Well, I'm about to get married in matter of months. Though not in the country, I make effort to make her have smooth relationship with my dad and siblings who are in Nigeria and my mom who is in Usa suggested I have her go sleep over at dads, dad even concurred apparently aimed at making their bond better and also observe her. We spoke about it few weeks ago, she agreed... even reminded her today( Sunday) but I was shocked when she went ahead to seek permission from her family ppl after we had agreed. Now declining to do as we agreed. Now this is not first instance of such happening. My work makes me touch bonny port atleast once in two months just for few hours. In bid to raise funds and Drop some stuff we agreed she come to bonny to pick them up, we agreed and all. I was Surprised she told me she spoke with her brother who told her not to and she stood by it. I'm not very good in making decisions but I think it's a red flag for me. I think she will be the kinda of woman that will allow her family influence and decisions overrides what we both agree as couples.. It hurts me she spills every little stuff we talk about as couples to be. I think at this point we need some level of independence and discreetness from her.... I may be wrong, so correct me if I am wrong. I am seeking advise from those who are experienced in the game of marriage to give me nature advise pls!

I don't see any wrong in her telling her family people about her where abouts. The only thing she did wrong was to go against the decisions you two have already agreed upon.

You are yet to owe her.

Until she becomes your wife, you don't need to bother much about how she seeks advice from her parents.

Please remind her your the man and you both initial agreement needs to stand.
Your about tying the knot with this kind of attitude from your suppose finance isn't a good one remembering it's marriage and not relationship.
The early you correct errors the better for you both personality ND your marriage.
This kind of attitude brings discord and control.
She needs to be self reliant.

Cutehector:
I don't see any wrong in her telling her family people about her where abouts. The only thing she did wrong was to go against the decisions you two have already agreed upon.

So what do you advise?

Neiy:
Please remind her your the man and you both initial agreement needs to stand.
Your about tying the knot with this kind of attitude from your suppose finance isn't a good one remembering it's marriage and not relationship.
The early you correct errors the better for you both personality ND your marriage.
This kind of attitude brings discord and control.
She needs to be self reliant.

Thanks man, I've made concerted efforts in this direction. It hurts me real bad. I think I'll take heave on the slack. Thnx bro

koife:

So what do you advise?

its just something that requires discussion. Have a chat with her and tell her you don't like it when you two agree on something and she goes against the discussion.

koife:

So what do you advise?

You are asking achikd who still.lives with his parents to advise you?

Do go speak to your uncle's and aunts

Smh

I for talk,but lemme shut my mouth

why is she avoiding your family members?
in my village,it's a norm the lady in question spends some days with her father/mother inlaw.


have you asked her the reasons behind the disagreements?

Preshy561:
why is she avoiding your family members?
in my village,it's a norm the lady in question spends some days with her father/mother inlaw.


have you asked her the reasons behind the disagreements?

I really can't tell, but from what i gathered my dad likes her so much and she too likes my dad. She actually agreed to go visit him but not sleep over.

Don't even know what to type here as usual

My take:
The OP is guilty of the same crime his Would Be allegedly committed.
It was even his family that came up with the idea of the girl going to spend sometime with his dad
She's only a friend and not yet a wife
For now, her family's opinion should not be disregarded by her
I've not even heard the girl's side of the story self

kus4fame:
Don't even know what to type here as usual

My take:
The OP is guilty of the same crime his Would Be allegedly committed.
It was even his family that came up with the idea of the girl going to spend sometime with his dad
She's only a friend and not yet a wife
For now, her family's opinion should not be disregarded by her
I've not even heard the girl's side of the story self

ok noted

koife:

I really can't tell, but from what i gathered my dad likes her so much and she too likes my dad. She actually agreed to go visit him but not sleep over.

have you asked her why she doesn't want to sleep over?

If I'm in this kind of situation


I will just CUT the marriage the way Igbo people do use to CUT a film of 10 seasons into 1 Season

Not time to be with a lady who can't decide by herself without her Family

OP, God will help you with your relationship

Preshy561:

have you asked her why she doesn't want to sleep over?

All she said was it doesn't seem right since in not married to her and that her mom didn't approve of it

HeWrites:
If I'm in this kind of situation


I will just CUT the marriage the way Igbo people do use to CUT a film of 10 seasons into 1 Season

Not time to be with a lady who can't decide by herself without her Family

OP, God will help you with your relationship

I do really care for her and don't think taking such rash decisions would help her in any way

koife:
I do really care for her and don't think taking such rash decisions would help her in any way

That's not an advice o.

Just trying to be funny

Follow IamD18

The lady didnot do anything wrong since she is still under the custody of her parents, she we tell them abt her movement and she we held to their advise, cus she own them the respect to alway obey them

i broke it off with my virgin GF when she did that shìt. when i seduced you and took your virginity you didnt ask for your family's advice now moving on you have to be runing to them??
screw that! go date them

koife:
All she said was it doesn't seem right since in not married to her and that her mom didn't approve of it

I don't know what to say again.


allow her to visit your dad first though.

MISEDUCATIONS:
i broke it off with my virgin GF when she did that shìt. when i seduced you and took your virginity you didnt ask for your family's advice now moving on you have to be runing to them??
screw that! go date them

You keep changing moniker.
btw,nobody asked about your relationship iissue and when you broke up with your gf.


so you mean he should break up with his fiancèe because of this?

My brother listen carefully, let me ask you some questions.
since you have started your relationship,did she use to tell her family all ur private or vital discussion with her?

if yes is it all what both of you agreed that her family disagree with ?

as a man and his husband to be , did you tell or have called her that your private discussion as husband and wife to be should not be shared with third parties.


Do you think she will stop broadcasting your discussion with her family after married?


talking from experience
it's totally bad for third parties to know that both of you have misunderstanding if arrived to the extend of informing any of your family.

I don't look at it on your point but answer my question to know what to do.REMEMBER,Marriage is not what you do today and tomorrow you will say I'm not doing again.LIFE CONTRACT. TILL DEATH DO US APART. nothing like I don't like her character but I will manage it.no manage in married.

Good bless

Preshy561:

You keep changing moniker.
btw,nobody asked about your relationship iissue and when you broke up with your gf.


so you mean he should break up with his fiancèe because of this?

i was not telling you but OP. walk away.

Please hav u heard anything about FBNI grad trainee invitation for assessment lately?

koife:
Well, I'm about to get married in matter of months. Though not in the country, I make effort to make her have smooth relationship with my dad and siblings who are in Nigeria and my mom who is in Usa suggested I have her go sleep over at dads, dad even concurred apparently aimed at making their bond better and also observe her. We spoke about it few weeks ago, she agreed... even reminded her today( Sunday) but I was shocked when she went ahead to seek permission from her family ppl after we had agreed. Now declining to do as we agreed. Now this is not first instance of such happening. My work makes me touch bonny port atleast once in two months just for few hours. In bid to raise funds and Drop some stuff we agreed she come to bonny to pick them up, we agreed and all. I was Surprised she told me she spoke with her brother who told her not to and she stood by it. I'm not very good in making decisions but I think it's a red flag for me. I think she will be the kinda of woman that will allow her family influence and decisions overrides what we both agree as couples.. It hurts me she spills every little stuff we talk about as couples to be. I think at this point we need some level of independence and discreetness from her.... I may be wrong, so correct me if I am wrong. I am seeking advise from those who are experienced in the game of marriage to give me nature advise pls!

You said it all, you are not good at decision making.

Dear Op believe it or not, it's a red flag. You might not see any reason to worry today but might or will look back tomorrow wishing you had taken a decisive action.
Nobody likes to b married today & separated or divorced tomorrow. If you know you can manage it, go ahead. If not, go ur separate ways b4 you do something you will regret

External influence is bad for any union