Onchedu:


Oh that's wonderful. Oya start writing him love poems about the good times and if U can burn a cd of his favorite songs and buy him a gift before he gets back. Hope U made him his favorite meal and have prepared his bath water?

Nonsense! Shey English language dey hard u well well for afternoon ehn? As e be say U wan cry oya wait make wetin U dey find jam U.
I don vex!

Relax please, this is not the best time to start criticizing me. Take it easy. I said he already sent me a text saying "he's sorry how things are going. He's sure I'm not thinking the best of him".

Wait first chic. Which kain phone U dey use wey e be say U dey post like this dey move around and which network U dey on for which part of the world?

Do what U want jor. If Ur heart gets broken eventually, U won't be the first to have the experience. If U hit it off with him and Ur relationship survives and blossoms, U'd have done urself well.

I could be wrong but it really sounds like the man wants a permanent break, maybe the age thing bothers him more than you realise, let him go and if he wants to be with you, he will be back, chasing after him won't help you at all, it might push him even further (into the arms of someone his own age).  These things are tricky but you can't make him stay if he wants to go, that simple, deal with your heartbreak and allow yourself to heal.

How old are you, just curious!

Lacrissa:


Why are you emphasizing so much on the intimacy part?


@Ujujoan and Ochendu,
 He sent me a text now saying "he's sorry how things are going and he's sure I'm not thinking the best of him right now." I don't know if I need to reply this or ignore and If I should reply, what to say? If it's also a good time to ask him how long. I'm asking all these because of the state of my mind right now. Don't wanna make a silly mistake.

You can reply him and sey that you still are thinking the best of him because you love him very much which why you've been wondering . . .  then you can ask the questions!

Onchedu:


[b]Oh that's wonderful. Oya start writing him love poems about the good times and if U can burn a cd of his favorite songs and buy him a gift before he gets back. Hope U made him his favorite meal and have prepared his bath water?[/b]Nonsense! Shey English language dey hard u well well for afternoon ehn? As e be say U wan cry oya wait make wetin U dey find jam U.
I don vex!

I think she needs to do what she wants to do. What her heart tells her to do. Or else if the r/ship crumbles she'll always wonder if she could have done more . .

Ask Urself what a girl 6years older than U would more like do about the sms he sent U. If U are as young as I think U are, chances are, in that age group she won't be desperate for marriage or come off to him as such and she won't be clingy either.

Do the maths and make up Ur "her" mind on what to do.

Won't be surprised if U sent him a reply already.

@ Lacrissa, all i'm trying to emphasise is that, it'll be easier for you to let go, even for a brief while, if you hadn't given of yourself physically, i mean dude is 12years older than you, so you thought if you did all that is expected he won't leave you,  pretty soon, i'll start siding with Onchedu on this.

Ujujoan:


I think she needs to do what she wants to do. What her heart tells her to do. Or else if the r/ship crumbles she'll always wonder if she could have done more . .

The heart is not the instrument to use in times of chaos. It only functions effectively in fair weathers. The girl needs to use her head now. The reason why more people loose out on love is cos they use their hearts when they should have been using thier heads. the whole situation is emotionally charged as it is and Ur advising the child to use her heart?

Ok o. Babe, use Ur heart U hear. When U have a thread that says, "Men are heartless," drop me a message so I can come and make my contributions.

Onchedu:

your most def not a naija babe. your mind gave u out.

pls explain, so that i can blend in when i come see my inlaws,

Dreamy dreamy, things just always go smoothly and ur feelings are complimented by reality all the time. The more U say I love U the more the loved one emphatises with U, Bull.s*it!!!

Babe no let pant wear U o. Love Ur neighbour as Urself.

Onchedu:

The heart is not the instrument to use in times of chaos. It only functions effectively in fair weathers. The girl needs to use her head now. The reason why more people loose out on love is cos they use their hearts when they should have been using thier heads. the whole situation is emotionally charged as it is and your advising the child to use her heart?

Ok o. Babe, use your heart U hear. When U have a thread that says, "Men are heartless," drop me a message so I can come and make my contributions.

Guess what? If it was meant to be in the first place, then it won't matter what she does right now! It won't matter if she reasons like she's 10 years older! It wont matter that she cried to get him back!

I learnt early in life that what will be will be. Most times what we think 'helped' didn't at all! It just worked because it was meant to. So why can't she go ahead and do what she really feels like doing? At least she'll make herself happy! 

28Schweet:

 pls explain, so that i can blend in when i come see my inlaws,

Well for one thing U think a getting a b.o.o.b job is a cool idea. Even the naija men that like big breasts like them natural. That whole plastics under the skin just makes the women come off as artificial too us and I don't know a single naija man that grew up in Naija that thinks an artificial woman rocks.

Second, U say things as they are. Naija babes like speaking "parables." Well not parables as in parables. I'm not sure how to explain it but U sha don't sound like a naija babe.

have a kit kat

28Schweet:

@ Lacrissa, all i'm trying to emphasise is that, it'll be easier for you to let go, even for a brief while, if you hadn't given of yourself physically, i mean dude is 12years older than you, so you thought if you did all that is expected he won't leave you,  pretty soon, i'll start siding with Onchedu on this.

You are wrong! Infact is she hasn't slept with him already, I bet she's blaming all this troubles on it and looking for a way to do that as we speak right now!

She's not doing the things she's doing because she expects him not to leave her, but because she loved him! You do beleive in love don't you?

Ujujoan:

Guess what? If it was meant to be in the first place, then it won't matter what she does right now! It won't matter if she reasons like she's 10 years older! It wont matter that she cried to get him back!

I learnt early in life that what will be will be. Most times what we think 'helped' didn't at all! It just worked because it was meant to. So why can't she go ahead and do what she really feels like doing? At least she'll make herself happy! 

What the heck do U mean by "meant to be in the first place" and "what will be will be?"

Are U suggesting we gamble our lives on hope or faith without works even when we can decide what the outcome of things are and have what it takes to influence outcomes?

The last line sounds like u are suggesting we should just accept anything that comes our way; that way, if they end up being good then we're in luck and if they end up being bad we can console ourselves that it was a good thing we didnt act when we could cos there's no telling how things could have ended up.

Am I hearing U well or do I have U completely misunderstood? If I do, pls be kind enough to enlighten me some more.

i'll take that as a compliment, and ask, what would you say, if I said dear hubby also liked them 'big' but not big and droopy. I've had two kids believe it or not  

Ujujoan:

You are wrong! Infact is she hasn't slept with him already, I bet she's blaming all this troubles on it and looking for a way to do that as we speak right now!

She's not doing the things she's doing because she expects him not to leave her, but because she loved him! You do beleive in love don't you?

I did, until I grew up, that is, I until i graduated past the age of 28,

Onchedu:

What the heck do U mean by "meant to be in the first place" and "what will be will be?"

Are U suggesting we gamble our lives on hope or faith without works even when we can decide what the outcome of things are and have what it takes to influence outcomes?

The last line sounds like u are suggesting we should just accept anything that comes our way; that way, if they end up being good then we're in luck and if they end up being bad we can console ourselves that it was a good thing we didnt act when we could cos there's no telling how things could have ended up.

Am I hearing U well or do I have U completely misunderstood? If I do, pls be kind enough to enlighten me some more.

I'm just saying you should leave her to do what her heart tells her to do because what her head tells her will not help her either! And yes because if it wasn't meant to work, even the best advise from the 'head' won't help her!

I'm not suggesting you gamble, I just dont buy the idea of keeping yourself in an invisible chain just because you want to do the right thing!

Why does s3x on the first date spoil one r/ship and have absolutely no effect on another? Because no matter how right you do things, it doesn't make it work any better of it wanst meant to!

Ujujoan:

You are wrong! Infact is she hasn't slept with him already, I bet she's blaming all this troubles on it and looking for a way to do that as we speak right now!

She's not doing the things she's doing because she expects him not to leave her, but because she loved him! You do beleive in love don't you?

Question to U Ujujoan: What is love? I'm not being sacarstic. I'm really asking U what love is.

Lacrissa abi wetin be that Ur yankee sounding name sef, sleeping with a man will not make him love U so if U haven't now is not the time to. If U forget everything I've said, don't forget that.

Onchedu:

Ask Urself what a girl 6years older than U would more like do about the sms he sent U. If U are as young as I think U are, chances are, in that age group she won't be desperate for marriage or come off to him as such and she won't be clingy either.

Do the maths and make up your "her" mind on what to do.

Won't be surprised if U sent him a reply already.

Onchedu:

The heart is not the instrument to use in times of chaos. It only functions effectively in fair weathers. The girl needs to use her head now. The reason why more people loose out on love is cos they use their hearts when they should have been using thier heads. the whole situation is emotionally charged as it is and your advising the child to use her heart?

Ok o. Babe, use your heart U hear. When U have a thread that says, "Men are heartless," drop me a message so I can come and make my contributions.

You don't know my age neither am I a kid. What is there using my head or being 6 years older. I only asked a simple question and opinions so I don't make any mistake this moment. He sent me a text, is it wise to reply or not and also use that opportunity to ask him how long he wants the break. Is that difficult?

Ujujoan:

I'm just saying you should leave her to do what her heart tells her to do because what her head tells her will not help her either! And yes because if it wasn't meant to work, even the best advise from the 'head' won't help her!

I'm not suggesting you gamble, I just dont buy the idea of keeping yourself in an invisible chain just because you want to do the right thing!

Why does s3x on the first date spoil one r/ship and have absolutely no effect on another? Because no matter how right you do things, it doesn't make it work any better of it wanst meant to!

U seem to be getting me wrong. I'm not asking the girl to force it with him. I offered her advice that will ensure that the hurt that could come her way if things go wrong will be more manageable than the one she would garner to herself if she went the way of the heart now.

Relationships don't always have to work and the only relationships that can be said to have worked out well are those that had more ups than downs all through the period both parties were alive and kicking. Unless one or both are dead there's still possibilities (no matter how small they have worked to make it) that things can still g horribly wrong. So as for those couples U sited as an example that have sex on the first date or do things wrong and look like they got paid with an irrational bias by life, wait till U see the end.

28Schweet:



i'll take that as a compliment, and ask, what would you say, if I said dear hubby also liked them 'big' but not big and droopy. I've had two kids believe it or not  
I did, until I grew up, that is, I until i graduated past the age of 28,

I bet you didn't tell your kids the day they were born that Santa Claus wasn't real! Maybe when we 'grow up' too we'll stop believeing in love . .  

Onchedu:

Question to U Ujujoan: What is love? I'm not being sacarstic. I'm really asking U what love is.

Lacrissa abi wetin be that your yankee sounding name sef, sleeping with a man will not make him love U so if U haven't now is not the time to. If U forget everything I've said, don't forget that.

I'm not going to stay here and explain to your what love is all about!

I just dont like that you guys are talking so much about s3x. Granted sleeping with him wont make him love her more, but then it won't make him lover her less either!

Lacrissa:

You don't know my age neither am I a kid. What is there using my head or being 6 years older. I only asked a simple question and opinions so I don't make any mistake this moment. He sent me a text, is it wise to reply or not and also use that opportunity to ask him how long he wants the break. Is that difficult?

Ok ma.

I'll take my leave now since U seem to be under the notion that I owe it to U to help U with Ur problems as a matter of duty. Well it's that or that u won't listen to me no matter what I suggest seeing U really haven't heard me or anything I've suggested since.

Onchedu:

U seem to be getting me wrong. I'm not asking the girl to force it with him. I offered her advice that will ensure that the hurt that could come her way if things go wrong will be more manageable than the one she would garner to herself if she went the way of the heart now.

Relationships don't always have to work and the only relationships that can be said to have worked out well are those that had more ups than downs all through the period both parties were alive and kicking. Unless one or both are dead there's still possibilities (no matter how small they have worked to make it) that things can still g horribly wrong. So as for those couples U sited as an example that have intimacy on the first date or do things wrong and look like they got paid with an irrational bias by life, wait till U see the end.

I shd know better, I was talking from experience!  

I'm not saying your advise is entirely wrong, but you should consider the possibility that if things don't work out she'll blame herself for not trying harder. That will only keep her in bondage longer than neccesary. So why shouldn't she just do what she feels like doing  . .  at least then she can look back and say to herself . . 'I did my best'!  

@ Ujujoan, kinda hard to explain how a guy in sleigh dropped off their pressies when we don't have a chimney nor snow in our part of the world,

if we go on your concept of love, then the girl would leave the guy be, because God did give up his only son out of love, so that our sins could be absolved, i.e. he sacrificed, Lacrisse should too  

Onchedu:

Ok ma.

I'll take my leave now since U seem to be under the notion that I owe it to U to help U with your problems as a matter of duty. Well it's that or that u won't listen to me no matter what I suggest seeing U really haven't heard me or anything I've suggested since.

I'm a bit curious, are you a guy? If yes then it seems you are of those chuavinists who thinks sleeping with a girl will in some absurd way diminish her worth!  

28Schweet:



@ Ujujoan, kinda hard to explain how a guy in sleigh dropped off their pressies when we don't have a chimney nor snow in our part of the world,

if we go on your concept of love, then the girl would leave the guy be, because God did give up his only son out of love, so that our sins could be absolved, i.e. he sacrificed, Lacrisse should too

You are talking about love in the bible? How about the walk of calvary and the ultimate sacrifice/redemption. We rejected him, mocked him, punished him . . . . still he died for us, out of love!

He could have walked away when we said we didn't want him anymore, but he stayed even though he knew we will kill him, because he wanted redemption for us. Now THAT is love!

Ujujoan:


I'm not going to stay here and explain to your what love is all about!

I just dont like that you guys are talking so much about s3x. Granted sleeping with him wont make him love her more, but then it won't make him lover her less either!

I'll take it Ur not sure what it is then.

Let me tell U something about guys and sex and see it as sort of the final prize. Give a guy sex without him loving U and the next second it becomes hard for him to find U as desirable as U were before that first time.
U myt be right about sex not making a guy love a girl any less but put the two together and the it making him love her any less is more of a likely hood than it making him love her any more.

Do U wonder why the excitement dies out a lot faster and the squabbles increase and periods between fights reduces after sex in intimate relationships?

Have U ever wondered why a man can have sex with one woman and not be able to get an erection again for a relatively long period but if another girl walked into the room who he hasnt touched and he finds appealing, he'll immediately be cured of his exhaustion?

Do U ever wonder why the mugu's love the girls they who's pants they never saw even after they have married some other dude and have kids and grandkids?

Sex was designed with a purpose. God commands us to regard his instructions concerning the use and/or enjoyment of sex so that we can be happy.

Having sex with any man will not make him love U any more or less but the odds are more to him not loving U any more than he says he does.

Ujujoan:

You are talking about love in the bible? How about the walk of calvary and the ultimate sacrifice/redemption. We rejected him, mocked him, punished him . . . . still he died for us, out of love!

He could have walked away when we said we didn't want him anymore, but he stayed even though he knew we will kill him, because he wanted redemption for us. Now THAT is love!

True but if Christ was expressing his love for us using his heart or feelings without his head, I doubt things would have gone the way they did.

Christ suffered for us not so we would pity him and turn to him, but because it was necessary that someone did so for the remission of our sins and deliverance from darkness. There was a master plan and He chose to follow it to the letter. He could as well have committed suicide or chosen to live till today to win us to the Father one by one by one if there was no definite plan.

Onchedu:


I'll take it your not sure what it is then.

Let me tell U something about guys and intimacy and see it as sort of the final prize. Give a guy intimacy without him loving U and the next second it becomes hard for him to find U as desirable as U were before that first time.
U myt be right about intimacy not making a guy love a girl any less but put the two together and the it making him love her any less is more of a likely hood than it making him love her any more.

Do U wonder why the excitement dies out a lot faster and the squabbles increase and periods between fights reduces after intimacy in intimate relationships?

Have U ever wondered why a man can have intimacy with one woman and not be able to get an erection again for a relatively long period but if another girl walked into the room who he hasnt touched and he finds appealing, he'll immediately be cured of his exhaustion?

Do U ever wonder why the mugu's love the girls they who's pants they never saw even after they have married some other dude and have kids and grandkids?

intimacy was designed with a purpose. God commands us to regard his instructions concerning the use and/or enjoyment of intimacy so that we can be happy.

Having intimacy with any man will not make him love U any more or less but the odds are more to him not loving U any more than he says he does.

Fine you made your point! And what can I say . .  I agree with you!  

Onchedu:

True but if Christ was expressing his love for us using his heart or feelings without his head, I doubt things would have gone the way they did.

Christ suffered for us not so we would pity him and turn to him, but because it was necessary that someone did so for the remission of our sins and deliverance from darkness. There was a master plan and He chose to follow it to the letter. He could as well have committed suicide or chosen to live till today to win us to the Father one by one by one if there was no definite plan.

Dont you know that love is an emotion? If he was using his head in the first place, he would NEVER have loved us!

Ujujoan:

I'm a bit curious, are you a guy? If yes then it seems you are of those chuavinists who thinks sleeping with a girl will in some absurd way diminish her worth!  

U can call me whatever names U can come up with. I'm trying to help a girl have some peace here and u think the appropriate word to use in describing me is chauvinist?

I did not imply in any way that sleeping with a girl diminishes her worth in any way.  I'm just pointing out that men and women view sex differently and unless U can find the right use of sex as a girl U'r exposing Urself to a number of possible ills.

Onchedu:

U can call me whatever names U can come up with. I'm trying to help a girl have some peace here and u think the appropriate word to use in describing me is chauvinist?

I did not imply in any way that sleeping with a girl diminishes her worth in any way. I'm just pointing out that men and women view intimacy differently and unless U can find the right use of intimacy as a girl U'r exposing Urself to a number of possible ills.

Ok, I'm sorry about that! I didnt mean to call u names

Ujujoan:

Dont you know that love is an emotion? If he was using his head in the first place, he would NEVER have loved us!  

Love is an emotion? Hmmm, Ok! If U say so, and I guess the word of God has errors cos I don't see why the all knowing God, perfect in wisdom, Supreme in power and authority, creator of all things that were, are and are to come watch his sinless son suffer at the hands of those he loves and not feel any negative emotions that would have made him strike all of them dead and rescue that sinless son.

Looks to me like there had to be a lot of emotional control there for Him to have endured the just being treated wrongly. Looks to me that there had to have been a purpose and a plan. D hearts have plans or are do they just act on impulses especially in love?

Love is an emotion, is it?

Ok! Love is an emotion.