I av been dating this guy for three years. he believes I am abt cheating on him any time he sees me chat with a male or receive fone calls from an opposite sex. we av had issues several times and I av being the one pleading after almost every fight cos I love him so much.. But in recent times, he got too much bills on him to pay and he is acting strangely to me( although not too strange cos this isnt the 5th time sef, like picking fight at every thing) I called him to other this nyt and he took my words up leaving my complains and said I should quit the relationship cos I rant to much and I complain. he said I am saying he isnt good for me and I should go and meet the ones I kno that are good for me. pls what should I do cos he is my first love, I av never dated any man except him... presently I av no friend either male or female cos he doesn't like it.. advice me on what to do. am I at fault to av complained about his attitude towards me? cos he said he sees me to be ungrateful. mind u, I am working and I earn monthly salary which is pretty co at least in a private setting

CALM DOWN

I feel maybe you are a decent lady and would not give in to sex before marriage... Because the way you man is acting is proof that IT IS ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE WHICH HE CAN NOT SAY that is making him act the way he acts.

If your relationship is built on Godly principles... then meet an elder who is aware of your relationship to talk wisdom to both of you.

Communication is key in every relationship but Communication is not the same as conversation, do you both really COMMUNE? like I mean UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER when you converse?

Sister, the best you can do is to PRAY and read books on relationship that practically speak to intending couples. Because he is your FIRST does not mean he will be your BEST. Always know that!!!!

You also need to know that no relationship is PERFECT and You do not need to be a SLAVE to make things work. If he can't respect your views then WALK AWAY.
GOD WILL BRING SOMEONE BETTER OR CHANGE HIS HEART.

Exceptionalgod:
I av been dating this guy for three years. he believes I am abt cheating on him any time he sees me chat with a male or receive fone calls from an opposite sex. we av had issues several times and I av being the one pleading after almost every fight cos I love him so much.. But in recent times, he got too much bills on him to pay and he is acting strangely to me( although not too strange cos this isnt the 5th time sef, like picking fight at every thing) I called him to other this nyt and he took my words up leaving my complains and said I should quit the relationship cos I rant to much and I complain. he said I am saying he isnt good for me and I should go and meet the ones I kno that are good for me. pls what should I do cos he is my first love, I av never dated any man except him... presently I av no friend either male or female cos he doesn't like it.. advice me on what to do. am I at fault to av complained about his attitude towards me? cos he said he sees me to be ungrateful. mind u, I am working and I earn monthly salary which is pretty co at least in a private setting

You know, some men out there are insecure as well..Juz take a deep breath & everything will gonna be fine. You both need time to calm down..

Sometimes, when we're mad we say things that will hurt our partner to the core.


Anyways, i believe that no matter how long uv been together but if things wont work, it won't really work.. You will juz get tired of fighting but at the end u will never win.

greatnaija01:
CALM DOWN

I feel maybe you are a decent lady and would not give in to sex before marriage... Because the way you man is acting is proof that IT IS ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE WHICH HE CAN NOT SAY that is making him act the way he acts.

If your relationship is built on Godly principles... then meet an elder who is aware of your relationship to talk wisdom to both of you.

Communication is key in every relationship but Communication is not the same as conversation, do you both really COMMUNE? like I mean UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER when you converse?

Sister, the best you can do is to PRAY and read books on relationship that practically speak to intending couples. Because he is your FIRST does not mean he will be your BEST. Always know that!!!!

You also need to know that no relationship is PERFECT and You do not need to be a SLAVE to make things work. If he can't respect your views then WALK AWAY.
GOD WILL BRING SOMEONE BETTER OR CHANGE HIS HEART.

thanks a lot
we av heard many issues that elders av been involved but I am always at fault saying I should kno I am into a relationship and I should distant myself.. u kno Nigeria's mentality. I av prayed and people av joined me in prayers.. after having disputes, he ll say I should forget all that happened that he was being furious and never wanted to loose me.. So I just see it as over protectiveness. but this year has been somehow.. imagine, he is to travel on 5 hrs journey and was still packing his stuff at past 1pm so I called to check on him and he said he isnt tru packing his stuffs so I said that means he ll get to where he is going to around 7pm-8pm then he got angry like seriously angry that why ll I say 7- 8pm. I WS trying to explain that the time he will still spend packing his loads plus the time he will spend at park but he didn't listen.. pls bro, what's wrong with what I said.... that's least of what he did this year.. I am confused... if I should keep on begging on issues like this , how'll I cope when married?? and I don't want to loose him cos I love him and I don't want to be counting boyfriends.

He doesn't understands me.. if I say 'A' he ll twist it to mean 'W' then I ll start begging again.. very intelligent

QueenSuccubus:
You know, some men out there are insecure as well..Juz take a deep breath & everything will gonna be fine. You both need time to calm down..

Sometimes, when we're mad we say things that will hurt our partner to the core.


Anyways, i believe that no matter how long uv been together but if things wont work, it won't really work.. You will juz get tired of fighting but at the end u will never win.

its tru sis... I am really tired of fighting and begging unnecessarily... that's the reason I am still awake till now

Exceptionalgod:


its tru sis... I am really tired of fighting and begging unnecessarily... that's the reason I am still awake till now

I understand u... Juz take a step backwards so you u can figure it out what to do next & give him space to think as well...

QueenSuccubus:




I understand u... Juz take a step backwards so you u can figure it out what to do next & give him space to think as well...

hmmmm.. thanks for ur concern sis

Pls ma'am I hope he is ahead of you spiritually o... Because maturity is another issue at work here.... When COMMUNICATION is lacking then conversation will lead to Fights and Anger

Does he read books on relationship and FOLLOW THEM?
Does he listen to tapes on relationship?
Does he have people who correct him and he does not get offended?
It is not wise to cope with an insecure man because Marriage is supposed to provide security for you as a lady and that is the Job of the MAN.

Also concerning the issue you said you had with him before his trip this year, YOU ARE NOT WRONG but you seem not to understand him yet, and he clearly does not understand how to RESPOND to you.

you may need to SIT DOWN AND UNDERSTAND his PERSONALITY so that next time you want to talk with him, you think THRICE on how to present it in a way that would not seem threatening BUT If you are the only one to do this and he keeps on doing as he pleases, It may create an UNEQUAL YOKE in future where you are the only one PUTTING in the work needed to grow the relationship and soon you may get tired. MARRIAGE IS A WORK FROM REST.... not a WORK FROM WORK.

Pls it is UNHEALTHY to send away friends just because of a MAN. because In marriage you will get too lonely. In the multitude of COUNSELORS there is safety. Pls GET COUNSELORS involved in this matter who will sit you both down and not take sides. MARRIAGE is not a PRIVATE MATTER. If anyone is not ALL-IN then they are not IN at all.

Exceptionalgod:

thanks a lot
we av heard many issues that elders av been involved but I am always at fault saying I should kno I am into a relationship and I should distant myself.. u kno Nigeria's mentality. I av prayed and people av joined me in prayers.. after having disputes, he ll say I should forget all that happened that he was being furious and never wanted to loose me.. So I just see it as over protectiveness. but this year has been somehow.. imagine, he is to travel on 5 hrs journey and was still packing his stuff at past 1pm so I called to check on him and he said he isnt tru packing his stuffs so I said that means he ll get to where he is going to around 7pm-8pm then he got angry like seriously angry that why ll I say 7- 8pm. I WS trying to explain that the time he will still spend packing his loads plus the time he will spend at park but he didn't listen.. pls bro, what's wrong with what I said.... that's least of what he did this year.. I am confused... if I should keep on begging on issues like this , how'll I cope when married?? and I don't want to loose him cos I love him and I don't want to be counting boyfriends.

greatnaija01:
Pls ma'am I hope he is ahead of you spiritually o... Because maturity is another issue at work here.... When COMMUNICATION is lacking then conversation will lead to Fights and Anger

Does he read books on relationship and FOLLOW THEM?
Does he listen to tapes on relationship?
Does he have people who correct him and he does not get offended?
It is not wise to cope with an insecure man because Marriage is supposed to provide security for you as a lady and that is the Job of the MAN.

Also concerning the issue you said you had with him before his trip this year, YOU ARE NOT WRONG but you seem not to understand him yet, and he clearly does not understand how to RESPOND to you.

you may need to SIT DOWN AND UNDERSTAND his PERSONALITY so that next time you want to talk with him, you think THRICE on how to present it in a way that would not seem threatening BUT If you are the only one to do this and he keeps on doing as he pleases, It may create an UNEQUAL YOKE in future where you are the only one PUTTING in the work needed to grow the relationship and soon you may get tired. MARRIAGE IS A WORK FROM REST.... not a WORK FROM WORK.

Pls it is UNHEALTHY to send away friends just because of a MAN. because In marriage you will get too lonely. In the multitude of COUNSELORS there is safety. Pls GET COUNSELORS involved in this matter who will sit you both down and not take sides. MARRIAGE is not a PRIVATE MATTER. If anyone is not ALL-IN then they are not IN at all.

God bless u.. this piece will really help. thanks a lot

Exceptionalgod:
He doesn't understands me.. if I say 'A' he ll twist it to mean 'W' then I ll start begging again.. very intelligent

Maybe you should try saying less things that makes sense. You can not deny things you about to say may infuriate him since you have been in a relationship for a while but girls prefer the guy makes all the adjustments in the relationship. Well it doesn’t work for all guys like that. He already as a notion you talk too much about irrelevant stuff so be picky with what say n watch is altitude. You can decide next course of action if your relationship improve or not from that.

a'm really out words, but u seems decorum and God fearing as well,. just know that u don't have to be slave or sacrifice ur right or freedom to make things better in a relationship...

one thing am sure is God always test those who truly believes and follow his way to see whether they're true believers or they obey him to get something in this life.. just hold on tight, and pray to lord bcuz for he have the absolute solution to ur problem and as well he's d only one dat knows what he has in store for u.

As I see one brother has advised u to involve elders, but mind U not just any of ur elders but those that knows and understand u better, they know what U're capable of and what U're not, for them would know how speaks sense into him bcuz they don't want to see u get hurt in anyway...

and mother's prayer is as well very welcome in Lord's palace, so ask for her prayer and advice as well...

wish all the best in life sisi.

Exceptionalgod:


its tru sis... I am really tired of fighting and begging unnecessarily... that's the reason I am still awake till now

it quite obvious you love him more and he knows that, I don't blame you tho he is your first love. You need to give him space let him chase you, I know you are scared of losing him, if he wants the relationship he will fight for it. When you focus more on a man and he is focusing less on you, you are indirectly sending him the message that you want to be treated badly. You are saying; “Give me less and I will offer more of my time, energy and love to this relationship. I have a pdf copy of Chritian Carter Catch him and keep him pm me if you are interested.

Exceptionalgod:


God bless u.. this piece will really help. thanks a lot

I'm going to tell you the truth. He either has self esteem issues, going through extreme stuff or done with the relationship.

Let me leave you with Lao Tzu “By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.”

I have nothing to say

thanks to u all for ur advice.. I found comfort with u guys.. to those thinking I talk too much.. I am someone that keep things to myself but he tot me to always open up everything to him.. if I do anything behind him and I tell him, he ll crucify and if I don't and he eventually finds out, it will be hell for me.. a sec friend of mine chat me up and said he wants to come with his fiancé to visit me. I told him, he wasnt happy but he couldn't stop them.. that very day, the fone with crdt went off and I msged him tru fb that my other fone is dead that he can call me on my second number that I don't av crdt on it. when those visitors arrived, I msged him about it and when dey wer abt leaving, I told him tru fb. do u kno I still faced panel for why my fone went off! he said if there is nothing I was keeping, why ll my fone battery go off that very day. I had to call the and put the fone on speaker to let him be sure that it was him and his wife that came oo. thank God my landlady saw them when they entered. many things has happened.. I can't just type everything here..
before when he offends me, I don't tell him Cos I wanted peace. he told me that if I don't tell him, how ll he kno where to improve. now if I tell him, he will tag it that I complain too much while he himself complains at every slightest opportunity

thetrailseeker:


I'm going to tell you the truth. He either has self esteem issues, going through extreme stuff or done with the relationship.

Let me leave you with Lao Tzu “By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.”

he told me he is not happy with the life he is living tho. debts on him but I think we are in it together. I assist with his bills in my little way. and even if he is, should I be the one at the receiving end?

sweetetlove:
it quite obvious you love him more and he knows that, I don't blame you tho he is your first love. You need to give him space let him chase you, I know you are scared of losing him, if he wants the relationship he will fight for it. When you focus more on a man and he is focusing less on you, you are indirectly sending him the message that you want to be treated badly. You are saying; “Give me less and I will offer more of my time, energy and love to this relationship. I have a pdf copy of Chritian Carter Catch him and keep him pm me if you are interested.

that is what it seems to me too. I ll really like to have the PDF. I just want to push it to a level where people will kno I av tried

Exceptionalgod:


he told me he is not happy with the life he is living tho. debts on him but I think we are in it together. I assist with his bills in my little way. and even if he is, should I be the one at the receiving end?

In order to avoid stories that touch, be sure he pays your bride price before investing in a guy/lady.

Sometimes, life do happen.

Exceptionalgod:


he told me he is not happy with the life he is living tho. debts on him but I think we are in it together. I assist with his bills in my little way. and even if he is, should I be the one at the receiving end?

You shouldn't be but most times folks with issues don't know how to react and handle it. There by lashing out on people close to them. Which shouldn't be so.

I empathize with you. If as i can perceived you genuinely like him, give him some space. Let him clear his head and find peace.

i messaged him this noon and told Him If what I said got him angry that I am sorry.. I told him he shouldn't be annoyed and he said he isnt annoyed before.. I asked if the fight has ended, he said he isnt fighting before. I later said okay hope the issue btw us has ended and he said he isnt having issues.. ( I think u guys kno what it means). I later said OK and he didnt reply... I think I will give him space.. maybe I am choking him sef. at least let his head cool down. I avnt called him since morning neither as he but I ll call him dis nyt to say good nyt.. what do u guys think

Exceptionalgod:
i messaged him this noon and told Him If what I said got him angry that I am sorry.. I told him he shouldn't be annoyed and he said he isnt annoyed before.. I asked if the fight has ended, he said he isnt fighting before. I later said okay hope the issue btw us has ended and he said he isnt having issues.. ( I think u guys kno what it means). I later said OK and he didnt reply... I think I will give him space.. maybe I am choking him sef. at least let his head cool down. I avnt called him since morning neither as he but I ll call him dis nyt to say good nyt.. what do u guys think

hahaha, sorry for laffing but really that guy is crazy, he got some complexity issue. Giv him a break please, you both really need it. I hope to find a lady that will love me so much like this o no be small thing o. He that has a cap doesn't have a head. Give him space, let him run back to you, and kindly ask him if he truly loves you, watch for his answer and the way he says it, from there you will get the answer to that relationship, it's good to know, so that one day you won't become a frustrated house wife. Gracias.

Tosinex:
hahaha, sorry for laffing but really that guy is crazy, he got some complexity issue. Giv him a break please, you both really need it. I hope to find a lady that will love me so much like this o no be small thing o. He that has a cap doesn't have a head. Give him space, let him run back to you, and kindly ask him if he truly loves you, watch for his answer and the way he says it, from there you will get the answer to that relationship, it's good to know, so that one day you won't become a frustrated house wife. Gracias.

Thank u bro. I am trying to summon courage on giving him space. Another issue is, if I should even break up with him, people will believe I am the bad egg based on the way he treats me in the public cos he likes making people jealous of us and telling ppl he is the luckiest and ppl see us as a perfect couple in embryo but within, na struggle. Maybe done too much loving making him believe its either him or nobody else. maybe....

Exceptionalgod:


Thank u bro. I am trying to summon courage on giving him space. Another issue is, if I should even break up with him, people will believe I am the bad egg based on the way he treats me in the public cos he likes making people jealous of us and telling ppl he is the luckiest and ppl see us as a perfect couple in embryo but within, na struggle. Maybe done too much loving making him believe its either him or nobody else. maybe....

One of the most important lessons I have learned in the past years is never to make a decision based on what people will think or say. You are the captain of your life. If you you guys and get married with these issues continuing in the future, the same people you don't know what they will say if you break up will be the same people who will ask you why you married him.

Once I have am convinced something is the right thing for me to do and I know it is not against God's will, I do it. I don't care what anybody in the world would say.

Some years ago I decided working as an faculty in the university does not match my lifetime goal so I had to take some "drastic" steps after a deep thought. Some very good friends tried discouraging me that I was making a very wrong career decision in life etc. Guess what, these friends have seen some of the things I saw then and they are working their way out. I reminded them what they told me.

All the best

From your post herein, I'ld be realistic to say that you are a good girl. Let me just be straight with you, this relationship cannot work as I see that your life would be at risk if you decide to marry a man like him. He is likely to harm you out of nothing and the signs are what you are going through now. Take a walk now b4 it is too late.