Matured advice pls

No front page ....


I want to know if there is an agency that will back me in taking my sister kids away from her.she is my sis and i love her but i have to be realistic,she is the opposite of everything that makes up mother.

I know i dont have much but with my husband surport i can make it work for my nieces.staying with her is making them to be dyfuntional my sister can bring anything with a stick into the home.

She is a widow but is hardly pitied because she was left with alot of resources but as usual she squandered them all with partying and men now left with nothing. I dont really care what she does with her life but i cant sleep knowing my belove niece are in that kind of enviroment.

Everybody have stop giving her money for the kids because it never goes to them instead men and party.story is too long....

Her eldest kid called and was telling me how mummy brought someone in and was making noise.i cried.their father was the best in law so iwant to be the best too.

Advice pls?

If the problem is a moral one but the kids are being taken care of, I doubt you have grounds to remove them from the mother.

You can't force your own moral choices on adults, even if you're related. You can pray for your sister and advise her, but it's her decision whether to listen to you or not. You can't force it on her.

Did you talk to your sister about how the kids are perceiving things? It's not always easy dating when you have kids, the man too should be considerate of the household and not make the woman feel she has to choose between her reputation and family, and him.


My opinion.


Btw, did you talk to your sister about raising her kids for her? I see you mentioned many men, not just one man-which is correct?

A few tips I found on the web (paraphrasing):

1. Labelling your sister promiscuous to the outside world, is not kind. Don't do that even if she is.

2. Why exactly do you and your sister have such different values? Does this reflect besides morality? Perhaps your sister is struggling with things you did not have to face? Like, maybe your struggles or experiences are/were different.

3. Is she practicing safe sex, does she not care, have you talked to her about it, why is she looking for love in the wrong places (in your opinion)

4. Even if she refuses to listen to you, be there for her and let her know you do not hate her, it's her lifestyle that doesn't gel with you.

5. You aren't her parent, rebelling against you might be her subconscious way of rebelling against the idea.

6. Is there a genetic tendency to this type of behaviour. How/why did you buck the trend, because maybe you are the odd one out here, not your sister. Consider that.

you can't take kids from their mother on grounds of promiscuity
I suggest you are smart about it
stay friendly with the sister and ask her to leave the kids with you as often as possible
holidays and weekends
for example
since she is busy she will be happy to do so
don't give her money either but buy clothes, school things and toys for the kids if you can afford it

nairalandposter:
A few tips I found on the web (paraphrasing):

1. Labelling your sister promiscuous to the outside world, is not kind. Don't do that even if she is.

2. Why exactly do you and your sister have such different values? Does this reflect besides morality? Perhaps your sister is struggling with things you did not have to face? Like, maybe your struggles or experiences are/were different.

3. Is she practicing safe sex, does she not care, have you talked to her about it, why is she looking for love in the wrong places (in your opinion)

4. Even if she refuses to listen to you, be there for her and let her know you do not hate her, it's her lifestyle that doesn't gel with you.

5. You aren't her parent, she might rebel against the idea subconsciously by rebelling against you.

6. Is there a genetic tendency to this type of behaviour. How/why did you buck the trend, because maybe you are the odd one out here, not your sister. Consider that.

What the hell is this one saying? This is a faceless forum so she can table her issues here, what is all these blabber you're spilling? Her sister brings different men to the house and her nieces sees everything, what has family history, bad blood got to do with it? The main reason for this thread is to protect her children and preserve their dignity from being corrupted not all that you typed.

Fountainofyouth:



What the hell is this one saying? This is a faceless forum so she can table her issues here, what is all these blabber you're spilling? Her sister brings different men to the house and her nieces sees everything, what has family history, bad blood got to do with it? The main reason for this thread is to protect her children and preserve their dignity from being corrupted not all what you typed.

Madam, why are you so angry?

She does not have to bring these issues to the web and especially not nairaland, but she did, and people gave their views, so what's your problem now?

Drop your advise for her if you have any or ignore the thread?

Who are you sef, I know I've seen your moniker around, another romance section personality? Most of you there lack manners, probably because all you know is copulation.

desvi:
you can't take kids from their mother on grounds of promiscuity
I suggest you are smart about it
stay friendly with the sister and ask her to leave the kids with you as often as possible
holidays and weekends
for example
since she is busy she will be happy to do so
don't give her money either but buy clothes, school things and toys for the kids if you can afford it

Op follow this advice, also if you havent, tell your mother to go stay with her for a while, at least that will tame her a little or make her keep her promiscuity outside the house.

nairalandposter:


Madam, why are you so angry?

She does not have to bring these issues to the web and especially not nairaland, but she did, and people gave their views, so what's your problem now?

Drop your advise for her if you have any or ignore the thread?

Who are you sef, I know I've seen your moniker around, another romance section personality? Most of you there lack manners, probably because all you know is copulation.

Who is angry? You said she shouldn't have brought it here but you still took out time to type long nonsense, who is hypocritical here?

Who the hell are you? What are you in the first place to stereotype people based on sections? Are you that slow? You've never been on romance section? Copulation? Is that the best your little brain can come up with? In your warped mind, sections determines level of intelligence and thinking? Lmao, wonders has ended, I'm discovering new stupidity everyday.

The man who is sexing anyhow without considering little kids can hear him, can't he show some restraint? And he's not even married to the lady, isn't there a taboo against such things or something. He needs to stop sneaking around because of sex and go pay the brideprice if it's allowed? Unless he's hiding his reasons for not doing so.

Probably one of those romance section sex addicted nlers (pardon me if I'm wrong), who don't know sex is not food.

You really can't do much about your sister's behaviour.You can talk to her, especially about the effects of her behavior on the kids but she is an adult.She has her life to live.
Spend time with the kids often and try to get them close to you.Try to talk to them and build their morality.
That's the best you can do for them

She’s probably doing all that because she finds it hard to move on after the death of the husband. Except this was her behavior before she died. You need to call her attention to her attitude and how it is affecting her children. Including what they see and hear.

You need to suggest psychological counseling for her and ask her to stop bringing men who could sexually harass her children around them. Just talk to her seriously or have an elder talk to her. Your mum if she’s alive is in the best position to talk to her and take the kids from her if necessary.

Hmmmm. Squandered everything the husband left behind. The husband hard labor was squandered on partying and man. The children in two ways, lost their dad and valuable properties that could be of help to them in future.

Fountainofyouth:



Op follow this advice, also if you havent, tell your mother to go stay with her for a while, at least that will tame her a little or make her keep her promiscuity outside the house.

She drove my mother away because of an idiot she was dating didnt like her meddling

baby124:
She’s probably doing all that because she finds it hard to move on after the death of the husband. Except this was her behavior before she died. You need to call her attention to her attitude and how it is affecting her children. Including what they see and hear.

You need to suggest psychological counseling for her and ask her to stop bringing men who could sexually harass her children around them. Just talk to her seriously or have an elder talk to her. Your mum if she’s alive is in the best position to talk to her and take the kids from her if necessary.

Its not a love marraige she was like that already before she married.

Pointmade:


She drove my mother away because of an idiot she was dating didnt like her meddling

Was she behaving like this when the husband was alive?

Pointmade:


Its not a love marraige she was like that already before she married.

Chai! There is nothing or little you can do. The best you can do is getting the kids familiarizing with you by coming around either weekends and on holidays just like someone suggested up there.

I have talked and talked she told the kids she will poison them for exposing her latest .they are not close by they are six hours journey.

Ur family actually failed her.
U don't know what that lady is passing through. Look at the way u are badmouthing her. All these holier than though hypocrites.
Her problems can't be solved by money, badmouthing etc but I guess your family especially you don't understand that.

Have u ever tried to know what's bugging her?
She is taking solace in men. U make it worst by your actions. If she commits suicide, I'm sure you will be happy.
If u want to help, look for a psychologist for her. She is not okay.
That lady need help not condemnation.

sassysure:
Ur family actually failed her.
U don't know what that lady is passing through. Look at the way u are badmouthing her. All these holier than though hypocrites.
Her problems can't be solved by money, badmouthing etc but I guess your family especially you don't understand that.

Have u ever tried to know what's bugging her?
She is taking solace in men. U make it worst by your actions. If she commits suicide, I'm sure you will be happy.
If u want to help, look for a psychologist for her. She is not okay.
That lady need help not condemnation.

You are not putting it the right way.She wants to help her thts why she is asking.No one knows it all.

Op,aside talking abt her promiscous life,hows comm. between the both of you.

You sister a i can deduce needs a Friend not someone. Who will judge her.

Pointmade:
I have talked and talked she told the kids she will poison them for exposing her latest .they are not close by they are six hours journey.

This is crazy. With this threat you people can storm her house with police and take the children away. If the children are able to testify to what you have said here then the police will give you the kids to cater for. I don’t think your sister is mentally balanced.

LadySarah:


You are not putting it the right way.She wants to help her thts why she is asking.No one knows it all.

Op,aside talking abt her promiscous life,hows comm. between the both of you.

You sister a i can deduce needs a Friend not someone. Who will judge her.

She don't want to help her. Read what she wrote again.

She want the children away from her and in her words,she don't care what happens to her sister.

If eventually they succeed in taking the children away, she may kill herself and everybody will be happy.

The only thing she is seeing is a woman squandering money and sleeping with different men always instead of seeing beyond that. Her sister is very sick and needs their love and help, not money and condemnation.

She seems like the church type that will rather condemn her sister than make her open up to her.

If she parties, she is definitely into drugs and booze so any money given to her will be used to maintain such addictive lifestyle.
Her family should see her as a sick person and help her.
Until they know the root of the matter, they can as well help dig her grave.

Pointmade:
I have talked and talked she told the kids she will poison them for exposing her latest .they are not close by they are six hours journey.

U condemn and condemn not soul talked.
U already condemned her here.

Ur sis is an addict, she is depressed and very lonely. Is that hard to notice?

baby124:

This is crazy. With this threat you people can storm her house with police and take the children away. If the children are able to testify to what you have said here then the police will give you the kids to cater for. I don’t think your sister is mentally balanced.

Am suspecting it,talking to her is like talking to stone,pastor and imam she listen to no one.am tired .she sees the kid as a bother but still keeping them hust to spite us, the last two kids she had after her husband death will still be with her we just need the older ones.

Wow.
In a working system, social services can take those kids from her if a complaint is made.

Pointmade:


Am suspecting it,talking to her is like talking to stone,pastor and imam she listen to no one.am tired .she sees the kid as a bother but still keeping them hust to spite us, the last two kids she had after her husband death will still be with her we just need the older ones.

Go with police and claim she threatened their lives. If the kids give the same testimony, all the kids will be given to grandma for their safety. Act quickly. Please find a way to ensure she gets injectable birth control.

sassysure:

She don't want to help her. Read what she wrote again.

She want the children away from her and in her words,she don't care what happens to her sister.

If eventually they succeed in taking the children away, she may kill herself and everybody will be happy.

The only thing she is seeing is a woman squandering money and sleeping with different men always instead of seeing beyond that. Her sister is very sick and needs their love and help, not money and condemnation.

She seems like the church type that will rather condemn her sister than make her open up to her.

If she parties, she is definitely into drugs and booze so any money given to her will be used to maintain such addictive lifestyle.
Her family should see her as a sick person and help her.
Until they know the root of the matter, they can as well help dig her grave.

You are quick to accuse,i have try heart to heart tried everythhing i can,ironic enough i am a semi atheist while she is the chronic church goer(why i used the pastor)

So instead of accusing tell me other ways to try

I cant drag a 37years old to see psychologist.

baby124:

Go with police and claim she threatened their lives. If they give the same testimony, all the kids will be given to grandma for their safety. Act quickly. Please find a way to ensure she gets injections birth control.

Did you know i paid a doctor to convince her about womb tying,the beast end up dating her.

Pointmade:


Did you know i paid a doctor to convince her about womb tying,the beast end up dating her.

Ah ah. Only your sister? She must be very fine o. Just investigate reliable places for injectable birth control. Take here there, pay for it and let them give her the shot. Some can last for 3yrs.

Pointmade:


Did you know i paid a doctor to convince her about womb tying,the beast end up dating her.

Ahhhhhhh, she needs help!!! Some men are very stupid

Pointmade:


She drove my mother away because of an idiot she was dating didnt like her meddling

Wow, is there any relative around her where she is? Let them check on the kids first, they should try talk to her.......

Fountainofyouth:




Ahhhhhhh, she needs help!!! Some men are very stupid

The lady is not mentally stable and all these men are taking advantage of her.