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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? (25277 Views)
My Dad Shouldn't Receive My Bride Price / My Husband Paid N580K For My Bride Price But Refused To Help My Family Members. / Bride Price Collection Is Big Business In Some Parts Of Nigeria (Pics) (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Blackfriday: 5:03pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
sassysure:I try to get your point on what you are saying as regards the her hubby and the family, that is a good note but I don't quite agree with you on your narrative about the Uncle.... You know what they say "what is good for the goose, is good for the gander. I honestly advocate, if a renegades his duty for his family, he should endeavor to accept every consequences that come with it. I honestly think she should follow the advice from BorntoBreed. Let the father take the brief price, not because his entailed to it but for peace and to reign. 2 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 5:06pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
sassysure: Well, my uncle's position is not from the selfish angle. He feels my dad doesn't mean well for us. And he explained that depending on the type of family I'm marrying into, they may want to oppress me in future because given my father's non-existent role in my life, I might as well be an orphan. His offering to stand in as father is for the sake of solidarity... so the husband and in-laws realise that I have a solid family, too. Because in truth, without my maternal family, I'm as good as an orphan. 3 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by midnighter(f): 5:07pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
MPESA: Yes o 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 5:08pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
fineboynl: Haba nau. Witches and satan ke! |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Bbbwings: 5:10pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
farady:They yaf come with Bible nonsense Rubbish 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Jamean(f): 5:11pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Ogbunigwe2018: It's pretty much beyond the value of the bride price, it is the honor given to whoever does the rites. Personally if I were in this shoe, my uncle will do the honors. Except my uncle desires otherwise. It's about time fathers realise that you may have significant financial contribution to make in the live of your children, but your physical presence and moral support through the years makes a difference. Him and his family members should not wake up out of the blues feeling entitled/offended. 4 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 5:11pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
wolverine1987: Perfect arrangement! Thanks. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 5:23pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Bigdaddy234: Amen. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by arcnomec(m): 5:25pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Op,i have to contribute to this because my brother witnessed a similar scenario like yours. My when my brother wanted to marry,he advised his wife that they should go to her father's place and do her traditional rite, she vehemently refused because the dad didn't partook of her upbringing except for her late mum and maternal aunties. Well my brother heed to his woman's words and paid her dowry and rites in her maternal uncle's place.But my tradition don't really permits that, so he took drinks and carried her straight to the father and gave the man drinks and he blessed them. Fast forward to your case, I will advised you do same, take your man after your wedding and go see your father regardless of what he might have done and give him drink and that will settle the whole issue. But please don't draw far away from him, because I remembered vividly my brother going to visit him and dropping some cash for him.... 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Greenbullet(m): 5:26pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Anybody here shouting tradition is shameless , where was the sperm donor when it was time for him to be a father ? Bride price is not given to sperm donors , they are given to fathers /foster father who take care of their daughters to marriable age, The Uncle UNEQUIVOCALLY deserves the bride price , calling your father on that day , will be a BIG slap on the face of your uncle , he may not show it , just know that's how he feels . Imagine your UNCLE didn't take care of you , will we be even talking about marriage ? Now he has taken care of you and your siblings , and when its time for you to HONOUR him , you remember your father who abandoned you ? This is why people Dont adopt or accept any child into their family that's not their biological offspring , because at the end of the day , everybody know e papa ! , and to the girl Bleep YOU (X3) for trying to disrespect your uncle , you think its easy to take care of a child to adulthood ? 3 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by amp01(m): 5:31pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
QuintessentialW:Then,give him,his due respect. You can do your Christian wedding anywhere. For your bride price,that is your father RIGHT. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by koning: 5:32pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Op, i understand how you feel about your father, but what does your prospective husband think?. You are so much focused on your own issues, that you forgot about the man and his family that will actually pay the 'Bride Price'. I don't know much about Urhobo culture, but no self-respecting Igbo man will take bride price to the bride's maternal family. Even if your father and his relatives live in a rabbit hole, wearing rags for clothes, that is where an Igbo man will pay his bride price. So i will advice you to buy your father some nice clothes. P..imp him up and get him ready to receive your bride price including the kola nuts that come with it. After that you can do what you like with your wedding. Your husband will be foolish to give any other person the bride price. It has serious consequences in Igbo land. 4 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Pusyiter(m): 5:34pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Born2Breed:You said it all OP, listen o if you want to live maritally without rancour. This is the BEST advice you can get 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 5:38pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
midnighter: Thanks a lot midnighter. Very valid points. But I won't marry in the village. |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by MikeBetty(m): 5:41pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
My Dear, You Need A Candid Advice And Here Is It. No Matter The Degree (level) Of Irresponsibility Displayed By Your Father, It Does Not Take Away The Fact That He Is Your Biological Father. Do Not Deny Him That Singular Right. You Can Reward Your Uncle With Even Cars And Other Valuables, not With Your Bride Prize. Give It To Him And Receive His Blessings. The Judgement Is Between Him And God. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Hilariousfacto: 5:44pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
I think it's best you just appreciate God for the journey so far...of what use if he didn't abscond.. Maybe those helps might not come... You now have the authority as it stands You only need his presence this once, it doesn't really make any difference...you don't have to go to the village for the trad wedding... Pls try and talk to your siblings to be responsible to an irresponsible dad...we should keep spreading glad tidings and not hatred.... Those advising you against your dad might not really be responsible themselves but its quite easy to pass judgement on others...Karma is already taking a toll on him and that should be enough till God knows Ma opinion 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by midnighter(f): 5:47pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
QuintessentialW: You're welcome, all the best 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by moderatedguy: 5:48pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Redoil:Bad Belle the father is from Edo state not an Urhobo 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Nyceguy92: 5:49pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
The catch in your story is that you located your father, cared for his welfare and sent him money. That portends a possibility that two of you will reconcile in the future, especially if your husband shares the opinion. It is not enough to just collect the bride price; there are also responsibilities that go with it. Bride price is mostly symbolic and hardly amounts to much in most communities. I suspect your father left out of frustration, which was unmanly of him. How did he expect your mom to cater to you and your siblings? As long as your father is still alive, he or his representative should be the one to receive your bride price. What you should do is inform him of your marriage plans. How he responds will determine whether you carry him along subsequently or not. Also appeal to your uncle to allow as I suggested above, more so as you mentioned you do not bear any grudges against your father. Most likely when the dust settles, atonement for wrongdoing may follow. This is the way I would approach it if I were you. My opinion anyway. 3 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Funkybabee(f): 5:50pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
hmmm some people eh.. you just have to keep reading the scripture to guide u onto the right part always.. wether he's responsible or not, he's still your biological father and must be the one to work you down on the alter, you can choose any where to do your wedding as long as you carry him and return him back to his place though u can invite some of his friends or family living around with him. for bride price, any elders in family can collect that. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by salt1: 5:56pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
I know of a marriage that scattered because of this. The fiancé insisted on meeting the lady's paternal family, but she vehemently opposed it. She felt they didn't deserve the honour. The man called off the marriage. He said he didn't want to wade into a troubled family. Op, give the bride price to your Dad and his relatives in a quiet ceremony. Your maternal uncle will walk you down the aisle on your big day. Thanks. 3 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Gigilis: 5:56pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
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Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 5:59pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
BEN1986: Thank you so much. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by nick50(m): 6:02pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
Abeg go to ur village and do ur traditional wedding then allow ur father collect ur bride price..u won't die if u go to ur village, forget wetin that pastor told u but if u refused one day dem go make mockery of u..respect ur kinsmen,village people is real!! 2 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 6:02pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
midnighter: Please, my Uncle's intentions aren't borne out of anything selfish at all. He's been totally selfless all these years. 1 Like |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 6:05pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
shineeye1: This touched my Godly conscience. Thanks. 2 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by codemaniacs: 6:05pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
zz |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by amp01(m): 6:10pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
QuintessentialW: Its not in your place, to determine where you will get married. Its your father decision, just persuade him to allow you have your way. You are sounding this way, because your father is not doing well FINANCIALLY. |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by midnighter(f): 6:11pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
QuintessentialW: Dear I understand, but we don't know him. We have only seen what he has told you to do which is totally wrong and goes against the idea that he is selfless. What I am arguing against is the idea that just because he helped you it somehow gives him the right to usurp what belongs to somebody else at your expense. That's what that person wrote and its very bad. I am sure he is great and has helped you immeasurably throughout your life, but that thing they are arguing in favour of is not right. 2 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by QuintessentialW: 6:16pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
abbey621: Yes, I was told plenty. But fortunately, I heard from both sides. I heard my mum's side... I heard my father's. I always try to be objective and rational in whatever I do. My father had no justification. It didn't all make sense when I was a child... but things became clearer as I grew older. Funny thing is, my mum never turned us against father. She was always accomodating. She sorely wished he had stayed even if he wouldn't foot the bills. When I first said I wanted to know my village and go find my dad, my mum was alive. She didn't stop me. Mum was everything ideal and sweet. She simply had sore luck with the man she married. But God knows best. 5 Likes |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Legendguru: 6:28pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
I can’t answer that coz we don’t sell our children in yoruba land |
Re: Must My Father Be The One To Receive My Bride Price? by Sermwell(m): 6:30pm On Nov 11, 2019 |
QuintessentialW:I have been following this thread!! My sister don't ever make that mistake!! My own dad was far worse than yours, and I disliked him so much for it! And when my sis wanted to toe this same line, I vehemently stood my ground and insisted that my dad has the bride price. Four years into the marriage, a very serious sh1t occurred between my sister and her husband, and it was our same dad who came to the rescue. It was like a dream and no one in our entire family believed he could do that. Please allow your dad to take the bride price and even walk you down the isle if possible, because when the chips are down, all these your maternal whatever may be no where to be found!! 4 Likes |
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