Mizwisdom:


Akparawa, nsitibe? which tribe am I from? nto middle belt, Taraba precisely. Enan. I'm from North central.

so Taraba dey North central? mumu like you. typical abokina boko haram from North East.
go bomb yourself.
edi ikot

DateMynd44:

Afo edi ekpri eyen, urukikot. Nsat unam tie sung

Uncle,
if you are broke dont do loud wedding , do it little but if you have the money to spend then you can call the whole villagers too celebrate with you ,
by the way are you not enjoying the value for your money.
i felt you went there and showed yourself that's why u were billed.

CharleyBright:



Aunty Calm down.
Am from Akwa Ibom, i didnt live or grow up in Akwa ibom but i married from Akwa Ibom and was a victim too.
My Traditional List was roughly N2M plus. They learnt i was in the Financial sector and dished out long list. And that was 12yrs ago. I screamed Blue Murder and threatened. it was reduced to N1.2 M or so.
And i swear (contrary to what u claim) they made me pay exactly what was on that list. No bargaining. I paid with tears.

Lets tell ourselves the truth, these extortion must stop. Things are hard. We cant have families and village people coming to reap where they did not sow by ripping off an inlaw who came to marry their daugghter.

stasiaannie:
Uncle,
if you are broke dont do loud wedding , do it little but if you have the money to spend then you can call the whole villagers too celebrate with you ,
by the way are you not enjoying the value for your money.
i felt you went there and showed yourself that's why u were billed.

Aunty Afia, yes of course i got very good value for my money.
But let me quickly conclude that you never cross that bridge ... meaning you are yet to be married to have your fiance given such long list of utterly crazy bills for a traditional marriage. WAIT TILL WHEN THEY HAND U SUCH LIST, YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR MINDSET.
And mind you, it doesnt end in Traditional marriage o. When the girls father or mother dies, they will bring another list again..

I was given another long list for burial of my father inlaw last year.
I called and told them am not doing another Traditional marriage so i wont accept such list. I will only give what i feel like to assist the burial, so the family shouldnt shift the burial burden on me. it is me that will bury my father and non of them will contribute a dime to it.
You never see how these people exploit son inlaws.

Spaxon:
well
I'd say it's because of the money in the state..
yes it's my state but the qualities of the women are worth the amount..

an average akwa Ibom lady can manage a home without stress or family interference

What if you're unlucky to marry the "not average" ones, do you get a refund? In Edo State, you get a refund if you choose not to marry anymore. I mean even after babies and all and guess what, you don't even have to pay for VRS (Knocked Up Movie). Also, your premise is wrong, i served in Akwa-Ibom and qualities of women is comparable to South South generally speaking. BTW,...was at Washington Park to see Seun Kuti on Labor day weekend! Sounds close?

CharleyBright:



Aunty Afia, yes of course i got very good value for my money.
But let me quickly conclude that you never cross that bridge ... meaning you are yet to be married to have your fiance given such long list of utterly crazy bills for a traditional marriage. WAIT TILL WHEN THEY HAND U SUCH LIST, YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR MINDSET.
And mind you, it doesnt end in Traditional marriage o. When the girls father or mother dies, they will bring another list again..

I was given another long list for burial of my father inlaw last year.
I called and told them am not doing another Traditional marriage so i wont accept such list. I will only give what i feel like to assist the burial, so the family shouldnt shift the burial burden on me. it is me that will bury my father and non of them will contribute a dime to it.
You never see how these people exploit son inlaws.

And this is the problem I have with marrying from these cultures.
The foolishness only just BEGINS with marriage. It extends all the way to various burials, among other life events.
Everything must be show-offy and expensively over-done.

In the US, it only costs about $200 total to do a burial. It is a solemn event, not something to be eating /drinking/stuffing your face over....at one person's expense!

Why would any right-thinking person subject themselves and their family to the bondage of something as pointless as a greedy tradition?

stasiaannie:
Uncle,
if you are broke dont do loud wedding , do it little but if you have the money to spend then you can call the whole villagers too celebrate with you ,
by the way are you not enjoying the value for your money.
i felt you went there and showed yourself that's why u were billed.

How brainwashed can a person be to think that being sold is a good hing?..

ask Google
don't know why you are so bittered
are you one of Cee Cee Sibling?

2buffagain:


How brainwashed can a person be to think that being sold is a good hing?..

HungerBAD:
Reading

This sounds interesting. Story not complete. Joeruano complete this story.

Joeruano thanks for completing the story.

I try not to talk about my personal stuff on Nairaland,but will make an exception today and tell a story before commenting on yours.

I am a Niger Deltan like you too,and a couple of months ago,my younger sister got married. I am also the oldest child and my dad is late(RIP) and so I am the Head of the family.

I had known her husband to be for a couple of years,and I know him to be a struggling young man,who is into different businesses and trying to survive.

Sometimes, without telling anyone, I push little contracts for him to handle so as to meet up,since he never once approached me for money considering the fact he knows I am on the okay side.

I liked him then,and I like him now. I wished him my inlaw,which he eventually became. I consider him a younger brother and that was how I treated him.

My Sister too, a beautiful young lady works for one of those organizations that pays in the 200k region . My sister is also a prudent woman who I know does not spend money on petty things.

When it was time for marriage. They approached me,and after giving them my blessing, I agreed they should go ahead and plan their marriage in Lagos. Later my mother started giving me heat that we should not ignore tradition,and out of pressure from more of my mothers family, I asked them to go get the list from the village.

When they brought the list, the young man went into a very sad mood and my sister called me complaining that village people want to destroy her marriage.

I will finish this story tomorrow. I am about to go take care of some personal matters.

Finishing my story.

When I saw the list, to say I was taken aback would be an understatement. They asked for everything there,and then some.

Now let me talk about this my village people and my history with them.

I went straight for my post-graduate degree,after my NYSC,and after graduation, showed up in my community,thinking they will hook me up with one of the Multiple National oil companies there, as a native.

They refused to help in a hostile way,and called me a Yoruba man,since i was born and bred in Lagos. And that the spots for jobs they had was for the people that grew up there,and not for strangers like us.

I left there after weeks hanging around, knocking on different doors. It was the humiliation of how I got to Lagos that still gets me upset. I sold my shoes,belts, trousers and my wristwatch.

I swore to never go to my people again for anything.

But my sister was getting married,and her husband to be did not have the muscle to sort everything out. I wanted to help, but did not want to look desperate as if I am in a hurry to just throw my sister way.

Told them not to worry,and that I will sort everything out when I fly back into the Country. A week later I flew into Nigeria,and called for a meeting with my inlaw to be. I asked him to look at the list and see what he can afford there. And when he picked the little things he could shoulder, I told him to bring the cash equivalent,and that I will go to the village myself to beg on his behalf.

I went to my hometown that weekend,and had a meeting with the elders of my family and the community, where I presented them with everything they asked for. I told them my inlaw had provided them to me in Lagos. They got their complete list,as I had swore me or any of my family members will never beg them for anything again.

The only thing they did was send a 5 man village representative to Come for the traditional wedding in Lagos,and that I took care of too.

My sister got married because big brother would not let traditionalists hold her marriage to ransom. They got what they wanted, and everybody is happy.

Not everyone I understand has a brother, or even anyone willing to stick it out for them to make sure their marriage works,as regards meeting the financial burden. And this is why the Tradition of extorting people under the quise of a long lists for marriage should be stopped.

You made my cry
Love you big brother
May God bless your pocket

GoodFaith:

You made my cry
Love you big brother
May God bless your pocket

Love you too.

Thanks.

HungerBAD:
Reading

This sounds interesting. Story not complete. Joeruano complete this story.

Joeruano thanks for completing the story.

I try not to talk about my personal stuff on Nairaland,but will make an exception today and tell a story before commenting on yours.

I am a Niger Deltan like you too,and a couple of months ago,my younger sister got married. I am also the oldest child and my dad is late(RIP) and so I am the Head of the family.

I had known her husband to be for a couple of years,and I know him to be a struggling young man,who is into different businesses and trying to survive.

Sometimes, without telling anyone, I push little contracts for him to handle so as to meet up,since he never once approached me for money considering the fact he knows I am on the okay side.

I liked him then,and I like him now. I wished him my inlaw,which he eventually became. I consider him a younger brother and that was how I treated him.

My Sister too, a beautiful young lady works for one of those organizations that pays in the 200k region . My sister is also a prudent woman who I know does not spend money on petty things.

When it was time for marriage. They approached me,and after giving them my blessing, I agreed they should go ahead and plan their marriage in Lagos. Later my mother started giving me heat that we should not ignore tradition,and out of pressure from more of my mothers family, I asked them to go get the list from the village.

When they brought the list, the young man went into a very sad mood and my sister called me complaining that village people want to destroy her marriage.

I will finish this story tomorrow. I am about to go take care of some personal matters.

Finishing my story.

When I saw the list, to say I was taken aback would be an understatement. They asked for everything there,and then some.

Now let me talk about this my village people and my history with them.

I went straight for my post-graduate degree,after my NYSC,and after graduation, showed up in my community,thinking they will hook me up with one of the Multiple National oil companies there, as a native.

They refused to help in a hostile way,and called me a Yoruba man,since i was born and bred in Lagos. And that the spots for jobs they had was for the people that grew up there,and not for strangers like us.

I left there after weeks hanging around, knocking on different doors. It was the humiliation of how I got to Lagos that still gets me upset. I sold my shoes,belts, trousers and my wristwatch.

I swore to never go to my people again for anything.

But my sister was getting married,and her husband to be did not have the muscle to sort everything out. I wanted to help, but did not want to look desperate as if I am in a hurry to just throw my sister way.

Told them not to worry,and that I will sort everything out when I fly back into the Country. A week later I flew into Nigeria,and called for a meeting with my inlaw to be. I asked him to look at the list and see what he can afford there. And when he picked the little things he could shoulder, I told him to bring the cash equivalent,and that I will go to the village myself to beg on his behalf.

I went to my hometown that weekend,and had a meeting with the elders of my family and the community, where I presented them with everything they asked for. I told them my inlaw had provided them to me in Lagos. They got their complete list,as I had swore me or any of my family members will never beg them for anything again.

The only thing they did was send a 5 man village representative to Come for the traditional wedding in Lagos,and that I took care of too.

My sister got married because big brother would not let traditionalists hold her marriage to ransom. They got what they wanted, and everybody is happy.

Not everyone I understand has a brother, or even anyone willing to stick it out for them to make sure their marriage works,as regards meeting the financial burden. And this is why the Tradition of extorting people under the quise of a long lists for marriage should be stopped.

Woooow!! More bless

DaddyNimo:

if u want the contact of two Ill give u to try, I have dem on speed dial....they even come over with well cooked meals in a cooler before action.

watch the this documentation by my sister and enlighten your ignorance



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9kwYMoR_rs

Hanseel1:


Is that the quality modern men desire? You must be living in a cave.

Women in the state are worth the amount -so you say.

Why do you think men marry women for the sole purpose of taking care of the home in 2018?

You as a 26year old lady without a job and a certificate that you won't use to improve the country's GDP, is that worth?


How many Akwai Ibom women have the following qualities?

Good job
Intelligent
Homely advantage.

get a lady with certificates without good character and watch your home suffer

Organs:



What if you're unlucky to marry the "not average" ones, do you get a refund? In Edo State, you get a refund if you choose not to marry anymore. I mean even after babies and all and guess what, you don't even have to pay for VRS (Knocked Up Movie). Also, your premise is wrong, i served in Akwa-Ibom and qualities of women is comparable to South South generally speaking. BTW,...was at Washington Park to see Seun Kuti on Labor day weekend! Sounds close?

bros relax

Spaxon:


bros relax

I'm relaxed oh. Again, i ate at Osas by broadway and Wilson and i got takeaway Chinese at the chinese restaurant opposite Truman College as well on friday. Sounds familiar?

rock003:


But when an akwa ibom girl marries an oyinbo, it is not far apart, abi? Chai. Some people and hypocritical thinking sha

It's common sense.

Who would see greener pastures and reject?
Oyinbo is better than Yoruba, any day.

Besides, it's the same way Nigerian men are ladies above 30 as too old, unmarriageable and tag them "evening newspaper"...
But they rush to marry older white women, even those in the age range of their mothers and call it love.

Deal without, Ntoro Uduang ufok.

spiceadole:


It's common sense.

Who would see greener pastures and reject?
Oyinbo is better than Yoruba, any day.

Besides, it's the same way Nigerian men are ladies above 30 as too old, unmarriageable and tag them "evening newspaper"...
But they rush to marry older white women, even those in the age range of their mothers and call it love.

Deal without, Ntoro Uduang ufok.

The older white women will give them green card.

The older nigerian woman...not so much of anything that cannot be acquired from a younger nigerian woman.

It's basic cost benefit analysis.

The moral being, the older you get....you better be able to bring more than your [rapidly degenerating] body to the table.
If you notice, this is a universal law, and applies also to men.
But because of mens' very early taste of reality growing up, they are more prepared for growing old than women...who are generally clueless of reality while growing up because of all the attention they were getting in their youth.

Organs:


I'm relaxed oh. Again, i ate at Osas by broadway and Wilson and i got takeaway Chinese at the chinese restaurant opposite Truman College as well on friday. Sounds familiar?

where do u stay dude

Spaxon:

where do u stay dude

Took you forever to reply. NW suburbs. Schaumburg.

joeruano:
I felt like ending it there since people get scared to read long posts but since the popular Hungerbad has requested for the remainder, let me oblige him.

Can you please show me the list, He brought the list out and here are the items enlisted:

The Requirements for the marriage process are:

One big black goat
2 bottles of dry gin
2 crates of beer
3 crates of minerals
2 crates of malt
#10,000 for the mother
#20,000 for the father

List of Traditional Marriage Items for the Father of the Bride (Mkpo Ete)

One black goat
One bottle of 3-in-1 whiskey
One carton of schnapps
Wrappers like Hollandis, George materials
Cartons of Assorted beers
Bicycle
Walking staff
Limestone, Kola and Snuff
One shirt, socks and singlet
One hat, Umbrella, walking stock
Agreed amount of money (in cash only)

List of Traditional Marriage Items for the Mother of the Bride (Mkpo Eka)

One native goat
One bottle of brandy
One lace material
Cartons of beers
One shoe, bra, head tie and a box filled with under wears
4 crates of soft drinks
Wrappers like Hollandis, George Material
One lace blouse, head gear and accessories
Cash for the money ranging from #50,000

List of Traditional Items for the Extended Family of the Bride (Mkpo Ndito Ette)

One carton of beer
2 crates of soft drinks
Tobacco
Bitter kola
A bottle of Schnapps
Amounts in cash

This list is not even complete. Mine included requirements for my grandmothe(who was late ny the way), requirements for the youth in the village, requirements for my grandpa, asking money(that was in the introduction list).

The list was about 3pages...crazy

ImaIma1:


This list is not even complete. Mine included requirements for my grandmothe(who was late ny the way), requirements for the youth in the village, requirements for my grandpa, asking money(that was in the introduction list).

The list was about 3pages...crazy

Yes they are part of the list in most parts of ibibio land. Even though it can sometimes be annoying, if the means is there, do it and close the chapter. Tradition varies from tribe to tribe. But the problem usually lies with greedy families. My sister's own was waved by my Dad since he's the head of the family because my grand parents are no more so it makes absoultely no sense to collect items for them.

sacramento1212:


Yes they are part of the list in most parts of ibibio land. Even though it can sometimes be annoying, if the means is there, do it and close the chapter. Tradition varies from tribe to tribe. But the problem usually lies with greedy families. My sister's own was waved by my Dad since he's the head of the family because my grand parents are no more so it makes absoultely no sense to collect items for them.

My dad was late but thank God for my elder brother. My husband and his family were able to negotiate and my husband did it the way he could. You dont have to bring 10 crates if the ask for 10, i realise that you can bring 4 and everyone is ok.

My husband did all but one section and we moved on. But when my mother died, he had to fulfil that section before the burial

ImaIma1:


My dad was late but thank God for my elder brother. My husband and his family were able to negotiate and my husband did it the way he could. You dont have to bring 10 crates if the ask for 10, i realise that you can bring 4 and everyone is ok.

My husband did all but one section and we moved on. But when my mother died, he had to fulfil that section before the burial

Good. But you know some families are terrible and always at the fence waiting for such an opportunity to present itself. The word like you mentioned is negotiation. Not all listed items on the list must be fulfilled the way they are and the husband to be must never carry shoulder up like he has all the monies to fulfill all their demands. Once they notice he's a show off person, then demands would increase without any mercy.

Even with what your husband did, if there's any important occasion in your place, he still will be contacted and another cash would be spent no matter how small. Same way if he goes to your place to visit, he still may end up spending small cash for drinks.

There's always continuity after marital rites fulfillment but unfortunately that's what some of these people don't know. They want to milk the guy on the main day which is not good.

Ekom do eyeneka.

do you have brains at all- hang yourself

2buffagain:


How brainwashed can a person be to think that being sold is a good hing?..

Organs:


Took you forever to reply. NW suburbs. Schaumburg.

oh that's nice

Try Iboland and you will see that ours pales in comparison to theirs.

pls does mkpo adiaha have any spiritual implication?

UgoFly:
pls does mkpo adiaha have any spiritual implication?

There are certain rites that must be performed before the traditional marriage proper in some if not major parts of Ibibio land. In my own part, it's the Nwa(second daughter) not adiaha but some parts adiaha(1st daughter). Failure to do this will result to a catastrophic outcome which most of the time is death of either the lady, her mother, etc.

We call it uwa edung.

sacramento1212:


There are certain rites that must be performed before the traditional marriage proper in some if not major parts of Ibibio land. In my own part, it's the Nwa(second daughter) not adiaha but some parts adiaha(1st daughter). Failure to do this will result to a catastrophic outcome which most of the time is death of either the lady, her mother, etc.

We call it uwa edung.

I just did it and the rituals got me scared. I'm not from Akwa Ibom and I want to know if this ritual will have any impact on me. The people told me its just their culture but I'm not comfortable with the whole sacrifices and rituals involved.

UgoFly:



I just did it and the rituals got me scared. I'm not from Akwa Ibom and I want to know if this ritual will have any impact on me. The people told me its just their culture but I'm not comfortable with the whole sacrifices and rituals involved.

My brother, you did the right thing. It has absolutely nothing to do with you and you are a free man. You only have given to Caesar what belongs to Caesar. So don't be afraid of anything and i am saying this as a matter of fact.

I come from a strong traditional background and I don't joke with tradition.

UgoFly:



I just did it and the rituals got me scared. I'm not from Akwa Ibom and I want to know if this ritual will have any impact on me. The people told me its just their culture but I'm not comfortable with the whole sacrifices and rituals involved.

Subjecting yourself to pagan rituals all in the name of freaking marriage and you are letting demons threaten you with death when you should be telling them "dia fada".

If you are a Christian, I SMH at you.
Tradition for tradition sake, sure...but you have to draw the line when that ish becomes demonic. Otherwise, the way these things work, you have given consent for whatever that is to be a part of your new home. You are part of your generational problem. Now some child of yours down your lineage will have to fast and pray to break themselves free from the nonsense you have consented to bring into your lineage because of your weakness.

As much as you are trying to help them by marrying their daughter, your desires also matter.
You can make it clear that you will have nothing to do with marrying their daughter if pagan rituals are involved....especially not any that involve some bloody entity threatening me with death if I don't do it. Dia Fada!

2buffagain:


Subjecting yourself to pagan rituals all in the name of freaking marriage and you are letting demons threaten you with death when you should be telling them "dia fada".

If you are a Christian, I SMH at you.
Tradition for tradition sake, sure...but you have to draw the line when that ish becomes demonic. Otherwise, the way these things work, you have given consent for whatever that is to be a part of your new home. You are part of your generational problem. Now some child of yours down your lineage will have to fast and pray to break themselves free from the nonsense you have consented to bring into your lineage because of your weakness.

As much as you are trying to help them by marrying their daughter, your desires also matter.
You can make it clear that you will have nothing to do with marrying their daughter if pagan rituals are involved....especially not any that involve some bloody entity threatening me with death if I don't do it. Dia Fada!

Every tribe in Nigeria have their own culture and tradition and it has absolutely nothing to do with pagan rituals or demonic as you may call it. No one forced him to marry an Ibibio daughter and if he wasn't comfortable with it, he would have looked else where to pick a bride. That's why i encourage people that wants to get involved in intertribal marriage to study the culture and tradition of the tribe of their potential partner.

Do not smell the food you intend not to eat. It's like me going to a tribe in Edo that have their own tradition to tell them i won't be a party to it and insist on doing things my own way. If I know i don't like what's being practised there, it's better for me not to get involved with the lady in the first place.

@ugofly, once again, you have nothing to worry. It was part of the traditional marriage same way we cannot abolish traditional marriages and stick to white wedding which to me is a borrowed culture. It's a one off thing and you have satisfied all that was required to pick a bride in that part of Ibibio land.

So nothing to worry about concerning your wife, children and the future. May God bless your marriage and may you reap the fruit sooner or later.