I really wonder why a woman should build enmity with a man when the relationship goes bad. Should every relationship lead into marriage especially when you know there is no compatibility. Even when the woman has an attitude problem and knows she's at fault, she still does not want to build a good friendship after the relationship ends.

Can someone please clear me on this?

Friendship, after a relationship hits the rock? Is that really possible? I'D say NO!!
We can exchange pleasantries . . . .Yes, but that Depends on the reason for the break up.


If a relationship ends because the man wasn't treating me as I deserve, then,
Heck no!!! We can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat anatha friend.

@ Missy. . . spot on!

@dokwesi . . y d'u think its only d woman being affected? havent u seen heart broken men b4? I have . . . *i feel guilty cos i caused some* but it goes both ways . . either party gets bitter . . its not peculiar to women. .

dokwesi:

I really wonder why a woman should build enmity with a man when the relationship goes bad. Should every relationship lead into marriage especially when you know there is no compatibility. Even when the woman has an attitude problem and knows she's at fault, she still does not want to build a good friendship after the relationship ends.

Can someone please clear me on this?

With Naija babes, your relationship must end in marriage otherwise you are in trouble.
A babe once threatened me she would join witchcraft if i leave her alone.
I was like WTF!!!!!

We dont hate the man when things go sour, we'd rather not be friends with you at least for the first couple of months, It's part of the whole "getting over you' process.

@ Creamish i definitely know that heart break is not peculiar to women alone. But would the bitterness/enmity heal the wounds of both parties? NEVER: Until we humans realize that the only way to heal faster is to become friends, then and only then could we advert resentment.


@ Missy, whatever the reason for the breakup- infidelity, dishonesty, attitude etc. Just know that no one would treat you the way you deserve. We could just try. Only & only you could treat yourself right. So try to erase such an idea.

Its just so funny that we xperience better relationships and still hold on to the pains someone caused us in time past.

dokwesi:

@ Creamish i definitely know that heart break is not peculiar to women alone. But would the bitterness/enmity heal the wounds of both parties? NEVER: Until we humans realize that the only way to heal faster is to become friends, then and only then could we advert resentment.


@ Missy, whatever the reason for the breakup- infidelity, dishonesty, attitude etc. Just know that no one would treat you the way you deserve. We could just try. Only & only you could treat yourself right. So try to erase such an idea.

Its just so funny that we xperience better relationships and still hold on to the pains someone caused us in time past.

Ok, the bolded above has never worked for me, after break ups, there's usually a lot of crying and pain and all that wahala, so why would i want to be friends with the person causing it in the first place?

iice:

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

@topic. . .it swings both ways but i think it shows more with women because sometimes they are more invested, emotionally as well as mentally

Me i'm all for friendship jare. . .if it's salvageable, if not. . .more time to go treasure hunting

Babe i luv you gaan. Nice orientation

@ Souron. Even some naija babes would tell you that they would drink cement or acid if you dont get back into the relationship. My ex told me that we would be enemies for life it i dont give her a second chance. Meanwhili, i was the most unhappy fellow in the relationship.

@ Indie. But the getting over process could last a lyfetime right? . Now i see you have dat naija woman blood running thru ur vains. Leave d past behind you jare and become friends.

dokwesi:

@ Souron. Even some naija babes would tell you that they would drink cement or acid if you dont get back into the relationship. My ex told me that we would be enemies for life it i dont give her a second chance. Meanwhili, i was the most unhappy fellow in the relationship.

Rofl.

friendship after break-up is a kind of imported culture thing. i think we got it frm d west
Well, its gaining acceptance among us now. i think we see it as being matured.
i broke up with my girl , like 2 months ago over compatibility issues, we are still friends sha.
i thinks dats jus d best we cud offer each other.
Damn! i hate this emotions,

dokwesi:

@ Missy, Just know that no one would treat you the way you deserve.

False!!! If You cannot treat me right, it's Your fault not mine.
You cannot treat me badly or like an object and expect to be 'Friends' with me.

The grounds for  break up determines what comes afterwards.

dokwesi:

Its just so funny that we xperience better relationships and still hold on to the pains someone caused us in time past.  

No one is holding on to anything.

X broke up with Y because of Genotype issues . . . .
X has no reason not to exchange pleasantries/ have a drink with Y once in a while.
They are not enemies . . . . They cannot be real friends either [ma Opinion].


X broke up with Y because Y cheats, disrespects and abuses her . . . .
X can choose not to exchange pleasantries or ''be Friends'' with Y.
Y treated X badly and therefore his hand of friendship shouldn't be accepted.

b'cos they are too bum to understand that everything ends at some point.

@ Poster: Parting ways has never been easy. Hating the man is our way of getting over and part of letting go process. With all the hurts and achings inside, to be friends with the person who broke your heart is the least to expect after the break-up. However, I still believe time will heal all the wounds and if both have moved on, that would be the right time to become friends.

@ Missy B. Babe your blood is hot maaam. If you had a way, you could snipe out a man who hurts you. So should your laws  also work for a man who gets hurt by a woman, or just for women alone?

Eyah:

@ Poster: Parting ways has never been easy. Hating the man is our way of getting over and part of letting go process. With all the hurts and achings inside, to be friends with the person who broke your heart is the least to expect after the break-up. However, I still believe time will heal all the wounds and if both have moved on, that would be the right time to become friends.

So until both parties move on right? Dont you get it? some people don't want to move on. Their life is: Its either you or no one else. That is why forgiveness and friendship is far from them.

How i wish men could really hate women that cheated on them or caused them pain

dokwesi:

So until both parties move on right? Dont you get it? some people don't want to move on. Their life is: Its either you or no one else. That is why forgiveness and friendship is far from them.

How i wish men could really hate women that cheated on them or caused them pain

Different strokes for different folks. In my opinion, after the relationship ends, both parties needs TIME for them to forgive and become friends.

I don't agree in bolded parts.

dokwesi:

@ Missy B.  If you had a way, you could snipe out a man who hurts you. ?

If You say so!

dokwesi:

So should your laws  also work for a man who gets hurt by a woman, or just for women alone?

The former!

dokwesi:

Babe i luv you gaan. Nice orientation

@ Souron. Even some naija babes would tell you that they would drink cement or acid if you dont get back into the relationship. My ex told me that we would be enemies for life it i dont give her a second chance. Meanwhili, i was the most unhappy fellow in the relationship.

@ Indie. But the getting over process could last a lyfetime right? . Now i see you have dat naija woman blood running thru your vains. Leave d past behind you jare and become friends.

If a relationship goes south and the man breaks up with me, (considering the reason for the breakup and how much in love i was with him) i dont want to smell or see him for the next couple of weeks/ months, its part of my own healing process, besides i dont want him trying to be friends with me, coz we we all know why guys do the whole ' we can still be friends thing'.

[How i wish men could really hate women that cheated on them or caused them pain
I don't agree in bolded parts.  
[quote][/quote]

I intentionally said that. The way most women let the hell loose because a man hurt them cannot be measured. Its just as a result of ego and pride that allows men keep shut about theirs. If you can get a statistics of women that diss men on a daily basis either on the grounds of marriage or material things then you understand that we just need to take life the way it comes.

lol @hate
every1 seems 2 have forgotten when there was love~

I intentionally said that. The way most women let the hell loose because a man hurt them cannot be measured. Its just as a result of ego and pride that allows men keep shut about theirs. If you can get a statistics of women that diss men on a daily basis either on the grounds of marriage or material things then you understand that we just need to take life the way it comes.

When relationship ends, its always the deepest cut and the pain is immeasurable irregardless of gender

@OP
You 've a point. Some of the anger is misplaced and unnecessary however. You should be able to remain friends even when relationships grow cold. Relationships that grew cold are known to come alive again. So, why the anger?

Some guys dont make things easy the way they let go. They should learn to provide soft landing when they lose interest in a relationship.

The pain the girl feels sometimes is not because the relationship ended-usually the signs are always there long before. It is how they were let go. Guys should learn to be smart about this. Vice versa.

@OP Likewise

At Pennywise
You 've a point. Some of the anger is misplaced and unnecessary however. You should be able to remain friends even when relationships grow cold. Relationships that grew cold are known to come alive again. So, why the anger?

Some guys dont make things easy the way they let go. They should learn to provide soft landing when they lose interest in a relationship.

The pain the girl feels sometimes is not because the relationship ended-usually the signs are always there long before. It is how they were let go. Guys should learn to be smart about this. Vice versa.



Pennywise, you have a point at the bolded statement. I don't think we should be enemies. Infact, I would like my ex to keep in contact with me than not calling me at all. But, what I will not accept is you trying to get in bed with me. Men and women can be evil sha. I know every relationship should not end in marriage. That is the reason why you should make sure you and your partner are on the same page. You can't carry on a 4 years or more relationship with a girl and not expecting her to think it might/will end up in marriage. Therefore, tell whomever you are dating what your intentions are to avoid bad feeling at the end.

Depending on how you end the relationship, if it was on a bad note, then you do not need to be friends. As for me, I am still friends as in civil towards him. I have nothing against him.

Bonita:

Pennywise, you have a point at the bolded statement. I don't think we should be enemies. Infact, I would like my ex to keep in contact with me than not calling me at all.  But, what I will not accept is you trying to get in bed with me. Men and women can be evil sha. I know every relationship should not end in marriage. That is the reason why you should make sure you and your partner are on the same page. You can't carry on a 4 years or more relationship with a girl and not expecting her to think it might/will end up in marriage. Therefore, tell whomever you are dating what your intentions are to avoid bad feeling at the end.

Most guys wont accept that because they will feel it is wrong for one party to dictate the terms of their continued interaction. Which makes sense. Dont you think?

Most guys wont accept that because they will feel it is wrong for one party to dictate the terms of their continued interaction. Which makes sense. Dont you think?


You are not serious right? Dictate ke? As in we are done. What part of we are just friend won't he get? If he wants to get in bed with me, then, he would have to continue the relationship on my terms. As in, I have friends and I don't get in bed with them and he is not an exception period. From what you are saying, it means he wants to be friends with benefits ( as in I don't have anything to do with my life).
What do you think?

Bonita:

You are not serious right? Dictate ke? As in we are done. What part of we are just friend won't he get? If he wants to get in bed with me, then, he would have to continue the relationship on my terms. As in, I have friends and I don't get in bed with them and he is not an exception period. From what you are saying, it means he wants to be friends with benefits ( as in I don't have anything to do with my life).
What do you think?

I think you would have succeeded in turning the table from a woman who hates to a man who hates when a relationship ends!

If you used to get down like 3 times a week you can downgrade to once a week that way there will be no hard feelings.

I think you would have succeeded in turning the table from a woman who hates to a man who hates when a relationship ends!

If you used to get down like 3 times a week you can downgrade to once a week that way there will be no hard feelings.

To me, there is nothing to downpaly. The only reason, I would even get down with an ex is only 'IF' I love him still and don't really want to let go ( which sucks because you are holding yourself down). There is no way you can guarantee that there will be no feelings developed if they have sex once a week or a month. So, it is a sticky situation.

You cannot treat me badly and wish to be friends again. Not when the relationship ended because u were misbehaving wit oda women and i corrected u in luv, only for u to interprete it as nagging.