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I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys - Family - Nairaland

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I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Imogenn(f): 9:33am On Jun 15, 2019
My social anxiety over the years has become worse and worse I feel like it’s ruining my life. Yesterday I decided to challenge myself as my friend invited me to a church gathering. Most days I just go to work and go straight back to my room. Even at work I find it difficult to relate to my coworkers outside work related issues because I can’t hold a conversation without fidgeting and feeling uneasy. I have only two friends. Two, no more no less.

So I went to this church gathering and I felt like I was having a panic attack. My heart was beating super fast I just felt extremely uncomfortable. In the past I tried to drink alcohol anytime I go to social gatherings to suppress my anxiety, but I just hate how it makes me feel. So my friend is introducing me to people at the gathering, and I’m trembling on my words, my heart is beating super fast, I feel uncomfortable, I can’t look people in the eye, and I can’t hold a conversation without feeling like the world is going to swallow me up. I had to leave the event early, because I couldn’t take the shame. I saw how people were looking at me like there was something seriously wrong with me, I felt so stupid. I got home and starting crying, this anxiety is taking over my life, it’s ruining my life. I can’t do anything without overthinking and panicking. My friend called me and told me that I was just over reacting but I know she was just saying that to make me feel better. I’m 25 now and I just feel like it’s getting worse and worse as the years go by. All I do is lock myself up in my room, for how long am I going to continue like this? I just feel like my life is ruined.
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Nobody: 9:36am On Jun 15, 2019

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Kaceman(m): 9:59am On Jun 15, 2019
Start with your coworkers mehn it will help also wen u get home try and leave the house go watch a match wen argument start put mouth for dere

1 Like

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by DeeMain(m): 10:13am On Jun 15, 2019
There are things/experiences/events in your past that have ingrained fear into your life.

You may have had a dysfunctional childhood or had childhood experiences that were painful, traumatic and frightening. Read childhood as from your conception to age 12. Or something traumatic may have happened in your adolescence.

So what's your story? You must have a story. Note that you may or may not be aware of this story as you may have been too young but your parents might know.

There are other things but this is a good start to get to the roots of your problem. Without getting to the roots and uprooting the things that are triggering fear in you any solution you get will be like applying band aid to an open wound.

Waiting for your response. Best wishes

2 Likes

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Agrostyles: 10:44am On Jun 15, 2019
Nothing is really wrong with you. Its just your mind playing trick on you.
I was once like this before, so let me tell you how I overcome mine.

1. I determined Its time I overcome this ish.
2. I watched self motivation videos on youtube on how to control anxiety.
3. I noticed all the videos i watched have something in common, which is " you gotta be willing make the effort repeatedly" until you are better.

So first of all, during my nysc I make sure I stood up to contribute my own quota during discussion, I made sure I got involved enough to be elected the president of my CDI. So, first huddle overcomed. Now I have to be the one to anchor the meeting weekly. I remember my first time the LGI called on me to give a brief talk to all the CDI combined. It was my first time ever to face such crowd. So imagine the horror i felt. Mehn! It felt like my collar was shrinking and I was gonna be choked to death. I couldn't breath and i was fidgeting and shaking uncontrollably.


But it get easier from hereon. Standing before my own CDI corpers seems like the longest 2 hrs of my life at the beginning. But with time I got better. I got more than better. Few people that noticed my Bleep up while i was addressing the whole corpers actually commended me later on.. They were like who knew u could talk like this or be this funny. So in the long run I was able to face them and I noticed my heart don't beat as hard as it used to before.


To further eliminate the ish, After NYSC, I specifically looked for a teaching job so I could get involve with my peers ( the teachers) and also be able to interact with small crowd. I ensure I anchor most programmes such as debates sessions, assembly etc. After about six month of doing this I noticed I have overcome the ish, at least to a non significant level. I quit the job, used my newly found confidence to seek other job and I always perform fantastic at interviews. I have since gotten over three offers since then.
Lets I forget, I'm a bit of stammerer also, so if i can overcome anxiety issue as a stammerer, then bro I assure you, you can to. You just need to put in the effort. One thing I noticed is that no matter how many time the likes of me and you messed up publicly, the world seems to move on faster and no one takes it to heart. So forgive urself and forge ahead asap.

14 Likes

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by lilmax(m): 10:57am On Jun 15, 2019
locking yourself up is not the problem

you overanalyze

you don't laugh at your fck up

you're are not perfect

you take nairaland seriously

I was like you 20 years ago,so trust me

1 Like

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Obaakran: 3:35pm On Jun 15, 2019
see a therapist

2 Likes

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Richy4(m): 5:35pm On Jun 15, 2019
Oh!! I feel really sad reading this and I also feel sorry for those two friends of yours.. This is because as u know, no one is perfect. If they unintentionally offends you, u will be shattered like glasses.. no one might even pick the pieces..I guess they have to tiptoe around u when the subject of going out comes up...

I would have asked you how you managed to pass through an interview phase and got for yourself a job.. if you were not chewed during the interview, then trust yourself that u can overcome the anxiety...

I want you to know that no one was looking at you during the church gathering.. your mindset wants u to believe that people were judging u which is lies..

I will suggest that you u ask your friend to take u there again and again... it is called meeting your demons eyeball to eyeball.. Confront your fears because all fears wanted was for you to do what you have done which was to go home and cry.. tell yourself U don't wanna do that again... and mean it... U have taken the baby step by going the first time to meet with people..it was not successful but remember babies while walking tends to fall but they usually try again and again... please try again and again just like babies do while trying to walk..

4 Likes

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by mcdokwe(m): 5:53pm On Jun 15, 2019
Imogenn:
My social anxiety over the years has become worse and worse I feel like it’s ruining my life. Yesterday I decided to challenge myself as my friend invited me to a church gathering. Most days I just go to work and go straight back to my room. Even at work I find it difficult to relate to my coworkers outside work related issues because I can’t hold a conversation without fidgeting and feeling uneasy. I have only two friends. Two, no more no less.

So I went to this church gathering and I felt like I was having a panic attack. My heart was beating super fast I just felt extremely uncomfortable. In the past I tried to drink alcohol anytime I go to social gatherings to suppress my anxiety, but I just hate how it makes me feel. So my friend is introducing me to people at the gathering, and I’m trembling on my words, my heart is beating super fast, I feel uncomfortable, I can’t look people in the eye, and I can’t hold a conversation without feeling like the world is going to swallow me up. I had to leave the event early, because I couldn’t take the shame. I saw how people were looking at me like there was something seriously wrong with me, I felt so stupid. I got home and starting crying, this anxiety is taking over my life, it’s ruining my life. I can’t do anything without overthinking and panicking. My friend called me and told me that I was just over reacting but I know she was just saying that to make me feel better. I’m 25 now and I just feel like it’s getting worse and worse as the years go by. All I do is lock myself up in my room, for how long am I going to continue like this? I just feel like my life is ruined.
no sweetheart, your life is not ruined. I understand you are someone who enjoys her space alone. It is not a crime, neither is it awkward to want it like that

You want to make a change, not because you really need to, but because you want to. So don't push your self too hard.

It might serve you well to start enjoying the company of understanding friends in a very little number, say three or four at a time, it may grow from there. There's no need for pressure, absolutely no need.
Grace.

1 Like

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by LilMissFavvy(f): 6:30pm On Jun 15, 2019
Although something may have happened during your childhood, which is responsible for your current anxiety issue, am sure it's not a big deal. You can get out of it with patience.

You need to stop the ''from work to my room'' routine. Mingle with people, take yourself out for a treat, a show, a concert, etc, go alone, repeat it often, till you are used to mixing up in large crowds. When you are out alone, and someone says hello, or chats you up, respond accordingly, by the time you keep mixing with people, you will gradually get to the stage where you can go out with your friends and be able to handle self introduction, proper eye contacts, etc.

Like you mentioned that ''yesterday you decided to challenge yourself and went to a church gathering'', you feel bad that you didn't introduce yourself properly, or maintain good conversations, but how can you achieve these if you do not first of all ''get used to mixing up with people'' ''crowds'', '' conversations with strangers'', etc, before you get enough social skills to achieve a good self introduction when on an outing with friends?

My point is, although yesterday went bad according to you, continue to go out, continue to mix with people, go on outings alone, go on outings with friends, stop isolating yourself, as time goes on, you will get better.
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Deepfeel(m): 6:41pm On Jun 15, 2019
A lot of kids who grew up in fenced house not allowed to go out and associate with other kids become this way in adulthood

7 Likes

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Uyi168: 6:49pm On Jun 15, 2019
Seeing a therapist is a sure way to go.
..

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Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Misspure(f): 7:04pm On Jun 15, 2019
My dear, I was like u b4 but now people are saying I talk too much. I encourage u not to stop d challenge u have started u will get there soon
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Mizwisdom(f): 7:30pm On Jun 15, 2019
Trust me, you're over exaggerating people's reactions towards you. It seems your mind is suggesting all these lies to you because of your negativity. Now, you need a therapist that will help you control your thinking

1 Like

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by ichidodo(m): 8:34pm On Jun 15, 2019
Yours is even small... I have been diagnosed with Antisocial anxiety disorder,General anxiety disorder and MDD (major depressive disorder) by a reputable psychiatric hospital and I genuinely empathize with you that is why you have got to be told of on how its gonna be....but as I beat my demons,I believe you can beat yours in order to live your life. First of,speaking from experience, don't fight it especially when you feel the tide coming and the panic mode setting. Just flow with it because the more you fight the anxiety,the more you begin to freak out and so the vicious cycle continues until you look like the mad woman on the street and being traumatised in the process. "Flowing with it" means succumbing to the anxiety or stop resisting the panic mode so as to break that vicious cycle i.e taking it easy with yourself,set small goals for you to achieve, letting those you genuinely trust know your mental struggles, avoid pushing yourself too much or feeling guilty or ashamed because it is perfectly normal. Seek help, psychological help...take medications (antidepressants ) when you feel overwhelmed (but try to avoid addiction). Do things you enjoy doing and avoid to much worries....in a nutshell, when you live your life anticipate the worst that can happen but HOPE for the best. Las las you go dey alright.

2 Likes

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Tony142: 8:54pm On Jun 15, 2019
@iLegendd





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I said let me just mention u
Maybe u will have a special advice for her
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by iLegendd: 9:26pm On Jun 15, 2019
Tony142:
@iLegendd





Sir, is there any help for this young lady? I was thinking of recommending Eye confidence and femalesextape for her, but she is not a man but a lady


I said let me just mention u
Maybe u will have a special advice for her

It's the solution to her issue, but those two books are more for men.
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Tony142: 9:43pm On Jun 15, 2019
iLegendd:


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Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by Bestboy11513(m): 11:13pm On Jun 15, 2019
I feel your pain, try to relax and take a breath whenever you're in such situations, you don't owe anyone perfection. You're too hard on yourself.

1 Like

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by IghravweIG(m): 12:25pm On Jun 28, 2019
ichidodo:
Yours is even small... I have been diagnosed with Antisocial anxiety disorder,General anxiety disorder and MDD (major depressive disorder) by a reputable psychiatric hospital and I genuinely empathize with you that is why you have got to be told of on how its gonna be....but as I beat my demons,I believe you can beat yours in order to live your life. First of,speaking from experience, don't fight it especially when you feel the tide coming and the panic mode setting. Just flow with it because the more you fight the anxiety,the more you begin to freak out and so the vicious cycle continues until you look like the mad woman on the street and being traumatised in the process. "Flowing with it" means succumbing to the anxiety or stop resisting the panic mode so as to break that vicious cycle i.e taking it easy with yourself,set small goals for you to achieve, letting those you genuinely trust know your mental struggles, avoid pushing yourself too much or feeling guilty or ashamed because it is perfectly normal. Seek help, psychological help...take medications (antidepressants ) when you feel overwhelmed (but try to avoid addiction). Do things you enjoy doing and avoid to much worries....in a nutshell, when you live your life anticipate the worst that can happen but HOPE for the best. Las las you go dey alright.
Bro i have also been diagnosed with depression and general anxiety disorder.

How do you cope with yours?
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by ichidodo(m): 12:36pm On Jun 28, 2019
IghravweIG:

Bro i have also been diagnosed with depression and general anxiety disorder.

How do you cope with yours?
You basically let go of yourself and not to take things too seriously. Understand what makes you boil over and work around it. And if it feels you are being overwhelmed, talk to someone or a psychologist and take antidepressants.
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by IghravweIG(m): 2:04pm On Jun 28, 2019
ichidodo:
You basically let go of yourself and not to take things too seriously. Understand what makes you boil over and work around it. And if it feels you are being overwhelmed, talk to someone or a psychologist and take antidepressants.
Thanks. I'm currently on propanolol and Lorazepam.
This stuff is terrible bro.

You will feel like your reality is fading before your very eyes embarassed
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by ichidodo(m): 2:17pm On Jun 28, 2019
IghravweIG:

Thanks. I'm currently on propanolol and Lorazepam.
This stuff is terrible bro.

You will feel like your reality is fading before your very eyes embarassed
Yeah..I've been there, in fact,still currently there. But you have to take it easy on the drugs because of addiction. The drugs help you to stay in control in the short term, but you have to be in control without any aid in the long term. Understanding you trigger points and working around them is a good start. Mine is panic attacks. ...When I get those attacks. General anti-social anxiety and the worst kind of anxiety creeps in and then after which I slide into deep depression and not just any kind of depression but terminal depression. So I learnt via my psychiatrist to understand the pattern and break it. So when I feel the trigger setting in, I do something different like abruptly taking a long walk, reading a book,change my thought process or maybe change my environment.Try to find your pattern and then break it.

4 Likes

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by IghravweIG(m): 2:52pm On Jun 28, 2019
ichidodo:
Yeah..I've been there, in fact,still currently there. But you have to take it easy on the drugs because of addiction. The drugs help you to stay in control in the short term, but you have to be in control without any aid in the long term. Understanding you trigger points and working around them is a good start. Mine is panic attacks. ...When I get those attacks. General anti-social anxiety and the worst kind of anxiety creeps in and then after which I slide into deep depression and not just any kind of depression but terminal depression. So I learnt via my psychiatrist to understand the pattern and break it. So when I feel the trigger setting in, I do something different like abruptly taking a long walk, reading a book,change my thought process or maybe change my environment.Try to find your pattern and then break it.
Thanks for this.
I suspect one of the triggers for me is stress and being alone. I will try to work on this aspect and see how things turn out.

1 Like

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by ichidodo(m): 3:03pm On Jun 28, 2019
IghravweIG:

Thanks for this.
I suspect one of the triggers for me is stress and being alone. I will try to work on this aspect and see how things turn out.
Alright...Stay safe bro.

2 Likes

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by izzimus: 9:26pm On Jul 13, 2019
ichidodo:
You basically let go of yourself and not to take things too seriously. Understand what makes you boil over and work around it. And if it feels you are being overwhelmed, talk to someone or a psychologist and take antidepressants.

Please what antidepressants did you take, I went to see a doctor for depression and was given fluoxetine but it did nothing
What drugs did you use and how did they make you feel?
Thanks
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by ichidodo(m): 1:22am On Jul 14, 2019
izzimus:


Please what antidepressants did you take, I went to see a doctor for depression and was given fluoxetine but it did nothing
What drugs did you use and how did they make you feel?
Thanks
Sertraline...also know as Zoloft. Mehn that sh*t will knock you out.It is best you take it with doctor'a prescription or if you can, take one tablet the first day..then two tablets subsequently for the next two weeks. Watch out for side effects like light headedness, nausea,slight headaches and my favourite, prolonged ejaculation..lol
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by izzimus: 1:34am On Jul 14, 2019
ichidodo:
Sertraline...also know as Zoloft. Mehn that sh*t will knock you out.It is best you take it with doctor'a prescription or if you can, take one tablet the first day..then two tablets subsequently for the next two weeks. Watch out for side effects like light headedness, nausea,slight headaches and my favourite, prolonged ejaculation..lol

Thank you.
I dont mind the side effects as long as it works.
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by ichidodo(m): 1:37am On Jul 14, 2019
izzimus:


Thank you.
I dont mind the side effects as long as it works.
Alright bro..Stay safe.

1 Like

Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by izzimus: 1:41am On Jul 14, 2019
ichidodo:
Alright bro..Stay safe.

Sorry for asking but did depression affect your memory? I don't know if it's a normal thing but I had his tendency to easily forget things and get distracted easily
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by ichidodo(m): 1:49am On Jul 14, 2019
izzimus:


Sorry for asking but did depression affect your memory? I don't know if it's a normal thing but I had his tendency to easily forget things and get distracted easily
Yeah it does...sometimes it delays your reaction to things and you might find it hard to think constructively thus weaning you off the probability of falling into intense anxiety or deep depression. If you try to worry too much,it knocks you off to sleep that is why you shouldn't handle machinery or drive when you're on medications.
Re: I Have Serious Social Anxiety Guys by izzimus: 2:04am On Jul 14, 2019
ichidodo:
Yeah it does...sometimes it delays your reaction to things and you might find it hard to think constructively thus weaning you off the probability of falling into intense anxiety or deep depression. If you try to worry too much,it knocks you off to sleep that is why you shouldn't handle machinery or drive when you're on medications.
That's good to know, thanks

1 Like

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