Your up bringin is flawed and you are not from a good home...

I can imagine when my jsisters were in school and someone was paying their rent when they have father mother and brother doing well..

You are a how...stingy and glutton...

You probably sleep around for money to furnish ur iPhone craze and wig your parents can't afford themselves..

The boy need to be shot in market square.

seangy4konji:
Your up bringin is flawed and you are not from a good home...

I can imagine when my jsisters were in school and someone was paying their rent when they have father mother and brother doing well..

You are a how...stingy and glutton...

You probably sleep around for money to furnish ur iPhone craze and wig your parents can't afford themselves..

The boy need to be shot in market square.

you must be a low life, this is how they think

Fareee123:
Hi elders in the house, I'm a lady, I'm 21 years old. There's this guy I've been dating for about 3 years, we got along so fast that it feels like I've known him all my life, he's in his final year and I'm in my third year, not in the same school though.

He used to call and text often until middle last year, he stopped calling like he used to, I still do the calling, but I got tired, he wasn't reciprocating, when I complained, he said he's always busy, I feel that if he loves me like he claims, he will always check on me, whenever we're together, the vibes of the relationship is still there, but when we aren't together, he's a different person.

There was a time I broke up, I blocked him, he found a way to reach me and we ironed things out, he changed for 2 weeks before he went to his normal self. He answers to my needs guys, he has been paying my rent since my first year in school, he gives me 10k every 2 weeks, he pays for my hair when I need him to + other stuffs too.

Do you think he can change or do I just leave the relationship?? Please ignore the errors, I'm not perfect.

..Did she say" hi elders in d huz"

Fareee123:
you must be a low life, this is how they think

your fagbon.,I would feed your generations to come...be humble boy

Fareee123:
Hi elders in the house, I'm a lady, I'm 21 years old. There's this guy I've been dating for about 3 years, we got along so fast that it feels like I've known him all my life, he's in his final year and I'm in my third year, not in the same school though.

He used to call and text often until middle last year, he stopped calling like he used to, I still do the calling, but I got tired, he wasn't reciprocating, when I complained, he said he's always busy, I feel that if he loves me like he claims, he will always check on me, whenever we're together, the vibes of the relationship is still there, but when we aren't together, he's a different person.

There was a time I broke up, I blocked him, he found a way to reach me and we ironed things out, he changed for 2 weeks before he went to his normal self. He answers to my needs guys, he has been paying my rent since my first year in school, he gives me 10k every 2 weeks, he pays for my hair when I need him to + other stuffs too.

Do you think he can change or do I just leave the relationship?? Please ignore the errors, I'm not perfect.

Do you want this relationship to end in marriage? If yes then you have to do things differently.
Stop asking for relationship advice from strangers on social media. Go to your mum/dad and pour your heart out to them. Your mum/dad are the best people to give you honest advice.

Hi Fareee123,

INTRODUCTION:
I have read through your question and I’d like to comment on same. I hope this will help and go a long way.
I have spotted out some issues from the scenario you wrote and have accordingly answered your question based on the issues spotted out. Thereafter, I have followed each issue spotted with an analysis.


ISSUE 1: “We got along so fast that it feels like I've known him all my life…”

My Analysis:
The foundation of every relationship is very important. When relationships start way too fast, the tendency that it won’t last long is always high.
This is why you often hear that people who rush into a relationship are also very quick to rush out! Why? Because they don’t have depth when it comes to commitment. They don’t have the time to build commitment. They are only after the excitement.

Usually the person who made the relationship to move very fast may have some character issues. People like that in most cases ARE OFTEN toxic by nature. Some of them are even narcissists.
It depends on the spectrum of their narcissistic disorder—whether they are overt or covert narcissists. But I don’t intend to bug you with all those details. If you want to know more about that you can check it up on Google or you may reach out to me for a more specific, detailed, and well-guided resource material.

Why am I telling you that this person may be toxic? I am saying so because if it’s proven that he is, then there’s nothing you can do about it other than to pull out from the relationship.

Toxic people hardly change. They have a wrong default thinking process in their minds. If it’s a narcissist, he or she thinks more about him or herself before anybody. A narcissist will fall in love with you not because they love you but because you are a conquest to be won.

When they succeed in charming you into their world through love-bombing, excessive adoration, excessive attention and praises, they’ll gradually start getting tired of you. This is where the saying—familiarity breeds contempt—comes into play. You’re no longer exciting anymore so they decide to pull back gradually and start seeking other fishes in the relationship sea.

Here’s the thing—toxic people are impatient by nature. Whatever they want, they must get it now or quickly. This is why they rush you into relationships.

And you know what? Relationships aren’t meant to be entered in a hurry. It must begin from friendship.

Love doesn’t grow overnight. It takes time. If someone tells you they’re in love with you just after knowing you for only two weeks—they’re IN MOST CASES, lying. Call it a big fat lie and you won’t be wrong. When you see such liars, what do you do? Welcome them into your world? Or run? The ball is in your court, Fareee123.


ISSUE 2: “I still do the calling, but I got tired, he wasn't reciprocating, when I complained, he said he's always busy.”

My Analysis:
Every HEALTHY relationship must be symbiotic. When it is one-sided then it’s a big problem. It is often a red flag situation.
You deserve peace of mind than to be worried about someone who perhaps is keeping you as a Plan B.
Nobody is too busy for the one they love. If they can’t be with you physically due to a very tight schedule then they will call or send you text messages.
These things aren’t theoretical. They’re core factual, time-tested truths, sister.


ISSUE 3: “He changed for 2 weeks before he went to his normal self."

My Analysis:
This is a classic toxic behavioral pattern—playing hot and cold.
Honestly, you don’t need this kind of drama in your life.
Ask yourself what you want in a relationship. Do you value communication?
Do you love spending time with your man?
Do you love when he pays you attention? Of course every woman does.
Is the guy in the scenario you painted giving you any of these as he ought to?
Be very frank with yourself.
You deserve peace of mind.
Don’t be afraid of the aftermaths and consequences of a breakup.

Stand your ground and put your needs in front of you as long as the other person has repeatedly refused to validate you.
That he pays your rent and gives you 10k and pays for your rent and helps you with other stuffs and needs is good. I won’t fault him in any of this.
However, having a healthy relationship requires more than meeting someone’s financial needs. Communication and spending time together are paramount aspects of every healthy relationship.

What bonds people together isn’t money but true understanding and the decision to love after knowing the other person very well. And these things can only be achieved when there is honest communication in place.
Playing hot and cold is never a good approach. It is classic toxic behavior used by toxic people to manipulate you so that you start second-guessing yourself.
Eventually when the manipulation reaches a peak, this is what happens— you start thinking they love you even when they’re hurting you or their attitude to you is hurting.

These things happen at a subtle level sometimes so it may be hard for you to notice. However, if you’re very sensitive you’d be able to see through a toxic person’s behavior over time.

I see that you’re 21 years of age. Age isn’t always a factor for gauging maturity but it is also an important factor, nonetheless.
There are something about human nature that you may not get to know now. Be willing to learn as you grow older. Be hungry for knowledge.
Good a thing you reached out to us on Nairaland.
I must advise however that you be wary of the advice you take on Nairaland. Don’t take advice from people randomly. Be intuitive.


IN CONCLUSION:
“Do you think he can change or do I just leave the relationship?? Please ignore the errors, I'm not perfect.”

I won’t advice you to immediately give up on him.

This is what I’d tell you to do—
Call him up and both of you get to meet somewhere neutral—not behind closed doors where both of you may end up getting physical which can end up blurring your sense of reasoning. This is so true because sex has a way of affecting our perception of truth and reality.
When both of you meet, ask him very strong questions.

The reason I want you to ask him thee=se questions is so that you can know:
1. His intentions
2. More things about him
3. And most importantly, to find out from his answers if he is actually toxic.

I don’t expect you to ask him directly if he is a toxic person. Ask him some questions indirectly. I can’t tell you ALL the questions you should ask him. You should know better. You’re the one in a relationship with him. Also, there won’t be enough space for me to write all that I want to write here.
Don’t be too soft or too hard in your questioning. Just be assertive.

Tell him you’ve noticed that he is playing hot and cold. Ask him what he wants from you. Demand to know if he’s seeing someone else. Tell him you don’t want someone playing with your time.

You know what you want in life, sister. Don’t allow anybody to waste your time.

Also, no one here knows your boyfriend’s own version of the story. Perhaps, it could be that there are things you’re doing that he is finding hard to tolerate. You need to do a personal introspection too.

Also, ask him to tell you if there are things about you which you’re doing that he doesn’t like.

Things such as—do you nag a lot? Are you saucy? Are you disrespectful? Do you listen to him or challenge him much of the time?
If his answers don’t add up or sound manipulative, it boils down still to the fact that he is a toxic fellow.

What do you do with a toxic person?

I hope you do the right thing.
I wish you well.
If you need further assistance
you can contact me via my signature.
Happy weekend.

The Creative Luv Doc

Some girls can be ingrate. Same thing I experienced with my ex. I do send her money often buy her gifts still yet she always complain of attention. She said if I think money is everything. Something happened I lost my job, this girl almost kill me with her over demanding, she not longer HV respect for me again, always treatning me with break up. Despite she knew I was not longer working even telling me if she must ask me for money before I send it to her. This was a girl that said if I think money is everything. It got to a stage I couldn't bear with her again. I counted my loses and move on. Not after a year I move on from her, I got a federal job. What am trying to say, don't ever enter a relationship when u are hustling. If u don't want to die before ur time.

frozen70:


Lol

Hehe