Ujujoan:

Ok, I'm sorry about that! I didnt mean to call u names

Apology accepted.

the simple truth is that nobody knows what is going through the guys mind but what evrybody is telling u is true in so many ways r/ships are complicated  but a guy being 12yrs older (esp in naija seems to me thats the kind of gal most of them like) than you shouldnt be a problem afterall he didnt have a probs with that when he was rocking things with you thats if you guys have done it if you knw wat i mean.YOU have to give him space nothing wrong in asking him howlong the break will be infact it is very important cos lots of time when people say they want break is cos they want to fly away.all you can do right now is siddon look pls dont belittle yourself running round and trying to talk him into loving you or staying or that you are worth it dnt make him be with you out of pity cos if he wants to leave you are just postponing the inevitable.

Onchedu:

Love is an emotion? Hmmm, Ok! If U say so, and I guess the word of God has errors cos I don't see why the all knowing God, perfect in wisdom, Supreme in power and authority, creator of all things that were, are and are to come watch his sinless son suffer at the hands of those he loves and not feel any negative emotions that would have made him strike all of them dead and rescue that sinless son.

Looks to me like there had to be a lot of emotional control there for Him to have endured the just being treated wrongly. Looks to me that there had to have been a purpose and a plan. D hearts have plans or are do they just act on impulses especially in love?

Love is an emotion, is it?

Ok! Love is an emotion.

You see that's your problem. You are trying to 'rationalize' these things . . . you can't!

Don't you think the 'ultimate plan' to save us, which he doggedly saw through, was borne out of an emotion and not out of 'practicality'? Why on earth would he want to save us mere mortals with his own son's life? Do you think we deserved it one bit? We got ourself into trouble in the first place because we disobeyed him and ate the forbidden fruit, but he still chose to give up his son to die for us! Wht part of that is using his head?

I could argue endlessly with you over this and beleive me I can, but it doesn't prove anything!

Ujujoan:

You see that's your problem. You are trying to 'rationalize' these things . . . you can't!

Don't you think the 'ultimate plan' to save us, which he doggedly saw through, was borne out of an emotion and not out of 'practicality'? Why on earth would he want to save us mere mortals with his own son's life? Do you think we deserved it one bit? We got ourself into trouble in the first place because we disobeyed him and ate the forbidden fruit, but he still chose to give up his son to die for us! Wht part of that is using his head?

I could argue endlessly with you over this and beleive me I can, but it doesn't prove anything!

We are arguing? I thot we just were rubbing minds. Didnt know we were.

Anyway, if I decided to take U up on going on endlessly on religion I'd statr quoting out of scriptures and we'd derail from the topic and annoy the other people in the room.

Do U want us to do that? Cos I have time to burn and truth to reveal.

Onchedu:

We are arguing? I thot we just were rubbing minds. Didnt know we were.

Anyway, if I decided to take U up on going on endlessly on religion I'd statr quoting out of scriptures and we'd derail from the topic and annoy the other people in the room.

Do U want us to do that? Cos I have time to burn and truth to reveal.

lol!

Funny guy! I could take you up on the offer but I think I'll pass . .

Good girl!

andromida:

the simple truth is that nobody knows what is going through the guys mind but what evrybody is telling u is true in so many ways r/ships are complicated  but a guy being 12yrs older (esp in naija seems to me thats the kind of gal most of them like) than you shouldnt be a problem afterall he didnt have a probs with that when he was rocking things with you thats if you guys have done it if you knw wat i mean.YOU have to give him space nothing wrong in asking him howlong the break will be infact it is very important cos lots of time when people say they want break is cos they want to fly away.all you can do right now is siddon look pls dont belittle yourself running round and trying to talk him into loving you or staying or that you are worth it dnt make him be with you out of pity cos if he wants to leave you are just postponing the inevitable.

I already asked him even if he is indirectly telling me he's walking away he said break is break, that he wants to know if this is what he wants or not with the misunderstandings we've been having. That there is no time frame it could be sooner or longer and sometimes during that period, it's a make or break it. That he can't really tell. That's what he texted me back.
Gosh this hurts!

sorry love,man was trying 2 let u down easy,u r not taking the hint.

28Schweet:

sorry love,man was trying 2 let u down easy,u r not taking the hint.

She's not just taking the hint, but she's also setting herself up to get let down really hard!

Anyway, girls typically handle heartbreaks a lot better than guys so,

@OP
Might be best if you let go.

@ Poster, why are you making things difficult for urself? the guy is indirectly telling you to free him and give him som space, he does not want the relationship anymore, he is trying to make the break up more presentable by telling you he needs a break, abeg move on with your life, though it might hurt but you will get over it, i bet the guy was not inlove with you cuz age difference should not be an issue in a relationship, the ultimate is being happy together. so listen to the voice and advice of the elders and move on with your pretty life.

@onchedu i like your write up, it made alot of sense, thumbs up

CuteAngel:

@ Poster, why are you making things difficult for urself? the guy is indirectly telling you to free him and give him som space, he does not want the relationship anymore, he is trying to make the break up more presentable by telling you he needs a break, abeg move on with your life, though it might hurt but you will get over it, i bet the guy was not inlove with you cuz age difference should not be an issue in a relationship, the ultimate is being happy together. so listen to the voice and advice of the elders and move on with your pretty life.

@onchedu i like your write up, it made alot of sense, thumbs up

Thanks CuteAngel.

Hey, girl let him go! If I say I need time then, I am thru! My coming back would depend on how she works on her self during that interval. Believe me, it's not the age thing, maybe u behave kinda immatured. I know peeps who are 23 and behave 40, some are 40, but still think 19. Clinging to him will only drive him further away. Have you considered the fact that u might fall in love during the break?
He might really love you and not know, then maybe he will come back, but you have to move on with ur own life !st.

Thank you all for all your advice(s). I would do as said though it hurts so bad.

Lacrissa:

Thank you all for all your advice(s). I would do as said though it hurts so bad.

If you really love something let it go, if it comes back to you you never lost it, if it doesn't it was never really your's.

Ujujoan:

lol!

Funny guy! I could take you up on the offer but I think I'll pass . .

I was just abt to refer you guys to religion section. loool. em so pastors dey come romance?

Who sabi romance pass pastor wey dey fear God and know how him take love us?

so he is taking a break indefinately.i.e till further notice and this means you should move on.sorry it must hurt bad.

Please allow him to process this in his mind at his own time, he is entitled to it. If he comes back to you and says he wants out well so be it there's nothing wrong in that and dont feel bad about it. Sometimes people need to be allowed the freedom to take decisions even if the decision is not in our favour. Give blessings to him so he can find the one he really really want to be with and should be with, who knows that actually that soemone mignt just be you.

Dont wait for him carry on with life like you should and claim back your control.

@poster

have u slept with him?  if No then let him take as much break as he loves.

If Yes then he has had his cake and he wants out.

Remember he is older and should know better, if you where the one taking a break then we can understand.

But honestly, I believe u are either too young to be dating or choking him with love
(***you are at his place in his absence and plan to wait for him to come back***).

If you are too young to be dating then he feels embarrassed showing you off as his girlfriend.

If you are choking him then he feels you will soon become a burden to him.

Healthy relationships always strike a balance between love and work.
I hope you have not done the sleeping part because the rejection will break your heart.

But I pray that God sends you a true friend and you learn that love and intimacy are miles apart!

@OP
Why do you seem to have issues with your bf's
First it was the issue of height, then the age difference and now the dreaded "taking a break" issue.


Why don't you just take a break yourself to decide on what you want as well as concentrating on what matters with the added bonus of letting everything else fall naturally into place.

Good luck still

"Taking a break" means:I want to play the feild and date other people(see what happens),

but since meeting/hooking up with girls is kind of hard sometimes,I want to keep you on hold

in case I don't meet someone better than you.If I don't meet anyone better than you,then I

can go back to having se.x and stuff with you because you're probably going to be sitting there

waiting with a broken heart until I call you. And when I do call,you'll be like a desperate dog to see

and you'll jump through hoops to see me happy so I don't "'break" again!




DUMP HIS SORRY BUTT.

@Lacrissa, i decided to go through your previous posts and this is what i have to say.

At 21, you are not too old, infact you just started life.
Your problems now stems from the fact that you seem desperate to marry ( Am not insulting you, infact, you might not know that this is the signal your sending off), but the truth is that people you are with can sense this.

Men don't take breaks, if they do, it has to be for a reason , we usually break up or cause you to do the break up.

A man could take a break because he sees a potential in you( Something he values so much), and doesn't want to leave you.

Now ask yourself what does he stand to gain (Visa, money, companionship , love , )
This answer would determine if the guy wants to use you as a means to an end or just wants to end up with you.

Sometimes when people ask for advice, people supply advice based on what is seen on the surface, and don't try to find out the root cause.

Now you said you guys were having this quarrels lately.

I would say that your childish tendencies were being thrown up. you might ask how i know, you mentioned some of it here, but i would say from your other posts.

First you post on how pretty you are and how your family talks about it and how many guys are toasting you( am paraphrasing). If unfortunately this happens in the presence of this man, and he sees your encouraging it, it sends the wrong signal.

secondly, you complain about his height, that your 5.7 and he is 5.6

Thirdly, i hope he is not the ugly rich Man you once talked of.

Do you think you have been so touchy lately or nagging or have you said some hurting words, that could be part of it.

Now to the solution part.

forget about marriage for now, so that you don't emit signals of being desperate
add value to your life and be a better person cos the guy is not blind, we men like value and can see one.
Give him a call and say that you are sorry for all the things you've done and he can take his break and decide what he wants (This is not a sign of weakness).
Once in a while( probably once in a week or 2 weeks) drop by, and tell him you wanted to be sure he was doing fine and ok.
If you used to help him out with somethings around the house, do it without expecting anything in return.( If you didn't, think of something you could help him out with in the house).
Note!! No sex, cos if you do then your break would be tending to infinity.

Finally your young and have lots of stuffs you need to accomplish in live, while your heart is in action, control it with your head.

@Lacrissa, i decided to go through your previous posts and this is what i have to say.

At 21, you are not too old, infact you just started life.
Your problems now stems from the fact that you seem desperate to marry ( Am not insulting you, infact, you might not know that this is the signal your sending off), but the truth is that people you are with can sense this.

Men don't take breaks, if they do, it has to be for a reason , we usually break up or cause you to do the break up.

A man could take a break because he sees a potential in you( Something he values so much), and doesn't want to leave you.

Now ask yourself what does he stand to gain (Visa, money, companionship , love , )
This answer would determine if the guy wants to use you as a means to an end or just wants to end up with you.

Sometimes when people ask for advice, people supply advice based on what is seen on the surface, and don't try to find out the root cause.

Now you said you guys were having this quarrels lately.

I would say that your childish tendencies were being thrown up. you might ask how i know, you mentioned some of it here, but i would say from your other posts.

First you post on how pretty you are and how your family talks about it and how many guys are toasting you( am paraphrasing). If unfortunately this happens in the presence of this man, and he sees your encouraging it, it sends the wrong signal.

secondly, you complain about his height, that your 5.7 and he is 5.6

Thirdly, i hope he is not the ugly rich Man you once talked of.

Do you think you have been so touchy lately or nagging or have you said some hurting words, that could be part of it.

Now to the solution part.

forget about marriage for now, so that you don't emit signals of being desperate
add value to your life and be a better person cos the guy is not blind, we men like value and can see one.
Give him a call and say that you are sorry for all the things you've done and he can take his break and decide what he wants (This is not a sign of weakness).
Once in a while( probably once in a week or 2 weeks) drop by, and tell him you wanted to be sure he was doing fine and ok.
If you used to help him out with somethings around the house, do it without expecting anything in return.( If you didn't, think of something you could help him out with in the house).
Note!! No intimacy, cos if you do then your break would be tending to infinity.

Finally your young and have lots of stuffs you need to accomplish in live, while your heart is in action, control it with your head.

clintwine:

@Lacrissa, i decided to go through your previous posts and this is what i have to say.

At 21, you are not too old, infact you just started life.
Your problems now stems from the fact that you seem desperate to marry ( Am not insulting you, infact, you might not know that this is the signal your sending off), but the truth is that people you are with can sense this.

Men don't take breaks, if they do, it has to be for a reason , we usually break up or cause you to do the break up.

A man could take a break because he sees a potential in you( Something he values so much), and doesn't want to leave you.

Now ask yourself what does he stand to gain (Visa, money, companionship , love , )
This answer would determine if the guy wants to use you as a means to an end or just wants to end up with you.

Sometimes when people ask for advice, people supply advice based on what is seen on the surface, and don't try to find out the root cause.

Now you said you guys were having this quarrels lately.

I would say that your childish tendencies were being thrown up. you might ask how i know, you mentioned some of it here, but i would say from your other posts.

First you post on how pretty you are and how your family talks about it and how many guys are toasting you( am paraphrasing). If unfortunately this happens in the presence of this man, and he sees your encouraging it, it sends the wrong signal.

secondly, you complain about his height, that your 5.7 and he is 5.6

Thirdly, i hope he is not the ugly rich Man you once talked of.

Do you think you have been so touchy lately or nagging or have you said some hurting words, that could be part of it.

I would have to admit, it's like you've been around me in person seeing everything. I'm not 21. I know I am young but is there any crime in wanting to settle early which I mus admit again, I feel like you said I have been showing signals of wanting to settle down and marry maybe should not have been the case.

For what he stands to gain, I have a lot to offer, It doesn't have to be money but genuine love, companionship and all those though not saying I'm perfect.

He hasn't met my family yet. Maybe my showing desperation of wanting to settle down was not to lose him because of the age difference and his concern that I might not want to settle down, I was only showing him, I am willing to settle down. Age is just a number after all I am very mature for my age.

Yes his height was a problem but as you get to know someone and see other qualities, I was willing to work through it. I never said he was ugly and rich.

For your last question, yes I have been a little touchy because I felt since I admitted my feelings to him, I'm scared of being taken for granted so most times, I've been too judgemental of what he says which he also said is the reason of the break which also made him remember the age difference he once mentioned was a concern. Yes I said some hurtful words like sometimes he behaves insensitive so I ask why he's behaving cold and things like maybe that's why his ex left him and all. That he should be more sensitive.

jay bee:

@OP
Why do you seem to have issues with your bf's
First it was the issue of height, then the age difference and now the dreaded "taking a break" issue.


Why don't you just take a break yourself to decide on what you want as well as concentrating on what matters with the added bonus of letting everything else fall naturally into place.

Good luck still

Thanks Jaybee. Yes the height was a problem before I got deeper and got to know him and his other qualities. The age difference was what he mentioned as a concern because according to him, he had never done it, but seeing I'm different and the chemistry was willing to work with it and with time, would completely erase the concern, that's what he told me.

I don't really believe in breaks. What's difficult in having someone and also concentrating on your future and all but I guess like you said, let everything else fall naturally into place.

SA Lady:

Please allow him to process this in his mind at his own time, he is entitled to it. If he comes back to you and says he wants out well so be it there's nothing wrong in that and dont feel bad about it. Sometimes people need to be allowed the freedom to take decisions even if the decision is not in our favour. Give blessings to him so he can find the one he really really want to be with and should be with, who knows that actually that soemone mignt just be you.

Dont wait for him carry on with life like you should and claim back your control.

Thanks, that's what I've decided to do. You cannot beg someone to stay with you.

ursa:

@poster

have u slept with him? if No then let him take as much break as he loves.

If Yes then he has had his cake and he wants out.

Remember he is older and should know better, if you where the one taking a break then we can understand.

But honestly, I believe u are either too young to be dating or choking him with love
(***you are at his place in his absence and plan to wait for him to come back***).

If you are too young to be dating then he feels embarrassed showing you off as his girlfriend.

If you are choking him then he feels you will soon become a burden to him.

Healthy relationships always strike a balance between love and work.
I hope you have not done the sleeping part because the rejection will break your heart.

But I pray that God sends you a true friend and you learn that love and intimacy are miles apart!

Thanks Ursa.
I am not too young and in the beginning, he was taking me everywhere, showing me off and introduced his friends to me. I wish I could post my pic but oh well. That should not be the problem and at 22 soon 23 as we know time waits for no one, I don't think I'm too young.
As for choking him, looking back, i feel I might have shown him too much love already and it's not even up to 6 months.

andromida:

so he is taking a break indefinately.i.e till further notice and this means you should move on.sorry it must hurt bad.

Yes in as much as it hurts, I know life must go on. Thanks.

minute:

"Taking a break" means:I want to play the feild and date other people(see what happens),

but since meeting/hooking up with girls is kind of hard sometimes,I want to keep you on hold

in case I don't meet someone better than you.If I don't meet anyone better than you,then I

can go back to having se.x and stuff with you because you're probably going to be sitting there

waiting with a broken heart until I call you. And when I do call,you'll be like a desperate dog to see

and you'll jump through hoops to see me happy so I don't "'break" again!




DUMP HIS SORRY BUTT.

He is a very busy man. I doubt it's because of seeing other women. He even told me, it wasn't like he's talking to other women or tring to, as I saw, he is very busy and rarely has time.

@lacrissa, i posted a post with my analysis and solution, and it was deleted, i decided to break it into two parts, the analysis was allowed, while the solution was deleted, i would repost the solution again

Now to the solution part.

forget about marriage for now, so that you don't emit signals of being desperate
add value to your life and be a better person cos the guy is not blind, we men like value and can see one.
Give him a call and say that you are sorry for all the things you've done and he can take his break and decide what he wants (This is not a sign of weakness).
Once in a while( probably once in a week or 2 weeks) drop by, and tell him you wanted to be sure he was doing fine and ok.
If you used to help him out with somethings around the house, do it without expecting anything in return.( If you didn't, think of something you could help him out with in the house).
Note!! No intimacy, cos if you do then your break would be tending to infinity.

Finally your young and have lots of stuffs you need to accomplish in live, while your heart is in action, control it with your head.