How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings - Family (3)

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How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by SAMBARRY: 7:06am On May 01, 2018

iAudio:
I was in your shoes sometime ago. Truth be told, you have to talk to them,talk about how they disorganise your house and about your expenses but don't ever tell them the leave, thats the cross you have to carry as their brother.

mshrwew.nonsense.you're part of the people that encourage entitlement mentality in younger siblings as if they don't have hands to work.they're matured,a graduate and old enough to work.it's mentality like this that encourages laziness and entitlement mentality.so because I'm your brother,I shouldn't have savings,you must keep taking and disorganizing my stuffs.every relationship needs space and boundaries if not they're the type of siblings that will not give his wife breathing space because they feel its because of her he stopped giving them things not knowing that he has a family to take care of

I owe it to my parents to take care of them but I cannot leave my own load and be carrying my parents load (siblings) Bottom line is that any body that is 20+ should go and work.if he likes comfort and good things of life he should work.no free.thing forever.the things he put in.the fridge didn't just fall into the fridge he worked,earned money to be able to buy it

This reminds me.of a neighbor that keeps popping out kids they cannot take care of.he has 9 children and he is only an event planner.he will come and beg me.to give him money that his kids are hungry and haven't eaten since yesterday.I will give him 2k,another time the wife will.come and beg for palmoil,maggi tomorrow,garri next tomorrow,if they see me with fanta they will.collect,if I travel I must bring something for them or they won't let me hear word.when I saw this entitlement mentality is getting out of hand I had to stop it myself by cutting all ties with them and saying no to everything.my no.was firm and emphatic

The kids Will cry from morning to night and they no I'm hearing the cry but I will.deliberately ignore if not it will turn to quarrel because I refused to set boundaries.the point is everyone should carry their load.if you know how to fok without family planning,be ready to carry the burden of children ,don't come and put your load on my head,I go throway am

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Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by lalanice(f): 7:08am On May 01, 2018

Jman06:
Sorry, i didn't see this before my post, but I'd still suggest you do more to help the other stand in his business, unless he is hellbent on getting married in which case you can go ahead and have him out of your house not forcefully though but by talking to him and making him see reasons, because any man who is matured enough to get married should be matured enough to have a house of his own.

how will you see it when ladies are usually the first to blame for all your life's problems undecided

op didn't mention a lady but somehow you found a way to fit one in angry

6 Likes

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Nobody: 7:11am On May 01, 2018

OrestesDante:

☣ ☠

∆ You brought your family issue to a public forum and you're telling me to stay out.

Settle your problems in the closet. Give your brother a breathing space ∆

☣ ☠

He started it!

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by sexdoll: 7:11am On May 01, 2018

kimbraa:
I don't think these your adult siblings are financially stable. Carry them along in your plans 'cause food is nothing. This one you're deliberately keeping your fridge empty is wrong if you have people in the house who may be hungry. About cleaning, you can all discuss that and strategise a plan on how cleaning should be done and by who daily. Lastly, encourage them to get something doing.

Ha ha ha.

I have a feeling you're exactly in a similar situation like the adult siblings the OP is complaining about.

No wonder, you ~~know~~ think they are not financially stable yet!

No wonder you ~~think~~ know food is nothing!

No wonder you already know what will happen to people when the fridge is empty!!!

Ha ha ha. grin

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Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Nobody: 7:12am On May 01, 2018

Hidemyface:
I like my space and quiet but recently my siblings have encroach. My expenses have increased as well cause I am family oriented though still single. Right now I am intentionally leaving my fridge naked cos they've disorganized my food plan and neatness is paramount for me so I clean my apartment regularly. How do I tell them I need my peace back cos they are adults already and don't want their continued dependency as it is now affecting my ability to care for my mother the way I want to.

No nice way. The only nice way is to get them set up in life.

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by SAMBARRY: 7:13am On May 01, 2018

Iceblockbabe:
Most ppl won't understand what this man is passing through. In my own case, I have my elder brother staying with me for a long time now. The worst part of it is that he doesn't contribute to anything in the house. He lives "i don't care kind of life". No contribution to house rent, nepa bill and a lots more. And I don't even know how to tell him to find his own apartment this guy works and is over 33. I need advise ohhh

tell him you want to travel and you won't come back for a long time and you don't want to leave him at home.tell him to pack his things ahead of yesterday so there will be no excuses or the moment he goes out change all the keys to the house and if he calls you on phone,tell him your feelings that you Cannot be breastfeeding an adult,he should work and you need your space

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Nwambaise: 7:14am On May 01, 2018

Hidemyface:
I like my space and quiet but recently my siblings have encroach. My expenses have increased as well cause I am family oriented though still single. Right now I am intentionally leaving my fridge naked cos they've disorganized my food plan and neatness is paramount for me so I clean my apartment regularly. How do I tell them I need my peace back cos they are adults already and don't want their continued dependency as it is now affecting my ability to care for my mother the way I want to.

One should be op3n enough with his siblings to show displeasure when they do wrong. You now feel you need space because you have small coins, did you have space when you guys were growing up? You guys are stuck together for life so you help each other be a better human.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Nobody: 7:15am On May 01, 2018

ceeroh:

He started it!

☣ ☠

∆ UHmmm No vex... I understand. Just try to be understanding ∆

☣ ☠

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by rayval(m): 7:18am On May 01, 2018

Where else would they go to? Whose house would they scatter instead. Whose food would they eat...?.. become one with them and let them become one with you....just make your plans appropriately...then taking care of Mom and yourself wouldn't be a prob

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by SAMBARRY: 7:21am On May 01, 2018

Nwambaise:

One should be op3n enough with his siblings to show displeasure when they do wrong. You now feel you need space because you have small coins, did you have space when you guys were growing up? You guys are stuck together for life so you help each other be a better human.

lol.smh.childhood life is different from adulthood

At childhood our parents were responsible for our clothing,houserent,feeding and everything.we didn't need to contribute or give them anything to keep the house functional because WE WERE CHILDREN.now we're adults and it's time to man UP or woman UP and take responsibility for your life's decisions.it is a very dangerous thing in this time ,age and generation to depend on anybody for food or shelter not even siblings because everyone has a point of limit.when you exceed it you begin to look like a nuisance and agbaya and start to get disrespected.even the last born will insult you how you're nothing without tunji,if not for tunji you will be sleeping in the bridge.respect yourself and don't put yourself in a position where anyone of your siblings will be justified to insult you and you won't be able to say or do anything about it

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Nobody: 7:22am On May 01, 2018

OrestesDante:

☣ ☠

∆ UHmmm No vex... I understand. Just try to be understanding ∆

☣ ☠

Lol.. so u really believe OP is my uncle?? I no sabi am ooo. grin

1 Like

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by CarlosTheJackal: 7:23am On May 01, 2018

Iceblockbabe:
Most ppl won't understand what this man is passing through. In my own case, I have my elder brother staying with me for a long time now. The worst part of it is that he doesn't contribute to anything in the house. He lives "i don't care kind of life". No contribution to house rent, nepa bill and a lots more. And I don't even know how to tell him to find his own apartment this guy works and is over 33. I need advise ohhh

I was once in your shoes. my elder brother who was around 38 wasn't bothered about anything. he will watch movie till around 4am then sleep till 1pm. I stomach it until one day i just asked him to leave my apartment that I'm tired. He wanted to use emotional blackmail on me but I told him that i know we are brothers but I'm hindering his stepping up. Told him he needs to hustle when that's the only thing that can provide food and Shelter for him

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by SAMBARRY: 7:34am On May 01, 2018

CarlosTheJackal:
I was once in your shoes. my elder brother who was around 38 wasn't bothered about anything. he will watch movie till around 4am then sleep till 1pm. I stomach it until one day i just asked him to leave my apartment that I'm tired. He wanted to use emotional blackmail on me but I told him that i know we are brothers but I'm hindering his stepping up. Told him he needs to hustle when that's the only thing that can provide food and Shelter for him

exactly when you make a sibling get too comfortable in your house,he will not have the thinking capacity to know I need to be independent and sop being a burden on my brother until you take away all the comfort and start making the house hot for him.there are many ways to chase out a parasitic relation away from your house
1.stop paying for dstv subscriptions
2.if you don't have dstv remove the extension box he will use to turn on the t.v. or the cable
3.stop buying food into the house again.be eating from outside and as soon as you enter go and sleep.if he has brain and is a sensitive person he will be the one that will pack his things and thank you for accommodating him and leave but if he's one suffering from entitlement mentality he will ask you why then kuku voice out to him AND tell him you are a man just like me,go and work.another more rude approach is being a girl into the house and be foking her in his presence ,like in the sitting room where he is watching tv or leave the room door open for him to see the sex and hear the noise.no prophet will tell him it's time to excuse himself out of your home and life

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Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Nobody: 7:34am On May 01, 2018

I thankgod for the kinda family I have. That's all I have to say grin

1 Like

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by SAMBARRY: 7:36am On May 01, 2018

rayval:
Where else would they go to? Whose house would they scatter instead. Whose food would they eat...?.. become one with them and let them become one with you....just make your plans appropriately...then taking care of Mom and yourself wouldn't be a prob

take care of mom and dad and yourself,yes,reasonable,take.care of adults that have hands and legs to work and are not imbeciles or physically and mentally challenged? No.unreasonable

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Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by bmxshop: 7:48am On May 01, 2018

kimbraa:
I don't think these your adult siblings are financially stable. Carry them along in your plans 'cause food is nothing. This one you're deliberately keeping your fridge empty is wrong if you have people in the house who may be hungry. About cleaning, you can all discuss that and strategise a plan on how cleaning should be done and by who daily. Lastly, encourage them to get something doing.

Thanks love for this wonderful piece.

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by CarlosTheJackal: 7:48am On May 01, 2018

JuanitaJames:

I was once in between jobs and in lagos, and my then single junior brother though engaged invited me to know his place in portharcourt, bro wey get oil company job make me pay my airfare myself and while there na me, in short together we dey support kitchen affairs financially. I got there 28 Oct and expected to at least spend Christmas there. By first of December oga asked me "sis when are you leaving?" Note I had no where exactly to go, he said he was going offshore and didn't want to leave me behind. Well it hurt me, I counted my money and entered God is good to my base.
Well things began falling into place as I returned to base actually, and he supported me financially sometimes but my point is that he pushed me to my feet if not I may have still been his house guest till now in port Harcourt even after he is now married with two kids. I for be their nanny self as they both are traveling workers.

i can imagine your thought that day but the truth is that sometimes we need that little push. I'm happy that today you know that the push of yesterday made your today worth it

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by blessingsonflee(f): 7:49am On May 01, 2018

KOPT33:
It is not an easy task to care for your siblings whilst you're still on your way up.

In my apartment right now, I have three siblings, and a nephew and two cousins. That's six grown ass men.

I used to spend 30k on choice food per month when It was just me and the food will last and even spoil, but now, times have changed!

I now spend more than 60k on food per month. I spend more on electricity, I spend more on cleaning materials. My spendings have gone up astronomically.

I can't have women over. My girlfriend hasn't spent a weekend for more than six months now because she doesn't want to be seen as wayward by my family.

But that is by the way. I do eveyrthing that I do because it is going to be over in a short while. I am working hard on getting some money to sort everyone's accomodation problems for them, and I think that should be your next line of action.

It doesn't matter if it is one room apartment in a neat compound, you must help them get their own spaces. There is no greater thing tht you can do for them except this.

Please, don't use food to punish them: your parents didn't deprive you of food so please ensure everyone is well fed. If you are like me, you are not expecting anything in return but believe me, your experiences now is preparing you and teaching you fatherhood. It will motivate you to work harder in order to make more money and see that everyone is comfortable.

don't you think they will call you as soon as rent is expired to help them renew their rent? Just saying... some of us have lazy siblings who take advantage of the other one struggling. It's a selfish world but then you have to also make sure they have a source of income to take care of basic things including rent.

5 Likes

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Buffalowings3(m): 7:50am On May 01, 2018

Shynerman:
I am presently in such mess with a friend not even a sibling. All you need is patience pending the time you will get married.

Why must you wait till you get married?

1 Like

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Buffalowings3(m): 7:52am On May 01, 2018

JuanitaJames:

I was once in between jobs and in lagos, and my then single junior brother though engaged invited me to know his place in portharcourt, bro wey get oil company job make me pay my airfare myself and while there na me, in short together we dey support kitchen affairs financially. I got there 28 Oct and expected to at least spend Christmas there. By first of December oga asked me "sis when are you leaving?" Note I had no where exactly to go, he said he was going offshore and didn't want to leave me behind. Well it hurt me, I counted my money and entered God is good to my base.
Well things began falling into place as I returned to base actually, and he supported me financially sometimes but my point is that he pushed me to my feet if not I may have still been his house guest till now in port Harcourt even after he is now married with two kids. I for be their nanny self as they both are traveling workers.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by CarlosTheJackal: 7:53am On May 01, 2018

SAMBARRY:
exactly when you make a sibling get too comfortable in your house,he will not have the thinking capacity to know I need to be independent and sop being a burden on my brother until you take away all the comfort and start making the house hot for him.there are many ways to chase out a parasitic relation away from your house
1.stop paying for dstv subscriptions
2.if you don't have dstv remove the extension box he will use to turn on the t.v. or the cable
3.stop buying food into the house again.be eating from outside and as soon as you enter go and sleep.if he has brain and is a sensitive person he will be the one that will pack his things and thank you for accommodating him and leave but if he's one suffering from entitlement mentality he will ask you why then kuku voice out to him AND tell him you are a man just like me,go and work.another more rude approach is being a girl into the house and be foking her in his presence ,like in the sitting room where he is watching tv or leave the room door open for him to see the sex and hear the noise.no prophet will tell him it's time to excuse himself out of your home and life

All my other siblings ask me to throw him out that if you cant hustle and stand on your own then you should go back to the village

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Nobody: 7:55am On May 01, 2018

ceeroh:

Lol.. so u really believe OP is my uncle?? I no sabi am ooo.

☣ ☠

∆ E possible now ∆

☣ ☠

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by SAMBARRY: 8:03am On May 01, 2018

CarlosTheJackal:
All my other siblings ask me to throw him out that if you cant hustle and stand on your own then you should go back to the village

exactly

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by adeolu21: 8:07am On May 01, 2018

ceeroh:

Ahah! Uncle, is this how you bring our issues to nairaland everyday? Hmmmmm, I guess we have to leave your house for you. Thanks for everything.

if u ar truly one of his nephew, then u hav good uncle that never regret for once for taking good care of you guys. I hop u reciprocate the good deeds toward his children in future.

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Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Hotzone(m): 8:09am On May 01, 2018

If u think the violate your privacy then rent affordable apartment for them

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by talk2percy(m): 8:10am On May 01, 2018

Oga or madam, there's no better way to do that without hurting them than to continue. Help them by finding a job for them in that way they will become independent and look for their own apartment. If u ask them out knowing too well that they are not better off financially, where would u want them to go??

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by emmysoftyou: 8:18am On May 01, 2018

JuanitaJames:

I was once in between jobs and in lagos, and my then single junior brother though engaged invited me to know his place in portharcourt, bro wey get oil company job make me pay my airfare myself and while there na me, in short together we dey support kitchen affairs financially. I got there 28 Oct and expected to at least spend Christmas there. By first of December oga asked me "sis when are you leaving?" Note I had no where exactly to go, he said he was going offshore and didn't want to leave me behind. Well it hurt me, I counted my money and entered God is good to my base.
Well things began falling into place as I returned to base actually, and he supported me financially sometimes but my point is that he pushed me to my feet if not I may have still been his house guest till now in port Harcourt even after he is now married with two kids. I for be their nanny self as they both are traveling workers.

that means ur brother do you well Na?

If not, u for just relax there and time dey go..
Naso my Yoruba friend dey complain sey him friend wey come pay visit no wan go again instead carry woman come him house.
The guy sey him go live the house for him sey him dey find apartment now.

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by fineguy11(m): 8:18am On May 01, 2018

Jman06:
I thought as much!

Male siblings and their selfishness... Only a few care about their siblings. I'm sure it's because of one lady you want your siblings out! All these other excuses of needing your privacy and cleaning your house are just hogwash! I know that adults are supposed to cater for themselves and all that, but don't forget we are in Nigeria where the society works differently and wise siblings carry themselves along to achieve greatness together. That is how many great families achieved greatness! Through cooperative interaction (Those in sciences might understand that term better). What have you done to help your siblings get jobs or get good education or vocational training I'm sure you have done nothing in that regard! Don't worry! Very soon that lady would start showing you pepper and then you'll realize how important your siblings are.

nonsense post from a breastfed adult.

2 Likes

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by DavidEsq(m): 8:19am On May 01, 2018

Jman06:
Ok...my bad

Ur bad? Wen I actually thought u were his neighbour. Chai! So u jus dey talk anyhow abi? Lazy Nigerian yoot tongue

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by DavidEsq(m): 8:19am On May 01, 2018

fineguy11:
nonsense post from a breastfed adult.

Shey na ur brezz e suck ni

Re: How Do You Tell Siblings To Give You Space Without Hurting Them Feelings by Gettreadyy(m): 8:30am On May 01, 2018

Mariangeles:
There are no nice ways to tell your siblings you don't want them around!

if they have sense they will understand and give you ur space

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