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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? (9014 Views)
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Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by ednut1(m): 6:15pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
Nairaland is not a place for sadistic topics such as this. many countries view it as a crime. Nigeria we know only reforms after donkey years. right call mods. any man raping his wife is a beast. a woman wakes up by 4.30, cooks and baths kids, goes to work/shop, come back to cook wash clean. mr oga does next to nothing. then at 9pm when madam is exhausted you say u want to knack by force . sir you are a bastard and op too needs examination 22 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by crackhaus: 6:17pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
zeb04:Wrong. The thread was addressing the subject of 'marital rape'. More accurately, what it did was to eliminate the idea that there was even such a thing as marital rape in the first place based on the premise of marriage. It was a perfect template for a discussion. In Nigeria, rape is a crime, marital rape isn't. What rules were broken? How do we get it to be recognized as a crime as much as 'rape' is, if we don't talk about it? 6 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 6:24pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
ednut1: If a woman runs this schedule, is abstaining from sex the solution to her problem? |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by tabithababy(f): 6:27pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
A very big thank you to the mod that deleted that stupi'd thread Marital rape 11 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by ednut1(m): 6:32pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
bukatyne:no.marital Rape is better. Mtcheeew 12 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 6:40pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
crackhaus: Crackhaus, Nairaland is a forum where we ought to discuss all issues and not a Government website. This was culled from a US Christian forum: https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2018/01/11/it-is-not-a-womans-consent-that-matters-it-is-gods/ There are other such topics there too. Interestingly, 90% of the people on this thread were not on the prior thread. Some acknowledged that they did not even read it. If I think that a thread is teaching something wrong enough to be deleted, I will engage the Op. I will not wait till the thread is deleted and comment. |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 6:42pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
zeb04: Rape is sex without consent. The thread was not a support for rape. If you are against something, be sensitive enough to state it clearly. |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 6:44pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
zeb04: If you read the thread and understood it, you will realize that this example is not necessary. |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 6:49pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
True change can never happen until we understand what was wrong with the old system and teach people better. While I understand the emotions of the thread (wives were maltreated etc. etc.), we are going to create another set of problems tilting overboard. Instead of teaching women that they are not bound to have sex with their husbands or have autonomy over their bodies (which is not true especially in a religious marriage), teach the men to be sensitive, selfless, loving and considerate. Any other way will create people who will come out to vehemently 'campaign' against it while more men will physically abuse their wives or as 'cool' husbands cheat and ruin the family. Same problem with women's rights. 2 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by crackhaus: 6:50pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
bukatyne:You and I are on the same page here Bukatyne. Even though we weren't in agreement on that thread, I still believe it didn't warrant deletion. I stand corrected though, if marital rape can still be a topic of discussion in the US which already criminalizes it, then I don't see why it shouldn't be discussed in Nigeria where it's not acknowledged by law. Talk about being more western than the westerners themselves. 3 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 6:54pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
crackhaus: If you read several western blogs, you will realize that underneath the facade of modernization, most of them are still very crude and primal. 1 Like |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by ibkayee(f): 6:58pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
What I got from the thread was that the concept of marital rape is not recognised in the Nigerian constitution, the Bible and the Quran so it is acceptable if you got married under the Nigerian court or practice any of these religions, since it isn’t seen as rape even though it technically is. Sounded like indirect advocacy to me to be honest. My main qualm with the thread was the fact that impressionable and insincere minds may take it and run with it. Plus the way it was framed did not sound like it was meant to open discourse for ways it can be criminalised for example, it sounded like ‘this is how it is and that’s that’ because so and so (insert some sort of ‘sovereign’ law here) said so. 15 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by cococandy(f): 7:03pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
bukatyne:you said consent has already been given because of the marital status. Thus implying that further consent need not be sought. Sex without consent is rape. And consent is needed each time. Marriage doesn’t give blanket consent. It’s more than that. A lot more. I infact pointed some scenarios in marriage which would have been rape outside of it.If it would have been rape outside of marriage, then what in marriage makes it okay or less of a crime? The loss of personal dignity? Loss of choice? Loss of autonomy over one’s body? Is that what marriage is? I don’t think you realize the implication of what you were saying. that wasn’t for you per se. just in general the types of posts that make it to this forum. I will continue to highlight their responsibilities.non-consensual sex isn’t a responsibility of anyone. If anything we should be advocating enjoyable sex for everyone and ways in which sex live can be improved between married people instead of viewing it as a duty. It doesn’t have a good connotation to it. Husbands are also expected not to deny their wives sex which is not 'rape'.Same as above. 15 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by cococandy(f): 7:10pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
That being said, if we as a society can become more open about discussions of sex (in real life not an anonymous forum), if we can promote sex as an enjoyable activity for women, if we can value the female orgasm as much as we place value on that of men, less shaming for women who like to have sex as much as men do, then maybe will get somewhere with this whole sex a marital duty versus sex as beautiful gift for women. Can’t suppress feminine sexuality all their growing years and then expect them to get married and have it all together. Root cause analysis. 15 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by Nobody: 7:29pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
bukatyne: Hello, I read it and found it offensive and wrong Don’t lose your humanity in a bid to “sound” intellectual Cheers 13 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by Nobody: 7:42pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
cococandy: This is true Another thing? This same poster called marriage the Xfactor in women’s success (she edited it later) and while this may be true for her, maybe marriages validates her (not a bad thing I guess). But that was indirectly, maybe unknowingly trying to put down unmarried women and their success or lack of, especially those who may want marriage but are unable to get it. I noticed her username after reading through that thread While that one was insensitive, this particular OP is simply horrible (and to think it quoted scripture makes it more so) I am glad it was deleted 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 7:49pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by Omoluabi16(m): 7:52pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
The mods were right to delete it, even if you made one or two points, It may give young impressionable minds the wrong signal about relationship and marriage. Either ways, sex without consent is CLOSELY associated with battery and violation. Marriage may give the rights, Yes...But sex is a 2 people something, not 1. 8 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 7:56pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
merahki: I called marriage the X factor in women's success or men the X factor in women's success until I changed it to married women? My dear, you should have noticed that I am very politically incorrect and say things as they are. Almighty Ibunkun Awosika and Sheryl Goldberg COOL of Google said at different times that the husband a woman marries is the most important decision she can make. Engage the Folorunsho Alakijas, Late Dora Akunliyis of this world and the first thing they tell you is the support of their husbands. I look around what happens in the the society and create threads to solve them. If a young lady knows that the choice of husband is extremely important, she becomes more sensible in her choice. If that is a bad thing, no wahala. During your wedding ceremony, when you are advised to satisfy your husband sexually, tell them you will be giving consent to do. 2 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 8:06pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
merahki: Thanks for the advice. I am not trying to sound intellectual. I am addressing a common issue. |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by Ladyhippolyta88(f): 8:10pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
bukatyne:Before Nkor consent and right are two dfferent things.I believe people have autonomy over their bodies even in marriage Should she be exhausted because she wants to satisfy her husband sexually? Consent is required before sex not duty alone. Simple as Abc. 12 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by ccffwx: 8:24pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
Simple. Your post was your personal view and not what is acceptable to the generality of humanity. Like seriously, you want us to believe you would accept marital rape if it came from your own husband. Simpleton feeling fly! 11 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 8:31pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
Ladyhippolyta88: Should she be exhausted because she wants to satisfy her husband sexually? No. However, if she treats sex as a priority and not an after thought, she would make adequate room for it. What is the difference between right and consent? 1 Like |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by Ranchhoddas: 8:39pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
I think there's a cabal on Nairaland especially on this section. Once the cabal is against you you stand no chance. The validity of your arguments nothwisthanding. Once the cabal is "offended" you are toast. 7 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by eyinjuege: 8:43pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
It was a deeply offensive thread. Simple as ABC. Some women go through similar experiences in marriage, and because it was their husbands that violated them doesn't make it any less of a violation. It doesn't reduce the pain or the shame that comes with it. Rape is rape, and there can never be a justification for it. I'm yet to see any man that would publicly agree that he forcefully takes his wife. Nobody confesses to such because they know it is wrong 12 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by Creamcustard: 9:14pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
I found the thread deeply offensive,perhaps op did not know how she came off? Where is the enjoyment in sex if it is forced? Especially when it is by someone who swore to love and cherish you and vice versa. A man or woman that loves you and is considerate of you will not force him/herself on you. Are you also implying that if a husband wants for eg an al sex,even if you're not in agreement,he is free to carry on because once you are married,you have no choice? Or maybe if a wife wants to stick a cucumber in husband's ass,he can't say no because he has already given consent on the marriage day? Where do you draw the line? You mentioned that when the person gets hurt they can seek redress. So how hurt will the person be before they can seek that redress? 1 inch wound or 2 inches? How about the scars that are psychological and others cannot see? Where will they seek redress for that one? Bukatyne, before they deleted,I mentioned that you may need to sit with some victims and see the impact of rape ,years and years later they remain damaged. Imagine being in an oh yes marriage and sex is carried out forcefully on you. How about a partner with STDs? Can you also say no? People do not want sex for various reasons,their wishes should be respected. How can marriage be a shroud to allow atrocities? You implied that rape can happen between unmarried people but once you are married rape now carries a different name. Is vag inal tear from forceful intercourse when married different from the one sustained when it's a boyfriend?Do cuts to a pe nis have a different design because he is a husband? I understand how difficult it is when the person you love and want to be with says no to your advances,it happens to the best of us. Consent is vital,marriage does not erode a person's basic human rights. It gladdens my heart to see many people speaking up against your statement. 19 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by babyfaceafrica: 9:20pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
why are u worried they deleted a thread?..create another.. if they delete that kip on creating it... 3 Likes |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by crackhaus: 9:35pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
Lmao.. Deeply polarizing subject. 'Offensive' is Nairaland's word of the day. |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by ibkayee(f): 9:37pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
crackhaus:Lol rape is a ‘deeply polarising’ subject? Lol yeah sometimes... |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 9:41pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
ibkayee: Is there any thread apart from the Islamic section not open for discussion? Anyone who read the read well would not see advocacy for physical abuse during sex. |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by bukatyne(f): 9:42pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
cococandy: How is this consent sort in marriage? What happens if the wife doesn't give consent in three months? 1 Like |
Re: Any Reason Why My Thread On Marital Rape Was Deleted? by crackhaus: 9:45pm On Jun 03, 2019 |
bukatyne:Thanks. I read the first, didn't read the second because it requires registration...but I get the point. |
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