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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? (5524 Views)
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Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Nobody: 8:45pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
Well, since she's 18 now! You should actually set boundaries Without hurting her feelings. Suspicions are already raising up and it could generate to something unwanted. There are attimes you need to be stern with her just like your wife. Your daughter is a woman now, and you know the chemistry btw a man and woman, that's what she's feeling now, if she's a boy will she be doing same with you, well I don't think so. So you can see a whole lot of chemistry revealing, therefore boundaries need to be set, good luck! |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by folake4u(f): 8:53pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
sacajawea: Tell me the truth, a girl like that broke your heart?
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Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by sisisioge: 9:01pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
I think its cute...though I'm a crazy breed |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Nobody: 9:15pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
Ubenedictus:Allow her to sleep in his bed?! 1 Like |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by DPRmoniker: 11:03pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
I appreciate the comments ladies and gentlemen. There's an update I have included as the first reply to the post in a space i reserved before i was suspended. I would most likely be sending my daughter away to face more life challenges, probably start a relationship and rediscover a new future. I have not been able to find a way to discuss with her about this attachment, her mother did a few times but she seems to take it not seriously. 2 Likes |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by DPRmoniker: 11:06pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
Mizwisdom: Not a chance! 2 Likes |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Rubbiish(m): 11:10pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
kristen12:U can be close to me |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Rubbiish(m): 11:16pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
DPRmoniker:@bold u make me laff For u to have created this thread clearly shows something is running through your mind....create some distance bro 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by SolutionsGuy: 11:38pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
Rubbiish: So, she should be close to rubbish? Lol. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by sacajawea: 11:42pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
folake4u:You think you are Smart Abi? Don't worry Karma Will Catch up with You very Soon |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by DPRmoniker: 11:46pm On Apr 01, 2019 |
Rubbiish: That bolded part came into the essay for thoughts like yours. I created the thread because I think it's a bit strange and abnormal. Almost everybody I asked said they never saw a thing like that. Sometimes her displays get me embarrassed as well. 5 Likes |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Rubbiish(m): 6:41am On Apr 02, 2019 |
SolutionsGuy:Lols |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Rubbiish(m): 6:49am On Apr 02, 2019 |
DPRmoniker:Please do not push your daughter into suffering or aid her to make wrong decisions, what do u mean by sending her away? Sit her down and explain things to her, she will adjust. She will take your talk seriously. It is better u talk to her & let her be, than sending her away because u want to avoid talking to her. I really do not like the way u sound. U sound fearful & strange, i hope u haven't develop feelings for her 1 Like |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Omoluabi16(m): 10:20am On Apr 02, 2019 |
kristen12:Like some observed, closeness is unhealthy and there should be boundaries. My own parents were more like friends to me.Jokes, nicknames and what have you..it was that good. But the issue of showing body parts, or suggestive positions never came in. For wetin?? I think the girl is being too carefree and childish. She's a woman now and her father must draw a line. I would be disgusted if I saw my adult daughter's sensitive parts. |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Ubenedictus(m): 11:09am On Apr 02, 2019 |
Vellichor:yes ma'am, sometimes this advise is important so i hope you'll remember it: "Observe all things, correct a few and ignore most" The little you correct will adjust the most u ignore. Sometimes the easiest way to drive your kids away is to pontificate on all their mistakes. If u trained them well ab initio, then their mistakes will be self correcting, point the genre out, they will adjust to the particulars. how is ur day going? 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by folake4u(f): 12:50pm On Apr 02, 2019 |
sacajawea: What are you talking about? I have no idea what you're saying! |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by sacajawea: 1:45pm On Apr 02, 2019 |
folake4u:All the hearts you've shattered! Who will heal them |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by folake4u(f): 2:38pm On Apr 02, 2019 |
sacajawea: Guy, Idk wetin you dey yarn sha . My prayers are with them, God will heal their broken hearts |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by DeeMain(m): 10:13pm On Apr 02, 2019 |
DPRmoniker: Your finding it hard to have this conversation with her speaks volume about your own weaknesses as a parent. I still refer you back to my earlier suggestions and advice. You are abdicating your parental duties and sending her away so that life, her school, the internet and her peers can train your child for you. In essence, you are leaving her success in life to chance. I have my deep fears about your sending her away this way without preparing her adequately for life. The consequences may be dire. Her foundations are shaky no thanks to you and perhaps your wife lacking the requisite parenting skills. She's your child and you need to man up to the duties of a father before it's too late. Two words too much for the wise. Best wishes and I sincerely pray she turns out great and successful. 2 Likes |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by trendyprettygir: 10:29pm On Apr 02, 2019 |
Sending her to school without having a talk with her is A VERY WRONG MOVE. You and your wife, and together MUST sit and have a talk with her on this in a gentle, parental and loving manner. I wonder why Nigerian parents dodge speaking with their kids, yes kids can be close to their parents, but the towel move? I don't think so.... I guess when she was growing up there were no rules or boundaries set? Or probably she is trying to fill up for your wife or has misunderstood previous gestures? Please deal with this before sending her to school, otherwise be prepared for the consequences... 2 Likes |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by toksbisola: 12:09am On Apr 03, 2019 |
@Rubbiish, DeeMain, trendyprettygir, I am surprised myself on what is stopping DPRmoniker from talking to his daughter and setting boundaries about this close bond they share before he sends her away? I’m lost for words and trying to understand why. @OP; I really don’t understand why you are not comfortable talking to your daughter about this closeness you both share to have boundaries before you send her away to start her life. Your wife has been trying from your write-up; but your daughter doesn’t seem to want to take heed to what her mother is rightfully pointing out to her. The example of the towel incident is really shocking; I mean common mate; she’s 18 and at that age one should expect her to be conscious of not exposing herself in that manner irrespective of whether she's in front of her family members or not. SHE SHOULD LEARN TO BE APPROPRIATELY DRESSED AND SITED PROPERLY WHEN SHE IS IN AND OUT OF THE HOME. It’s apparent that when that incident happened, you didn’t DO MUCH (I may be right or wrong); but rather your wife did and your daughter probably didn’t take kindly to the correction; as your daughter thinks she did nothing wrong. You and your wife have to work as a team otherwise if it’s only your wife trying to teach your daughter for her to limit this closeness with you, your daughter is going to form and enemy bond with her mother. So you and wife have to speak in one voice when you set these boundaries. You are saying that you can never have the feelings of molesting your daughter which IS VERY GOOD and I commend and applaud you for that; but if you hear the stories of fathers who have molested their daughters, it didn’t just happen just like that it started from somewhere; which can include having a close bond without setting boundaries which eventually led into a wrong act being committed. Hence be cautious that it NEVER HAPPENS TO YOU (excuse my emphasis) as you are a man and she is a woman. YOU NEED TO SET BOUNDARIES (repeating this again) as this has already been pointed out to you by other posters on this issue. That you stayed with her since she was very young which translated into this close bond happening is just an excuse you making for not wanting to set boundaries and that should be curbed. In situations like this you need to be firm but fair so it doesn’t turn out that your daughter begins to sense that you want to push her away. I know a lady who had this same extreme closeness to her father and when she got married it still carried on and this made her husband confused and uncomfortable about it. Along the line, as a result of this issue and others, the marriage ended. So please talk to your daughter so that this doesn’t impact on her marital life when the time comes for her to settle down as not all men can overlook their wife having an extreme close bond with her father. Also she’s young at 18 and not sure why you now want her to get into a relationship because you subconsciously think that it will limit the bond you both share, oh please; sorry to burst your bubble; but that ain't gonna happen; as it may not limit the bond as you envisage it to. Dude, don’t push her into a relationship at that age (as she needs to develop herself first ) due to your not forth-coming to talking to your daughter ABOUT SETTING BOUNDARIES TO THE CLOSENESS YOU BOTH SHARE. Please and please, try and sort this out before you and her travel out so as to avoid any problem arising between you, your wife and your other children. I rest my case 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by DPRmoniker: 9:32am On Apr 03, 2019 |
Thanks again @Rubiish, DeeMain, trendyprettygirl and toksbisola. I have further, deeply understood your advice. We shall have a meeting on this in the coming weeks. It's not as if I don't talk to her on anything, just that I haven't reasoned to sit her down and tell her that it is not very good she is too close to her father, and that she should work to cut it down. I was of the view it could lead to withdrawal of some sort that may be bad for the family. She is not a badly behaved or lousy person. I have watched her grow for almost 2 decades, I know what she can or cannot do. Just that I overlooked this closeness thing, and believed she would outgrow it with time, but the time isn't just coming. My thoughts of sending her to a more serious school in Europe is that if she is so busy for months working on class projects on her own, she would have less time to video chat with daddy or mummy and naturally the bond will be fading. Out of sight is mostly out of mind, with minimal communication. Maturity is now. As you have emphasized, we shall have a few rounds of talk on this before August/September when she will be resuming in the faraway school. 1 Like |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by trendyprettygir: 8:01pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
DPRmoniker: I must emphasize again. It is extremely important you and your wife have this talk with her and months before she leaves for school. And you know why? Because you need ample time to both study her after the talk and ensure she clearly understands that its not that you both do not love her, but you both need her to understand boundaries and limits especially because of the future. You need to watch her behaviour before she leaves so she does not think otherwise and get attached to the wrong person. Cheers! 1 Like |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Biglittlelois(f): 8:11pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
This thread is bigger than me so i am here to learn, I actually like the fact that I'm extremely, selfishly close to myself |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Homeboiy: 10:28pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
DPRmoniker Let her be going to bum fire night @jives every Tuesday night she will change lol well. I de find wife oo Abum nwa nsukka ideke Arumona Ama abu ezigbo di oo |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by DPRmoniker: 10:54pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
Homeboiy: Lol. She no go fit go Jives o, she no dey UNN. Dejee o! O ya b unu patag'de manya nkwu elu |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Leis: 8:10am On Apr 04, 2019 |
DPRmoniker: Please no need for any meetings, if u have the means send her out to study, u bring the idea of meeting, she will start having ideas of harboring things from you, which is very bad from the family, after a year or two in abroad, her brain go reset 3 Likes |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Homeboiy: 8:43am On Apr 04, 2019 |
DPRmoniker: Nna anyi onye ek'k weé bu unu shi Dejee oo |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by kristen12(f): 4:07pm On Apr 04, 2019 |
Rubbiish:I'll pass |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by kristen12(f): 4:08pm On Apr 04, 2019 |
Omoluabi16:I understand. Guess she's just a free spirit. |
Re: My Adult Daughter Is Too Close To Me. Is It Normal, Appropriate? by Omoluabi16(m): 9:19pm On Apr 04, 2019 |
kristen12:Exactly. Being free spirited is cool though. How are you Kristen, hope you're good. |
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