Bamidey:

In SA?

Yes republic of south Africa oooo

You people are harsh oh!

vikkimimi:
You seem to be desperately in need of a relationship... there's no big deal in dating a single mother, especially if she's loving and understanding. But if you ain't too satisfied with it, TAKE A CHILL PILL, relax and you'll find a single girl even when you ain't searching.

Very wrong. I have never been in short supply of romance and sex for more than a decade now.

Preshy561:

Lols.
I just ate now, don't wanna laugh.
Oya, uncle jaks wetin maria do You?

A beg help me ask him o. As he don postulate and theorize say I be after 1 nah, wetin person no go read for Nl?

If you support and fight for women, you be feminist.
If you give possible reasons why some ladies became single mothers.... you be single mother.

E funny

ghettochild4u:
Yes republic of south Africa oooo

Honestly bro, I wanna get married to SA girl. You don weak me bro.

NUJABEZ:


Very wrong. I have never been in short supply of romance and sex for more than a decade now.

Oga sir, there's a difference between romance /sex and a relationship. okay?

she used you to get sex. she

1 observed you

2 engaged in a conversation

3 conquered you

@ OP, it's never a good deal to have another man's baby mama as your woman. Here is my reason for saying so:

1. She shares a unique bond with another man and the very manifestation of the bond (Child) is your responsibility

2. The child is never yours. No matter how you try to convince yourself that it's okay, The child is never yours. it's better to go to motherless home to adopt than to raise a child your woman brought from another man.

3. The child becomes your responsibility. As a man of the house the child becomes your responsibility. but remember, you're not the Father, and you'll never be and she knows this. even though the child is your responsibility, the degree to which you can instill your values in the child is her call.

4. It's more expensive, because you're simultaneously trying to make the mother and the child accept you as the Man. Financially, time wise etc.

5. You're raising another man's child before yours.

6. Women will always be women, she'll constantly ponder on what becomes the fate of her child from another man when she finally gives you yours. she might even want to delay until her child becomes a little of age before giving that chance. Even though she wouldn't explicitly tell you that's the problem it will cause some friction and men don't win such.

7. If things goes sour and you guys, and you part ways with the woman. The relationship you have with the child just went down the drain.

8. Women by their nature, no matter how furnished she is with MSc, PhD.. her words don't mean shit to her when she takes on that nature of a sly. Could be to her defense or to the child defense, don't be surprised when she make you realize you not her child's father one way or the other.

9. It doesn't speak well of a woman who has a child for a man she's not with. It means two things.
(a). She has some bad character trait her baby daddy is not ready to put up with, that isn't obvious to you yet
(b). She got so irresponsible to hook up with a man who doesn't want to have his child with him; and that shows her level of decision making when it comes to choices. Forget her Bsc, Msc, PhD etc. majority of women suck at making basic, good life decisions.

10. This is Nigeria, you don't take a man's child away from him forever. He's coming back. prepare for that.

If you just want to have a fling with her.. then you might get a Yes from me. But if she's someone you're reasoning a future with.. Think it through thoroughly man.

For ladies reading this.. Just stop being Baby mamas. You're making decisions complicated for men that really wants you. If the guy doesn't give you a ring; as in marriage. Don't ever agree to make a baby with him. Final.

FTF2069:
@ OP, it's never a good deal to have another man's baby mama as your woman. Here is my reason for saying so:

1. She shares a unique bond with another man and the very manifestation of the bond (Child) is your responsibility

2. The child is never yours. No matter how you try to convince yourself that it's okay, The child is never yours. it's better to go to motherless home to adopt than to raise a child your woman brought from another man.

3. The child becomes your responsibility. As a man of the house the child becomes your responsibility. but remember, you're not the Father, and you'll never be and she knows this. even though the child is your responsibility, the degree to which you can instill your values in the child is her call.

4. It's more expensive, because you're simultaneously trying to make the mother and the child accept you as the Man. Financially, time wise etc.

5. You're raising another man's child before yours.

6. Women will always be women, she'll constantly ponder on what becomes the fate of her child from another man when she finally gives you yours. she might even want to delay until her child becomes a little of age before giving that chance. Even though she wouldn't explicitly tell you that's the problem it will cause some friction and men don't win such.

7. If things goes sour and you guys, and you part ways with the woman. The relationship you have with the child just went down the drain.

8. Women by their nature, no matter how furnished she is with MSc, PhD.. her words don't mean shit to her when she takes on that nature of a sly. Could be to her defense or to the child defense, don't be surprised when she make you realize you not her child's father one way or the other.

9. It doesn't speak well of a woman who has a child for a man she's not with. It means two things.
(a). She has some bad character trait her baby daddy is not ready to put up with, that isn't obvious to you yet
(b). She got so irresponsible to hook up with a man who doesn't want to have his child with him; and that shows her level of decision making when it comes to choices. Forget her Bsc, Msc, PhD etc. majority of women suck at making basic, good life decisions.

10. This is Nigeria, you don't take a man's child away from him forever. He's coming back. prepare for that.

If you just want to have a fling with her.. then you might get a Yes from me. But if she's someone you're reasoning a future with.. Think it through thoroughly man.

For ladies reading this.. Just stop being Baby mamas. You're making decisions complicated for men that really wants you. If the guy doesn't give you a ring; as in marriage. Don't ever agree to make a baby with him. Final.

Was about typing my own epistle when I saw this. Great job bro. Op it's all in your hands. Go ahead with that union at your own peril.

FTF2069:
@ OP, it's never a good deal to have another man's baby mama as your woman. Here is my reason for saying so:

1. She shares a unique bond with another man and the very manifestation of the bond (Child) is your responsibility

2. The child is never yours. No matter how you try to convince yourself that it's okay, The child is never yours. it's better to go to motherless home to adopt than to raise a child your woman brought from another man.

3. The child becomes your responsibility. As a man of the house the child becomes your responsibility. but remember, you're not the Father, and you'll never be and she knows this. even though the child is your responsibility, the degree to which you can instill your values in the child is her call.

4. It's more expensive, because you're simultaneously trying to make the mother and the child accept you as the Man. Financially, time wise etc.

5. You're raising another man's child before yours.

6. Women will always be women, she'll constantly ponder on what becomes the fate of her child from another man when she finally gives you yours. she might even want to delay until her child becomes a little of age before giving that chance. Even though she wouldn't explicitly tell you that's the problem it will cause some friction and men don't win such.

7. If things goes sour and you guys, and you part ways with the woman. The relationship you have with the child just went down the drain.

8. Women by their nature, no matter how furnished she is with MSc, PhD.. her words don't mean shit to her when she takes on that nature of a sly. Could be to her defense or to the child defense, don't be surprised when she make you realize you not her child's father one way or the other.

9. It doesn't speak well of a woman who has a child for a man she's not with. It means two things.
(a). She has some bad character trait her baby daddy is not ready to put up with, that isn't obvious to you yet
(b). She got so irresponsible to hook up with a man who doesn't want to have his child with him; and that shows her level of decision making when it comes to choices. Forget her Bsc, Msc, PhD etc. majority of women suck at making basic, good life decisions.

10. This is Nigeria, you don't take a man's child away from him forever. He's coming back. prepare for that.

If you just want to have a fling with her.. then you might get a Yes from me. But if she's someone you're reasoning a future with.. Think it through thoroughly man.

For ladies reading this.. Just stop being Baby mamas. You're making decisions complicated for men that really wants you. If the guy doesn't give you a ring; as in marriage. Don't ever agree to make a baby with him. Final.

See list ooo. All these bitter Nigerian men everywhere. I'm sure you haven't seen cases where a man marries a single mom and they had a good marriage and years later the child becomes the one taking care of the couple even better than their own kids?
Ok, let us assume she made a terrible mistake, has realized her mistake and wants to correct it even throughout her lifetime, who are you to judge and say she doesn't deserve a chance to love?
I'm sure if it's your relative or your daughter that is involved, you won't write this epistle, selfish wicked men everywhere.

Pls don't marry a single mother if you're not a single dad yourself they are damaged goods.damaged emotionally and psychologically.and will pass that negative vibes that eventually damaged your virgin marrital life pls leave single moms for single dad's they understand each other better sometimes.Dont start your young marrital life with a damaged woman

rubyjan:

See list ooo. All these bitter Nigerian men everywhere. I'm sure you haven't seen cases where a man marries a single mom and they had a good marriage and years later the child becomes the one taking care of the couple even better than their own kids?
Ok, let us assume she made a terrible mistake, has realized her mistake and wants to correct it even throughout her lifetime, who are you to judge and say she doesn't deserve a chance to love?
I'm sure if it's your relative or your daughter that is involved, you won't write this epistle, selfish wicked men everywhere.

I never said she doesn't deserve a chance to love or to be loved. All i pointed out is that the decisions she made in life has pretty much made things more complex, and that's the reality, no bullshitting . Another thing we all know about life is that people can be really determined to achieve a particular result, just that it's much harder with marriage or relationships, because it's takes two to work. It's not complex to understand that getting involved with a single mother is harder to manage. and as a man or human being in general we choose our battles.

There's is always exception to the rule. But exceptions to the rule aren't born out of mere wish thinking, but with grit, believe, love, respect and ultimately acceptance that They (the couples) want to make it work against all the odds.

But in the end it comes down to: is the woman worth it? If a single mother is worth you cutting your loses on all those troubles. Then she must be really providing something all other single ladies with no complicated past can not offer.

I admire the fact that woman #2 told you early on in your meeting with her that she has a kid. It shows honesty and thats something you won't find alot. They are a countless amount of men who only find out years later that their women has a kid with another man.

Its entirely your choice whether you want to begin a relationship with her but since your a single man with no kids I highly recommend that you DONT DO IT. Heres a few reasons why:
•You will never be her first priority
•The child is not yours biologically and never will be
•The social stigma that you will get from men may be a bit too much
•Its sounds as if your giving them too much emotional access to you early in the relationship.

vikkimimi:


Oga sir, there's a difference between romance /sex and a relationship. okay?

Well, you're probably right. But, I ve never been short of enriching female company.

Draken:
I admire the fact that woman #2 told you early on in your meeting with her that she has a kid. It shows honesty and thats something you won't find alot. They are a countless amount of men who only find out years later that their women has a kid with another man.

Its entirely your choice whether you want to begin a relationship with her but since your a single man with no kids I highly recommend that you DONT DO IT. Heres a few reasons why:
•You will never be her first priority
•The child is not yours biologically and never will be
•The social stigma that you will get from men may be a bit too much
•Its sounds as if your giving them too much emotional access to you early in the relationship.

You speak the truth, I may be a little too trusting and feeling for my own good. I agree that things are a little rushed, but I do feel knowing this lady and becoming quite serious with her in such a short span of time is worth it. I like things really intense. I've adopted calm for the coming months so that I can really analyze everything. Thank you for your post.

MariaLavina:
What about those that became single mothers through rape, death of partners, Irresponsible partners and deceit.

You type as if these people made themselves pregnant. Fish tank brain!

sharrap ur useless trash of a mouth!!!

Baby mamas re useless!

am sure u re one of dose useless baby mamas.

lemme assure u of one tin, u ll remain a baby mama, no man will marry u.

rubyjan:

See list ooo. All these bitter Nigerian men everywhere. I'm sure you haven't seen cases where a man marries a single mom and they had a good marriage and years later the child becomes the one taking care of the couple even better than their own kids?
Ok, let us assume she made a terrible mistake, has realized her mistake and wants to correct it even throughout her lifetime, who are you to judge and say she doesn't deserve a chance to love?
I'm sure if it's your relative or your daughter that is involved, you won't write this epistle, selfish wicked men everywhere.

wetin kon dey pepper dis one 4 mind

FTF2069:


I never said she doesn't deserve a chance to love or to be loved. All i pointed out is that the decisions she made in life has pretty much made things more complex, and that's the reality, no bullshitting . Another thing we all know about life is that people can be really determined to achieve a particular result, just that it's much harder with marriage or relationships, because it's takes two to work. It's not complex to understand that getting involved with a single mother is harder to manage. and as a man or human being in general we choose our battles.

There's is always exception to the rule. But exceptions to the rule aren't born out of mere wish thinking, but with grit, believe, love, respect and ultimately acceptance that They (the couples) want to make it work against all the odds.

But in the end it comes down to: is the woman worth it? If a single mother is worth you cutting your loses on all those troubles. Then she must be really providing something all other single ladies with no complicated past can not offer.

u re too wise 4 d idiot u re telling dis tin to...

jst leave d empty brain alone.

chinchonglee:

u re too wise 4 d idiot u re telling dis tin to...

jst leave d empty brain alone.

Please crawl back to the gutter where you came from, this discussion is not for stupid people like you.

rubyjan:

Please crawl back to the gutter where you came from, this discussion is not for stupid people like you.

old hag like u..

dat guy is too smart 4 u..


u shuld get ur empty brain off his mention

chinchonglee:
Bro!!! Leave single mothers alone...

They get one very bad habit weh man nor fit tolerate..

Na wetin make d baby daddy nor even gree accept dem in d 1st place

Wrong!!!
Some or even many are just victims of the indecisiveness in some men. Not all single mothers are bad character wise.

loshybab:

Wrong!!!
Some or even many are just victims of the indecisiveness in some men. Not all single mothers are bad character wise.

We all knw dere is an exception to every law..

So i dnt av to state exceptions.

chinchonglee:

old hag like u..

dat guy is too smart 4 u..


u shuld get ur empty brain off his mention

Sure he is intelligent and its obvious from his response but that can't be said of you lowlife old man.
Like I said earlier, crawl back to the gutter fool.

Bamidey:

Honestly bro, I wanna get married to SA girl.
You don weak me bro.

then feed your eyes to thishttps://www.nairaland.com/2384265/beautiful-south-african-girls/132#down

Aquariann:
Except she's widowed or a victim of rape (I still wouldn't though), NEVER EVER DATE A SINGLE MUM.

Single Moms are Single Moms because they're bad decision makers and let their emotions lead them into a bad situation. Bad Decision Making is the worst trait a woman could ever have.

Also, there is no woman more manipulative than a Single Mom. Once the kid comes and she realizes just how hard it is to raise it alone, or the fact that her MMV has gone down compared to single ladies without kids, her female manipulative skills goes into overdrive.

Just like in the Op's case, in the beginning they will go out of their way to keep you by providing you with an unlimited supply of great sex, pay for their own drinks when on a date, prepare home cooked meals, and everything that you think you want in a woman. Every word, every act, every moment has a million implications behind it.

And once you finally get to meet the kid(s), you will very slowly be maneuvered into a parental role. Then after a few months things begin to change but by then you are so caught up in her life to realize that you are just a pawn. You begin to get all the baggage and none of the rewards for your sacrifice.

You'll always comes second (and rightly so) to her kid. You will be a de-facto dad with all of the risks and little reward like never really being appreciated by the child. If you say nothing is wrong with this, ask yourself this, would she be willing to fall in behind your kids from another woman? Never make a woman number one in your life when the best you're going to place is behind her kids.

Now don't get this wrong. I love kids and bond well with them. Most guys do. But with kids from a single mom you intend to or are in a relationship with, it's a different thing entirely. If the relationship doesn't work out or you guys have an issue, she'll bad mouth you to the kid(s) and make it seem you abandoned them also like the man they wanted to have the kid with. You just don't want to get yourself in all that mess.

Again, more often you can't correct the kid as the only authority you have over the kids is comes from the mother. You'll hear comments from her like "He's not your kid, Don't touch him or don't correct him like that". You'll simply be looking after Someone else's child to other peoples standards.

And then, there's having the child biological dad (and possibly his family members) to deal with. He'll always be in your lives.

Once, my group of friends went on a picnic. A single mum and her son were with them. A younger friend and member of the group posed with her son and uploaded the pictures on Facebook. The child's dad (another friend of mine) saw the pictures and called this guy to warn and threaten him not to dare take pictures of his son again nor upload such on SM. Now this is someone who's not even in the child's live and had been actually physically abusive to the child's mum which led to the eventual collapse of their relationship.

My younger friend had to call me to explain what happened and to talk to this other guy that he had no interest in the girl which was the hidden intent for the threat.

And don't forget Okafor's law. More often than believable, single moms always end up under the father of their child again and again, perhaps with the believe it can still work out between them.

You got it all wrapped up in one piece. Excellent.

chinchonglee:

sharrap ur useless trash of a mouth!!!

Baby mamas re useless!

am sure u re one of dose useless baby mamas.

lemme assure u of one tin, u ll remain a baby mama, no man will marry u.

You're an idiot!

NUJABEZ:



Anyways, I going to keep dating her. A child is not a disease. She ticks a lot of my boxes, so why not? I pride myself on being a liberal thinker, and a progressive Nigerian. I think the greatest test of that credo has been unfolded for me. What will I do? Of course I will go on loving this woman who brought me so much happiness in the last couple of weeks. So help me god.

I get amazed when I see people bash single mothers. TBH, I'm not a proponent of planned single parenthood but where situations were/are beyond control, I totally understand. For me, I find women who keep pregnancies, considering the perception and treatment they get in societies like ours as the true champs. We crucify single mothers for their bravery yet celebrate single ladies with counts of abortions only cos there's no way of telling these things.

Well, I'm happy at the way you ended the thread, you're a decisive man (a trait lacking in men these days) and I think you've made a sensible decision. You also seem perceptive so I'm guessing you'll be able to tell if she's trying to manipulate you into becoming a baby daddy cos to be honest, a mother's first instinct is to put her kid first even if you were the biological dad.

In the end, listen to your gut instincts, it often tells us all we need to know yet we ignore it. All the best.

rubyjan:

Sure he is intelligent and its obvious from his response but that can't be said of you lowlife old man.
Like I said earlier, crawl back to the gutter fool.

Frustrated old hag!

Menopause kill u dia!

BareFacedLies:


You're an idiot!

Evening news paper!!

Madam u don expire!

Raalsalghul:
Will advise you desist from such. I'm sure you don't want some baby mama drama.

Do you think is easier dealing with younger, single ladies. It all boils down to her personality.

kense88:
Do you think is easier dealing with younger, single ladies. It all boils down to her personality.

I won't even advise my worst enemy to go for a baby mama. Too much baggage to deal with.