musabayokanu:
Adviser wamagbe
1. you didn't say how long they married.
2. What is the major cause of the quarrel/beating?
3. how long between when they separated, when she met the new guy, and when she got pregnant.
4. who Is she to you (relationship)?
5. are you single or married?

With this I will decipher and elucidate the role you played vis-a-vis your advice and the possible effect of your advice on the union.
Since you are celebrating the separation, divorce and twin pregnancy.

Answer my question pls....thank you

musabayokanu:
Adviser wamagbe
1. you didn't say how long they married.
2. What is the major cause of the quarrel/beating?
3. how long between when they separated, when she met the new guy, and when she got pregnant.
4. who Is she to you (relationship)?
5. are you single or married?

With this I will decipher and elucidate the role you played vis-a-vis your advice and the possible effect of your advice on the union.
Since you are celebrating the separation, divorce and twin pregnancy.

Answer my question pls....thank you

Peachbloom:


Please go back and read properly! Was I celebrating an end to torture and pain and several hospital visits? Yes!!

Was I happy she conceived and with twins after they embarrassed her and cussed her out for not having a child? Yes!! Infact double yes!!

Am I married(which is irrelevant here) yes! With beautiful children.

As much as I try not to believe in divorce and separation, I introduced them to a marriage counselor.

To your question of what caused their fights.

I was in their home on two different occasions and something as trivial as a remote control for the dstv made this guy hit her head on the wall.

Second occasion was the fact that she lent her mother her own money, and the man was asking why she would do that. This lady hardly knows how to express herself and she was literally shaking all over. I kept begging this man to calm down, he put me in my place, and I had to stand back.

Right in my presence, he started hitting her and dragging her by the hair all over the place. It took the intervention of her neighbors on this particular day.

Now guess what, despite every I'll treatment, she stayed!

Oh I remember this, when her mum was in the hospital after her surgery, this guy came to the hospital and instructed her to leave her mother's bedside, I was there by her side too so I saw this.

When. She came the next day for the visit, she had hot oil scars!!

Before you start sarcastically casting aspersions, know that many men are actually mad, and her ex husband was part of.

musabayokanu:




I have read carefully.....
Honestly i don't support I'll treatment of women in marriage for what so ever reason.
But when it comes to marrige issues I believe in crossing all the available dots to know the root cause.

Look well they can never be smoke without a fire.

Peachbloom:


Irrespective, it's all violence. You don't want her again, somebody else took her, and you're busy fighting up and down.

I think he does have temper and behavioral issues basically which needs to be addressed.

musabayokanu:


For the guy to ask for seperation and divorce and come back to fight the lady or the man, it shows the man is an enemy of progress.

Fine they are seperated nd the lady has moved on for good, im happy for her, you asked a question and you tabled her story for discuss, slot of people will also learn from it.
But my point is you need to scratch the issue deeper and dig deep into the the root cause so men and women will learn from it while some will answer your question.

As it is now the table has been opened for feminist them.

musabayokanu:
Adviser wamagbe
1. you didn't say how long they married.
2. What is the major cause of the quarrel/beating?
3. how long between when they separated, when she met the new guy, and when she got pregnant.
4. who Is she to you (relationship)?
5. are you single or married?

With this I will decipher and elucidate the role you played vis-a-vis your advice and the possible effect of your advice on the union.
Since you are celebrating the separation, divorce and twin pregnancy.

Answer my question pls....thank you

keepingmum:
I am pleased you posted this because lots of african women have been brainwashed to believe "all men are the same"....especially when they are in toxic relationships/marriage.

This is an example of there is light ahead of the tunnel. You CAN walk away and start a new and healthy relationship where you treated with love and respect.

Dont stay because you have children: dont stay because you ttc and you dont want to leave because you have "nothing" to show for it, dont stay because of what "people would say", dont stay because you have dated each other fot 10 years", dont stay because you want him to see how much you have endured from him and hope that that would make him change, dont stay because uour inlaws/pastors said they would speak to him.

You should love yourself sooooooooo much that anyone , man/woman who comes into your life knows what you can and cannot accept.

Thank God she walked away and found her happy place. There is no timeline for when one moves on from a bad situation. As long as you are mentally strong to handle a new relationship and have healed then move on but choose your next partner wisely.

If shes from such a "bad and fetish" home as her ex spouse said, shouldnt he be glad that she is out of his life and now someone else's "problem"?? Hes bitter because he never thought she would move on, he never thought any onr would desire her and now he can't let go off his bitterness and jealousy.....let the lady's new family warn the ex from visiting their premises.

musabayokanu:
More....

Peachbloom:


To your question of what caused their fights.

I was in their home on two different occasions and something as trivial as a remote control for the dstv made this guy hit her head on the wall.

Second occasion was the fact that she lent her mother her own money, and the man was asking why she would do that. This lady hardly knows how to express herself and she was literally shaking all over. I kept begging this man to calm down, he put me in my place, and I had to stand back.

Right in my presence, he started hitting her and dragging her by the hair all over the place. It took the intervention of her neighbors on this particular day.

Now guess what, despite every I'll treatment, she stayed!

Oh I remember this, when her mum was in the hospital after her surgery, this guy came to the hospital and instructed her to leave her mother's bedside, I was there by her side too so I saw this.

When. She came the next day for the visit, she had hot oil scars!!

Before you start sarcastically casting aspersions, know that many men are actually mad, and her ex husband was part of.

musabayokanu:
Becareful the advice you take from people.

Peachbloom:

To be honest with you, the issue has been on and off for a while, but this morning, she called me again asking me if she won't end her life in all these trouble.

I calmed her down, and told her, once you're done, you're done. There is no in-between, as the court has ruled them over.

I told her not to feel guilty or bothered about what the guy keeps spreading about her and her mum. I assured her of my support, and I reminded her that she is with children too, and also of her husband's unflinching support.

However, this man really wants to end this woman, I can tell you this authoritatively. From all of his actions. It's so sad that there is nothing one can do about it. Even court can just give him a restraining order, they cannot stop him from saying whatever it is he wants to say.

As it is now, it's pretty unfortunate.

Peachbloom:


From all these you have posted, and from your replies to me, I see that you are a man who will like to eat your cake and have it!

Roles reversed, can you take half of what I stated happened to the lady?

No, you can't.

I don't subscribe to staying when things are abusive. Many women have lost their lives. I also don't subscribe to divorces either, which is why I tell the people involved, what is your heart telling you to do? Whatever it is, you will be fine.

Marriages aren't rosy agreed. However, some are from the deeper pits of hell, so why stay when you can't go on.

In this lady's case, the following were quite obtainable (kindly note that this is with medical proofs) :

Physical torture and abuse.
Emotional bullying.
His family also started bullying her family (which I am a part of)
She was made to quit 2 jobs in the space of one and a half years all in the name of "why is your wife richer than you." by his family.

Who doesn't pray that his or her child be successful whether male or female?.

He turned her into a shadow of herself. Through all these, she was loyal.

Now things have got better you want to ruin it again?.

Her new mother in law has been so so supportive and prayerful, and the backing is beyond what I expected.

I am happy for her, but your comments are quite disturbing.

Peachbloom:


From all these you have posted, and from your replies to me, I see that you are a man who will like to eat your cake and have it!

Roles reversed, can you take half of what I stated happened to the lady?

No, you can't.

I don't subscribe to staying when things are abusive. Many women have lost their lives. I also don't subscribe to divorces either, which is why I tell the people involved, what is your heart telling you to do? Whatever it is, you will be fine.

Marriages aren't rosy agreed. However, some are from the deeper pits of hell, so why stay when you can't go on.

In this lady's case, the following were quite obtainable (kindly note that this is with medical proofs) :

Physical torture and abuse.
Emotional bullying.
His family also started bullying her family (which I am a part of)
She was made to quit 2 jobs in the space of one and a half years all in the name of "why is your wife richer than you." by his family.

Who doesn't pray that his or her child be successful whether male or female?.

He turned her into a shadow of herself. Through all these, she was loyal.

Now things have got better you want to ruin it again?.

Her new mother in law has been so so supportive and prayerful, and the backing is beyond what I expected.

I am happy for her, but your comments are quite disturbing.

bukatyne:

Are you sure that is not the ex?

musabayokanu:
More....

musabayokanu:
Becareful the advice you take from people.

Peachbloom:


From all these you have posted, and from your replies to me, I see that you are a man who will like to eat your cake and have it!

Roles reversed, can you take half of what I stated happened to the lady?

No, you can't.

I don't subscribe to staying when things are abusive. Many women have lost their lives. I also don't subscribe to divorces either, which is why I tell the people involved, what is your heart telling you to do? Whatever it is, you will be fine.

Marriages aren't rosy agreed. However, some are from the deeper pits of hell, so why stay when you can't go on.

In this lady's case, the following were quite obtainable (kindly note that this is with medical proofs) :

Physical torture and abuse.
Emotional bullying.
His family also started bullying her family (which I am a part of)
She was made to quit 2 jobs in the space of one and a half years all in the name of "why is your wife richer than you." by his family.

Who doesn't pray that his or her child be successful whether male or female?.

He turned her into a shadow of herself. Through all these, she was loyal.

Now things have got better you want to ruin it again?.

Her new mother in law has been so so supportive and prayerful, and the backing is beyond what I expected.

I am happy for her, but your comments are quite disturbing.

Peachbloom:


May I ask, to what end are all these pictures? She never in anyway attacked your opinion, she only gave hers and moved on.

I'm quite disappointed you had to go and dig up her past posts on her own life.

We all have our tipping point, and she had hers which made her make her choices.

I asked a question on time frame, she gave her opinion, and that is about it.

All these pictures weren't necessary. This is very lowly of you.