we've been through a lot as a couple and I'm really tired of trying to get my point through but to no avail.my hubby wants to travel home to his parents because he got an invitation from his very sick dad to come over for Christmas (I was not invited, long story).I do not want him to go this season (after new year is okay) because I want us to spend Christmas together (me him and our sons) we've never spent Christmas together in our home.when he travels, he comes back flat broke and I'm left with the burden of our home for January.I feel he should not abandon his uber business this season.I want us to crossover together as a family.he is insisting and I'm not having it....

please am I wrong, because his mother and father are in their home, why can't he stay with us.travelling with him is not an option.

invite his parents over....EOD!

btw: i suggest you get used to the fact that you have a strong minded husband who does not change his mind on issues, thus no point in you trying to change him.

MrBrownJay1:
invite his parents over....EOD!

dad is really really sick, can't travel the distance

bryanarchie:


dad is really really sick, can't travel the distance

Then he should go, his father might not make it to January and he will not forgive you if he decides to stay with you for Christmas.

Let him go be with his sick father, when he comes back, you guys can talk about your Christmas problem.

doitforyou:

Then he should go, his father might not make it to January and he will not forgive you if he decides to stay with you for Christmas.

Correct.

bryanarchie:
dad is really really sick, can't travel the distance

yet his dad is "really" sick but you wouldnt want his son to go and be by his side?! kinda selfish dont you think?!?!

bryanarchie:
we've been through a lot as a couple and I'm really tired of trying to get my point through but to no avail.my hubby wants to travel home to his parents because he got an invitation from his very sick dad to come over for Christmas (I was not invited, long story).I do not want him to go this season (after new year is okay) because I want us to spend Christmas together (me him and our sons) we've never spent Christmas together in our home.when he travels, he comes back flat broke and I'm left with the burden of our home for January.I feel he should not abandon his uber business this season.I want us to crossover together as a family.he is insisting and I'm not having it....

please am I wrong, because his mother and father are in their home, why can't he stay with us.travelling with him is not an option.

I really really hope you are trolling with this selfish, inconsiderate, even cruel post

bryanarchie:
we've been through a lot as a couple and I'm really tired of trying to get my point through but to no avail.my hubby wants to travel home to his parents because he got an invitation from his very sick dad to come over for Christmas (I was not invited, long story).I do not want him to go this season (after new year is okay) because I want us to spend Christmas together (me him and our sons) we've never spent Christmas together in our home.when he travels, he comes back flat broke and I'm left with the burden of our home for January.I feel he should not abandon his uber business this season.I want us to crossover together as a family.he is insisting and I'm not having it....

please am I wrong, because his mother and father are in their home, why can't he stay with us.travelling with him is not an option.

you need to separate your issues, you havent spend a christmas together as family for a while and whenever he came back he is broke as ever

thats issue 1 & 2

1 always away during xmas
2 cames back broke

1st issue have you talked of what you feel about him always away during exmas, sometimes as people we fail to consider the person next to you wife/hubby

2nd issue its poor planning based on my experience, lets say you have been married for 10 yrs by the time you reach 6 years you have figured it out that poor planning over spending over just less than 5 days, then the rest of 25 days your are broke and the skols fees etc is waiting for you


Then your final issue, if it was your own mum/dad asking you to visit him/her would you ignore the request ?

Let that man go and see his sick dad the man might be on his death bed soon. I wonder why you were not invited, you should be apart of the family gathering. Are you having problems with your in-laws ? I think it would be v selfish of you to hold your husband back, you guys will have many more Christmas celebrations to spend together. About the expenses, you guys should sit down and budget how much he is going to spend when he is there and how much will be left to cover the house expenses for January. Let it be known that you cannot carry the financial burden for January as you are stark broke. Don’t let him think that he can fall back on your money. He will spend wisely. Good luck.

thank you all, I really do appreciate...to clear the air, his dad has been sick for years and he won't die but. we've never spent Christmas in our home, together and I want us together this year...
I want us to be together and it's not too much to ask and I know people will call me selfish but can't he go by 2nd.... I'm tired of being sad during the holiday....

doitforyou:

Then he should go, his father might not make it to January and he will not forgive you if he decides to stay with you for Christmas.

Let him go be with his sick father, when he comes back, you guys can talk about your Christmas problem.

his dad has been sick for years and I know he will not die...
but what about me and his son, why do we have to be alone...

I'm tired of going to my father's house for Christmas, I want to kill my own chicken, I feel bad....

you're not wrong but mode of presentation and time of presentation matters alot.

ZIMDRILL:


you need to separate your issues, you havent spend a christmas together as family for a while and whenever he came back he is broke as ever

thats issue 1 & 2

1 always away during xmas
2 cames back broke

1st issue have you talked of what you feel about him always away during exmas, sometimes as people we fail to consider the person next to you wife/hubby

2nd issue its poor planning based on my experience, lets say you have been married for 10 yrs by the time you reach 6 years you have figured it out that poor planning over spending over just less than 5 days, then the rest of 25 days your are broke and the skols fees etc is waiting for you


Then your final issue, if it was your own mum/dad asking you to visit him/her would you ignore the request ?

thank you, I've tried to talk about it but no matter what I say I'm selfish.
Christms with my parents is amazing and fun but I'm want us to create our own traditions and experience. I don't want us to go to even my dads house

culf:
you're not wrong but mode of presentation and time of presentation matters alot.

thank you for understanding my point, I don't think he does...

bryanarchie:
we've been through a lot as a couple and I'm really tired of trying to get my point through but to no avail.my hubby wants to travel home to his parents because he got an invitation from his very sick dad to come over for Christmas (I was not invited, long story). I do not want him to go this season (after new year is okay) because I want us to spend Christmas together (me him and our sons) we've never spent Christmas together in our home.when he travels, he comes back flat broke and I'm left with the burden of our home for January.I feel he should not abandon his uber business this season.I want us to crossover together as a family.he is insisting and I'm not having it....

please am I wrong, because his mother and father are in their home, why can't he stay with us.travelling with him is not an option.

This long story is very important, you should share it here because I suspect it is the real reason you're against the trip, certainly not the family chicken you want to kill together or crossing-over.

Besides, if your husband was invited, it means you are automatically invited also as family. Or are you expecting your own special invitation?
Were you specifically told not to go along?


You have not shared what is actually going on.

crackhaus:

This long story is very important, you should share it here because I suspect it is the real reason you're against the trip, certainly not the family chicken you want to kill together or crossing-over.

Besides, if your husband was invited, it means you are automatically invited also as family. Or are you expecting your own special invitation?
Were you specifically told not to go along?


You have not shared what is actually going on.

no oooooooooooooo, my dear this our marriage has gone through s lot. he told me he was only invited.
all the time I've been there has always been s disaster, I don't want to try anymore.
actually I just want us to be alone, all this family family stuff is tiresome

[quote author=crackhaus post=85037750]
This long story is very important, you should share it here because I suspect it is the real reason you're against the trip, certainly not the family chicken you want to kill together or crossing-over.

Besides, if your husband was invited, it means you are automatically invited also as


family. Or are you expecting your own special invitation?
Were you specifically told not to go along?


You have not shared what is actually

Bryanarchie,


I do hope you read this. Before my dad passed on, I got a lot of calls from my mom and my brother to come and see him. I kept postponing it cos I felt it was not time for him to go. He was really sick and frail. I kept calling and sending money. At last, he passed on without me seeing him. (I travelled to see him 2 years before he passed on with my entire family). That was 6 years ago.

In December 2018 again, my mom who had been on and off hospital needed to see me urgently. I could not make it. I called several times and sent money for Christmas. She was very happy. She was very sick in January. I traveled to see her in 2017 alone and the previous year with my entire family. I kept calling and talking to her. After a while, my brother called that I needed to be home immediately. The day I took permission from my boss, within the space of 3 hours, she passed on first week in February.

My advice.

Allow your husband to travel. He will find it difficult to forgive you if anything happens. Have you traveled to see your father-in-law recently?

What is even so special about spending Christmas together when you stay together all year round?

This is hatred you're building now, but when it boomerangs, you'd say his family hates you.

Be guided.

bryanarchie:


my dear, I've decided to let him do what he feels is best but he should no forget oooooooooooooo because when his parents leave this world, he bear the price he paid

you are a very selfish and inconsiderate being for saying this rubbish! How are you sure you won't "leave this world" before his parents?

Nairaland marriage palava weak me


All of you just seem to have issues that would have been obvious if you took your time to know the person well during courtship.

With a man like yours the sooner you accept and rise above certain things the better for you!

It is what it is, if he understood your point of view he would make the trip before Christmas and return to spend the holiday with you but he doesn’t so let it be.

Change your mindset despite what has previously gone wrong. Let go of all resentment you’ve built up over the situation and over the years. Give yourself peace my dear!

Even though he won’t be home
Spend the day with your child or children and make it as much fun as you can. You don’t even have to go to your parents and remember your happiness must not and doesn’t revolve around your husband or his presence.

As per his returning home broke be gracious about it. The bills you can cover in January do so and what you can’t cover please don’t kill yourself let him know and see that you’ve covered as much as you can.

God speed and I wish you the best of this season.

bryanarchie:
no oooooooooooooo, my dear this our marriage has gone through s lot. he told me he was only invited.
all the time I've been there has always been s disaster, I don't want to try anymore.
actually I just want us to be alone, all this family family stuff is tiresome

bryanarchie,

It seems you have a problem with your parents in law. Maybe you don't get along with them or they don't like you. What has been happening oh. Deal with the issue and settle it once and for all please oh.

Travel with him.You are legally married to him and so his home is your home.
God forbid you are an orphan,where will you go ?
I dont know what trouble erupts each time you travel but you guys need to address it.
This is a pure comm stuff.

On the area of finance,present Januaryzs bill now so he can cut down what he is going with.If he doesnzt,cut down what you will support with come January.So when the heat comes,he might remember come Dec 2020.If you keep taking over the bills in January he won't understand very well and the cycle continues!

On a recent thread, a man was lamenting how his wife leaves him every christmas to her own place now a woman wants his man to not travel.

Modified:Going through your recent threads i have come to understand that both of you have communication and Finance issues.

Also let go and visit with him.Who knows reconciliation and acceptance will happen.

Life!

bryanarchie:


my dear, I've decided to let him do what he feels is best but he should no forget oooooooooooooo because when his parents leave this world, he bear the price he paid

My dear, please delete this comment and ask everyone that quoted you to please delete it. This is an expensive joke. Never ever say this on an online platform.

boldx:
Bryanarchie,


I do hope you read this. Before my dad passed on, I got a lot of calls from my mom and my brother to come and see him. I kept postponing it cos I felt it was not time for him to go. He was really sick and frail. I kept calling and sending money. At last, he passed on without me seeing him. (I travelled to see him 2 years before he passed on with my entire family). That was 6 years ago.

In December 2018 again, my mom who had been on and off hospital needed to see me urgently. I could not make it. I called several times and sent money for Christmas. She was very happy. She was very sick in January. I traveled to see her in 2017 alone and the previous year with my entire family. I kept calling and talking to her. After a while, my brother called that I needed to be home immediately. The day I took permission from my boss, within the space of 3 hours, she passed on first week in February.

My advice.

Allow your husband to travel. He will find it difficult to forgive you if anything happens. Have you traveled to see your father-in-law recently?

Wowwww... so sorry... I now understand...

still not happy about it, but I understand...

mcdokwe:
you are a very selfish and inconsiderate being for saying this rubbish! How are you sure you won't leave this world before his parents?

I'll bury my parents and my parents won't bury me....

babythug:
With a man like yours the sooner you accept and rise above certain things the better for you!

It is what it is, if he understood your point of view he would make the trip before Christmas and return to spend the holiday with you but he doesn’t so let it be.

Change your mindset despite what has previously gone wrong. Let go of all resentment you’ve built up over the situation and over the years. Give yourself peace my dear!

Even though he won’t be home
Spend the day with your child or children and make it as much fun as you can. You don’t even have to go to your parents and remember your happiness must not and doesn’t revolve around your husband or his presence.

As per his returning home broke be gracious about it. The bills you can cover in January do so and what you can’t cover please don’t kill yourself let him know and see that you’ve covered as much as you can.

God speed and I wish you the best of this season.

thank you so much... I'll do just that, I'm still not happy but it is what it is... thank you

LadySarah:
Travel with him.You are legally married to him and so his home is your home.
God forbid you are an orphan,where will you go ?
I dont know what trouble erupts each time you travel but you guys need to address it.
This is a pure comm stuff.

On the area of finance,present Januaryzs bill now so he can cut down what he is going with.If he doesnzt,cut down what you will support with come January.So when the heat comes,he might remember come Dec 2020.If you keep taking over the bills in January he won't understand very well and the cycle continues!

On a recent thread, a man was lamenting how his wife leaves him every christmas to her own place now a woman wants his man to not travel.

Life!

I grew up in s home where Christmas is s big deal, I don't want to travel to my parents house seffff....
I want us to buy our own Christmas tree, kill our own chicken, shoot our own knockout. my parents gave me memories, I want to do the same for my son...

I may sound childish, stupid or self centered but yes I wsnt my family together....

bryanarchie:


I grew up in s home where Christmas is s big deal, I don't want to travel to my parents house seffff....
I want us to buy our own Christmas tree, kill our own chicken, shoot our own knockout. my parents gave me memories, I want to do the same for my son...

I may sound childish, stupid or self centered but yes I wsnt my family together....

I understand you well.Pray before you have a talk with him.You all can still make those memories together when you travel with him.Those memories are important.

Let us pretend time travel is now possible and we are 35 years into the future and you ask your married first son to come visit you but his wife didn't allow him because she wants them to spend time together, how would you feel?

what happened to going with him? must you be invited to go over to your in-law's?

Karleb:
Let us pretend time travel is now possible and we are 35 years into the future and you ask your married first son to come visit you but his wife didn't allow him because she wants them to spend time together, how would you feel?
but
what happened to going with him? must you be invited to go over to your in-law's?

every Christmas before now, I push for us to go there (even my annual leave) but it never ends well. we both have agreed it's s had idea for me to go there any time soon... I can't say all about my home here. you won't understand, I'm not going to push for him to stay but II won't lie I'm happy...