Dear Jzhane,

Please hide my identity cos I am afraid even as I write this. I don't want anyone who knows me to trace this back to me. My name is Banke (not real name). I am 20 years old. I got married last year at the age of 19 to a man that is 48 years old. He is a from a different faith as me. I am a christian and he is not.

Actually,things have not been easy for my family. My father died when I was 13. I have six other siblings and my mother is a petty trader. It was very hard to cater for all of us. I had to ....

...read and comment on full story on the blog so the writer can get some objective advice :



https://livelystones.com.ng/i-was-forced-to-marry-a-man-half-my-agenow-my-life-is-at-risk/

This life self!

Injustice plenty for this part of the world

FULL STORY

Dear Jzhane,

Please hide my identity cos I am afraid even as I write this. I don’t want anyone who knows me to trace this back to me. My name is Banke (not real name). I am 20 years old. I got married last year at the age of 19 to a man that is 48 years old. He is a from a different faith as me. I am a christian and he is not.

Actually,things have not been easy for my family. My father died when I was 13. I have six other siblings and my mother is a petty trader. It was very hard to cater for all of us. I had to drop out of school. I began to do petty trading and house girl work until my mother forcefully arranged for me to be married to this 48 years old man.

I have been married for over a year and I am seriously not happy. I cried the day I was married off. I wanted to run away but I couldn’t cos I was scared. I have been crying almost day for the last one year. In this marriage,my husband does not talk to me. the only interaction we have is when he wants s*x. I am lonely. He is hardly at home. I hear rumors that he has another woman who has a child for him that he spends most of his time with. I can’t even try to talk to him,there is no relationship with him at all.

Recently,I have been thinking I cannot continue like this. If I do,I will die of misery in this marriage. His father,my father in law has also been threatening me.The father in law is a mean man. Rumor has it that he is fetish and he does not want any of his children to do well in life hence,my husband and none of his siblings are rich. But my greatest fear is that my father in law has threatened to kill me if I dare try to leave this marriage.

I feel like I am in prison. I need help. What can I do? I feel like running away but I feel also that the father in law will trace me and hurt me. Please,help me ma. My life is not worth living like this. I need help fast.

 

From Banke (Not real name)

Kwara State

Beke2020:
Dear Jzhane,

Please hide my identity cos I am afraid even as I write this. I don't want anyone who knows me to trace this back to me. My name is Banke (not real name). I am 20 years old. I got married last year at the age of 19 to a man that is 48 years old. He is a from a different faith as me. I am a christian and he is not.

Actually,things have not been easy for my family. My father died when I was 13. I have six other siblings and my mother is a petty trader. It was very hard to cater for all of us. I had to ....

...read and comment on full story on the blog so the writer can get some objective advice :



https://livelystones.com.ng/i-was-forced-to-marry-a-man-half-my-agenow-my-life-is-at-risk/

The bolded: that's exactly why Africa will never prosper & will forever be locked in a never-ending cycle of poverty, generation after generation.

:onot everybody my friend or are you not an African? [ quote author=XhosaNostra post=68950425]

The bolded: that's exactly why Africa will never prosper & will forever be locked in a never-ending cycle of poverty, generation after generation. [/quote]

Beke2020:
:onot everybody my friend or are you not an African? [ quote author=XhosaNostra post=68950425]

The bolded: that's exactly why Africa will never prosper & will forever be locked in a never-ending cycle of poverty, generation after generation.

Of course I'm an African. What do you mean by "not everybody"? Is it not in Africa where you always see people who shouldn't be having children, having them by a bucket load? Ding! Ding! African countries top the world's breeding statistics & yet we're plagued by poverty, collectively. More children, more mouths to feed, which requires more money. It's common sense. Which unfortunately is a foreign concept to the majority.

Lying specialist!

I feel you wella. In my office we have two dispatch men, one has just one child and the other nine. I asked the one with one kid, want happen is his wife having challenge conceiving. He said no. He just want to to bring him up well. I was shocked

XhosaNostra:



Of course I'm an African. What do you mean by "not everybody"? Is it not in Africa where you always see people who shouldn't be having children, having them by a bucket load? Ding! Ding! African countries top the world's breeding statistics & yet we're plagued by poverty, collectively. More children, more mouths to feed, which requires more money. It's common sense. Which unfortunately is a foreign concept to the majority.

Beke2020:
I feel you wella. In my office we have two dispatch men, one has just one child and the other nine. I asked the one with one kid, want happen is his wife having challenge conceiving. He said no. He just want to to bring him up well. I was shocked

A very smart & responsible parent he is.

For the life of me, I don't understand why anyone would have 9 children, whether they can afford it or not. It sounds like a nightmare. A life takeover of sorts lol.

Personally, I grew up as an only child, because my older sibling is considerably older. So I kind of subscribe to the thinking of having very few children, 2 at most. Because you wanna be able to give them the best, without having to worry about an entire football team of them.

XhosaNostra:


A very smart & responsible parent he is.

For the life of me, I don't understand why anyone would have 9 children, whether they can afford it or not. It sounds like a nightmare. A life takeover of sorts lol.

Personally, I grew up as an only child, because my older sibling is considerably older. So I kind of subscribe to the thinking of having very few children, 2 at most. Because you wanna be able to give them the best, without having to worry about an entire football team of them.

What I see here (in the north of Nigeria is crazy. You see a man who works as a driver but has 2 wives and like 9 children and planning to marry a third. At the end of the day each woman is left to fend for her kids. She is barely educated and starts some petty trade l. He brings nothing home, lords it over them, then in some cases takes the little they eke out.

Jaqenhghar:

What I see here (in the north of Nigeria is crazy. You see a man who works as a driver but has 2 wives and like 9 children and planning to marry a third. At the end of the day each woman is left to fend for her kids. She is barely educated and starts some petty trade l. He brings nothing home, lords it over them, then in some cases takes the little they eke out.

That's sad. I don't even know what to say. I can't imagine being married to a polygamous loser lol. In a situation like that, I'd secretly use birth control.

XhosaNostra:



That's sad. I don't even know what to say. I can't imagine being married to a polygamous loser lol. In a situation like that, I'd secretly use birth control.

Some women do but risk being divorced if their husbands find out. The irresponsible man if you ask him how he intends to fend for them, will tell you God will provide. Its crazy I tell u

[quote author=Jaqenhghar post=68964735]
Some women do but risk being divorced if their husbands find out. The irresponsible man if you ask him how he intends to fend for them, will tell you God will provide. Its crazy I tell u[/quote]

The bolded, I've heard those exact same words from a Somali woman. I was flabbergasted. It makes absolutely no sense. Honestly, people like that make me angry because their "God" becomes other people, that they end up mooching off of. It's really annoying.

As for being divorced, it doesn't sound like a bad idea if he's useless anyway lol.

[quote author=XhosaNostra post=68965169][/quote]
Its mostly Muslims that say such. God will provide. If you try to enlighten them they will say yoy are attacking their faith. Next they lynch you or worse they get together and start burning churches and slaughtering christians

Jaqenhghar:

Its mostly Muslims that say such. God will provide. If you try to enlighten them they will say yoy are attacking their faith. Next they lynch you or worse they get together and start burning churches and slaughtering christians

Eish, thank God they're not doing that here just yet. In recent months, there have been two mosque attacks. It was them attacking their own, slit throats & all. It's still worrisome because you don't know if it won't escalate to detonating bombs etc. In fact, in one of the mosques they discovered a bomb!

XhosaNostra:


Eish, thank God they're not doing that here just yet. In recent months, there have been two mosque attacks. It was them attacking their own, slit throats & all. It's still worrisome because you don't know if it won't escalate to detonating bombs etc. In fact, in one of the mosques they discovered a bomb!

Wow. Thats new. Anyway stay vigilant. They have a way of spreading their misery. They may even start accusing you non -muslims of perpetuating those crimes

Jaqenhghar:

Wow. Thats new. Anyway stay vigilant. They have a way of spreading their misery. They may even start accusing you non -muslims of perpetuating those crimes

Gosh, I hope it never comes to that. We have issues currently with Malema's minions & don't need any more anarchy. I'm just sick of everything about South Africa, TBH. Never thought I'd ever say that lol.

XhosaNostra:


Gosh, I hope it never comes to that. We have issues currently with Malema's minions & don't need any more anarchy. I'm just sick of everything about South Africa, TBH. Never thought I'd ever say that lol.

Hahahaha. Its everywhere dear. The americans are conplaining, the Canadians are complainng, the Brits, the italians name it....

Jaqenhghar:

Hahahaha. Its everywhere dear. The americans are conplaining, the Canadians are complainng, the Brits, the italians name it....

Yeah, I've noticed. It's difficult to swallow when it's closer to home though. There's a grief that comes with it. Nobody wants to see their country turning to shìt. It's heartbreaking.

XhosaNostra:


Yeah, I've noticed. It's difficult to swallow when it's closer to home though. There's a grief that comes with it. Nobody wants to see their country turning to shìt. It's heartbreaking.

If you think your country is shìt you need to come here. The other day the police confiscated my aunt's car. Why? The previous owner was a man who was murdered... not like the car was to be used in finding out the murderers but a senior officer liked the car and had to have it.

Jaqenhghar:

If you think your country is shìt you need to come here. The other day the police confiscated my aunt's car. Why? The previous owner was a man who was murdered... not like the car was to be used in finding out the murderers but a senior officer liked the car and had to have it.

Wow, Butchy! Gosh, that's terrible! She can't sue?

Ugh, with the way things are going here, I wouldn't be surprised when things like that start happening. I'm even thinking of voting for a "white party" lol. I'm sick of the backwards bs, preached by our predominantly black political parties. It's taking us nowhere. People are always demanding one thing or another like a bunch of parasites. Don't know how their demands are "empowering" or giving them back any dignity. Isn't pride & dignity supposed to come from things that you've personally achieved through hard work or am I missing something? I'm starting to think that we have plenty retàrded people here lol.

[ (quote author=XhosaNostra post=68972113]


Wow, Butchy! Gosh, that's terrible! She can't sue?

Ugh, with the way things are going here, I wouldn't be surprised when things like that start happening. I'm even thinking of voting for a "white party" lol. I'm sick of the backwards bs, preached by our predominantly black political parties. It's taking us nowhere. People are always demanding one thing or another like a bunch of parasites. Don't know how their demands are "empowering" or giving them back any dignity. Isn't pride & dignity supposed to come from things that you've personally achieved through hard work or am I missing something? I'm starting to think that we have plenty retàrded people here lol.[/quote]hmnnnnn

Meet a real man of God nd tell him your problem i no with God allthings ar posible