My dear i feel u but the first mistake was agreeing to leave in a family house and from your tone it seems your husband has no plan of moving yet.You need to be very wise and think faster than everyone in d house to keep you marriage.Most first borns always want to satisfy thier parents so it's not as if you opinion is not important to him.he probably having problems trying to get evry1 along including you.Meanwhile you have to find a way of convincing him carefully to leave the family house and be very prayerful as u try to tackle this.

To me, it sounds like you were sold off to this family

How can you be living with your husband's family

if he's the landlord, he should get another apartment for his family

for a successful marriage it has to be you and just your husband
starting a whole new family in a different house

family members are not always good around couples, they are always the
cause of about 50% of quarrels.

i'm sorry to say this; a man too attached to his mother won't make a very good husband.

St.domain:

I really agree with everyone of you, i think you really get the picture and your responses are really true.we were not meant to stay this long, just for a few months i was told, never knew i was tricked. Anyway, i am praying seriously and trying to keep my cool with them but at times it really gets bad. I am still trying to convince him why there is a need for us to get our own apartment but they think as per he is the first son, the house belongs to him so why go and rent an apartment when he is the landlord.

My dear,as a woman,I really do feel for you.Your husband has to know,in no coded language, that this sleeping arrangement is not working out well.
As a newly wed,this is the time to build a solid foundation and it starts by being independent of parents.

If indeed he is the landlord,he should have the right to choose his tenants!
Like someone advised earlier,you ought to dazzle him with all your womanotrics,ask your friends to give you tips (no juju please).
That man must be consumed by your love,if you know what I mean
And I hope it all culminates into getting your own place.
Of course prayers work wonders but you should also use your God given assets,he is afterall your husband.

_{I hope I don't get in trouble for this woman to woman advice}

if he's the landlord, he should get another apartment for his family

Exactly.

If indeed he is the landlord,he should have the right to choose his tenants!

@babyosisi
it may not be that easy in naija oh. its a family house i assume and heaven will fall if he asks his relatives to leave. its easier if he left quietly with his wife and found a place just to avoid talk talk.

wow, wonders shall never end. fasting and prayers to break a man's attachments with his parents because he wants to marry you.
i have seen a newly married woman come into a troubled home and bring in peace. but there are more cases of women coming to introduce troubles in a peaceful home.
no wonder most of our young girls of nowadays preffer men without parents.
what you sow, shall thou reap. if u are the type of woman who wouldn"t want to see ur inlaw because ur husband is ok, watch yourself as you will end up suffering raise ur own children only for them to be taken away from u without benefit by a good for nothing girl in the name of love.

no wonder most of our young girls of nowadays preffer men without parents

@chidichris
what are you talking about?
where the hell did you get this from? home videos?

spoilt:

@babyosisi
it may not be that easy in naija oh. its a family house i assume and heaven will fall if he asks his relatives to leave. its easier if he left quietly with his wife and found a place just to avoid talk talk.

you are right.
I only meant to say that he is no landlord

I still maintain that more often than not, the problem stems from unproductive and inconsiderate women that bark at the slightest threat to their comfort zone, of exclusive enjoyment of a man's wealth.

Love is friendship with understanding. If you have married your husband for who he was then I feel you need to endure it. You need to ask yourself Why am I in love with this Man? this will keep you going.

The truth will only set you free.

Well, my dear feel u on this, all i have to say peoples have already said it, atimes things do happen such way with inlaws, so u really have to convince him to gate u an apartment if not ur marriage will really fall apart!

one word, MOVE!!! thats the solution to this and how you get your husband to do that, well, thats up to you. use you God given talents and oyu can never fail.

ps:i think black mamba is one of those dudes that's been hurt so bad by a woman that he now chooses to hide his hurt with all these dumb asses machismo.

I am still trying to convince him why there is a need for us to get our own apartment but they think as per he is the first son, the house belongs to him so why go and rent an apartment when he is the landlord.



Dats a lazy man' s attitude
( sorry to say dat) make ur own money and get ur own house. dont depend on ur parent' sweat! As for d ist thread i think ur husbands problem has to do wit growing up. He has a lot of growing up to do. once u r married u have ur own family and sud be left alone after all wen she was married to her own husband she was not disturbed so why disturb a young family. anyway just take it easy wit her.time will tell but let me ask a question are u working or a house wife? cos dat will go a long way to help ease the tension at home. u contribute financially. think about dat!

Dont

BlackMamba:

I still maintain that more often than not, the problem stems from unproductive and inconsiderate women that bark at the slightest threat to their comfort zone, of exclusive enjoyment of a man's wealth.


Dont mind Black Mamba. I understand HE's been burnt before. I assume he's talking from experience

@ OP,

Try talking to your man that it's best to move out to start a new life with you as couples. It's going to be really hard but keep praying and trying. Be prepare to make tough choices too, you both move out or you leave (last option if you can't bear your inlaw's presence). the fault is your guy's you know. That home i presume is his mother's or family home.

one word, MOVE!!!

Sound advice.
If he's not gonna discard his family for wifey, you might still be lucky to land a next mugu out there.

dumb asses machismo.

I love big words.

BlackMamba:

I still maintain that more often than not, the problem stems from unproductive and inconsiderate women that bark at the slightest threat to their comfort zone, of exclusive enjoyment of a man's wealth.

so trying to get your husband to severe the umbilical cord from his parents and strike out on his own is now trying to monopolize his weath?
wonders shall never end!

Which wealth, by the way? There is no wealth anywhere, just a marriage being smothered to death.

so trying to get your husband to severe the umbilical cord from his parents and strike out on his own is now trying to monopolize his weath?

Another veiled reason to get a man to severe his unconditional love for his parents.

Well me lady you made the first mistake in getting married to him  while he still lived in his parents house, that is no good at all, sincerelyyou have a lot of work to do. You have to let him see reasons why he has to leave that place first and foremost if not?? anyway the remaining dey God hand o,  just try sha , help him find an apartment if he is not forthcoming, even if it is a one room apartment at least it is ur space and anyone that tries to come in is an intruder ,. my dear it is well ,ooooo

Your case is exactly like my brothers case and i want you to see it as a challenge.
Firstly, it has to do with upbringing and mothers attachment to their first and sometimes last sons.
You will notice that other sons and children are not as attached to their mama as your husband

Secondly, you have to be ready to gently and carefully plan the family and allow your husband to execute.
In this case, you have to find money and explain to your husband why you should move out of the family house.
Its not because you desire privacy which is what you have been telling him but because you need to prepare ahead for the children before they start to come. You can even tell him that you can get a smaller house while the family house may be rented house to generate more income. He is your husband , u should know how to get what you want in a very subtle manner, with less toes stepped upon.

Thirdly, Change your attitude towards his mother and court his mothers support to make her beloved sons life better. Always reiterate your mission in their family that you married him in order to add value to the family particularly your husband's life, and that you will be plaesed if they help you to achieve this goal.

The Lord will give you wisdom to fight the fight of faith for your husband, and you will win and testify to God's goodness in the land of the living!

It's your fault for marrying him in the first place. Never marry a man or woman whose habits you can't tolerate!

~Wud movin out of this family home really solve anything   there wont be any winners in this suitation !!~

~If u succeed in gettin your own home,i'd bet dearest mother-in-law will find any excuse to come visit regularly if she chooses,come for w/e etc,she'll be hell bent on makin your life more miserable and i can't for the life of me imagine u tellin her how often she can visit or that u're not comfy w/ her visits !!!

~Isnt there some common ground u can find w/ your mother-in-law to make her understand u need to ave your own home ?,that is ofcourse assumin she isnt very very strong headed~she is afterall a woman herself and i'd like to think underneath those apron strings,there's a heart,if she's got any  

~I think its high time u grab the bull by its horns n try to figure out how u can either live in this house w/out being miserable for the rest of your life ~ which seems impossible or u kiss arse~mainly mother-in-laws  J/K ~am sure she's aware two captains can cant run a ship~its certainly not right for her to deprive u of the right to be captain in ur own home,too bad ur hubby doesnt realise every married woman is deservin of that


~On a more serious note tho this suitation can make or break your marriage! i can only hope with faith n prayers,it is resolved w/ some form of compromise,good luck!!!

Nice one Mohchik, guess that's wat almost people saying tho!

Ask him the source of his wealth, you will be suprise to know that his mother is,so he got to listen to her more than anyone else in this world. Just like the Abia state Governor, and many wealthy Nigerians.

mother in laws are tough especially the husbands mother.
They ought to be handled with care.
In a son's eyes his mom is the ultimate woman
With the smartest ideas.
Her  son will say yes even when her daughters say NO.
She adores him
No woman is good enough for him.

@ the poster,that is why your next step would be to play your cards right and cause your husband to move you guys out of there.
You must not speak ill of his mother to him,it will not work.
you can start like this

Tunde,you know we are just newly married,I would hate to have a strained relationship with mama,I love her just like my own mother.
I feel we need to get our own place,it's not that I dislike your family,not at all.I do love them  with all my heart but we need to be independent as we build our young family.
Please think about this honey,this would mean a lot to me,I love you baby!!

^{These words at the right time would work wonders}

babyosisi,
i doff my hearts for the wisdom in ur post
more jeleen to ur elbow!

pls ladies dont get me wrong, nin e months is not beans 4 any mother 2 give away just like dat,most especially where the are incidence dat pre-dates martrimony.most men are attached to their mothers,vice versa. the part i totally disagree is the fact dat he is still under her roof,wake up girl u should 've known better. where is his independence?

"

Tunde,you know we are just newly married,I would hate to have a strained relationship with mama,I love her just like my own mother.
I feel we need to get our own place,it's not that I dislike your family,not at all.I do love them with all my heart but we need to be independent as we build our young family.
Please think about this honey,this would mean a lot to me,I love you baby!!"

I ve tried that several times but it didn't work, he said, i don't like his family, which isn't true, i was very close to his mum but when i found out that she was very manipulative, i withdrew a little and that was when the whole trouble started. My hubby has decided to move us out of there, when? i don't know and they are all very mad at me and saying all saorts of things and my hubby is not happy about moving out, he said he just wants to do it because the heat btwn his mum and i is getting hotter although it's a cold war with no face to face confrontation, aparently, my hubby tells his mum that i am not happy and thinks she is interfering too much in our affairs. This woman is so sweet on the outside but wants everyone to bow to her and she feels she has everone's interest at heart afterall she is more experienced and knows her son better. But she fails to realize that there are somethings i ve to find out about my hubby myself. She feels she is a perfect mother in law so i don't have any reason to be unhaappy because she manipulates so subtly & sweetly  that before u actually know what she is up to, u have fallen into her trap.

It's so difficult to deal with her because she will tell u the nasiest things in the nicest way, she really looks harmless but a green snake under green grass, that was how she decieved me that she wasn't the troublesome type but alas,that is very wrong.

Lol, this sounds like Everybody Loves Raymond.

You just described Marie.

Are you working by the way? You know if you add money that could speed up the moving process.

Red_Lips:


Are you working by the way? You know if you add money that could speed up the moving process.

lol,nice question