A friend said, "I guess it just boils down to cutting off those not so great people." What I think is there is no way you will move through live without coming across people that will make you fill pissed. Life is not a bed of roses. This people are there for a purpose: To build your inner strength. The only way you can help yourself is to know it's your choice either to be pissed or not and if you want to change people around you, change yourself.

Hope I made sense?

I don't know

Acidosis:

I don't know

I know: NO!

@poster
i think there is no need to change yourself but rather to simply remove these people from your life.
if you have a friend that only comes around when he needs something from you then you can either say NO and accept that he wont be"friendly" any longer OR simply being taken advantage of and look like a sucker.
if you have a gf that asks for "gifts"every other weekend then you can either so NO and accept that she may leave and find another guy to provide her OR give in and being taking advantage of.

life is about choices, some will be strong enough to make their own choices while others will have people making choices for them.

being a nice person for most people is being accepted for what they seems like.a friend in need and all that.

The point is,there's no use being nice if you aren't nice to yourself.

The way of the budda says,"The middle way is the key".Love others as you love your self,means at least that you


love yourself first,not being MR nice GUY

conSPIREng:

A friend said, "I guess it just boils down to cutting off those not so great people." What I think is there is no way you will move through live without coming across people that will make you fill pissed. Life is not a bed of roses. This people are there for a purpose: To build your inner strength. The only way you can help yourself is to know it's your choice either to be pissed or not and if you want to change people around you, change yourself.

Hope I made sense? 

Once upon a time, i had this mindset of yours.It took more than a few harsh experiences for me to realize that we live in an animal planet and as much as we claim and act all "civilized", deep down. . .we are all animals seeking for a weaker prey to subdue.It's all about survival.In the last couple of years, i have been forced to change the way i see people and also cut off a lot of people in my life.Right now, the only people i can call "friends" are people that are useful in my life. . .it sounds cold but in reality, how many of them would have anything to do with me if i wasn't useful in their lives? Ehh? It never pays to bash yourself emotionally.Survival is the key and you should look out for one person all the time. . .YOURSELF! ! !

Nice people WILL always be taken advantage.Forget all the goody goody Oprah Winfrey talk.Let me show how our animal instincts work e.g if you got robbed by two thieves. . .one of them who was heavily built that you stole your briefcase filled with cash and ran towards the left direction and the second thief who was much smaller than you stole a pen and some unimportant documents and ran towards the right direction.WHICH OF THESE THIEVES WOULD YOU WANT TO CHASE? 99% of sane human beings would go after the smaller guy   and only those who have a death wish would go after the much bigger guy.That's human instinct at work.Forget the Robin hood stories . . . na the small thief you sef go pursue!

I once had what people call best friend/best companion.I allowed this person get so close to me that he knew virtually everything about me including my account balance. To cut the story short, this dude took advantage of my being too "nice" and defrauded me of close to N700,000 in 2006. As if that wasn't bad enough, he went around telling people that i was the one who defrauded him and it was double the amount making it N1.4 million (Imagine that! Someone i call a friend and we ate from the same plate! ! ! ).

We got back together in 2008 when my mother died (he helped carry her corpse to the morgue when i was unavailable) and little by little, we became tight again and i stupidly forgave his past f.UU.c.k ups. Before you know what, this same friend started making advances at the woman i am engaged to, a woman he knows i want to marry.At the end of the day, i have cut him off finally and that's final.

All this long story is to show you how being nice presents you as being weak in the eyes of human beings.It took me a long time to realize this but it's the truth.Don't let anybody body deceive you.NICE PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS BE PREYED ON! ! !

End of!

conSPIREng:

A friend said, "I guess it just boils down to cutting off those not so great people." What I think is there is no way you will move through live without coming across people that will make you fill pissed. Life is not a bed of roses. This people are there for a purpose: To build your inner strength. The only way you can help yourself is to know it's your choice either to be pissed or not and if you want to change people around you, change yourself.

Hope I made sense?

Yes you did, but I do not agree.

If you try to live a good life and you treat people with respect and kindness, that's what you should expect back.

People may take your kindness for weakness, that's their loss not yours.


My take on this issue is, AVOID BAD PEOPLE LIKE THE PLAGUE, and if you do have to interact with them "watch your back".

the trick to this nice guy gig is knowing that being taken advantage of is the secret to being nice.

it comes with the turf, YOU GONNA/HAVE to be taken advantage of!!
way i see it is that you learn to put a boundary up on what you can afford to lose to your "nicety" and what you cannot!! pure and simple. there are some stuff i will never give up to another, some extent i will not go, some inconvinience i will not suffer for anyone, but then that has to be 10 percent of my life, the other 90 is there to be taken advantage of, just do not leave the mark of a fool!!!!!


this kinda thinking robs you personally of good things in life and believe me someone is watching.
e.g. i met a girl like 6 months ago, watched her since then carefully, cos i figured there was sumtin going on with me, i was behaving too mushy around this one. finally accepted that maybe i was falling really hard for this one!!
now i immediately for some reason i dont understand classified her as "potential" (dont ask me why, crazy)
but frankly, she has one big downside that kills all of it, SHE IS TOO DAMN SELFISH!

i dont mean material terms or whatever, but i noticed that in everything, this girl redefines, "learning to love yourself" even to her loved ones (siblings). not the slightest inch can she give out,.
how am i supposed to give my very nice self to such woman? she needs anor selfish man, which i am not, and to make matters worse she is a holy roller!, Jesus has a lot to do there!!

believe me i know the meaning and believe in loving yourself, but there is a line. YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!

nice= s.tupid.

i'm sorry but that's how the world interprets it.

so wise up.

When you are nice or kind to people you get a feeling of satisfaction from what you do.
You don't necessarily expect to be thanked or get appreciation for what you do. Mean
people  usually lack something, whether it is self esteem issue, looks, or insecurities, so
they have to be mean, cruel, and rude to survive. There are still decent people in this
world that do not take advantage of kindness, but are rather very greatful instead.
For me I'd rather be nice then rude or mean, That been said, I def do balanced out my
kindness cos there are some people that just do not deserve it.

Harakiri has described the true nature of human beings.
it could not be more accurate.

I actually had a 'friend' that called me once in a blue moon and only when he needed money.
So certain that when his number flashes up i answer with 'what do you want' and believe it or not
he goes ahead and places his request to lend him money.

Even in pubs here there are some people that will always approach me, make small conversations and most
definitely want a pint just because we are 'naija'.


Even back home, everybody wants something even if they already have it.

Eventually i realised that if people see that you like to help out , they will exploit it till you break and they move to someone else.
Some people even give you bad advise to go in a direction (be it social, academic or professional) that they themselves will never go.
I'm always being asked by this guy when i will relocate back home even though he wants to come here.
and i asked him: why dont you relocate from lagos to your village? ? No be city two of us dey? lagos na your town?
after all bus from lag to east na 9hr but BA go touch me down inside PH in 6.30hrs.

All that was a while ago as i learnt quickly that usually people will come to you for something that will benefit them and
if it benefits you as well,fine but if not,they no send you at all.

There's one i wont mention because the person will know straight away why i dont talk to them or answer their calls.
( i did someone a favour that costs no money but when it was their turn to return the exact same favour, they wanted me to pay them koro-koro, this one no be corner-corner conversation, they wanted all kinds.)

iice:

I sorta agree with Harakiri and 4llerbuntu.

People are evil But you can be nice, just know where to draw the line and how much you are willing to lose.

Very true, and avoid certain people, they will "dig the eye out of your head" (jamo speak) sometimes your own family are the main culprits.

madlady:

Very true, and avoid certain people, they will "dig the eye out of your head" (jamo speak) sometimes your own family are the main culprits.

WORD!!!!

sigh, it aint easy,but a person needs to protect the core of his/her soul even if the outer part is hard, no need to be all hard hearted inside.

u can imagine ur own blood, family that is, going out to bad mouth u to a person who can potentially better ur lot, and as it so turns out this family is one u actually sacrifice for to advance. this is not a "when" or "that time" story, currently denying urself for, yet,

if we decide to be like "them" then where lies our moral compass to know that they are wrong? its all good!!