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Stats: 2,209,438 members, 4,821,639 topics. Date: Monday, 18 March 2019 at 08:42 PM
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by feyorpe: 10:21pm On Jun 10, 2018|
Good write up! But pls make it more bulky... �
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 11:21pm On Jun 10, 2018|
Meanwhile micheal's friends took him to their crib (micheal and his friends live outside the school), a little description about michael, he is the son of a senator although his father forced him to school abroad but he insisted on schooling in unilag and as daddy's boy his father decided to let him be but showered him with luxuries.Micheal is a tall, dark guy with a curly hair, he is the real definition of an african prince with a pink lips but he is a spoilt brat. A lot of girls folk around him but he only uses girls and dump them that moment. Micheal is a level two law student, he paid that lecturer to allow him be in tracy's group and the lecturer is a relative of his. He roll with the big boys on campus.
Micheal's friends laid him in the huge bed and kelvin called a female nurse while micheal just laid on the bed thinking and laughing when bob noticed it he called unto others.
Bob: hey guys what's up with micheal, ever since we brought him in he has been smiling
Kelvin: although i am angry with that but doesn't she remind you guys of someone
Kelly: yeah micheal's sis
They all laughed except for micheal
Micheal : will you guys just shut up it not funny
kelvin: are you kidding me, bro did you remember those time when she beats you up ( they all laughed again)
Micheal : quit annoying me but i think that girl tracy really likes me, didn't you all heard what she said about being single maybe she is indirectly telling me to court her
Kelvin : dude i think the effect of slap is still working in ur system, good thing i called a sexy nurse...
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Godwindanielboy(m): 11:40pm On Jun 10, 2018|
The effect of the slap is really working. Thanks a lot for the update. Keep it up.
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 12:01am On Jun 11, 2018|
Micheal : if any lady come in here am gonna embarrass her(kelvin quickly called the nurse and told her not to come)
David : micheal so what's ur next plan
Micheal : chill hommies when the time arrive to execute my plan, am gonna let you all know,
Kelvin : woa that girl really slapped you hard, will you listen to urself you haven't even said what the plan is
Micheal didn't say thing, he just laid there thinking and smiling.
Meanwhile tracy felt too weak to walk to the hostel with the beating she got from nikky's girls so she took a bike to her hostel, when she got into her room she saw naomi sitting in her bed while checking the time and door, when tracy walked in naomi quickly ran and hugged her..
Naomi: are you okay, i heard the notorious nikky and her gang attacked you
Tracytracy just starred at her like she was insane before answering her) so you knew and ur still asking if am okay huh
Naomi: why re you starring at me like that, i was only being concerned, why not come live with me for a while
Tracy: no thanks i can handle the situation
naomi boiled a hot water to massage tracy's body, she bought food from a restaurant for tracy after which she left to her apartment.
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Godwindanielboy(m): 12:04am On Jun 11, 2018|
Thanks for the update. God bless.
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Neoteny(m): 7:17am On Jun 11, 2018|
Not everyone is born to be a writer.
This one most certainly isn't.
5 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 7:28am On Jun 11, 2018|
When i said criticism was allowed, i never meant what you typed above, if i made a mistake with my sentence contruction tell me don't judge me
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Dazzle86(f): 7:31am On Jun 11, 2018|
tracyberry:Why not call him her father not biological father.
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Neoteny(m): 7:35am On Jun 11, 2018|
No don't take it bad.
Everyone's head is full of stories they wanna share, but putting it to paper proves whether one has a flair for writing. You will eventually improve, but you're not there yet.
Don't let this discourage you.
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Dazzle86(f): 7:57am On Jun 11, 2018|
Needs lots of improvement.
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 8:09am On Jun 11, 2018|
Tracy skipped lectures for few days because of the whole drama with micheal and cause of the wound given to her by nikky girls. On thursday when she had gotten better and was cleaning her room when her phone rang when she checked who it is, she found out it was an unknown caller and the only people with her number was her parents and naomi so she decided to pick the call.
Unknown caller: hello tracy
tracy: hi,pls who am i speaking with
Unknown caller: it max, why have you been missing lectures,
Tracy: but how did you get my number
Unknown: that ain't important, we will have test on friday which is tomorrow and so come to lagoon park by 3:00 let's read together and i could you my notes on the area you missed (the unknown caller ended the call)
By 2:30 tracy was already in the lagoon park waiting for stranger who called her, while sitting there she admired the park and since she was there early she decided to troll around it, when trolling she noticed a large group of girl all smoking and drinking, when she was about to passed them she heard a female voice say
girl : hey come here
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by MhiztaRange(m): 8:39am On Jun 11, 2018|
your updates short pass mini Penn*s, and there are so much typographical error which you ought to correct, nice story though.
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 8:40am On Jun 11, 2018|
Thanks for telling me, i will try my best.
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 8:41am On Jun 11, 2018|
thanks i will try making the updates longer
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Dakorr: 8:42am On Jun 11, 2018|
Well done bro but please try and finish the story
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 9:10am On Jun 11, 2018|
When tracy heard the female voice she became weak and thought of the things she has been through ever since she came to the sch.
Tracy: ooooo lord now why am i being called, ever since i came to this sch, i have been jumping from one trouble to the other, why did i bother coming to this place maybe it was a prank, oooo when i find out who did this he or she will regret it, while tracy was still thinking she was brought back reality with ahot slap.
Girl 1: you dey mad abi na highness dey do you ( tracy wanted to retaliate but remembered her last experience with those cultist girls so she just stood still massaging her cheek)
Girl 2: carry her come this way make we treat her fuckup
Girl 3: yes carry the jouncin girl come make we reason her mata
The girl who slapped tracy pushed her to where the rest of the girls were.
Girl 2: wait oooo i know shema, na she slap micheal for class
Girl 1: so for ur mind now you dey popular, so you don thick liver wey make you slap the bobo
Girl 4: before i dey her for our gathering but she don Bleep up
Girl 3: make she entertain us small before we go know wetin to do with her
Girl 1: you head dey there, oya standing up make you dance for us she said to tracy
2 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 9:11am On Jun 11, 2018|
Am a girl
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 9:38am On Jun 11, 2018|
It cause my phone is a small phone with a lot of faults
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Dakorr: 9:41am On Jun 11, 2018|
OK Tracyberry weldon
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by nnamdiosu(m): 10:32am On Jun 11, 2018|
Nice intro. Love it honey. However, if you must move from a good writer to a great writer, you must ensure the following in your write ups....which I didn't see...
1. Proof read your write ups for grammatical errors. Surprisingly, this is best done (on this forum) by reading what you just posted...after posting it. Because of the short typing box on the phone , it might be hard to note the errors.
2. You appear to be in a hurry in your narrative of the story. Let me explain. Writing is like explaining a scene to a deaf friend. You need to out yourself in our shoes to know how to explain to us. E.g when telling us about Tracy, (the main lead), you should have described her to us. Is she fair, dark, tall, chubby, tribal marks etc.
The car that splashed water on her: was it a Benz, black car, jeep, etc
The environment: was it cloudy, windy, rainy etc
Since you said unilag, you should have used a familiar place in unilag, maybe moremi hostel by the car park. This is a real place in unilag. If you had done this, it would ha e given us your readers a more real life feeling. All of us AT ONCE WOULD HAVE PICTURED MOREMI HOSTEL (for those of us that have been there). Also, citing the place at the car park gives more credence and all. That's why writers research on the story before writing. You ought to have visited unilag or even asked someone who has been there to describe popular places for you to infuse into your story.
A. You don't rush when giving a story. Let us imagine we are there.describe the buildings or road.
B. Also know we are blind when reading a story. Describe even little things for us. The gentle breeze blowing was swaying the tress, people were slowly strolling in twos or threes....Thats why great artist even look for sounds to use...
But this is a great start my dear. Look into my critiques up....you surely will make a fantastic writer. Kudos
20 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 11:09am On Jun 11, 2018|
Thanks a lot i will try my best
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Emeraldgist1(f): 11:38am On Jun 11, 2018|
Neoteny:*Scoffs* Idiot and u could follow the story to dz level...... write urs lemme access it self acclaimed Competent writer...ode...
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Emeraldgist1(f): 11:41am On Jun 11, 2018|
tracyberry:dere are some senseless idiots dat don't worth your reply....
....Am loving dz story Abeg continue...... and Pls mention me oooo......
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by tracyberry(f): 11:54am On Jun 11, 2018|
The girls had with them an mp3 player so they changed the song to runtown titled bend pause and increased the volume while they continued smoking and drinking.
Girl 3: oya no vex me, start to dance follow the beat make you bend down pause
Girl 1: and make you twerk ooooo before i release another slap for ur face
Tracy felt weak and embarrass, tears kept falling from her eyes down her cheek while she danced, she silently prayed for God to rescue from this girls.
The girls were occultic girls, they were sitted in the place where a lot lovers usually sit in the lagoon park, they were eleven in numbers and from their colour and mode of dressing one could tell they belonged, they wore a mixture of red and yellow tops with bumshorts, some of them wore just red mini gown with yellow snicker and yellow barrect or handker tied to their head as a symbol of oness amongst them, they smoked weed like their life depended on it but there was who didn't say a word among the girls but listened kept starring at tracy, she was dressed in black crop top, black bum short, red snicker and red barrect.
Tracy is a fair girl with an average height, she is curvy and hardly smiles, she is from a poor home where they value education but could only sponsor one of their child. Tracy hardly speaks or make friends and she never allow anybody to step on her toes.
While tracy was dancing, the girls mocked her dancing steps.
Girl 1: na wetin you dey
Girl 2: come on shake that booty for us
Girl 3: if na ur bobo tell you to shake you for don over do
One of the girls slap her ass and tracy stopped dancing and faced her.
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Neoteny(m): 12:40pm On Jun 11, 2018|
Look at this biitch foaming at the mouth.
Is it my fault you're frustrated due to joblessness?
Pathetic useless stinking bastard, fukk off!
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Folashadee(f): 1:06pm On Jun 11, 2018|
nice story but not well composed
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by chrysan(f): 1:34pm On Jun 11, 2018|
Good story but u need to work on typos and also paragraph ur work, let's see d fullstop and comma, apart from ur writing mistake, u have a Nice story here, keep it up
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by chrysan(f): 2:11pm On Jun 11, 2018|
mention me in ur next update
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Emeraldgist1(f): 2:40pm On Jun 11, 2018|
Neoteny:Oh poo... ur reply came so late I was thinking u were doomed already........
who is d frustrated one here??
u never saw a good thing in a person's write up cos of ur overfrustrated bleeping life.... Go get a life...
Anyway it takes a PATHETIC USELESS STINKING BASTARD to recognise one Ooooo......
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by Joylove0267: 2:55pm On Jun 11, 2018|
nice one, but tracy learn how to stop slapping people ooo
|Re: Chronicles Of Tracy by geeudy(f): 3:54pm On Jun 11, 2018|
Nice plot but lacks insightful Presentation. Work on that please. Welldone
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