UjuJoan2:


Yeah . . . I guess that's what's worrisome about this whole thing. The fact that he can, because he used to, but just won't, for whatever reason.

So he doesn't thinks she's worth the effort anymore.

That's why I say she 'warns' him in a very subtle way . . . . Just so he's aware of the consequences of his actions.

CAPTIVATOR:


Talk to your husband, What you demand is right ... Even the bible says ' Husbands continue loving your wife ' , There is a reason for the bolded.

bukatyne:


If her husband was never 'sweet', she probably have ignored as he was her choice.

He was and has now become cold.

Like they say: Don't start what you cannot finish.

Olannajewel:
thank you, but I have been making him proud, I adore and appreciate him, I am not a bad woman, I just want a little romance, friendship and compassion from my husband.. this has been going on for 4 years now, I don't own my life, tomorrow is not assured, am I wrong to want to feel like a woman from my husband. I read so hard,more than i should, just to continue making him proud. But i need a friend in my husband. Thank you

wunmi590:


Just let him be for now, until you finish your studies, I am sure he will change, believe me, no other man can make you happy aside your own man, the man who left all woman to be with you and also discharge his responsibilities as it should.

And when next you see, wake him up in the middle of the night, cry and talk to him, pour out all your mind, I am sure he will change for good.

Wish you success

crackhaus:
Another one

So a man who provides more than the basic needs and is a great father suddenly doesn't love you because he does not say 'I love you back' during sex.

Aunty, just say you want to fvck this Telegram guy and you're looking for excuses. Is it not who will reply your 'I love you' during sex that you're looking for?
Look no further - it's that Telegram guy, I know him very well. I've heard he likes to shout 'I love you' during sex like a billy goat.

Mumu

Olannajewel:
I know he has needs too, I'm open to do anything to make him happy, if only he would allow me.. because I said I am still offering my degree programme doesn't mean I have nothing to offer. I don't bring in money yet, but I offer constructive advices that bring in funds to us.I pray for us and am always willing to go out of my way to make him happy.... offering something doesn't have to be about money.. and I am not pretending, I love my husband and I adore and appreciate him, all I want is a friend in him, sweet compassionate man,like he used to be. Thanks for your opinion though.

Olannajewel:
during love making with my husband, he cant even keep an eye contact or reply the "I love you " I say to him during sex. Ps:my husband is in his mid 30s.
He doesn't notice any effort I make as a young wife to keep the spark in our marriage. In July,guy chat me up from a group on telegram.. I haven't seen this guy, but I would have seen him if he's close.we have been talking every day for 5months,chatting, sexchating, video calls,he tells me everything a woman wants to hear. He doesn't know am married.!!

Olannajewel:
and its driving me crazy.. I just want to hear "i love you" from him. I just want us to laugh as before.
I have searched myself and I have asked him, I haven't offended him... we have been too serious for a long time. Very serious, its always about the kids, what about us... my heart is aching, I actually indulged my telegram friend through the chat because i found out my husband went for a massage without telling me (guess it was more than a massage) what's there not to tell me, clears watsapp chat, and was emotionally involved with a lady, he's reason being that he was depressed..I feel I have lost my sweetheart, he used to tell me everything, we used to be so cool,spontaneous and lively!

Olannajewel:
thank you, but I have been making him proud, I adore and appreciate him, I am not a bad woman, I just want a little romance, friendship and compassion from my husband.. this has been going on for 4 years now, I don't own my life, tomorrow is not assured, am I wrong to want to feel like a woman from my husband. I read so hard,more than i should, just to continue making him proud. But i need a friend in my husband. Thank you

Olannajewel:
until then, now and forever as long as am living my hormones will yearn for what it rightfully need.. it suprise me to know that the only form of romance you know is the insertion of genitals, hahahaha, just like me, sis you lack!! when I will have to share Bills, I will, money is not meant to be eaten raw.. and am not trying to give my cookie to a broke ass, neither am I obligated to set straight this talk, just because your life's orientation is based on money,and just because you pay the bills, doesn't make you better than me. Thanks for reminding me that all that matter to people like you is money.

Olannajewel:
Please pardon my very long post. I also had to open another account so as to post this.
I am in my mid 20s been married for 5years with two kids.
Have been in a long distance marriage since I got married due to the fact that I have been running a degree programme which will come to an end by next year.
So,I practically see my husband when we're on holidays or during strike. But we talk every time, I'm in the east schooling and he's in the south. My husband provides more than the basic needs,he's a great husband and a good father.
I know I sound selfish, but he doesn't satisfy my emotional needs,and he agrees to it.. whenever we call it's just about the kids and my school, we don't talk personal stuffs, he's not passionate, he finds it difficult saying "I love you " unlike before. He doesn't indulge me when I say it also... when I try to sex chat with him, he shifts it away. Whenever we're on holidays and am home, he doesn't also give me time, his work is not flexible but the little opportunity he gets he would rather go out.
No woman calls him in my present, but there's been incidents that has prompted me doubt his fidelity. After I gave birth in March,I went back to school because the strike was called of.i became depressed, I will talk with my husband yet I felt he was emotionally distance from me, sometimes during argument he would flay up and rain abuses on me... during love making with my husband, he cant even keep an eye contact or reply the "I love you " I say to him during sex. Ps:my husband is in his mid 30s.
He doesn't notice any effort I make as a young wife to keep the spark in our marriage. In July,guy chat me up from a group on telegram.. I haven't seen this guy, but I would have seen him if he's close.we have been talking every day for 5months,chatting, sexchating, video calls,he tells me everything a woman wants to hear. He doesn't know am married. I'm in too deep, how do I stop loving him, I love my husband too,but he's not making any effort towards romance in our marriage.. please I need advice, insult, anything that can get me back on track. I know am cheating emotionally on my husband, but talking with this other man has kept me sane amidst all the challenges I have. How do I stop this, cause recently I noticed I cant stand conversation with my husband, not that we discuss anything that makes me feel like a woman. Please help!!

UjuJoan2:


It's not a threat . . . More like a warning, or an advance notice.

Maybe he truly believes she can never be tempted, and him not satisfying her emotional needs doesn't matter. He needs to know that he's leaving her vulnerable, he's creating an environment for her to cheat. I think she owes him that.

UjuJoan2:


I think you're getting it all wrong. It's not a game.

Believe me those feelings she's having are as real as it gets. She needs her husband to understand how his actions are affecting her.

My husband used to do something really stupid whenever we had a disagreement. And he did it because he could, and I couldn't. So I gently told him one day that I may not be able to do exactly what he does, but I have other ways to 'get back' at him if I wanted to. . . . And I gave him an example. It wasn't a threat.

Bottom line is that people need to understand how their actions (or inactions) affect their spouses, and the possible repercussions. Sometimes they don't really know.

Tocynone:
.
You actually nailed it.
I don't know you but God bless you

bukatyne:


If her husband was never 'sweet', she probably have ignored as he was her choice.

He was and has now become cold.

Like they say: Don't start what you cannot finish.

crackhaus:

It's a mind game Uju, a classic one at that - power game to be specific.
Present yourself as sexually desirable to the opposite sex in a bid to keep your spouse in check, lol. Very classic, vintage even.

If you're just telling her to talk to him and let him know he's hurting her, cool. But the moment she starts inserting the idea (directly or vaguely) about how she can cheat on him if he doesn't step up, then you have moved into the realm of playing mind-games and these will either backfire immediately or become old in the near future, then at that point she will start looking for a new game to play.

Like I noted, she first has to be 100% sure that her husband has the patience (is a sucker) for such tactics - I know I am not because I can detect a power game miles away, I have studied them extensively. The psychologists who even invented this particular one have realized it is counterproductive and it has long been modified - The most effective way to catch and retain a sucker now is to play/act a sucker (Robert Greene).
The best mind/power/con games are those where the mark(s) don't even know you're playing one because they think you're too stvpid to pull it off.

yettymuse:
hahahaha... No be put you for condition na : You go dey alright las las!! I don go farm my farm abeg

crackhaus:
Another one

So a man who provides more than the basic needs and is a great father suddenly doesn't love you because he does not say 'I love you back' during sex.

Aunty, just say you want to fvck this Telegram guy and you're looking for excuses. Is it not who will reply your 'I love you' during sex that you're looking for?
Look no further - it's that Telegram guy, I know him very well. I've heard he likes to shout 'I love you' during sex like a billy goat.

Mumu

curiousmind11:


Babe, I hope you will be patient read this.

I am in your shoe, only difference is that I am the man.

But I can boldly tell you that no respect or worshiping of your husband can erase the disgrace of sending your nudes to a guy via sexting or video call. A guy who has any intimate picture or video of you will blackmail you soon. As others have stated, you have all to lose.

The worse form of cheating is emotional cheating. If you must cheat, do it without exchange of digital images. And do it with someone who has something at stake to protect like a reputation.

Don't shop for a fuckmate on social media. You will live to regret!

cococandy:
You alone talking to him is not enough.
You need serious counseling.

Your emotional needs are valid. Don’t be ashamed about needing that. But what Mr online guy is providing is just a mirage. You don’t love him. That’s a fact. If you eventually meet him, you might end up disappointed. Do you even think that if he knows your full story, he will like you the same?

You and your husband sure do need help to get back on track. You can’t do it by yourselves.

we can give you all the advice that sounds good on paper here but will those really help you?
E.g
1) Pray.
2) Be okay with the situation at least he’s providing.
3) Talk to him (again)
4) Focus on yourself (only God knows what that means)

All these advice point to the same thing. Be happy in your misery and leave things be.
For something like a marriage to work, the two people in it need to be equally invested in making it work.

So either your husband suddenly has an epiphany and realizes that he needs to make more effort or you initiate a move that will strongly show him he needs to make more effort. Sometimes words do not penetrate.

Cut Mr online guy loose. At least you’re sure you’re doing something wrong. You can’t even accuse your husband of doing the same. So now is the time to make it work.

Thanks sis, thanks!

curiousmind11:


Babe, I hope you will be patient read this.

I am in your shoe, only difference is that I am the man.

But I can boldly tell you that no respect or worshiping of your husband can erase the disgrace of sending your nudes to a guy via sexting or video call. A guy who has any intimate picture or video of you will blackmail you soon. As others have stated, you have all to lose.

The worse form of cheating is emotional cheating. If you must cheat, do it without exchange of digital images. And do it with someone who has something at stake to protect like a reputation.

Don't shop for a fuckmate on social media. You will live to regret!

crackhaus:

Lol, people start what they cannot or are yet to finish everyday, even you.

GiantParrot:
This is a really good example of why many decent young men are going their own way. They know that most women are incredibly selfish and inconsiderate....there's no amount of privilege you can give these women that will keep them satisfied. They will always find something to accuse the man of not doing enough, completely oblivious to the painful sacrifices he makes to provide sustenance for his family.. There is no scarcity of indecent men who are ready to give these self-centered women that thing they miss, and the women have little personal regards for morals and principles. Their only deterrent from shameful behaviour is the fear of getting caught. And they will cold-heartedly resort to paternity fraud when they get pregnant from fulfilling selfish desires.

Responsibility and fidelity come with sacrifices, which can barely happen where self-centeredness rules. Good luck to those who choose marriage. Hope their minds are well prepared for the statistically likely betrayals that come with it.