Oga obviously she is not your type..........if you cannot accept her for who she is....move on. Rather than subjecting her to a life of drama and emotional torture...

Never try to change anyone to suit you, it does not work......love them as they are or leave them alone...

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

If you think that will affect your LOVE for her, then call it quits now, my honest advice to you.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

I don't really you.

Why can't you guys just respect boundaries and still coexist peacefully.

I personally hate going to church I dislike attending weddings, birthday parties in fact anything that will force me out of my comfort zone to socialize with people in large group turns me off and my wife knew how to let me be and not after we had our fights when she noticed initially.
She can't change her life entirely simply because she's getting married to you nau.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

currently dealing with the same thing with an in-law of ours, she is indeed what you call a good wife and a daughter in-law, she just happens to be not the associating type, doesn't visit much, talks less, and prefers to rather be at home alone, I mean her husband travelled for a business trip for like 5months and she was home alone .
I don't have any problem with her because inside that quiet personality, she is a rare gem and a great home maker and for us that's very rare to find.

any way you have to sit her down and talk with her, ours is becoming a lot better lol purposely her husy just likes dragging her out to the family and with her kid and escapes with the guys lol, it seems you really love her and that is a a big deal you should consider first.

anxiety ,low self esteem has gotten the best of some of us at some point some can wave it off and others can't easily, maybe you can help her out.

ginaolo:
All I’m trying to say is too much of everything is bad. I want her to loosen up a little, because her nature is worrying

Listen young man, the problem with we humans is when we think we better off than others and try thinking they should change.

Don't try changing humans cos u didn't create them... All u can do is learn to cope with them and if you feel is something you can adopt to quit and life goes on.

That girl got a good heart I can imagine from you write up... But never try changing her and thinking your marriage will be healthy.

How your family of friends thinks or see your partner shouldn't concern you as long as she suites you close doors... The worse marriage is the close door fight marriage don't ever get your self involve in it.

Best of luck.

lilmax:
Please leave her for us

Dump her now and look for who will go to all events including the ones you don't want her to go to

Lol

Truckpusher:
I don't really you.

Why can't you guys just respect boundaries and still coexist peacefully.

I personally hate going to church I dislike attending weddings, birthday parties in fact anything that will force me out of my comfort zone to socialize with people in large group turns me off and my wife knew how to let me be and not after we had our fights when she noticed initially.
She can't change her life entirely simply because she's getting married to you nau.

you have a point there, marriage is all about adaptation and just like sculpting the more you try to carve that perfect piece out of her the more you ruin the sculpture.
respect is everything too.

It seems you just described me 101%. I'm so reserved that random persons in my lodge have asked me severally why I don't talk to people..lol. I'm not that shy though, I speak well in public and have handled few leadership positions in school but I'm not just outgoing, meeting people is a hard task but I get overly expressive if I like you. OP, she's a lovely lady, she'd improve with time. If she's the churchy type, let her join functionaries that'd that'd expose her to meeting people e.g. ushering, choir etc. I wish you both the very best.

laurenwhite:
If you cant stand the heat, get out of the kitchen...thats her nature - i guess its part of what attracted her to you in the first place so please let her be.

You even try dey give advice, how did they get to the stage of fiancee when she obviously has a trait he doesn't like

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

Honestly op, it seems you are talking about me. My husband is also from a large family and I have social anxiety. I hate going out and meeting people, I also hate people visiting. My husband understands this and usually tells his family that I'm very shy, sometimes it's frustrating but he insists I call them which may take me a week.
If you truly love her, just be patient try to force her to move outside her comfort zone but not too much. Also appreciate her when she does something as little as calling(trust me it isn't easy). Finally, bribe her; you can promise to have movie night if she does what you want or give her something she loves in exchange.

ginaolo:
Bros she can’t even meet my family or friends, she will start misbehaving and panicking as if somebody wants to kill her. This is not normal na and I’ve tried to be patient with her, but her shyness is taking over her. I want someone who will represent me well and someone who will be a good mother to my kids.

I don't know when being shy has become an issue. Dude if you're looking for someone that's gonna support your asinine reason for dumping her; that's not me. This is the period she needs you if you truly love her. I'm sure you'd prefer a lady that is surreptitious in nature. Anyway better go back to the drawing board as a bird in hand worths two in the bush. Be wise.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

You be mumu aswear

Ikem11:


Listen young man, the problem with we humans is when we think we better off than others and try thinking they should change.

Don't try changing humans cos u didn't create them... All u can do is learn to cope with them and if you feel is something you can adopt to quit and life goes on.

That girl got a good heart I can imagine from you write up... But never try changing her and thinking your marriage will be healthy.

How your family of friends thinks or see your partner shouldn't concern you as long as she suites you close doors... The worse marriage is the close door fight marriage don't ever get your self involve in it.

Best of luck.

I could have used this advice some years ago for real but I learnt my lesson and it has made me a better person in the making, we get this false ideal of perfection in those we love that we constantly want to see it in them.
thankfully after my worst and only break up I learnt a lesson I intend to teach my kids some day too.

The guy matter tire me. Maybe he should dash me

ValCon888:
One man's meat is another man's poison.
If you know how many men are looking for a reserved homely wife like that you will thank God for many blessings.

It is your duty to explain to them she's the shy type so they can meet her half way.

You better leave her if you don't seem to be comfortable with her nature. Introverts most time have melancholic trait. This trait cannot be change but can be worked on. If you really think you can change her, you are only deceiving yourself because she won't change.

theButterfly:
She sounds exactly like me.

Butterfly dey stay 1 place?

What ever you do, remember Family comes first. If she finds it difficult to mingle with your family, I’ll advice let go the relationship for this will definitely drive your family, friends and business colleagues away from you and you may end up being like her ... Here’s my advice, LET GO!!!

nairalandposter:
Wait, I'm looking for that thread where somebody was complaining his wife parties too much and never stays at home.

I'll update when I find it, if it's still here.

You people are insufferable.

yes i rememberthe thread, we are just insatiable

There is a man for every woman and a woman for every man. If you can't take it look for the one you can take. Good luck.

destinyy23:
It seems you just described me 101%. I'm so reserved that random persons in my lodge have asked me severally why I don't talk to people..lol. I'm not that shy though, I speak well in public and have handled few leadership positions in school but I'm not just outgoing, meeting people is a hard task but I get overly expressive if I like you. OP, she's a lovely lady, she'd improve with time. If she's the churchy type, let her join functionaries that'd that'd expose her to meeting people e.g. ushering, choir etc. I wish you both the very best.

doitforyou:
Because you can doesn’t mean anything. Social anxiety disorder occurs on a spectrum, you’re lucky you can handle some social activities. She didn’t refuse to meet his family, she has met them. She isn’t comfortable socializing with them every time. It is not an ideal situation and she’s not doing it on purpose. She needs help and patience managing it.

as in.

What os with people constantly comparing themselves to others?

Social anxiety is a thing. My own is terrible, because even to go to church is a task. I sit and complain about how I don't go out all day, but when the opportunity arises, I start coming up with all the excuses not to go. I can't even meet anyone walking down the street, because I like to block out the world with my earpiece or headset when I go out, I only recently started trying to go out without them. The idea of even meeting anyone's family at any point doesn't come to me.

So, for someone to come with her insensitive self, and start saying "she will isolate you...." "i
don't joke with family...." is disrespectful and inconsiderate. Say two people get headache, no mean say na malaria dey worry them, I always say this.

BlueAir:
The guy matter tire me. Maybe he should dash me

You are only viewing things from the advantages that suit what you are looking for. If you are the kind of person that like cheating, you may be planning your early grave.

olabrinks:
Okay she has issues. Accepted. But darling, the reality is that every body has issues. Using the word ‘mental disorder’ like it’s some sort of disgusting disease is the problem I have with Nigerians. A lot of people have ‘mental disorders’ such as depression, ptsd, bipolar and so many more. In fact most people that you see roaming around the streets, going to work etc are dealing with one "mental disorder" or the other, does that make them less of a human being? You can even develop these things whilst in a marriage, do you just wake up and leave the person because of their ‘mental disorder’? Honestly I think you are just immature and you need to wake up and face reality. We don’t live in a world full of happy and perfect people. That is what your partner is there for, to help and bring out the best in you. If you’re not ready for challenges, then stay single!

She Is truly a baby1.24 as her monicker Implies. You really understand life very well unlike "baby1.24 kid ranting all over the thread" I give It to u.

Op just marry her first, go ahead.

I can this same woman that is like ice water will turn to tiger in a jiffy

MissOffpoint:
I am exactly like op's gf and I kind of like my life like this.

No wonder you are always off point!

GTFOH!

baby124:

Exactly. Something is not right here... she’s obviously able to be social to speak to a strange guy in public, collect his number and start a relationship. So, why is meeting his family a problem? I can’t place my hands on it, but something is not right. Not like they even met through a mutual friend or something. Or maybe her sibling toasted him for her. She met this guy in PUBLIC... something most so called severe introverts are incapable of. She either had a lucid moment or she’s setting a tone...

It could also be that she doesn’t want anyone reading her and seeing her for who she is. That is why family is so important when meeting a future spouse. They can generally see what we refuse to see and a manipulative person will avoid that.

Solid point...Very solid point!

Tell ua parents 2 come meet her at home now. since Mohammed hv refused to go to d mountain.
One more thing is have you talked about this with her. Try find out what's her problem. Sit her down. Dialogue can be the answer here.

AwkaetitiBabe:
You should have yoked yourself with someone who is as outgoing and social as you are.

Honestly, I feel they should complement each other. Being a reserved lady, I can't be with a man that's reserved/soft too for the sake of the kids. Calmness is no longer a virtue in the 21st century, craziness is the new cool and my kids should possess both.

Ginaolo, have you ever been randomly picked up unaware to speak to a large unfamiliar faces? Unprepared and the mic was given to you? You'd stammer for a moment and may probably be incoherent. That's a simple way to experience what she's passing through in a congenital scale. Please, quickly decide to either love and cherish her or break up with her.

As for me, we're sealed together!

At 24, what does she know?. She be baby na..are u 25?

theButterfly:
She sounds exactly like me.

Who are you?