressing my issue. No one even talked about me cooking breakfast for him for 2weeks and he refused to eat it. I told him I'll stop doing his brkfast if he'll keep wasting it and he simply said no problem. No one addressed that too.

tell your hubby asap

Grow a thick skin. This would soon blow over. Since they have agreed he moves to his sister's house, don't let what they think bother you. Make sure you change the locks on all doors and ensure your HH deadbolts the door once she is indoors.

If I was the one, from the first day he did such nonsense, I would have called his mum, his sisters, my husband and every family member that night with plenty drama. That he brought cultists to my house by 11pm and they were attacking me. That I can't stay in that house with him anymore. We would have sorted it out that first day.

greenpenwriter:


The only one with evidence was the issue of drinking. He caught him once.
My BIL does not bastardize the issue of friends when my dh is around. He comports himself.

I understand. You could arrange to have a video call with your husband to coincidence with when your bil waltz in with his entourage at wee hours. This isn't a huge issue. You should be able to close it in shortest turnaround time ma'am.

greenpenwriter:

I did that for several months and nothing changed.

@BruncleZuma, my inlaws have resorted to BIL staying with my married SIL.

That is good for you then...problem half solved let him go and "show" himself there.

Let him go and start drinking, keeping late nights an bringing strange friends at ungodly hours at his married sister's house, if that one's hubby won't call him to order. I can bet he will comport himself or get thrown out if he shows those characters there.

Your safety is not even guaranteed in your own home again, how will I wake up at night to meet a stranger on my couch, someone you don't know from Adam? In this day and age, if you get harassed by them nko? Your husband and even your inlaws won't b there to save you.

I have a problem with inlaws that have this 'is it your house mentality' Yes it is your house.

What they can't do in their parents and female siblings home, they will start trying it in their brothers home because they feel wifey can't talk.

You said he's not been eating for 2 weeks abi? So he was wasting food. Stop cooking for him na, he wants to be treated as a child treat him as one abeg. Food can't be wasted in this economy abeg.

So him drinking, keeping late nights, and bringing different crowds to your house is not new, and you told you husband and he is non-nonchalant about it, even supporting his family! I guess you need to remind you his duty is to you FIRST, your security should be so paramount to him, And he should even be so worried since he is absent. I have a brother leaving with me too, Though single now, Once married, I will have to consider my wife FIRST.

Am sure you are Yoruba, hence, cooking for him for 2 weeks while he waste it , the rudeness. Do you call him "Brother" too? This Culture of calling BIL " brother" kinda makes them feel entitled.

Don't feel bad reporting to your Mum please, and the him moving to his sister house is in your best interest. Don't feel bad about that too, because at the end of the day if anything happen to you courtesy of the friends he bring, it just sorry that will end it at last. You have a right to feel secure in your own home. and yes it your HOUSE!!

greenpenwriter:
@ my husband is fully aware of his brother's attitude. I told him severally to address the issue when it all started (over aa year ago). However, my BIL's issue worsened. I had to resort to telling BIL my expedtations cheerfully, respectfully and jokingly, but the issue became worse. He will only say okay and do another one. .I had to tell him with all firmness yesterday amd he said I have no right to tell him that and what do I mean that this is my house.

All my inlaws are calling for my head for telling BIL to stop drinking with friends in the house and to stop bringing them to the house. My husband initially said his brother's behavior is uncalled for, and he later changed it and he blamed me. He started taking his people's side.

Keep speaking to him in a firm tone about things you do not like whenever he is around.It is your right.

Keep affirming to your hubby that he is married now and you are his biggest responsibility.The home is yours and you should enjoy it.

greenpenwriter:



@BruncleZuma, my inlaws have resorted to BIL staying with my married SIL.

Good for them.Let him go and show himself there.

You are married to your brother in law and his brother.

Get a camera phone my dear, record everything that takes place, get a CCTV camera professional, install a CCTV camera in a place that can't be noticed. Buy another one, this time a secret video camera in a pen, record all his activites and when you have collected lots of stuff, send an envelope to your husband with the tapes, and simply write, is this environment safe for your kids to grow in? Think about it carefully and act in good conscience. No need to exchange words with him or his useless untrained family members

The mistake you made was not reporting to ur MIL when ur BIL started misbehaving, you allowed him report you first to his family and twisted the story in his own favour. Reporting only to ur hubby when he started misbehaving wasn't enough, you should have taken ur time to call all your in-laws, starting with ur MIL down to all ur hubby's siblings. You should have continued to report every single occurrence of his misconduct to them. That way, they would have had a second thought when he reported you to his family that you locked him outside (which isn't true), at least they would recall that you have been complaining about him, and wait to hear your own side of the story before taking sides. LEARN TO BE PROACTIVE.

You did nothing wrong. Even though you should have reported him to your husband the moment you noticed those strange behavior. Why was he not doing it when your husband was around?
You have to maintain your ground. Keeping late nights, bringing unfamiliar faces late at night and drinking gin. Hmmmmmmm may be you should wait until you and your house help are raped before you take action.
Your in laws are just angry because they feel you are in charge. Any of them that is comfortable with that should allow your brother in law to stay with them

nuelyoyo:
The mistake you made was not reporting to ur MIL when ur BIL started misbehaving, you allowed him report you first to his family and twisted the story in his own favour. Reporting only to ur hubby when he started misbehaving wasn't enough, you should have taken ur time to call all your in-laws, starting with ur MIL down to all ur hubby's siblings. You should have continued to report every single occurrence of his misconduct to them. That way, they would have had a second thought when he reported you to his family that you locked him outside (which isn't true), at least they would recall that you have been complaining about him, and wait to hear your own side of the story before taking sides. LEARN TO BE PROACTIVE.

My MIL was with us the day this late night visits started and I reported. After talking to BIL, she came back to tongue-lash me for 3 good hours anddd lectured me in how my BIL is the head of my family since my husband is not around. MIL and others always conclude that I don't like BIL even when they are seeing the evidence of his misdeed. They said I only want him out of my house. When I resulted to cold treatment to BIL's attitude, they told my husband that I don't laugh, talk or play with them. That I enjoy staying on my own. MIL has caused me more pain by seeking advice from her, she knows how to manipulate the other inlaws when am not there.

@nnamdibig, my husband is non-chalant about correcting his brother. I sincerely don't know why.

blank:
Grow a thick skin. This would soon blow over. Since they have agreed he moves to his sister's house, don't let what they think bother you. Make sure you change the locks on all doors and ensure your HH deadbolts the door once she is indoors.

If I was the one, [b]from the first day he did such nonsense, I would have called his mum, his sisters, my husband and every family member that night with plenty drama. That he brought cultists to my house by 11pm and they were attacking me. That I can't stay in that house with him anymore. [/b]We would have sorted it out that first day.

What is this?
This is blackmail and will always backfire.
Stand your ground and say things the way they are.

nnamdibig:
[b]
Your in laws are just angry because they feel you are in charge. [/b]Any of them that is comfortable with that should allow your brother in law to stay with them

@Bolded, I think you are right because an inlaw told my husband that I said I am the "sole commander" now. I was lost because such topic was never discussed to my hearing. I don't knooow how that came about. I don't know why they feel threatened by my presence. Sincerely, I don't know.

My MIL once asked me if I will become proud when my son and I join my husband in the U.S. These are one of the disturbing questions, remarks and comments she makes to me.

mrjojo:


Am sure you are Yoruba, hence, cooking for him for 2 weeks while he waste it , the rudeness. Do you call him "Brother" too? This Culture of calling BIL " brother" kinda makes them feel entitled.

Don't feel bad reporting to your Mum please, and the him moving to his sister house is in your best interest. Don't feel bad about that too, because at the end of the day if anything happen to you courtesy of the friends he bring, it just sorry that will end it at last. You have a right to feel secure in your own home. and yes it your HOUSE!!

I call him Uncle XYZ. Thanks for the advice sir.

greenpenwriter:


My MIL was with us the day this late night visits started and I reported. After talking to BIL, she came back to tongue-lash me for 3 good hours anddd lectured me in how my BIL is the head of my family since my husband is not around. MIL and others always conclude that I don't like BIL even when they are seeing the evidence of his misdeed. They said I only want him out of my house. When I resulted to cold treatment to BIL's attitude, they told my husband that I don't laugh, talk or play with them. That I enjoy staying on my own. MIL has caused me more pain by seeking advice from her, she knows how to manipulate the other inlaws when am not there.

@nnamdibig, my husband is non-chalant about correcting his brother. I sincerely don't know why.

Maybe because they are already blackmailing him that since he got married, he has changed and now acting if wife's instructions.
But don't listen to all these. So far your hubby isn't around, all that he(BIL) is doing is wrong. And you simply have to speak up(which you just did).
Why will a 26yr old graduate not understand all these and not respect himself?
Look at the safety aspect of it. You are not safe sleeping with drunkards every night. That is enough evidence for your hubby.

Your marriage is 2 years old?

Your husband left Nigeria for U.S in 2016?

If you haven't been living with your hubby before your wedding, then you have to accept the fact that you're yet to know the man you married. He probably don't have issues with drinking ogogoro with friends at 11pm and coming home with all kinds of friends.

You need to brace up ma'am, especially now that you and your BIL have planned to join him this December.

Get to know your husband and forget about your BIL. Your husband, not your BIL, is the issue here.

greenpenwriter:


My MIL was with us the day this late night visits started and I reported. After talking to BIL, she came back to tongue-lash me for 3 good hours anddd lectured me in how my BIL is the head of my family since my husband is not around. MIL and others always conclude that I don't like BIL even when they are seeing the evidence of his misdeed. They said I only want him out of my house. When I resulted to cold treatment to BIL's attitude, they told my husband that I don't laugh, talk or play with them. That I enjoy staying on my own. MIL has caused me more pain by seeking advice from her, she knows how to manipulate the other inlaws when am not there.

@nnamdibig, my husband is non-chalant about correcting his brother. I sincerely don't know why.

it seems you got married to a guy who is rich and successful hence his family member have this feeling of entitlement and they see you as an intruder they need to tame. Too bad your hubby who needs to reason with you has taken to the side of the family. My dear brace up for more unfolding drama. My wish for you is for the arrangement ur hubby is making for you to join him abroad works out, coz I know even if ur hubby also sponsors ur brother abroad, his excesses can be cut over there, since u guys would be far from family interference and overseas countries don't really tolerate the extended family kind of life we practice here in Africa.

nnamdibig:


Maybe because they are already blackmailing him that since he got married, he has changed and now acting if wife's instructions.
But don't listen to all these. So far your hubby isn't around, all that he(BIL) is doing is wrong. And you simply have to speak up(which you just did).
Why will a 26yr old graduate not understand all these and not respect himself?
Look at the safety aspect of it. You are not safe sleeping with drunkards every night. That is enough evidence for your hubby.

Waooh! You talked as if you live with us. My MIL once told me that my husband "no dey think about them again" since he got married and that she had to run to her prayer partner to help her o. I am sure she or they have been blackmailing him with this. MIL also said to me "I think you are the one controlling your husband before".

@nuelyoyo, my husband is not rich yet but he has very good prospects. He has good plans for everyone in the family. Perhaps, they are angry at me and my son coming first in his decisions.

greenpenwriter:


Waooh! You talked as if you live with us. My MIL once told me that my husband "no dey think about them again" since he got married and that she had to run to her prayer partner to help her o. I am sure she or they have been blackmailing him with this. MIL also said to me "I think you are the one controlling your husband before".

Even at that, don't look at those once. The issue now is unacceptable behavior of BIL.
MIL are always very protective of their children and when they are not too comfortable with their DIL(especially when their children marry against their wish), they may do all sort of things to make sure their son is safe. So ignore those ones for now. With time she will understand that you are also a wife to the family just like her. But for your BIL, stand your ground. For him to stay with you, he have to be responsible.