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Even when you find your soul mate, maintaining a relationship takes time, patience and commitment. In reality, the notion of finding one‘s true love, along with other legends surrounding love and relationships, can be tricky, especially if you don‘t distinguish fact from fiction. To help you do just that, here is clarification on 10 commonly held misconceptions about love, marriage and relationships.


Myth No. 1: Every person has one true love or ”soul mate”


Truth: A person can have more than one soul mate.


The possibility that there are several potential suitable mates for each of us diminishes the romanticism of finding that perfect Mr. or Ms. Right. And that may be why many people hold firm to the belief that there is one true love out there for them, somewhere.


”It‘s possible to have more than one soul mate,” says Audrey B. Chapman, a Washington D.C.-based relationship expert and author of Getting Good Loving (Agate, 2004). ”You can have different soul mates in order to have different experiences and at different levels into your life.”


Myth No. 2: Your ideal mate is someone with a personality similar to your.


Truth: While it‘s helpful to have a lot in common with your significant other, maintaining one‘s individuality is important.


“There are differences even in people who are similar,” says Dr. Bronwen Millet, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Washington, D.C. ”You (can) create whatever type of relationship you want by working together with your significant other. What I‘ve seen in practice is that couples (who are) committed, willing and able to step out to do the work have healthier relationships , Saying that there are too many differences for the relationship to work is an easy way out.”


Myth No. 3: Love conquers all in a marriage and relationship


Truth: The concept that ‘love conquers all‘ sounds good in love songs, but you need more than love to sustain a long-term relationship or marriage. The truth is, love is only a starting point , To survive, it needs to be tempered by tolerance, tenacity, humour and humility.


Relationship experts agree that there should be other variables in place to help nurture a healthy relationship. According to Dr. Millet, couples who share common values and maintain a high level of commitment are more successful at making their relationship work. In addition, each person in the relationship has to learn to apply coping skills. These include developing problem-solving abilities, learning how to listen and communicate effectively with regard to your mate, handling anger and stress in a positive manner, and applying patience when needed.


Myth No. 4: Each person gives 50-50 in the relationship


Truth: While most of us are taught that we must give equally in a marriage, it rarely happens.


”Someone can give 30-70 or 60-40,” says Chapman. ”What matters most is to ensure that the person who is giving 60 percent isn‘t resentful of the person who is giving 40 percent.” This especially holds true in today‘s society, where traditional male and female roles have become debunked. Some women have assumed the role of the breadwinner, or earn just as much money (or more) than their partner. In addition, men have become more versatile in their roles regarding children and domestic responsibilities.


Myth No. 5: I can change my mate over time


Truth: What you marry is usually what you get.


Too often, people embark upon a relationship or marriage with the expectation of changing their partner into the ideal person they want. ”To try to change a person is a setup (for a letdown),” according to Dr. Millet. ”In order to change someone, you have to rework that person, starting from their childhood.” Her advice is to get to know the person you are involved with and be able to understand and accept him or her for who he or she is before you commit.


Myth No.6: Getting married is a cure for promiscuity


Truth: Marriage won‘t ensure monogamy.


Experts agree that a person who is promiscuous probably has other issues that he or she is trying to avoid and will inevitable bring into the marriage.


”You take you with you everywhere you go,” says Dr. Millet. ”Whether it is sex, drugs, whatever - these are all distractions that have to be addressed before marriage. You can‘t run from yourself.”


Myth No. 7: After a breakup, the best way to recover is with a new relationship


Truth: Jumping into a new relationship after you have just ended one is usually a recipe for failure. Time spent solo after a relationship or marriage ends (in addition to counselling for some) is necessary to heal a broken or bruised heart. Entering into a new relationship too soon might not give you a chance to work through all of your issues. To be happy in a relationship, you must first be happy with yourself.


Myth No. 8: My true soul mate will never cheat on me


Truth: Your partner may still cheat on you, even if he or she cares about you.


According to the experts, it‘s the quality of a relationship that will usually dictate whether or not a person cheats. People cheat because there is something missing from the relationship, or because there‘s something missing from the individual who is doing the cheating. Usually, the person going outside of the relationship feels the need to be confirmed by someone other than his or her spouse.


Myth No. 9: You can never date your best friend‘s ex


Truth: It depends on the circumstances.


Both Dr. Millet and Chapman say that you can date your best friend‘s ex, if the situation is right. ”If you are dating your friend‘s ex two days after they‘ve broken up, that‘s a problem,” says Chapman. If, however, you start to become interested in someone whom your friend dated while you were both in high school or college and you all are adults now, that‘s acceptable and also less likely to seem like a betrayal to your friend. It‘s also important to communicate and to set boundaries, which will determine what is acceptable in the relationship, according to Dr. Millet.


Myth No. 10: All men cheat , eventually


Truth: There are still some good men out there who don‘t cheat.


While a larger percentage of men than women do cheat, according to relationship experts, not all have - or will. The truth is that, with the latest technology (cell phones, e-mail, Blackberries), it is easier to cheat on your spouse. Now for the twist: [size=14pt]The number of women cheating has increased - as many as 40 per cent of women (up from 20 per cent) have had affairs. ”Today, more women are cheating than did during their mothers‘ and grandmothers‘ generations,” says Chapman. ”And women are better at it,” she adds[/size].


Whether you have already found your soul mate, or are still looking for that special individual, know that any worthwhile relationship requires mutual commitment, as well as respect and communication. And that‘s the truth!

http://www.thirdage.com/marriage/10-relationship-myths-and-the-truth-about-soul-mates?page=0,3#ixzz15SSedBZm

Hmmm i dunno about the similar personalities
It's important though that the person is open-minded and understanding.

Whether you have already found your soul mate, or are still looking for that special individual, know that any worthwhile relationship requires mutual commitment, as well as respect and communication. And that‘s the truth!