,

Well, what can I say? It is not easy to feed mouths. It is good both of you split the expenses. I don't know if both of you are involved in government work. If yes, I suggest you do some flexible business that can add more to your income as a family, especially in this harsh economy. I'm not the one to tell you how to run your family, but I must say, getting a third child is really unwarranted. Two is okay. Always birth according to your capacity and how well you can feed and take care of them adequately. Things might not get better in the country and world at large, reason people give birth to less children nowadays. Also, please go for family planning already.

GoodKay:
Wow! Im almost 5 years in marriage with 2 kids and expecting a 3rd and i can say its not been an easy journey and especially when money no too dey, e no go easy o. I usually hear ppl make d statement that they wount marry a man that is not comfortable enough to cater for he's wife n kids, I never believed in that statement but believed that if u love, marry and with time things will smoothen out but now e come be like say that statement make sense to me now. I and hubby earn around same amount, about eighty something thousand monthly, he handles rent and stuffs like electricity bills, fueling car, gen, car repair and some others while I take care of feeding for d whole house for d month, provisions for d month, d childrens school snacks, creche fees/assist with school fees, filling gas monthly and other stuff I still fuel sometimes n do elect bills once a while. When I put to bed now, it will be my duty to cater for all d baby's needs, pampers, wipe, clothes, food etc but my complain here is that despite all these, whenever I attempt to mention to my husband that my money is short for feeding I receive all sort of insult that I don't know how to manage money, I'm not helping this family, etc etc. I don't look good because I don't spend a dime from my salary for myself I spend it all on d house and d kids. I was to run a test today as after my last antenatal visit d doctor suggested that, when I told my husband about it and said I didn't have money, he said ehen just tell d doctor there was no money. And now am at home without going for d test after taking excuse at work. Our gas finished last night and stove is bad, my husband has gone to work early this morning leaving me n d kids without any means to cook and no money in my hand all. To feed a family of 4 monthly is not easy. Is there something any advice for me? I've started developing bp issues especially when my salary is finishing as it means feeding money is finishing because I know my husband will just relax and expect that its my duty to find out where to get money. Pls any advice to calm me down? No insults pls

Hi Goodkay, so u finally get me to comment on nairaland! Phew! You try no be small ..ok so here goes..first of all, calm down okay? You will be fine..eventually. .I can't dictate to you how many kids you should have, but I think your load would have been lighter if you postponed having a 3rd baby until your family's finances improved but now that we are here, here's what I think you should do:
1. If you haven't been using a budget, draw up one NOW detailing everything you really need to spend money on and knock off every frivolous expenses.
2. If you have not been saving anything from your salary, please start NOW and in time, you would be able to take care of yourself better.
3. Do you have family or a good friend close by? Let them assist you in whatever way they can so you can get by this weekend at least and run the test today.
4. You will have to sit with your husband and readjust the family 'roaster' of who does what since a new baby is in the mix and so responsibilities have to be reshuffled..If he is in charge of electricity bills, why do you still have to pay them once in a while? Also why does it have to be your duty to take care of everything for the new baby? How did you guys arrive at that decision? And you agreed to it?
5. I have been through some stuff lately myself financially but it has sharpened my managerial skills better such that am able to plan, cook and manage my home on very lean resources and still make fantastic meals and keep my family healthy..This means that you have to be deliberate about how you want to feed your house, stock up on provisions, etc, for the whole month..Develop a plan that suits your family's peculiar needs and stick to it.
6. Woman up! If you let yourself get a high BP, who bears the brunt? Ignore your husband's insults and look up to God for more streams of income and practicalize the few tips I have given you, and I know you would be doing way better in a few months..
Cheers!

In the first place for what reason would you convey a burnden of feeding,how much is he paying for rents that makes him to give u such task and not for nourishing as it were...

I figure what next is to sit yourself down and survey about ur choice since ur kids isn't one anymore..tell him honestly that u can't adapt any longer about the nourishing and the other errand so for him to assit u and about the new infant goods,do the gauge of all ur costs and let him know the amount he Will have the capacity to spend and I don't think what he require now is car since his pay isn't well remain for that and didn't plan abt ur bearing .sorry to say .

And as a woman, you suppose to know how to do economics for feeding things and saving.u shouldn't used everything for feeding atleast there are some single women out there which their salary is not even up to that and they are feeding, schooling,doing alots of it with it what abt npower couple mehn sister cut ur cloth according to ur size,there are alots of things to do on kids apart of feeding eh..

Car costs is his own costs not yours he should figure out how to do that without influencing ur family for what reason would you look terrible as a result of nourishing and other thing which u are causing for his load to relive..

GoodKay
Hm. Big hugs Sweetie. I feel like weeping.

He even took the easier responsibility, rent. `Because he can plan and save for it well ahead of time (Just by saving 20k monthly amounts to 240k at the year end).
Rent is always almost fixed for a long period of time rather than a yearly increase.

But feeding for one person is ever increasing, because the person grows; not to mention when the number of mouths increases!

Yes, you are right.
When girls say they can hardly marry a man who is not financially okay, most of them speak from experience and the experience is usually multiple.

Get paper and list EVERY SINGLE ITEM your 80k+ salary was spent on, from transportation fare to Matches to Salt to...every single or seemingly inconsequential item.
Men respond to facts and figures.
If the total exceeds or equals your salary, let him see it.

Then let him know what the effects of handling this responsibility has on you; from your BP to other issues.
If he cares, he would encourage a discussion to have the current plan restructured so that it would be easy on you both.
If he does not care,
you have to do something drastic.

Funkybabee:

And as a woman, you suppose to know how to do economics for feeding things and saving.u shouldn't used everything for feeding atleast there are some single women out there which their salary is not even up to that and they are feeding, schooling,doing alots of it with it what abt npower couple mehn sister cut ur cloth according to ur size,there are alots of things to do on kids apart of feeding eh..

What are you saying?
Do you know how feeding gulps money??
Plus the fact that she has to pay transportation to to buy the food stuff?
Those women you are quoting are into food stuff sales or into one farming or the other to manage food for their family.

It is not the same for a worker who has to pay transportation to and fro work and also feed from it. I am so sure GoodKay lives in Lagos.

Simpleandsweet:
Hi Goodkay, first of all, calm down okay? You will be fine..eventually. .

2. If you have not been saving anything from your salary, please start NOW and in time, you would be able to take care of yourself better.

How did you guys arrive at that decision? And you agreed to it?

5. I have been through some stuff lately myself financially but it has sharpened my managerial skills better
Cheers!

With an uncooperative husband like that, it will take strength to save. Receive grace to, Goodkay. From her story, she doesn`t even have jack at the moment.

A lot of lazy guys are doing that to girls these days. They sort of sense that they badly want marriage and manipulate them into these sort of arrangements whereas the lady thinks it`s all about love.

But I`m so sure your hubby is very supportive which makes the burden lighter?

twosquare:
Well, what can I say? It is not easy to feed mouths. [s]It is good both of you split the expenses.[/s] I don't know if both of you are involved in government work. If yes, I suggest you do some flexible business that can add more to your income as a family, especially in this harsh economy. I'm not the one to tell you how to run your family, but I must say, getting a third child is really unwarranted. Two is okay. Always birth according to your capacity and how well you can feed and take are of them adequately. Things might not get better in the country and world at large, reason people give birth to less children nowadays. Also, please go for family planning already.

Great.

boyjo:


What are you saying?
Do you know how feeding gulps money??
Plus the fact that she has to pay transportation to to buy the food stuff?
Those women you are quoting are food stuff sales or into one farming or the other to manage fooe for their family.

It is not the same for a worker who has to pay transportation to and fro work and also feed from it. I am so sure GoodKay lives in Lagos.

check my post very well becuz I have just said she should slice her jacket as per her size. Not every one of them are selling food or stuffs,what she require now is to plan her spending as u said and that is the reason I censured her on why she accept nourishment trouble since it's not a little task for 4people with the little one coming to join,the food,drug material e.t.c..

She ready need to sit her husband down to let him know about her spending,what she is facing and settle it ..

Good points

But you didn't add that the husband should also do likewise @ bold

boyjo:
GoodKay
Hm. Big hugs Sweetie. I feel like weeping.

He even took the easier responsibility, rent.
Rent is always almost fixed for a long period of time.
`Because he can plan and save for it well ahead of time (Just by saving 20k monthly amounts to 240k at the year end).

But feeding for one person is ever increasing, as the person grows, not to mention when the number of mouths increases!

Yes, you are right.
When girls say they can hardly marry a man who is not financially okay, most of them speak from experience and the experience is usually multiple.

Get paper and list EVERY SINGLE ITEM your 80k+ salary was spent on, from transportation fare to matches to salt to...every single or seemingly inconsequential item.
Men respond to facts and figures.
If the total exceeds or equals your salary, let him see it.

Then let him know what the effects of handling this responsibility has on you; from your BP to other issues.
If he cares, he would encourage a discussion to have the current plan restructured so that it would be easy on you both.
If he does not care,
you have to do something drastic.

@Op, I feel your pain; but don't add an illness (BP) to yourself that would take even more money to manage it if you let thinking bring BP to you. Your husband's nonchalant attitude towards your current pregnancy speaks volume; probably he didn't want another child as you are already struggling to cope with the 2 you have and then another one is on the way again (more expenses); hence him pushing most expense for the baby to you alone to handle and that's very sad. I beg no play with your health o as your doctor don talk say make you go do a particular test, abeg go do am o, pregnancy is not something you joke with o; HENCE GO AND DO THAT TEST YOUR DOCTOR ORDERED. IF IT MEANS TAKING THE MONEY FROM BUYING FUEL IN THE GENERATOR THEN DO SO AND DO WITHOUT THE GENERATOR FOR A FEW DAYS OR CUT FROM ANY OTHER EXPENSE AND GO AND DO THAT TEST URGENTLY AS REQUESTED BY YOUR DOCTOR.

You would not be the first or last woman to be in this type of situation you are in. Split your salary of £80K into 4 places as follows:

20k – Savings (COMPULSORY)

20k – Yourself

20k – Children’s expenses

20k – Miscellaneous/feeding for household/and other required expenses

If you carry on the way you are currently going, the resentment for the situation you are in will build up so much that everything your husband does will irritate you and cause unnecessary quarrel. There is a reason why a man is the head of his house which SHOULD include providing and catering for his family both materially and otherwise. Wish you a safe delivery.

boyjo:
GoodKay
Hm. Big hugs Sweetie. I feel like weeping.

He even took the easier responsibility, rent.
Rent is always almost fixed for a long period of time.
`Because he can plan and save for it well ahead of time (Just by saving 20k monthly amounts to 240k at the year end).

But feeding for one person is ever increasing, as the person grows, not to mention when the number of mouths increases!

Yes, you are right.
When girls say they can hardly marry a man who is not financially okay, most of them speak from experience and the experience is usually multiple.

Get paper and list EVERY SINGLE ITEM your 80k+ salary was spent on, from transportation fare to matches to salt to...every single or seemingly inconsequential item.
Men respond to facts and figures.
If the total exceeds or equals your salary, let him see it.

Then let him know what the effects of handling this responsibility has on you; from your BP to other issues.
If he cares, he would encourage a discussion to have the current plan restructured so that it would be easy on you both.
If he does not care,
you have to do something drastic.

Nice view, it's her wife that suppose to carry light task...



Reason why some women fear marriage, if it's only her mouth now bp problem will not enter especially a carried woman for that matter....though I believe it's because of her thinking and maybe stress that caused this which is very dangerous for her health... Goodkay pls sit ur man down pls


Safe delivery!!!

Funkybabee:


check my post very well becuz I have just said she should slice her jacket as per her size. Not every one of them are selling food or stuffs,what she require now is to plan her spending as u said and that is the reason I censured her on why she accept nourishment trouble since it's not a little task for 4people with the little one coming to join,the food,drug material e.t.c..

She ready need to sit her husband down to let him know about her spending,what she is facing and settle it ..

Yes dear.

TheeDetective:
Good points

But you didn't add that the husband should also do likewise @ bold

I think you got me wrong.
I mean that all her husband has to do is save 20k monthly and his responsibility is met while she is faced with the unlimited burden of feeding; that increases as the human she feeds grows.
I`m saying the man got the better deal.

Indeed; but what I meant was that the husband also needs to take a pen and paper and do his analysis of how his 80K salary is spent as well. So even if a particular expense is fixed like rent he should put it on the paper as well as his other expenses too. In that way, both him and his wife's expenses are all written down for the month and then a budget can be drawn up for the month to avoid one party being burden down with more expenses than required.

boyjo:


I think you got me wrong.
I mean that all her husband has to do is save 20k monthly and his responsibility is met while she is faced with the unlimited burden of feeding; that increases as the human she feeds grows.
I`m saying the man got the better deal.

3 children in 5 years, plus 2 adults with #170,000 combined income/ month.

Are you kidding me? This does not require any kind of technical math. Your marriage is relatively young and that is why I am more concerned. Can you imagine if you both had one child or two max with every other variable remaining constant?

The first and most important step is to consult with your primary doctor/ gynecologist for the best family planning option/ contraceptive. Truth is, your marriage will struggle because of the financial burden on both of you especially if you are still young. You both have to sit down and complete a honest, detailed summary of your finances, design a short term/ long term plan that is sustainable while looking for ways to cut expenses.

Stabilizing your family financially should be prioritized right now. Your summary should place your needs on a scale of preference, kindly prioritize what is important like house rent, school fees, the car (because of the children, honestly, if it was only one child, I would have suggested selling the car) and food. Fueling the generator is a luxury you can not afford right now and that is the pragmatic truth. If you choose to fuel generator, it should not be everyday. Maybe 3 times in 7 days. As much as you want the best for your children, Pampers may be another luxury you can't afford. Maybe you should find cheaper brands or go old school with reusable napkins. You both have to find ways to cut down your expense. You can shop good/ fairly used clothes for everyone.

While savings is important, I worry it may not be feasible at this time because you would end up "pinching" every dime you save. If you choose to save, make sure it is a very small amount like #5000/ month.

Finally, you and your husband have to be on the same page about this issue, else one person would end up shouldering the heavier burden and it does seem like you are doing that in this case. It would sad if you both suffer burnout from your union because of this situation.

Personally I think that sharing formula is not well balanced. Your husband is taking the easy load and it's not fair on you since you earn the same amount of month. Maybe you should switch responsibility with your husband for some months and see who spends more. So next time you complain he will listen.

.

My own problem is how you guys decided having three children in 5years is a good idea, with a combined salary of approximately 150,000.
Is having one child a crime?
The fact is your family will continue struggling unless your income improves. No fun, no family outings, no savings.
I don't even know what to advice you on.

Yes look
https://momsall.com/toys-r-us-babies-r-us-toys-r-us-online/

Honestly i feel like crying...God is ur strength

Sometimes when a woman assumes some responsibilities in the house and shows that she can handle stuffs, the husband tends to relax and leaves her to keep handling them and even more.

Swap responsibilities. You take care of what your husband is doing currently and let him take care of what you are taking currently

Thank u all for ur advice's and for taking out time to respond to me. I would have replied one after another but may not have that time. Its actually family planning failure (i mean family planning that failed us) that led me to where I am today as my first just turned 4 and my second is 1. We planned on having d final kid (just 3 kids) ONLY when things get much better. My husband even suggested termination of this one but placed d decision in my hands to decide. Unfortunately, my conscience wouldn't let me do it. I will put all the advice's ive received here on how to manage our finances into good use and also, have a heart to heart talk with hubby concerning the feeding of d household. Thank u all n God bless

I feel like flogging your husband.

Well since that's not an option I think the most important thing right now is your health and that of the unborn babe.

Please and please take things easy o.

Giving yourself hbp at this crucial point is not the best.

Sit your husband down and together chart the expenditure of the family on a monthly basis.

Look at your joint income and TOGETHER reach a conclusion that is agreeable to you both.

Remember to include upcoming expenditure concerning the baby.

Quarrelling with him will only increase your blood pressure.

Lots of men become grumpy whenever they can't adequately provide for their families. You need to understand that his pride may have been battered.


That's no excuse for treating you shabbily though.


It's a phase. Hopefully it will pass as things get better.


All the best and may God grant you safe delivery.

GoodKay:
Thank u all for ur advice's and for taking out time to respond to me. I would have replied one after another but may not have that time. Its actually family planning failure (i mean family planning that failed us) that led me to where I am today as my first just turned 4 and my second is 1. We planned on having d final kid (just 3 kids) ONLY when things get much better. My husband even suggested termination of this one but placed d decision in my hands to decide. Unfortunately, my conscience wouldn't let me do it. I will put all the advice's ive received here on how to manage our finances into good use and also, have a heart to heart talk with hubby concerning the feeding of d household. Thank u all n God bless

dear, you will be fine okay? whatever decision you took make sure you are saving its very important and also don't allow this issue to ruin your health at this desprate stage. Go dear, the Lord is your strength

boyjo:


What are you saying?
Do you know how feeding gulps money??

not if you buy in bulk

Plus the fact that she has to pay transportation to to buy the food stuff?

once a month or on way from work

Those women you are quoting are into food stuff sales or into one farming or the other to manage food for their family.

farm is the way in nigeria now o
poultry or fish or rabbit or snails or mushroom

It is not the same for a worker who has to pay transportation to and fro work and also feed from it. I am so sure GoodKay lives in Lagos.

You are trying my sister I raise hand for you honestly. 80k with all these monthly expenses, how do you expect to save coupled with the harsh economy. Just rearrange the whole arrangement with hubby and let him know you are carrying so much expense that you can hardly bear if not, you cannot save one naira except you source for money and start another business. It is well with you and your family.

Where are all those NL guys that bash women and keep saying the woman must contribute? They will not see this post at all.

OP it just sounds like you married on of them nairaland "we must share the expenses" NL guys.

Sorry for my joking around. I pray you both get better jobs or extra sources of income.

Why did you agree to share responsibilities in the first instance??

Why did you tell him how much you earn??

I don't understand why a woman will collect her hard earned money and use it to feed a man. Are you his mother

Go and look after your health first.. If anything happens.. He won't hesitate to take another wife

But why won't he leave you with no food and money when you have been showing him you are up to task

You better withdraw now or else you will feed him,your children and yourself all alone till the world ends while he will be using his money to carry olosho

@Op,

This is not about crying or being emotional. It's okay but you shouldn't stop at that.

You've got to read the handwriting on the wall, your husband is clearly letting you know that you're OYO especially as regards this 3rd child.

You've NO EXCUSE not to have savings or take care of yourself. It's time to wise up and take responsibility for your actions or inactions to avoid stories that touch.

BE WISE!!!!

GoodKay:
Wow! Im almost 5 years in marriage with 2 kids and expecting a 3rd and i can say its not been an easy journey and especially when money no too dey, e no go easy o. I usually hear ppl make d statement that they wount marry a man that is not comfortable enough to cater for he's wife n kids, I never believed in that statement but believed that if u love, marry and with time things will smoothen out but now e come be like say that statement make sense to me now. I and hubby earn around same amount, about eighty something thousand monthly, he handles rent and stuffs like electricity bills, fueling car, gen, car repair and some others while I take care of feeding for d whole house for d month, provisions for d month, d childrens school snacks, creche fees/assist with school fees, filling gas monthly and other stuff I still fuel sometimes n do elect bills once a while. When I put to bed now, it will be my duty to cater for all d baby's needs, pampers, wipe, clothes, food etc but my complain here is that despite all these, whenever I attempt to mention to my husband that my money is short for feeding I receive all sort of insult that I don't know how to manage money, I'm not helping this family, etc etc. I don't look good because I don't spend a dime from my salary for myself I spend it all on d house and d kids. I was to run a test today as after my last antenatal visit d doctor suggested that, when I told my husband about it and said I didn't have money, he said ehen just tell d doctor there was no money. And now am at home without going for d test after taking excuse at work. Our gas finished last night and stove is bad, my husband has gone to work early this morning leaving me n d kids without any means to cook and no money in my hand all. To feed a family of 4 monthly is not easy. Is there something any advice for me? I've started developing bp issues especially when my salary is finishing as it means feeding money is finishing because I know my husband will just relax and expect that its my duty to find out where to get money. Pls any advice to calm me down? No insults pls

from what I have read, you are good woman, do you best and leave the rest

I really feel for you. Your husband is really taking advantage of you. Please do everything to ensure that you don’t get pregnant again. Have your doctor put you on birth control, please don’t tell your husband at all. Tell him after the last failed attempt, you want him to use condom from now on. That way you are double protected. Please put yourself first, you do not need anymore children.