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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. (4387 Views)
I Cheated-my Marriage Is Falling Apart / In The Light Of D Economic Situation If U Marry Now How Many Children Wil U Have / POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband (2) (3) (4)
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by greatcrown: 7:16pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
I believe you are making reasonable amount of money that you shouldn't be starving. Your husband doesnt seem to understand love so intead of putting things right at home he seems to be bossing you around. You and your husband shoukd review the family expenses. Cut cost and reduce spending on luxurious goods. (Your apartment now should not be more than 2 bedroom in less expensive area. Car to be used only if the entire family is going out, etc) The health and well being of every family members should take priority. The two of you should work on improving the family income. |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by tunjilana: 7:41pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
To avoid resentment and BP, put everything you guys need into perspective, put pen on paper and draw up a budget containing everything. if your rent is 480k, allot a monthly 40k to it in the budget. Once done, agree with your husband on a reasonable funding percentage 30:70,40:60 or even 50:50 for now. Then both of you should gradually be thinking of what to do to grow your income as a family, do research on cutting cost and business opportunities you can explore from where you are right now. try to do bulk purchases as well, it is cheaper. I wont say if u r carrying more burden or not but the only way to prevent resentment and ultimately high bp is to write everything down and agree on how to fund as one(you can have a joint account where everyone puts their agreed amount monthly) and either you or your husband executes the budget items as agreed. Also forget all those talks about men who can or are willing to carry everything, such men are gradually going extinct, besides in this harsh economy how many of such are left. If you can hold your own and finds a man who can hold his own at all, nothing bad in partnering to deliver a family and raise kids, rather than wait till old age for a man that can and is willing do all. The most important thing is understanding, clarity and visibility over finances and willingness to grow income together. Regards |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by boyjo: 10:47pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
Cromagnon: Buy bulk? The money is NOT ENOUGH. She's got THREE KIDS! antenatal fee is on her! Didn't read the husband's response? She's without a dime! E be like say money never do you strong thing before. She is not a farmer, she wakes up early for a 9-5 job with big belle. Haba. Do you know choosing to trek when you've got cash is different from choosing to trek because of lack of cash? She is preggie, going to the market from work may be mentally straining than going on a Saturday because she is forced to due to lack of cash as against having cash! 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by boyjo: 10:55pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
TheeDetective: Oh! Okay. Cool. |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by boyjo: 11:05pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
ImaIma1: That's the crux of the matter. That's what's getting me upset about this issue. It will take God's grace to disentangle yourself. Some men would begin to divert it to siblings, girlfriends rather than their children etc Goodkay wake up! 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by boyjo: 11:10pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
ststyreal: This is why i actually feel like flogging Cromagnon right now |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by boyjo: 11:13pm On Apr 21, 2018 |
tabithababy: My Sisterrrr!! I think she allowed the propaganda of feminism get to her! |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Nobody: 6:58am On Apr 23, 2018 |
Na you don start this sharing things from the beginning dude is obviously relaxed now. I don't even know what to advise you cos this one he's acting as if na you give yourself belle so. I can imagine him asking "Them never pay your salary"?? Katikati! How do you even remember to send money to your people in this Sharing Bills Nigeria Plc! Have your child and seal up forever biko, our nairaland people have dropped a simple mathematics for the bill sharing. I dey vex sef I wish you all the Best 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Pricelessangel0(f): 12:10pm On Apr 23, 2018 |
To be frankly speaking, what responsible man leave his feeding and that of his children to the wife? It shows irresponsible sorry to say, if he doesnt have or low fe cash, its a different issue bt all the time all in the name of splitting responsiblity, Haba! Its nt ok, and if care is not taken he maybe spending on girls outsie. 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Nobody: 10:45pm On Apr 23, 2018 |
tabithababy:@Op No marriagr is perfect neither is tour husband or you too. You sound like a lady with a good heart and am sure your husband isnt a devil too. Please do not follow this advise as it will take away the peace and joy you currently enjoy in your home. Discuss these issues with your husband, pray about it too and am sure things will work out for you. Do not destroy your own home by following these advise. God will perfect everything. 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by ell77(f): 11:15pm On Apr 23, 2018 |
GoodKay: Goodkay - your story saddens me. But the first thing I would like to say is congratulations. Every child from God is a blessing and you are blessed to have your two children and one on the way. Things are hard now but they will not remain so. I know some people have said you should not have gone for number 3 and you may even feel like that at times but be rest assured this feeling will pass. You have conceived, you will give birth, you will raise your children. What I am most concerned with is your BP. Hypertension is the silent killer, you need to focus on your health as right now you are the backbone of your family from what I can see here. Some men blame others for their own inadequacies (some women also). I don't know your husbands condition and how much he has left after paying the rent and bills so I have no place to judge him. I can only advise you on the information given. Perhaps he is doing his best, perhaps he is not and will come around. Pray for him, pray with him and gently talk to him. Get help from friends where possible. Then do the following: 1. Buy the famous okrika clothes (also for school uniforms buy a size up and take in at the waste and legs/arms, as they grow the uniform will grow with them - same with other clothes) 2. Spend a minimum amount per meal by eating mostly vegetarian food. Grow your own veg as well, this would make up the bulk of your soups/stews. YOU DON'T NEED A GARDEN, food can be grown in pots and even rice/flour sacks and so on. Please note you may need more pest control though if done inside your home. Ask people coming from the village to bring food for you etc. Use eggs, beans or crayfish for much needed protein for your children and yourself as a pregnant woman in every meal. Most likely you will limit meat, chicken or fish to one meal per day for 6 or less days of the week. Chicken liver is more palatable than beef liver and as well as acting like a multivitamin it provides protein as well. 3. Become the family barber/hairdresser (charge your husband for the service if he will agree). 4. Go to the market at the end when the prices are knocked down due to spoilage and people wanting to go home 5. Don't allow food to waste (reuse/re-purpose) and don't allow it to spoil - eat food that spoils quickly early (or avoid buying it). 6. Treat yourself occasionally, this includes exercise (running/walking) which reduces blood pressure, destresses and makes you more attractive. Exercise is also good for preventing the baby becoming overdue although if at risk of premature labour you may need to take it easy. Take natural remedies for high blood pressure especially hibiscus flower, garlic, watermelon and coconut water. 7. The family should drink only water. 8. Water down washing up liquid 9. Buy a solar lamp especially one with phone charging action if possible and never turn on lights unless guests come. 10. Don't encourage visitors - unless they are the type to help you or bring food (not the chop and clean mouth type) 11. For your baby shower, baptism, birthdays request monetary envelopes or items your children actually need (your best friend could pay for a sack of rice for the celebration of the party for instance, someone else brings chicken, your family member does the cooking etc). I wish you all the best with your finances and a safe delivery. This baby shall be born, your children shall grow and will help at home more. By God's grace your husband will appreciate all you do eventually. But know that your Father in heaven sees you and also your children will remember all you have done. I remember mine, most people do. Relax and don't worry. When your children are older, it will be easier for you to start a side business also. But you need to live to see that day by dealing with your BP! 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Nobody: 3:09pm On Apr 24, 2018 |
Simpleandsweet:Your comment is amazing. I'm your friend now 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Nobody: 4:24pm On Apr 24, 2018 |
I really appreciate u all. From d dept of my heart I say thanks for all d advice's and encouragements. God bless u all 3 Likes |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Cromagnon: 11:30pm On Apr 25, 2018 |
boyjo:Conan flog na |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Cromagnon: 11:42pm On Apr 25, 2018 |
boyjo:na u mini never do strong tin if not u will know how to manage.if u like be comparing ursef to pipu with fat sslary 3 kids She had 36 months to come up with a plan she's not ready to feed her chudren I am in abroad and I am farming in Iwo so what's your excuse [/quote] Do you know choosing to trek when you've got cash is different from choosing to trek because of lack of cash? why did she marry guyman and not do family planning |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by tonia2k4: 11:31am On Apr 26, 2018 |
GoodKay: |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Water101(f): 12:52pm On Apr 26, 2018 |
I know a family that are not earning even close to what u and ur hubby earn and are living fine.are u a christian,'contentment ' is gain.this family live in rum n parlor,put their children in a school that they pay less than #10,000,don't own a car and their aspiring to have their own house,they rather choose to pay 50k 4 a while than pay 120-150k, u and ur hubby need to let go of wordly standard of living.must u enjoy all d comfort that life has to offer?cut down cost! Have u ask urself how a family living by d 18 thousand minimum wage live,alot of pple wish earnestly to be in ur shoes.ur husband in my view 2ru wat u wrote is nt godly n doesn't lv u,instead of being a source of encouragement he is even tellin u to get rid of a gift do u knw hw many pple are lukin 4 jst 1.Start trusting God 4rm 2day,draw to his word n learn.both of u welcome jesus into ur lyf cast ur burden to him alone. GoodKay: 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Touchme222(f): 2:57pm On Apr 26, 2018 |
Imgaine if they come they pay tithe join. LOL pay ur tithe o!at least u r privedge enough.. |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Alennsar(f): 8:50pm On Apr 26, 2018 |
ImaIma1: as if you're reading my mind. how can I as a woman take that much responsibility for what? is he jobless or am earning more than him? please don't forget your own place in dat house cos if you're not working at all he should be the one to cater for you and your children. God forbid if you loose your job what will he do abeg. take good care of yourself and your children first. save some love and money for yourself. let him know is responsibility as father and a husband too. before things get out of hand........ m speaking from experience I pray God bless your home and strengthen you as well. Cc Goodkay 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Iamsane: 10:49am On Apr 28, 2018 |
GoodKay: This is what happens when women fight for equality with men. When we told you people that each has his/her roles and responsibilities in the home, society and all. You called us names. You as a woman, the money you earn is yours and yours to spend. There should never be sharing of responsibility of the ones you mentioned above. I don't even know what to say... |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Iamsane: 11:00am On Apr 28, 2018 |
boyjo: At last person wey get sense... Men and women are equal.... Anything a man can do, woman can do better... And now they are fighting for job with men... Is okay.. Let me ṣee how they won't share responsibilities. |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Iamsane: 11:27am On Apr 28, 2018 |
Alennsar: You are a Muslim woman. Islam has taught you what your roles and responsibilities are. |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by baby124: 1:05pm On Apr 28, 2018 |
My dear, do not listen to people that are saying you should not contribute to your home please. You should. I grew up with my own mother playing her own role and paying for things in the home. So did my father. I also do the same. It is your home so you must contribute. What if God forbid your husband is not there tomorrow, will you not manage yourself and your home? My only concern however is the way you people share expenses, it should be reviewed. Instead of paying crèche fees try to find a mother/ mother in law that is not working to come and take care of the two little kids. Try to be more creative with your cooking. When you buy food stuff make sure that you can get different types of meals from it. Make sure you draw a meal plan for your family each week and budget according to the meal plan. Make sure you buy the non perishables in bulk like rice, beans, garri and amala. Your husband cannot take care of the rent alone. Let him take care of the rent, car and school fees for the older child as well as fuel. Then you take care of food, clothes and other bills as well as ensuring that whoever comes to help you is comfortable. I think you can achieve your aim of managing your finances better and even having savings. So don’t worry. Everything will eventually work out. 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by tabithababy(f): 1:49pm On Apr 28, 2018 |
Imagine someone here is saying op should use her money to buy foodstuffs and the husband will eat out of it Shameless man |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by tunjilana: 2:14pm On Apr 28, 2018 |
tabithababy:There is no shame in a woman supporting her own family with her own resources...I dont think advising her not to support her family is good advise...Also note that food is not the only thing that keeps a family going, there r bigger bills than food and no harm in a woman buying food if that is what her capacity can carry....The real issue here is that the woman is carrying so much weight nd her health is not prioritized!!!...A caring husband should ensure that beyond all things, her health is assured ....That should even b d first thing to address....They need to draw up a budget and factor in their mutual income, define a lifestyle that ensures the important things( like her health) is not left out and gradually explore business opportunities that will help improve their standard of living....You may b shocked that even the husband might b feeling weighed down with rent, school fees, car maintenance and other utilities....they need serious discussion and itemization of all expenses, that way it is clear where their money is going into and they can easily decide what to cut or take out...If u say she shouldnt contribute is it the husband's 80k that will take them anywhere or u feel she should have waited for a man that can pay all bills while she ages in her father's house when she could work and support and gradually grow together!....pls drop dis mentality 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Alennsar(f): 4:14pm On Apr 28, 2018 |
Iamsane: I feel like crying for her when I read the test part. |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by Iamsane: 9:44am On Apr 29, 2018 |
Alennsar: Same here.. And there are many women going through same or more hurt out there. |
Re: Marriage Is Not An Easy Journey Only Read If U Have Time. by SAMBARRY: 10:16am On Apr 29, 2018 |
Smh.what's THE difference between you and a single mother really.your husband is emotionally and financially unavailable except when he WANTS to fok or get you pregnant,while the rest of the outcome is your problem. ARE you seeing the handwriting on the wall at all? Everything is almost coming to a halt to the extent that after pouring and pouring out everything your own tank is almost empty.the English language of what I'm saying is called "parasitic relationship".your feelings,needs and even wants and looks have become secondary at the expense of carrying a burden meant for 2 people.I know such men and I see them around The surprising thing is that the are the ones always obsessed about their looks.they CAN wear 3 piece suit to work,use designer perfume or cologne and change shoes and phones almost every 3 months but when you see their wife you will see stress,hidden and suppresed pain stamped all over their face.they're not even conversant with their own bodies and appearance talk less of their external environment and social happenings because they married a faworaja.pele dear |
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