Zhuhilat:
Thanks all. No i am not a Muslim.
Couples will always have misunderstandings, we are 2 different people with different upbringing so we will always have mis understanding even siblings do.

I just get tired of all the leave my house and stuff.
How do I commit to a marriage financially (although, i do) and emotionally when i can be kicked out any day?

Also isn't the house s ours?
Secondly, how do I protect my child from all this?

Also I believe that every time he apologizes, i tell myself that maybe it was my fault and then i just let it go and go out of my way to please him again. I do not give him space to work on it too in other words,enabling this to continue.

Either ways thanks guys.

If you wish to continue the marriage. Just know you have to avoid arguments. He's unreliable, unrealistic, ego centric and arrogant.

Whatever he says doesn't come from his heart. Devil have started his work and you need to rebuke the devil. A bad spirit is playing a role.

blackboy:
Madam. You are a married woman! A wife ! A mother! You are talking of seeking attention outside. Which is worse? A child seeing her mother a good example of a mother n wife while her husband is not appreciating her 100% or a case she sees her mother as a slut whom her husband does not appreciate?
Madam make it work. He no beat you. No carry you hand commot from house again. Make it work. A man you can ask to buy baby food means you can talk to him. Sit him down and talk to him

Words said CAN NOT be taken back, they leave scars just as beatings does; it's very obvious she's trying to make it work.

He needs to try to make it work....they need a counselor

It's not easy being in a marriage and the economy is not even helping.

When did this behaviour start?
Before marriage, do you see him as a proud person?
Do you tell him before your mum sends food home even though she's trying to assist?
Is he working or a businessman who is finding it hard to make profit?

Stay calm, try and be mindful of him but if he is the woman beating type of husband, please seek your parents advice

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

Must u always have an argument with him?

SKYloafFISH:
Sorry for your predicament. He might not be cheating on you but I am 100% sure he has anger issues. He is also probably having a bad time at work or cash strapped. So when your mum sent food over he felt his ego was bruised.

The best thing is to be patient and look for a couples counseling program. He needs to curb his anger.
From your own aspects too, even though you did not say you did any negative thing, I would suggest you are patient while responding to him. Better yet just ignore whatever he is saying. But that anger management class is important

Abi o. A woman will not tell you her own negative side of the story.

NoToPile:
With the way people are harping on ' Do you contribute financially to the marriage' considering that the op and husband works makes me wonder if being a full time house wife is an excuse to disrespect a woman.

Is it not this same Nigeria that we have seen women become full housewives even if its for a while maybe because of lack of job or something and their husbands never treated them bad.

What if she doesn't contribute financially is that an excuse?

Too much boys on nairaland, wahlahi.

People have suffered oo

You think it is infantile to ask if she contributes financially to maintaining her home since she works?

How easy would you feel if you are required, by your wife who earns, to be solely responsible for all the bills in the home: rent, feeding, healthcare, clothing, security, fees, parents, entertainment.ete.

As for me, I'll resent that wife and see her good for only divorce.

I'll assume you're married. Except you earn super-high, there's no way you won't feel cheated if your wife saves all her earnings while she expects you to be absolutely responsible, especially if you live in a large city.

123sopv hocles post=8308788r1:

Yes, we really need it.

v I suggest fire proof.

Everybody has an opinion and ready to issue judgement...one-sided judges. Let me be patient for the husband's post joor.

Zhuhilat:
It is very easy to say stay, work on it, watch war room. Nobody knows how it feels LITERALLY.
. It is well.

Thanks for the Advice or constructive criticism, I appreciate.

...i once asked a critical question in a bible study one day about marriage and they just kept giving me answers like you've just read here...by the time I took them deeper into the question they all got stuck and started asking me what do I think the solution is...

...truth is that most of us don't try to place ourselves in this person's shoes/situation, we just look at it from the outside and then start saying things which we can never do when we find ourselves in that same situation or even less than that...

...words are very hurting, they're just like beatings too; your husband is not ready to stop, infact he enjoys it and feels that you can do nothing about it and that is why it has continued.

...i won't advise you to leave your marriage NO!...but I can advice that you need space/ a change of environment, to fully recover from what you've been through in the last two years...your mental state has to be refreshed.

...i have seen women that have had this your experience and have tried to make it work...more than 10years down the line...the men have become worse
...there are also situations whereby the men have become better

...you don't have to look to someone else for love, comfort care or attention...Look unto God...theres this peace that passes all understanding that He gives to as many who are willing.

...for whatever you decide to do that is right to God, he will lead you.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

This answers it all, stop trying to make yourself like the Angel.....if I were ur husband, I'll do worse.

Lol, women think finding a shoulder to cry on will solve their problems , U never see something....u just start...continue ehn.... And u think he won't find many girls to give him peace outside??

Continue to show love and respect, a day will come when he will realize himself and come back home and begging.

Don't go anywhere. Stay and make your marriage work. I can figure out that he's battling with ignorance and inexperience. Assist him to work on these bad attributes.

It's advisable you stopped arguing with him. You can't get a different result by repeating the same method. Don't enter into any argument with him. Keep mute each time he raises one.

Did I hear you say you are looking outside for love and care? Abeg, never you try that. That would be the worst mistake you will ever make. Stay put with him and talk only when he's in a good mood. You will be shocked by the positive results that will achieve.

All the best.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

You started it. Wht did you leave the first time. Forget about what he said. Did he chase you or move your things out. When you are married moving out is not an option. Get it clearly. Unless you're totally tired and don't want to make up ever again. Note that it's difficult to start all over again.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

Besides, from your write up, he doesn't beat you. You have no basis for leaving. Forget what anyone says in marriage.

Octopusssy:
Everything doesn't always have to lead to an argument, unless the both of you are always wanting to get the last word. Sometimes you have to stoop to conquer.

However, making such statements as ''you have zero value to me'' and ordering you to leave at the slightest provocation is totally unacceptable and should not be condoned for any reason.

My take is both of you need to have sense talked into your heads by someone older and more experienced.

They are both trying to win an argument which no one wins in reality.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

Dont jeopardize your marriage because of unsure ansumptions and conclusions given by nairalanders based on your own side of the story.. Nigerians are known to often do the opposite of what they say in reality. I'll advise you meet a very good marriage counselor. Someone in the family? Good but not advisable. Its better you meet a very good counselor. Someone who you both arent familiar with.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

Since you're done, get it over with. However, I dont believe you truly are, which is why you posted this "SOS" in the first place. For that reason, you have to keep fighting. Try calling his and your family into the matter this time and let them know all about the marriage history. There are two sides to a story, let's see if he has frustration issues or some pent up anger issues ... bust your bubble no marriage is rosy, its all work!

Another flip to this story is that your husband might be undergoing tensions he is not yet able to cope with. That tension could be this very marriage. If I may give you two cents,help him through it by being his peace. As for seeking happiness outside, that is 'looking outside already' if you kwim.

crackhouse:
that movie is an interesting movie.

Yes, it is.

blackboy:
Madam. You are a married woman! A wife ! A mother! You are talking of seeking attention outside. Which is worse? A child seeing her mother a good example of a mother n wife while her husband is not appreciating her 100% or a case she sees her mother as a slut whom her husband does not appreciate?
Madam make it work. He no beat you. No carry you hand commot from house again. Make it work. A man you can ask to buy baby food means you can talk to him. Sit him down and talk to him

Obviously he has anger issues. Madam you knew before marriage, truth is you want out too. I just feel sorry for you though

blank:
Lock the door and send his clothes out to him. Tell him he is of no importance to you and you have decided to move on. Good luck.

I can't stand such disrespect.

The reason you are single at 28 is written in the text.

imitateMe:
You told him to buy baby food, he forgot, and that led to a serious argument? It shows you are the trouble maker here

I think so too.. While not wanting to cast aspersions, she seem like a nag, a very quarrelsome person and that could be what turns him off.. I mean, like she's always ready to have a go at him over any slight issue, she's got an ego ish and that means having 2 captains in one boat. It can never sail well.

She can actually stoop to conquer yet she doesn't know. While not absolving the man of any wrong, I think she can actually make it work. Both of them need some maturing to do and alot more sacrifices.

Madam ur story is one-sided, u are listening to the wrong advisors, watch who u listening to, its yours to make it work, it may be painfull but remembered for better for worst , seek good counsel not here where many are not married and are advising you

I hope your marriage is not pregnancy-induced meaning that you get pregnant for the guy and eventually you get married? If it is, the guy is obviously not happy he ended up with you....yet it can work if you increase in patience by not thinking of alternative to him.
Meanwhile, I sense inferiority complex in your husband behaviour and you can help him by not deflating his ego by avoiding unnecessary argument, if his nerve rises unexpectedly, just enter mute-mode or simply say you are sorry. Most likely you came from a wealthier background and you have high self esteem thus staying in marriage means you have to stay "humble" or else your husband with his inferiority complex feel threatened anytime there is cause for argument. Also be prayerful and watch less movies, may God guide you both aright

Zhuhilat:
It is very easy to say stay, work on it, watch war room. Nobody knows how it feels LITERALLY.
. It is well.

Thanks for the Advice or constructive criticism, I appreciate.

Sincerely I know how this feels like cos I have been expriencing mine for 5 crazy years... You know what your heart want and the family you come from. Life is too short your happiness and that of your kid is paramount.

setobaba:


You people should stop hiding under marriage is all about tolerance, for God sake she's also a human.
Madam if you feel you've made the wrong decision by marrying your husband you had better retrace your steps back now, the more days you stay in that marriage, the lower the chances of getting another man quick.
Beside how old is your husband and which tribe?

The husband maybe harsh in speech but I am yet to see what wrong he has done to warrant her leaving the house. She doesn't have respect not to talk of deep respect for her husband from her write up. She should work on that. Her husband maybe faithful to her. She can make it work.

GAZZUZZ:


first of all....

These are my opinions and I might be wrong .

New couple, former slay queen going through first/2nd year of marriage .

Boi not man got married for the wrong reasons to girl not woman.

Last last it's make or break.

You're spot on.. I already posited they both have some maturing to do, it's that simple..

I suspect the op 's parents are the cause of the problem. No man out of mere ego, will reject goodwill such as food items from their in laws if they there is cordial relationship between the two parties.
The op' s parents, being rich and their daughter, a working class, might have in the past made comments that brutalized the husband's ego. This is probably why the husband is bitter and transferring the aggression to their daughter.

To single guys reading this, before marrying a working class woman from a rich family, ensure that you study her parents and families very well to ascertain if they are not arrogant and troublesome. Families like that usually have more power, influence and will always cause undue interference on the relationship, especially when you are from a lower class background.

It is often ok for a woman to marry up than for a man to marry up. That is to say it not that ok for a lower class man to marry a woman from a rich or upper class background. A lower class woman can marry into a rich family and be fine with it. But a man who does this will have his ego brutalized from time to time.

Take it or leave it, marriage is all about power and class game. Forget about lovey dovey things.

To the op, you are a working class lady, probably you are pretty too. This is why you mentioned that you are already being attracted by someone else outside when the marriage is just two years please do your calculations very well. You may decide that you are leaving your current marriage but ensure you balance the power relationships with the next man you will find yourself wiith. Otherwise, few years to this time, you may still come back here with a different moniker seeking advice

beeijeoma:
Op truly your hubby has been disrespectful to you but all marriages go through teething problems . Mindset is very important in marriage and you need to decide from the beginning if you want in or out. 2 years in marriage is still early days and you guys are trying to understand each other and establish your boundaries. Words hurt but after a while you just shrug it off . If I go down memory lane and think of some of the names my hubby has called me I would have left him a long time ago. We have been together for 10 years now and I am enjoying my marriage like mad. If you and your hubby are talking and he starts getting upset keep quiet and say nothing. The day you know he is calm and okay go and talk to him and air your grievances. . Fighting and arguing does not help issues will only escalate. My husband is always worried when he gets annoyed and I don't talk he prefers arguments but I am now an expert in keeping mute. The only thing I cannot take is beating any other thing I just ignore. Just like you are a professional and well travelled are so many other women who are dealing with marital issues. If he says leave ignore him, if he leaves ignore him. If you ask him to do something for you and he forgets ignore and do it yourself. Don't let anger rule your heart choose to apply wisdom .

strong words of advice

blackboy:
Madam. You are a married woman! A wife ! A mother! You are talking of seeking attention outside. Which is worse? A child seeing her mother a good example of a mother n wife while her husband is not appreciating her 100% or a case she sees her mother as a slut whom her husband does not appreciate?
Madam make it work. He no beat you. No carry you hand commot from house again. Make it work. A man you can ask to buy baby food means you can talk to him. Sit him down and talk to him

When she asked for baby food did he listen?

Logachev:
Everybody has an opinion and ready to issue judgement...one-sided judges. Let me be patient for the husband's post joor.

I don't think her husband post is needed. Her post is clear. There's basically no issue in the house. Although the husband needs to watch what he says, the wife needs to have deep respect for her husband. It's a family with a great future.