Dear Agatha,
I have been bothered by the fact that I did not bleed during my first intercourse. Was it that I was born without hymen or may be I lost my virginity as a baby? Although am now a mother of four. I can’t help but think about it at times.

Worried Mother.


Dear Worried Mother,

Yes, bleeding signifies a woman’s broken seal, the passage of the girl status into womanhood. But not all women bleed the first time. This is due to a wide range of possible reasons.

If you were not abused as a child, then it could be that you were into rigorous exercises or sports before you slept with a man. Some strenuous sports like running, horse riding can break the hymen which as a matter of fact is a very delicate seal. It doesn’t take much energy to have it broken; so, it could be broken without a woman sleeping with a man. For the experienced man, only the tightness of the passage would tell him the condition of the woman; whereas, some need the physical evidence of blood to be convinced they are meeting her intact.

And in some cases, some women have been deflowered by tampons or the questing fingers of their lovers. Tampons can break the seal easily because it is inserted into the woman’s body to absorb her flow unlike the conventional pad that is placed at the entrance of her body to absorb her flow. There is no way she would know that her hymen has been broken because it will come out with her flow as blood.

Like the tampon, the fingers too can easily break the fine film covering of a woman’s body.

What is important is the level of trust the woman is able to command from her man. If you have had four children and not once given your husband reason to doubt you, he will always cherish and take pride in your honour as a woman any day.

That is what is most important at the end of the day. It doesn’t matter whether you knew how you were deflowered or not.

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