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Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by lolaluv1(f): 3:08pm On Sep 02, 2018
He is abusive o.
Hope you know this for a fact.

2 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by divalishis: 3:25pm On Sep 02, 2018
He knows exactly what he was doing, when he ran to tell his people and yours.
Violence is the limit, he says, but what aabout the verbal war he constantly wages against you?
He is a manipulator.
He is using societal expectations, shame, etc as arsenals. This won't get better, sorry to say. He will continue running away every time there are issues. He will insult your very soul and at a word from you he will call call family and friends to tell them you lack respect and are not submissive. That you want to be the man of the house, after all, you have pushed him before.

Hmn. I wish you luck because you will need it.

2 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by ststyreal(f): 4:47pm On Sep 02, 2018
Sadgirl1281:


That’s the pain I’m on here sharing. The way it is seen even from my own side(parents) is I pushed him, that’s violence so no matter what he said or did or when he even pushed me back, all that is by the way... Everyone around me is all on me to have to make him come back home because he is my husband, I pushed him and wouldn’t want a broken marriage, blah blah etc

He came once to visit for us to talk physically and he said he felt better now us talking but he won’t just easily come home after just one talk that I have to prove to him and show him and make him want to come back. So meeting somewhere else wouldn’t really be an option, it has to be more like him coming to the house again to talk and all or if all things maybe return.
I am sorry to say this but reading this particular piece , I must say that your husband is being childish honestly... Two makes home and not one. Sure you must have offended him but knowing what marriage is, it is bound to happen hence, it now behoves on you two to fight to make your home stable. It isn't just you alone, him too must show commitment towards making a peaceful home. Thank goodness you have apologised to him. Marriage works when both partners accept, believe and work towards its success. Your husband must come back home and stop playing this childish game. He is the head of the home and should take charge.
And as for you madam, let this be the last time you will ever talk back or push your husband again no matter what. When he is provoked, give him the silence treatment if you can't respond calmly ... I am married and going to a decade now, so i am just giving you the formular I oftenly use. May God make your home a peaceful one amen!

2 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by bigl: 5:06pm On Sep 02, 2018
Sadgirl1281:


Yeah but that’s going to be the very hard part not just him coming home. It is not just going to be easy recovering and being amongst his people. Remember I am the woman here, married into his own family in which all of them are even located here so any family function or activities, I would have to be or mostly there so I can’t really escape. Would I be frowning when I get there or what? It’s hard.

Also I’m not an introvert, the difference is just I’m not in my comfort zone. I just moved here after getting married, family isn’t here, have t started working so a whole lot to settle in here.

We spoke again today and he said he’s now convinced that I am truly remorseful and all that.. that it is now his own part to get past the hurt, that aside the pushing, the fact I insulted him back by saying at his old age, he didn’t marry early or that’s why he didn’t marry early which was a response to the hurtful words he said he said to me. He said that even though he said hurtful words to me, should I have responded?

The only part I may need help or let me not say help but God should help me is just the after,ath. Facing everyone.

My dear sister, are you telling me, if you were single and you were offered a job in say UK where you don't know anyone, you now have a quarrel with your boss, you will start feeling somehow cos you are not in your comfort zone? What is that? See, I won't agree with you on that. Learn to be confident always, ok? Your daughters/sons will need you to help them with their personal confidence and if you, that they look up to has confidence issues, how will you help them? Be confident, no matter what, ok?

Ohh, So he's convinced you are remorseful, ehn? How did he get to know that? Your hubby should join Odunlade Adekola to act comedy. He has come to his senses lil by lil and instead of apologizing, he is simply using scope to want to come back home. Anyway, I'm glad he is coming around.

See, that aspect of facing his family, not being able to look them in the face etc is bullshit! Its only in your mind and a popular preacher once said something and I'll tell you: "If you can kill it in your mind, you can kill it in your life".

Its just a damn feeling and you just have to kill it to be able to move forward and to the next level.

Confidence and wisdom are 2 keys things you need. Every other thing is secondary in this case.

You've really not done anything waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of this world. We've seen some women stab their husbands right in the head and nothing happened. They are still happily married and doing fine.

Stop feeling bad jare and go get yourself some chicken and chips with cold bottle of red wine. Everything will work out, ok?

6 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by addictiv(m): 6:39pm On Sep 02, 2018
Sadgirl1281:


That’s the pain I’m on here sharing. The way it is seen even from my own side(parents) is I pushed him, that’s violence so no matter what he said or did or when he even pushed me back, all that is by the way... Everyone around me is all on me to have to make him come back home because he is my husband, I pushed him and wouldn’t want a broken marriage, blah blah etc

He came once to visit for us to talk physically and he said he felt better now us talking but he won’t just easily come home after just one talk that I have to prove to him and show him and make him want to come back. So meeting somewhere else wouldn’t really be an option, it has to be more like him coming to the house again to talk and all or if all things maybe return.
This is a power grab... Dont fall for it or else you will regret it in future. You have a manipulative man who will use your weakness against you.. He'll even make you reveal those weaknesses and then turn around to hang you with it. Dont do anything, just be mature and objective. Focus on yourself and your work and he will come around on his own. What you don't know is this man can't stay without you. He lives off validation. Even if he wants to the peer group around him won't let him do it. He cares about what people think and that's why he is going about telling everyone his story. If you go rolling on the floor begging him to come back, guess what story that everyone will hear? Also whenever you guys have an argument guess what he will do? He wants to show the world that you want him more than he wants you and You have a chance to put
Him in place by standing your ground. Be nice to everyone including his family members and friends. Do a hostile takeover of his support group and peers by winning them to your side. When he discovers he is standing alone he will find his way home. But don't ever give up your position else you ll be begging him for the rest of your life. However learn to respect your husband no matter how pushed and frustrated you get. You don't return fire with fuel.

6 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Eketem: 7:16pm On Sep 02, 2018
addictiv:

This is a power grab... Dont fall for it or else you will regret it in future. You have a manipulative man who will use your weakness against you.. He'll even make you reveal those weaknesses and then turn around to hang you with it. Dont do anything, just be mature and objective. Focus on yourself and your work and he will come around on his own.

Sadly she has refused to see this despite male and female posters telling her, she just wants him back to avoid what people will say

3 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Mznaett: 8:20pm On Sep 02, 2018
Sadgirl1281:



Exactly the fact, his whole family and even mine are right behind me. Even when we spoke today, he was saying if he didn’t care etc he would have listened to what people have been saying that he shouldn’t come back, he should stay apart for some time etc.... My anger to these even though I can’t pin point who said what, if they are married at least all his family members are, are they saying 5eir marriage has been so sweet and all?


Try to change this "What they may say" mindset cus it's not helping you at all.

4 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 8:52pm On Sep 02, 2018
Mznaett:



Try to change this "What they may say" mindset cus it's not helping you at all.

I know I should. I just can’t help but think of it a bit, more like “ Me against the world” or “The world against me”.
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 8:54pm On Sep 02, 2018
Eketem:


Sadly she has refused to see this despite male and female posters telling her, she just wants him back to avoid what people will say

Trust me when I say I know these things. I am even shocked. But what will the world say or what they see, what he is holding on to and people see is I was physical. I pushed him so it surpasses all things. Trust me I want to give up but since the aim is to bring him back home at least and for peace to reign. Hopefully with time, the tables would turn.
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 8:57pm On Sep 02, 2018
addictiv:

This is a power grab... Dont fall for it or else you will regret it in future. You have a manipulative man who will use your weakness against you.. He'll even make you reveal those weaknesses and then turn around to hang you with it. Dont do anything, just be mature and objective. Focus on yourself and your work and he will come around on his own. What you don't know is this man can't stay without you. He lives off validation. Even if he wants to the peer group around him won't let him do it. He cares about what people think and that's why he is going about telling everyone his story. If you go rolling on the floor begging him to come back, guess what story that everyone will hear? Also whenever you guys have an argument guess what he will do? He wants to show the world that you want him more than he wants you and You have a chance to put
Him in place by standing your ground. Be nice to everyone including his family members and friends. Do a hostile takeover of his support group and peers by winning them to your side. When he discovers he is standing alone he will find his way home. But don't ever give up your position else you ll be begging him for the rest of your life.

The last sentence Be nice to his family members and friends?? How? When they are the ones somewhat against me or according to him people around him telling him the time apart is good while others telling him to not go back, according to him. Or the same family members he has told things about me and they are disappointed?

I am focusing on myself and once in a while show a bit of affection so in the end it’s not like I did not try.
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by addictiv(m): 9:01pm On Sep 02, 2018
Sadgirl1281:


The last sentence Be nice to his family members and friends?? How? When they are the ones somewhat against me or according to him people around him telling him the time apart is good while others telling him to not go back, according to him. Or the same family members he has told things about me and they are disappointed?

I am focusing on myself and once in a while show a bit of affection so in the end it’s not like I did not try.

Have you tried to reach out to the said family and friends by yourself? I bet you they may be unhappy but not as bad as he is painting it. I feel he is saying all this to put you under pressure to do what he wants. You will be surprised that some of them might be pushing him to come back and mend his home. They look at you through his eyes and that of his stories, I think it's time they get to know you on a personal level and form an independent opinion of you. Try and get closer to them not just because of this issue but for future sake. If you knew how badly You need those family people in your corner you would be sending them flowers every Sunday.

1 Like

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Eketem: 9:01pm On Sep 02, 2018
Sadgirl1281:


Trust me when I say I know these things. I am even shocked. But what will the world say or what they see, what he is holding on to and people see is I was physical. I pushed him so it surpasses all things. Trust me I want to give up but since the aim is to bring him back home at least and for peace to reign. Hopefully with time, the tables would turn.

Sadly the tables won't turn. It will get worse and he will exploit your fear of what people will say to continue to manipulate you next time it will be worse

2 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 9:05pm On Sep 02, 2018
bigl:


My dear sister, are you telling me, if you were single and you were offered a job in say UK where you don't know anyone, you now have a quarrel with your boss, you will start feeling somehow cos you are not in your comfort zone? What is that? See, I won't agree with you on that. Learn to be confident always, ok? Your daughters/sons will need you to help them with their personal confidence and if you, that they look up to has confidence issues, how will you help them? Be confident, no matter what, ok?

Ohh, So he's convinced you are remorseful, ehn? How did he get to know that? Your hubby should join Odunlade Adekola to act comedy. He has come to his senses lil by lil and instead of apologizing, he is simply using scope to want to come back home. Anyway, I'm glad he is coming around.

See, that aspect of facing his family, not being able to look them in the face etc is bullshit! Its only in your mind and a popular preacher once said something and I'll tell you: "If you can kill it in your mind, you can kill it in your life".

Its just a damn feeling and you just have to kill it to be able to move forward and to the next level.

Confidence and wisdom are 2 keys things you need. Every other thing is secondary in this case.

You've really not done anything waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of this world. We've seen some women stab their husbands right in the head and nothing happened. They are still happily married and doing fine.

Stop feeling bad jare and go get yourself some chicken and chips with cold bottle of red wine. Everything will work out, ok?

I can’t believe I just laughed for the first time since at your last sentence lol

But thank you for for these. Would go with this logic to help me through.

I was surprised when he said I sounded remorseful. The annoying part though was he had actually called my poor father in Nigeria as if everything wasn’t enough to tell my dad how he wasn’t still back home but I am sounding remorseful and just wants to be assured we wouldn’t fight again blah blah... I was like gush why would he have to call my dad again?

2 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by biterkola: 9:06pm On Sep 02, 2018
Unfortunately you sound like someone with serious self esteem issues,you pushed him,he pushed you,you both exchanged words,I don't see why he's acting all the drama and you are doing like someone who has no back bone.

Stop hiding under "what will people say" ,come out and own your desperation,I even smell it from your write ups.Its not a crime please,someone must always have the upper hand in any relationship.Its clear your husband not only has that but is using you to play ball & you are going round in circles trying to decieve yourself, claiming other people are coercing you/forcing you to do babiyana..

You may have a needy personality,there's no crime in that,own it.

Your life,your choice.

Keep begging,he will leave again and you must continue begging.

You won't be the first ,you won't be the last.

6 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 9:14pm On Sep 02, 2018
ststyreal:

I am sorry to say this but reading this particular piece , I must say that your husband is being childish honestly... Two makes home and not one. Sure you must have offended him but knowing what marriage is, it is bound to happen hence, it now behoves on you two to fight to make your home stable. It isn't just you alone, him too must show commitment towards making a peaceful home. Thank goodness you have apologised to him. Marriage works when both partners accept, believe and work towards its success. Your husband must come back home and stop playing this childish game. He is the head of the home and should take charge.
And as for you madam, let this be the last time you will ever talk back or push your husband again no matter what. When he is provoked, give him the silence treatment if you can't respond calmly ... I am married and going to a decade now, so i am just giving you the formular I oftenly use. May God make your home a peaceful one amen!

Yeah I have learnt my lessons already and Amen! When we even spoke I. Entwined that to him, that as newly weds, was it out of the worldI pushed you that you had to expose me to the world and be out of the house for days when we are still understanding ourselves. He said he knows we are two different people blah blah, but this is the way he would handle it, that he is different from th next Person.
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by addictiv(m): 9:33pm On Sep 02, 2018
Eketem:


Sadly she has refused to see this despite male and female posters telling her, she just wants him back to avoid what people will say
She's in for a bumpy ride.

4 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Eketem: 5:21am On Sep 03, 2018
addictiv:

She's in for a bumpy ride.

We can only wish her well and pray he somehow changes

1 Like

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by ifyalways(f): 7:28am On Sep 03, 2018
biterkola:
Unfortunately you sound like someone with serious self esteem issues,you pushed him,he pushed you,you both exchanged words,I don't see why he's acting all the drama and you are doing like someone who has no back bone.

Stop hiding under "what will people say" ,come out and own your desperation,I even smell it from your write ups.Its not a crime please,someone must always have the upper hand in any relationship.Its clear your husband not only has that but is using you to play ball & you are going round in circles trying to decieve yourself, claiming other people are coercing you/forcing you to do babiyana..

You may have a needy personality,there's no crime in that,own it.

Your life,your choice.

Keep begging,he will leave again and you must continue begging.

You won't be the first ,you won't be the last.

smiley
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:24am On Sep 03, 2018
addictiv:


Have you tried to reach out to the said family and friends by yourself? I bet you they may be unhappy but not as bad as he is painting it. I feel he is saying all this to put you under pressure to do what he wants. You will be surprised that some of them might be pushing him to come back and mend his home. They look at you through his eyes and that of his stories, I think it's time they get to know you on a personal level and form an independent opinion of you. Try and get closer to them not just because of this issue but for future sake. If you knew how badly You need those family people in your corner you would be sending them flowers every Sunday.

Wow wise words and advice.

Yes I have more like only his mother but my father has spoken to his dad. I’m very close to the Mum and she has reached out to me several times. I can’t start calling his siblings at least just yet and they being older and all, the relationship isn’t going to be all that.

The Mum is actually very sweet to me and has told me they forgive me etc, that I could come down to see her tomorrow. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to share my own side. The Mum said she’s even tired of the way things are being handled, that it is enough, she will talk to him again.

1 Like

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:29am On Sep 03, 2018
biterkola:
Unfortunately you sound like someone with serious self esteem issues,you pushed him,he pushed you,you both exchanged words,I don't see why he's acting all the drama and you are doing like someone who has no back bone.

Stop hiding under "what will people say" ,come out and own your desperation,I even smell it from your write ups.Its not a crime please,someone must always have the upper hand in any relationship.Its clear your husband not only has that but is using you to play ball & you are going round in circles trying to decieve yourself, claiming other people are coercing you/forcing you to do babiyana..

You may have a needy personality,there's no crime in that,own it.

Your life,your choice.

Keep begging,he will leave again and you must continue begging.

You won't be the first ,you won't be the last.




Self esteem issues? I wish that was the case, unfortunately it is not the case at all. Maybe I’m not explaining well in my typing or words but it has nothing to do with self esteem. His whole family are right here, he has gone to open my unclothedness right before the whole world even some cousins with the power that I was violent. I pushed him etc which even the Mum had told me once it became physical that was going too far.

So with the support from everyone around him and The impression I was violent, even my own father is telling me to have to mend things especially not wanting a broken marriage etc you g marriage and also being the one who was violent so that’s where I’m powerless. Maybe if I didn’t push him, I would have been singing a different tune. We would have fought and abused verbally but all I keep hearing everyday is I pushed him.

I’m only trying to bring him back home. I am not apologizing anymore. I just want him back home and yes for peace sake and for the outside world then to now hope with time, the tables would turn because he has hurt me sooo bad by exposing me to the world.

I just thank God he blessed me with a Good mother in law.

Trust me when I say if I had my way, I would have walked out since not because he is a bad person but this action alone, I would have walked away.

1 Like

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:31am On Sep 03, 2018
Eketem:


Sadly the tables won't turn. It will get worse and he will exploit your fear of what people will say to continue to manipulate you next time it will be worse

I hope it wouldn’t get worse by me not ever being physical again but also limiting my words more like insults but I would still be myself and one day, we would remember this incident he did and caused me.

I decide to walk away now, what impression does that give me? Violent woman? Woman that pushed her husband? Etc
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:32am On Sep 03, 2018
Eketem:


Sadly the tables won't turn. It will get worse and he will exploit your fear of what people will say to continue to manipulate you next time it will be worse

I hope it wouldn’t get worse by me not ever being physical again but also limiting my words more like insults but I would still be myself and one day, we would remember this incident he did and caused me.

I decide to walk away now, what impression does that give me? Violent woman? Woman that pushed her husband? Etc
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Eketem: 11:35am On Sep 03, 2018
Sadgirl1281:


I hope it wouldn’t get worse by me not ever being physical again but also limiting my words more like insults but I would still be myself and one day, we would remember this incident he did and caused me.

I decide to walk away now, what impression does that give me? Violent woman? Woman that pushed her husband? Etc

This is what you don't understand, it is not about only you, he is manipulative, tomorrow it will be your silence that will be the problem. You both have issues but he has manipulated you to be the only one to take responsibility and you will be walking on egg shells not to get him upset again.

Nobody says walk away, we say ignore him too let him also understand you both did wrong and you need work but sadly you are a little desperate and he knows that and fully exploits it

3 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:40am On Sep 03, 2018
Eketem:


This is what you don't understand, it is not about only you, he is manipulative, tomorrow it will be your silence that will be the problem. You both have issues but he has manipulated you to be the only one to take responsibility and you will be walking on egg shells not to get him upset again.

Nobody says walk away, we say ignore him too let him also understand you both did wrong and you need work but sadly you are a little desperate and he knows that and fully exploits it

I now understand what you mean and where you are coming from. I agree with you. I guess I was or doing all these things so that when I eventually stop if it’s still there no one both on my family side and his would be able to use anything against me.

1 Like

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Eketem: 11:43am On Sep 03, 2018
Sadgirl1281:


I now understand what you mean and where you are coming from. I agree with you. I guess I was or doing all these things so that when I eventually stop if it’s still there no one both on my family side and his would be able to use anything against me.


There will always be something to use against you, that is what everybody is telling you. That is how manipulative people behave, unfortunately because you are indulging him he won't know he has an issue or work to correct it

4 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by biterkola: 1:52pm On Sep 03, 2018
Sadgirl1281:



Trust me when I say if I had my way, I would have walked out since not because he is a bad person but this action alone, I would have walked away.

My point is that even a 2 year old can see you are being manipulated.

You both got into an argument ,you pushed him and he pushed you. Everyone is saying you are violent.He also pushed you back which should now cancel out but you seem to be too engrossed with accepting this your new violent person tag.

Nowhere have I seen that you defended yourself, explaining your own side.Its all them say them say.Did any one glue your mouth? He's making you look bad and you are taking it happily.That is why I'm questioning your self esteem.He sullied your name to everyone,I find it odd that you seem quite complacent about it. I'm suspecting that the problem is worse than you've written.

A mature adult would not leave his home after he and his wife insulted and shoved each other.

My irritation is this whole bringing him home gist.Did you chase him out? NO.Did you ask him to leave? NO.He walked out by himself,it's not your job to bring him back.You have apologised,are you supposed to cut off your hand too to prove yourself?ah ah..which kind of talk is this?You should stop giving excuses for bad behaviour.

You both are at fault,you should sit and talk.A man
especially one who is older is expected to lead by example,keep his family together,gently steer discussions the right way,command respect by his behaviour.

You said you insulted him by asking why he was unmarried at his age/married late? Now you have your answer.I bet no one was able to tolerate his behaviour.

Older man that is supposed to be petting you and being very indulgent,you are now the one begging with conditions placed ontop when the marriage never cook.


'Yes,we had an argument,yes I pushed you and I was wrong,I'm very sorry.You also pushed me and said very hurtful words.I expect us to have an adult conversation and discuss how to manage our anger so that this doesn't happen again".


You'd better learn what your limits asap and set your boundaries.

I have mentioned before that you sound desperate,it's not a crime.As long as you are aware that the situation is not healthy and that you are enabling a manipulative person,fine.

Any married person will tell you that once you set this tone in the beginning of a marriage and don't rectify it by drawing a line in the ground, prepare to live like this forever.

Shalom!

7 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by drnoel: 3:09pm On Sep 03, 2018
Sadgirl1281:
Good day everyone,

I feel all alone and not heard, more like the whole world against me, hence me coming on here to see th best way I could seek any advice.

I’ll do my best to be very brief and concise and go straight to the point.

You have a good job, independent and everything, you meet the love of your life, boom date and get married and travel out of the country to start your lives. Of course you would resign and leave your comfort zone. In other words that’s what I did of course and travelled.

As I said to go straight to the point. Got married early this year and as usual the first year marriage woes, arguments and misunderstandings but nothing out of the extra ordinary.

Hubby and I had a misunderstanding this faithful day and while he’s not violent, He knows how to spit venom from his mouth. His words would pierce your soul or any deeper than his soul. Words were exchanged on both sides and he said things I had told him in confidence, my weakness and threw it on me and I reacted physically by pushing him. We didn’t talk for 2 days and and then the next day he left the house in the morning.. I went out hours later only for my dad to call me in the night from Nigeria to mention my husband had called him and told him everything how I pushed him, he’s left the house to go somewhere etc... And not only that he told all his family members. I felt so hurt being that I do not have anyone here and because he has his own family.

Issue now is we have talked including our parents etc. but he said he’s not going to come back to the house now until I assure him and work for it. I have to prove to him why he should come back home.

I would like to ask for suggestions, while aim very hurt and in shame, I can’t express it as my pushing has overshadowed everything. He even told his folks our other petty fights and the words I’ve said to him etc They have said I am the woman and the one who did the violence so I have no choice.

This is the best I could summarize so I left a whole lot of details but what am I supposed to do to make him come back home?

grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin
The work is between two of u.
U know what to do.
Rent a small bungalow, bring his favourite meal there and kill him with sex. Then u guys settle/talk out the issue in the morning. It always works.
Never listen to anything they advice here cos they won't do what they tell u

1 Like

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 3:16pm On Sep 03, 2018
biterkola:


My point is that even a 2 year old can see you are being manipulated.

You both got into an argument ,you pushed him and he pushed you. Everyone is saying you are violent.He also pushed you back which should now cancel out but you seem to be too engrossed with accepting this your new violent person tag.

Nowhere have I seen that you defended yourself, explaining your own side.Its all them say them say.Did any one glue your mouth? He's making you look bad and you are taking it happily.That is why I'm questioning your self esteem.He sullied your name to everyone,I find it odd that you seem quite complacent about it. I'm suspecting that the problem is worse than you've written.

A mature adult would not leave his home after he and his wife insulted and shoved each other.

My irritation is this whole bringing him home gist.Did you chase him out? NO.Did you ask him to leave? NO.He walked out by himself,it's not your job to bring him back.You have apologised,are you supposed to cut off your hand too to prove yourself?ah ah..which kind of talk is this?You should stop giving excuses for bad behaviour.

You both are at fault,you should sit and talk.A man
especially one who is older is expected to lead by example,keep his family together,gently steer discussions the right way,command respect by his behaviour.

You said you insulted him by asking why he was unmarried at his age/married late? Now you have your answer.I bet no one was able to tolerate his behaviour.

Older man that is supposed to be petting you and being very indulgent,you are now the one begging with conditions placed ontop when the marriage never cook.


'Yes,we had an argument,yes I pushed you and I was wrong,I'm very sorry.You also pushed me and said very hurtful words.I expect us to have an adult conversation and discuss how to manage our anger so that this doesn't happen again".


You'd better learn what your limits asap and set your boundaries.

I have mentioned before that you sound desperate,it's not a crime.As long as you are aware that the situation is not healthy and that you are enabling a manipulative person,fine.

Any married person will tell you that once you set this tone in the beginning of a marriage and don't rectify it by drawing a line in the ground, prepare to live like this forever.

Shalom!






Makes more sense!!! I’m going to see his Mum tomorrow so I would be able to talk and say my own side. No one glued my mind but remember they are his immediate family, cousins, brother etc, I didn’t even know when he went there and started telling them stories.

I will be able to talk to the Mum tomorrow by God’s Grace.

My dad is saying I don’t need to be bringing up the past that I need to focus on fixing the marriage but I feel deep down I should also let the Mum know some of the words he says and said to me and that he pushed me back.

1 Like

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 3:17pm On Sep 03, 2018
drnoel:


grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin
The work is between two of u.
U know what to do.
Rent a small bungalow, bring his favourite meal there and kill him with sex. Then u guys settle/talk out the issue in the morning. It always works.
Never listen to anything they advice here cos they won't do what they tell u

I’m sure even my sex drive is so dead ‘cos of the embarrassment and hurt he has caused me. I’m more like after mending things for the tables to Turn.
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 3:26pm On Sep 03, 2018
House please is it okay as I see his Mum tomorrow to narrate every single thing to her even though it’s the past. My dad said there was no need to move on and just try to fix things but I’m worried about the damage about me. Even if it wouldn’t change anything as long as blood is thicker than water, can I just for the sake of my sanity?

1 Like

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by yvelchstores(f): 3:33pm On Sep 03, 2018
bigl:


Hmmmm.... its very normal for couples to run into arguments/quarrels etc BUT the concept of maturity must never be left out of the equation.

And yes, you pushed him, so what? Did he bang his head on sharp knife? What about the emotional/verbal abuse he spewed out of his mouth? That's provocation if you ask me and please don't even think I'm trying to give excuses for you but I want you to see things from an outsider point of view.

I am happily married and yes, myself and my wife do have heated arguments. She gets me mad and sometimes I shout but trust me, once those seconds are over, I make sure we pray together; get up early and help her heat up water for her bath, etc.

But the aspect of him reporting you to either his/your family is a f.ucking no no! When u guys wanted to get intimate back then, did he ask for permission from his/your mum? So why in heavens name would he do that?

Cos even when the matter dies down in yours/his heart/mind, trust me, it will never be forgotten by those he told.

Your husband made a terrible mistake and I can confidently say he is not mature one bit.

And to make matters worse, he moved out of the house?? grin grin grin grin Ohh lawd! Where did you get involved with a child?

See, i'm not gonna feed u any depressants or pet you cos chloroquine tastes bitter but cures malaria; hence, i'll tell u the bitter truth:

Leave Him Alone! He needs to grow his tail.

See, I have a lady who happens to be an inlaw to me and also, married to someone like your husband. He has also packed out of the house and left the wife alone. This is to tell you this stuff isn't new to me.

He needs to be left alone to grow his tail so allow him to spend as much time as he can. You are the one who is in love with him and he isn't reciprocating the love you have for him.

Find something doing to keep your mind busy.

You have apologized and done all you can. What else does he want? Biko, live your life, ok? I may sound hard but trust me, some people won't get their grind until nobody pets them.
God bless u jare. Op, stop Ur plenty talk and listen to this man. I tire Jo.

2 Likes

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by yvelchstores(f): 3:36pm On Sep 03, 2018
Sadgirl1281:
House please is it okay as I see his Mum tomorrow to narrate every single thing to her even though it’s the past. My dad said there was no need to move on and just try to fix things but I’m worried about the damage about me. Even if it wouldn’t change anything as long as blood is thicker than water, can I just for the sake of my sanity?
madam, damage how? How is that Ur problem? I reckon u haven't seen much in life. Many years down the line, u will look back at what u are complaining about on this thread and laugh so hard at Ur self. How is that a problem. Even if they hate u does it stop u from being happy, and at peace? Girl stop it.

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