crackhaus:

Thanks.

I read the first, didn't read the second because it requires registration...but I get the point.

It is your sin

It did not require registration from me for that article.

ibkayee:

Lol rape is a ‘deeply polarising’ subject? Lol yeah sometimes...

Are we talking about rape or marital rape here?
If you're going to try your hand at sarcasm, at least start off on the right footing.

And yes, marital rape is still a deeply polarizing subject regardless of being made illegal in most countries.

cococandy:
That being said, if we as a society can become more open about discussions of sex (in real life not an anonymous forum), if we can promote sex as an enjoyable activity for women, if we can value the female orgasm as much as we place value on that of men, less shaming for women who like to have sex as much as men do, then maybe will get somewhere with this whole sex a marital duty versus sex as beautiful gift for women.

Can’t suppress feminine sexuality all their growing years and then expect them to get married and have it all together.

Root cause analysis.

This is only a part.

These same women are very sexually expressive before marriage and suddenly feel suppressed in marriage.

I agree that some men also feel their wives shouldn't be expressive, some are selfish, etc.

And a man ejaculating is not same as orgasm.

bukatyne:


It is your sin

It did not require registration from me for that article.

You're not serious, wait let me try again.

babyfaceafrica:
why are u worried they deleted a thread?..create another.. if they delete that kip on creating it...

Hahahahahahaha

Omoluabi16:
The mods were right to delete it, even if you made one or two points, It may give young impressionable minds the wrong signal about relationship and marriage. Either ways, sex without consent is CLOSELY associated with battery and violation. Marriage may give the rights, Yes...But sex is a 2 people something, not 1.

I very well agree that sex is a 2 people something, not 1.

So no 1 person has the right to hold the other to ransom.

bukatyne:

https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2018/12/when-many-don-t-consider-marital-rape-crime-it-s-no-surprise-justice?amp

Okay I got into it now after switching browsers, was making use of Microsoft's Edge earlier.

Ranchhoddas:
I think there's a cabal on Nairaland especially on this section. Once the cabal is against you you stand no chance. The validity of your arguments nothwisthanding.
Once the cabal is "offended" you are toast.

I wouldn't believe it is that deep.

The topic is very sensitive.

bukatyne:


This is only a part.

Yes that’s only a part not all of it

These same women are very sexually expressive before marriage and suddenly feel suppressed in marriage.

maybe some. And even expressive women will have their off days.

I agree that some men also feel their wives shouldn't be expressive, some are selfish, etc.

And a man ejaculating is not same as orgasm.

Bukatyne can we take a poll and ask how many men ejaculate without orgasm? (Except in cases of sexual dysfunction). Male ejaculation is male orgasm.

bukatyne:


Should she be exhausted because she wants to satisfy her husband sexually?

No.

However, if she treats sex as a priority and not an after thought, she would make adequate room for it.

What is the difference between right and consent?

Right is something you have or own, constitutionally it is inalienable and fundamental.
Consent is what you allow or permit.

bukatyne:


Is there any thread apart from the Islamic section not open for discussion?

Anyone who read the read well would not see advocacy for physical abuse during sex.

I didn’t say anything about places it couldn’t or couldn’t be discussed. My point was that the premise of the thread was not framed around talking about how messed up the ‘laws’ were.

I didn’t mention anything about physical abuse either. Whatever the marital rape you were talking about in the thread constitutes is what I’m talking about.

crackhaus:

Are we talking about rape or marital rape here?
If you're going to try your hand at sarcasm, at least start off on the right footing.

And yes, marital rape is still a deeply polarizing subject regardless of being made illegal in most countries.

Your comment about ‘offensive being the word of the day’ would’ve been distasteful no matter what ‘class’ of rape I was referring to though.

I’m talking about someone forcing themselves on another person sexually in any capacity. Whatever sub group you want to put it in lol.

ibkayee:

Your comment about ‘offensive being the word of the day’ would’ve been distasteful no matter what ‘class’ of rape I was referring to though.

I’m talking about someone forcing themselves on another person sexually in any capacity. Whatever sub group you want to put it in lol.

It's obvious you didn't see my comments on the deleted thread.

crackhaus:

It's obvious you didn't see my comments on the deleted thread.

I didn’t, I was focused on the one you made in this one

Marital rape isn't rape.
A man ejaculating is not same as orgasm.


This is a classic case of mental retardation.
Seek professional help OP.

I like this OP too much... Though I did not read your thread.. and based on the on going discussion here, I know that I wouldn't have been on the same page with u because I'm not a fan of forcing something on someone even if I have that right..

But the reason why I am writing this is to commend on the manners in which you were handling yourself and your argument without insulting anyone.. that's really classy.... Your manners is uncommon in any Nigerian forum. .. . what I have seen from the first to the third page is enough for a pretentious person to loose it...But no, u were still holding it together.. Pls keep that up dear...Good manners can take one to where money and qualifications can't... it will take u far..

A man can be sensitive, selfless, loving and Hor.ny. No good quality a husband exhibits exempts him from listening to his wife's NO and abiding by it and vice versa.

bukatyne:
True change can never happen until we understand what was wrong with the old system and teach people better.

While I understand the emotions of the thread (wives were maltreated etc. etc.), we are going to create another set of problems tilting overboard.

Instead of teaching women that they are not bound to have sex with their husbands or have autonomy over their bodies (which is not true especially in a religious marriage), teach the men to be sensitive, selfless, loving and considerate.

Any other way will create people who will come out to vehemently 'campaign' against it while more men will physically abuse their wives or as 'cool' husbands cheat and ruin the family.

Same problem with women's rights.

This literally cracked me up

Richy4:


It seems you are new on Nairaland.. That's why you were irritated so quickly by the moderators /Regina and family...

There was a year Tonto Dike was reigning supreme on Nairaland more than this new girl...that was even before she got married... then when her wedding came up hmm mm!!!!!

Then there was Another year, The Madness of Look Alike....
"They said I look like RMD is it true? " then that OP will fish out a horrifying picture of himself.. then it will move to front page...another will comeup with...My neighbour said I look like Jennifer Aniston see my pic ETC... that was what happened through out that yr..

Another year was... InI Edo shoes and chioma chukwuka shoes who wore it better... Tonto dike's makeup and Toni Braston's makeup who wore it better.. Jim Iyke skinny jeans and Mike Ezuronye Skinny jeans which one is better

If I didn't break my phones all those years.. Then this Regina or whatever her name is will pass too...Just keep faith

Xaos:
Marital rape isn't rape.
A man ejaculating is not same as orgasm.


This is a classic case of mental retardation.
Seek professional help OP.

I would advise you to learn.

When I made that statement, I would have expected you to read up on the subject.

@Cococandy

Please read up these links:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4896089/

https://thoughtcatalog.com/shakti-amarantha/2014/09/ejaculation-vs-orgasm-whats-the-difference/

Cc: Xaos

eyinjuege:
It was a deeply offensive thread.
Simple as ABC.
Some women go through similar experiences in marriage, and because it was their husbands that violated them doesn't make it any less of a violation. It doesn't reduce the pain or the shame that comes with it. Rape is rape, and there can never be a justification for it.
I'm yet to see any man that would publicly agree that he forcefully takes his wife. Nobody confesses to such because they know it is wrong

A woman who was injured in the act by his husband should seek redress as she deems fit.

Yeah, it is assumed and if I was asked, I will have said yes, my consent is required. If after giving birth, a husband Is asked to chill at least 6 weeks before sex and he doesn't die, cant fathom what's so difficult about holding body cos a spouse said no.

bukatyne:



During your wedding ceremony, when you are advised to satisfy your husband sexually, tell them you will be giving consent to do.

Creamcustard:

I found the thread deeply offensive,perhaps op did not know how she came off?

Where is the enjoyment in sex if it is forced? Especially when it is by someone who swore to love and cherish you and vice versa.

A man or woman that loves you and is considerate of you will not force him/herself on you.

Are you also implying that if a husband wants for eg an al sex,even if you're not in agreement,he is free to carry on because once you are married,you have no choice?

Or maybe if a wife wants to stick a cucumber in husband's ass,he can't say no because he has already given consent on the marriage day?

Where do you draw the line?

You mentioned that when the person gets hurt they can seek redress.

So how hurt will the person be before they can seek that redress? 1 inch wound or 2 inches? How about the scars that are psychological and others cannot see?

Where will they seek redress for that one?

Bukatyne, before they deleted,I mentioned that you may need to sit with some victims and see the impact of rape ,years and years later they remain damaged.

Imagine being in an oh yes marriage and sex is carried out forcefully on you.

How about a partner with STDs? Can you also say no?

People do not want sex for various reasons,their wishes should be respected.

How can marriage be a shroud to allow atrocities? You implied that rape can happen between unmarried people but once you are married rape now carries a different name.

Is vag inal tear from forceful intercourse when married
different from the one sustained when it's a boyfriend?Do cuts to a pe nis have a different design because he is a husband?

I understand how difficult it is when the person you love and want to be with says no to your advances,it happens to the best of us.


Consent is vital,marriage does not erode a person's basic human rights.

It gladdens my heart to see many people speaking up against your statement.

I wish I was able to answer your questions on the other thread.

There is sexual abuse when someone wants to do something you find demeaning or unnatural e.g. Anal sex.

I have to keep repeating this: any partner injured should seek redress. A wife who was beaten, kicked, choked etc. (outside BDSM) in the act should seek redress through whatever means they deem fit: legal with evidence, family meeting, pastoral, counseling etc.

If there are issues in the marriage, they need to be addressed. If a partner is physically abusive for instance and you still comfortable enough to stay with them, you must be willing to carry out your duties. It is like saying I hate my boss, you did not report the person or resign yet the said boss gives you a task and you refuse to do it.

Or you hate your parents, don't seek redress, don't call their attention to it, keep bearing their surname, keep eating their food and when they send you to the market at 9pm start complaining or refuse to go.

Rape has physiological impact, yes. So does battery, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse etc.

This is not about eroding human rights in marriage: this is about each party knowing their responsibilities the moment they decided to get married.

For instance, I have a right to my husband's surname and to live together after marriage. He has the right to decide his co-habitants however the right I have to live with him is greater.

Gloriagee:
Yeah, it is assumed and if I was asked, I will have said yes, my consent is required. If after giving birth, a husband Is asked to chill at least 6 weeks before sex and he doesn't die, cant fathom what's so difficult about holding body cos a spouse said no.

What has a husband chilling after birth got to do with the topic?

crackhaus:

Okay I got into it now after switching browsers, was making use of Microsoft's Edge earlier.

Good for you.

Ladyhippolyta88:
Right is something you have or own, constitutionally it is inalienable and fundamental.
Consent is what you allow or permit.

Fron your definition,

A husband has the right to his wife's body yet the wife has to allow him to touch it.

ibkayee:

I didn’t say anything about places it couldn’t or couldn’t be discussed. My point was that the premise of the thread was not framed around talking about how messed up the ‘laws’ were.

I didn’t mention anything about physical abuse either. Whatever the marital rape you were talking about in the thread constitutes is what I’m talking about.

If you read the thread, you would understand the link between what you call marital rape and physical abuse.

Richy4:
I like this OP too much... Though I did not read your thread.. and based on the on going discussion here, I know that I wouldn't have been on the same page with u because I'm not a fan of forcing something on someone even if I have that right..

But the reason why I am writing this is to commend on the manners in which you were handling yourself and your argument without insulting anyone.. that's really classy.... Your manners is uncommon in any Nigerian forum. .. . what I have seen from the first to the third page is enough for a pretentious person to loose it...But no, u were still holding it together.. Pls keep that up dear...Good manners can take one to where money and qualifications can't... it will take u far..

Thanks for the accolades, it was learnt over time.

I am not a fan of forced sex myself.

Why force it when with the right frame of mind we would both enjoy ourselves?

Gloriagee:
A man can be sensitive, selfless, loving and Hor.ny. No good quality a husband exhibits exempts him from listening to his wife's NO and abiding by it and vice versa.

I don't get you.

Not really interested in going back and forth with you as you are entitled to your opinion. However, my point remains a reasonable husband typically will wait a minimum of 6 weeks cos in the interest of his wife's health and wellbeing. What then is the big deal in chilling for a bit to ensure your spouse enjoys sex to avoid messing with your spouse's mental health and wellbeing? Or doesn't the hubby get hor.ny during the 6 weeks wait?

bukatyne:


What has a husband chilling after birth got to do with the topic?

Not really interested in going back and forth with you as you are entitled to your opinion. However, my point remains a reasonable husband typically will wait a minimum of 6 weeks cos its in the interest of his wife's health and wellbeing. What then is the big deal in chilling for a bit to ensure your spouse enjoys sex to avoid messing with your spouse's mental health and wellbeing? Or doesn't the hubby get hor.ny during the 6 weeks wait?

bukatyne:


What has a husband chilling after birth got to do with the topic?

Neither do I

bukatyne:


I don't get you.