First let me re introduce myself to you all. I am a Caribbean woman from the beautiful and Island of Jamaica. I hope yall are doing well.

I have this friend back home, we have been friends since high school and we are almost in our 40ies, havent been seeing each other regularly as we both travel different places either to work or go on vacation, but we chat via the net and telephone alot.

Situation is, her husband is my cousin but we are not the best of friends for a while now, as I know he's dogging around and have gotten a child from cheating. His wife, my friend doesnt have a clue and I am very tempted to letting her know, but somehow, something is telling me its not by business to tell. I just dont want to sit around and watch him play my friend a fool, or worse yet, dog around until he bring home some uninvited virus or disease. Would you take it up as your responsibility to tell your friend?

That is my problem. I dont want to create a problem where everthing seems "perfect". She is happy and sing praises about her husband, so I dont want to be the one to make her unhappy. But looking at it deeply, if or when she finds out, its going to hurt deep. I am saying to myself, I rather loose a friend for a time being than loosing them for good. I am really thinking to tell, but just dont know how I would word it, as I dont want to just give it to her raw as it is.

Any suggestions on how you'd tell a friend something like that?

This is time for you to end the feud btw you and your cousin(husband),threaten him you would tell his wife if he doesnt tell his wife himself about his escapade that has rewarded him with a child.I feel he telling his wife seems more appropriate and more like given them them the chance at making their relationship work.

There is not really a fued between us, I just dont like his attitude so I avoid him at all cost but with outmost respect though. Never showed bad faces when my friend is around (being a hypocrite I know), his sister threatened to tell but none of them are speaking, but I feel the need, I think its more than time as the child is getting bigger, going 4 yr old this december.

But how would you tell that to a friend?

Coralece put yourself in her shoes. What would you rather have your friend do? I mean, this is someone that's supposed to have your back right? So what are you doing not having hers? It's best you let her in cos whether you like it or not right now, you're an accomplice. So shake her perfect lil world a bit and get forgiveness someday or remain mute and let the truth eat you alive. I fear your friendship can't be more true by reading her 'alice in wonderland' beside a hospital bed.

@ poster

MUST YOU TELL?

some actions are often regreted after it is being done.

you may think you are helping her, but later you may regret it later.

she may even know about it, you assumes she does not know

always remember that ASSUMPTION started the second world war.

look before you leap

it can happen in the case.

silence in itself,can be the only way out

I think you should find a way to tell her your silence is an acquisance to what he's done and is doing.when your frend gets to find out you knw she is going to believe you betrayed her.I knw it's going to be tough on both of you when you open up but you will be doing the right thing believe me you owe her at least that.

Tell the man your intentions first if he is not willing to inform his wife. There is a child involved here that cannot be kept a secret. Its no longer about the man and his wife its about the child and people should start working out an arrangement as to how is this child going to be raised.

Carolece:

That is my problem. I dont want to create a problem where everthing seems "perfect". She is happy and sing praises about her husband, so I dont want to be the one to make her unhappy. But looking at it deeply, if or when she finds out, its going to hurt deep. I am saying to myself, I rather loose a friend for a time being than loosing them for good. I am really thinking to tell, but just dont know how I would word it, as I dont want to just give it to her raw as it is.

Any suggestions on how you'd tell a friend something like that?

[b]Ok, first of all, lets not assume that your friend is happy. Depending on how close you two are, she can tell you what she wants. But on the other hand, she might truly think her marriage is based on a paradise foundation. Most women who try to paint pretty pictures about their marriages are actually in deep pain and you may be surprised to find out that they do know about their partners' promiscuity. Nonetheless, I am not saying this is the case for her, all am saying is keep an open mind to this. I have many friends who at some point pretended their marriages were smooth seas while deep inside they were experiencing rough storms and all that comes with it.

Secondly, if she genuinely doesnt know, I think its easier for you to approach your cousin first before approaching her. you are at a better placed position to command honesty towards her from his part, if this fails, then its you to decide whether to tell your friend or not. If you decide to tell her, dont be harsh and so upfront about it, cause that will just make it seem very suspicious on your end, rather use hints. Or even better, ask her about her marriage and if there are any burdens she would like to share, then i believe you'll be able to take it from there.

All the best.[/b]

Nope, mind your business. Let them run their marriage as they see fit. You don't want to be the home wrecker involved in their marriage. You can talk to your cousin to confess but thats it. As I see it, she chose to marry her husband, and with it, his strengths and faults. It's a double standard I know but still Mind Your Business!

Secondly, if she genuinely doesnt know, I think its easier for you to approach your cousin first before approaching her. you are at a better placed position to command honesty towards her from his part, if this fails, then its you to decide whether to tell your friend or not. If you decide to tell her, dont be harsh and so upfront about it, cause that will just make it seem very suspicious on your end, rather use hints. Or even better, ask her about her marriage and if there are any burdens she would like to share, then i believe you'll be able to take it from there.

All the best.

Thank you very much. I will use this approach. I definately will tell to ease the burden.

It is a tough call to make, i went through it with one of my friends she was not married though, i just felt guilty knowing her bf was cheating on her, and i had to face her every day as we also worked together. I finally plucked up the courage to tell her. We still are good friends. Tell your cousin that if he does not tell his wife what is going on that you will. It is the hardest thing to do.

@poster.
It is because you choose to make it your business,you can simply look the other way and shut them outta your mind.
Dark secrets abound all over earth and the universe in association;remember,no one will help you out should whatever action you take backfires,you are at a cross road:tell your school days friend how your very cousin humps around and wait for this:there is even a breathing proof!she may even accuse you of knowing long time and proceed to storm out hating you two forever.let him do the telling and don't pressure him,let him see the good of doing so.
You make any mistake:he too will hate you forever.it is easier for them to take those things in their stride,continue to love themselves and see you as the ultimate enemy.since you want to save the day,I hope you fully understand that this is not some superhero flick where it all ends well.
Thread with great care as THOU THREADEST ON EXTREMELY SLIPPERY AND DANGEROUS GROUND.goodluck.

I would say, mind ur business, keep your mouth shut, pray for her. Now if she comes to you and tell u things, be there for her.

stories, stories, stories,

only serious people spend time @ NaijaPage.com

just too tired to read all these grammers

Carolece:

First let me re introduce myself to you all. I am a Caribbean woman from the beautiful and Island of Jamaica. I hope yall are doing well.

I have this friend back home, we have been friends since high school and we are almost in our 40ies, havent been seeing each other regularly as we both travel different places either to work or go on vacation, but we chat via the net and telephone alot.

Situation is, her husband is my cousin but we are not the best of friends for a while now, as I know he's dogging around and have gotten a child from cheating. His wife, my friend doesnt have a clue and I am very tempted to letting her know, [b]but somehow, something is telling me its not by business to tell[/b]. I just dont want to sit around and watch him play my friend a fool, or worse yet, dog around until he bring home some uninvited virus or disease. Would you take it up as your responsibility to tell your friend?

That thing in you telling you not to tell is the voice to follow. Don't start a war in your cousin's home, do not be a party to blood shed/bath.

This is a moral dilemma to which the only answer is YES.

There is a way of doing things in which you can force your cousin to reveal the truth without getting your hands dirty.

Step 1; Call your cousin, talk to him and let him know that you know what he is up to. Let him know that the fact that this woman is your friend is the reason why you will not ignore it and hope it goes away. Give him a time limit of a week or two to tell his wife. And let him  understand that you will not waste any time in telling his wife if he has not told her within that time frame.

Step 2; Cut off all contact with him for that week or two and let him stew knowing that you know. (If he is the hardened type he may not care but lets hope that is not the case). After this period of time has passed, ask him if he told his wife. If he has , then lucky you. If he has not, proceed to Step 3.

Step 3; If he has not told his wife, then you will just have to keep to your promise and tell her yourself. Its not a nice thing to do but it hs to be done
if you feel that great of a responsibility towards her as a friend.

Without hard proof, you can lose your friend, talk to your cousin about it first, Then again if she get a aids or something you will Never forgive yourself, thats a tuff nut to crack, sorry

@poster, i suggest u repost ur thread in d family session and u will see a different answer, i bet u.