@Femo_a - Omo uself dey confused   because yo mum wants u to marry her, that is why u are now in distress! Well my point still remains the same.

Abeg my guy, make u leave tori for canary, give me her name and number i go court am for u.

@Adetife
Omo uself dey confused because yo mum wants u to marry her, that is why u are now in distress! Well my point still remains the same

My mum is not neccessary the issue i love her enough to want to marry her, but i don't know if time will change all that.

femo_a:

My mum is not neccessary the issue i love her enough to want to marry her, but i don't know if time will change all that.

Omo u've answered yo own question - so court her already!

[quote][/quote]

I know of a guy who was working with Ecobank far back in the early - mid 90s as a manager. He met his to-be-wife who was also employed by another bank then. A few weeks after meeting, the girl was posted to Abuja and the guy to somewhere in the east. They were communicating by phone for the next six months and after they got married that Christmas (about six-seven months later).

They both got transfered back to Lagos and the guy had problems at work and had to leave. Soon after (with a kid and only the wife working); the wife's bank went under. The guy was thereafter only patching things up finding what to do here and there.

Things were so tough for them but the girl never left him all throughout but kept supporting.

They are both relocated abroad now ( with three kids) and their love is still very strong and the envy of some people that had loooooong courtships.

I also do not believe in long courtship, I met my wife in March, we had introduction in June, did registry wedding in August and Church wedding in December, all in the same year.

We are still very happily married now, with two kids and do everything together. We run our company together jointly and though we really have gone through a few rough patches, they have only bonded us together the more.

The most important thing is to ask God (before you meet the person) at a time you know you are ready for marriage; to bring you to meet the "bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh". If you ask for this after meeting the girl, the answer you'll get will be biased and not from God.

I wish everyone yet to embark on this sacred journey the very best because from what I have seen around me even amongst my very close friends, the next worst thing other than being in jail is to be in a wrong marriage.

And just to add, I have been married for the past seven years (going to eighth).

Marriage no be moin-moin o! Don't rush into something you may regret. Phoning is not just enough. How do you know she doesn't have a boyfriend when you don't see her face to face.

At the same time there are people that have courted for years and still their marriage didn't work and vice versa. Both extremes are not wise, that is, too short or too long a courtship. If you're a xtian, pray to God for guidance. If she's for you, she will always be there.

courting is all about simulating marriage. short and simple.

U live in UK. Of course every girl wants to date a guy with pounds to spare, and will be at their best behaviour.

But marriage is a different ball game. U see the good, the bad, and the ugly side of the other person. if you do not see all those sides now (so u know whom you are marrying), how can you know the character of whom you are marrying?

Let me advise u brother. Forget about this girl u are dating on phone, and get another person with whom you can PHYSICALLY spend time with to get to know the face behind the mask, the person on the inside.

Don't forget. External beauty will fade. But the person on the inside will remain the same.

SO FORGET THIS "CYBER" (or is it VIRTUAL) dating you are going and get real!!

Fill in the following:
1. Do you know her perents,? if yes what is their family background.
2. When you went home did you investigate the kind of person she is from ya freinds cause frinds will tell you right away if she is bad.
3. What is ya personal conviction of her attitude.

If you are satisfied with all the following then go on but if not you gotta court her first for atleast six months before marraige. There is no trial in marraige.

I think you shld be very careful in this matter.courting her will not be so easy considering the distance between you two.yet you need to know her in and out,like her spiritual background,habits, idiosyncrasies etc.so u need to pray hard and be objective in your decision.goodluck.

you have to visit nigeria often. and she can come visit you in london if possible. ive done long distance courting before. its hard. you may want tips from me.

@spoilt

Any tips from you will be appreciated

8 months is long enough (at 30 minutes a day) for you to have decrypted her "code", i.e., her unique character and her attitude towards you. Just in case you don't know, you are already courting her! At 8 months, this is DECISION time, and I suppose that's why you're here.

Sometimes, we humans like to attribute unnecessary grandeur and complexity to our behavior - I don't buy it. Human actions can be broken down and dispassionately analyzed and relevant information deduced, distilled or extrapolated. The problem comes when emotions are involved, this can blind us from seeing things clearly, and that is the reason, my bro, that you seek advice from 'others' - people that have not been compromised by emotion of this particular situation.

I have experience in long-distance relationships and would advice appropriately:

A. Are you sure she wants to marry you nearly as much as you want to marry her?
If there is doubt about her interest, then marrying her will be a mistake.

B. Does she enjoy talking to you on the phone?
This is an indication of her interest in you.

C. What is the ratio of the number of times she calls you to the number of times that you call her?
The higher the ratio the better for you. If you initiate all or almost all the calls then it may mean her interest in you is tepid.

D. When you call her and don't get her on the phone (which happens sometimes), what is the general follow-up?
*She calls you back as soon as possible -> Excellent
*When next you speak, she immediately explains why she couldn't answer the phone, instead of you bringing it up -> Very Good
Please deduce the remaining possible scenarios.

E. Do you discuss sex on the phone?
Other factors taken into consideration (religion, past experiences, etc.), does sex come up as a topic during your conversations, or is it conveniently avoided? If you do not know here (current) views regarding sex after at least (8x30x0.5) 120 hours of continuous talk, then there may be an issue.


Furthermore, I'll advice you visit Nigeria as often as your pocket can handle it.

Its not advisable to date a gurl without courting her,worst still it's a long distance relationship,even those that are very close to b4 leaving each other have problems,its pretty easy to hide stuffs in a long distance relationship,even during courtship,you wil need to open your extra eye.Goodluck my bro.

Noooo oh, things happen , u don't wanna just get in and out of marriage because u were impatient, whats the rush if u wanna marry her get to know her well.

AWWW HOW CUTE. im doing something quite similar with a guy in the states and im in london. we met 2 yrs ago but i was so immature and got offended wen he asked if i cld spk my langauge and I let him go(dnt worry ive grown). Luckily he called me 2yrs later and we still clicked and have been talking 4 a few months, we are arranging to meet again in a few months time by the grace of God cos we feel its important, the chemistry on the fone may not be the same in person. but be positive and put it in God's hands. I know I am! gdluck

@ femo_a

i'll give you tips. lets arrange a chat or something. let me know when you are ready.

If you so desperate to get married, find one wherew you live at and "court" her. 8 months of phone dating, don't you know females lie as much as men.

acid so you no go pass this test

i will, because i gat my own cash, dont need a guy's pay, i do love not money but ehh, pain if u were a chick u go pass am

its best to court b4 settling down wit some one!! At least really get to know who you'll be spending the rest of your life with.

hey, i think you should follow ur heart.yes people could hide thier true colors but there are still exceptions.
Most importantly,pray and seek Gods direction.wish u all d best.

Hi babes, as 4me i think is beta if u court than gettin married 2 her,cos as soon as u rush into it u will surelly rush out.so my dear jst take ur time 2 study her proply

UHNNNNNNNN all i can say on this issue is that i pity you. Are u new on planet earth?marry without courting, you must be from Jupiter.

@Femo_a

You have fallen in love with a voice on the phone, and probably a face on some photograph. I would advise that you go back to Naija and see for yourself who it is you've been chit-chatting with for 8 months. That way, you can compare and contrast and then acquaint yourself with the suprises and shocks that come with the package.

WELL, U CAN NEVER KNOW ALL OF A PERSONS CHARACTER EVEN IF U LIVE WITH THE PERSON 4 MORE THAN 10YEARS. ALL I CAN SAY IS IF U REALLY WANT TO MARRY THIS GIRL, Y DONT U COME 4 A HOLIDAY TO SPEND SOMETIME WITH HER ATLEAST, U MIGHT KNOW SOME OF HER CHARACTER, AND SEE IF HER POSITIVE TRAITS SURPASSES THE NEGATIVE ONES. ALSO 2RU THE PHONE, I'M SURE U'VE ALSO KNOWN SOME OF HER CHARACTER 2.

I THINK IF U LOVE HER ENOUGH,AND THINK U CAN SPEND THE REST OF UR LIFE WITH HER, PUT IT IN PRAYERS AND FOLLOW UR HEART BROS. NO HUMAN BEING IS PERFECT.

I WISH U ALL THE BEST OF LUCK. HOPE U'LL INVITE NAIRALANDERS 4 THE WEDDING?

Phone calls is not enuff. you have to sample the goods too. you don't want to find out that she is a crap shag plus she already have three kids for her ex husband.

@femo
time for frequent trips to lagos. u need to invest more than airtime o

If you are truly feeling for this girl why not save up some money, put your stuffs in the storage, put yourself on salary from your savings for about 6 to 12 months in Naija and try to court the lady, know her family and friends. If it works out it will worth your while, if it doesn't you won't live to regret in the future. Good luck brother.

Mula:

Phone calls is not enough. you have to sample the goods too. you don't want to find out that she is a crap shag plus she already have three kids for her ex husband.

are you for real?

@spoilt

Please can u send me mail to me on femi_4_u@yahoo.co.uk for those tips

@ opelovely
infact after all the response i saw urs was the best. because u hit the nail straight into the head. i wud like 2 knw u better someday if fine by u. see ya soon

labyrinth:

@ opelovely
infact after all the response i saw urs was the best. because u hit the nail straight into the head. i would like 2 knw u better someday if fine by u. see ya soon

haba,
do u av to dissent to pple's view because u want to ask someone out indirectly?
na wa 4 u o.