Please pardon the epistle, I'm a family guy who put my family first in all my decisions due to my upbringing and position in the family....my father single handedly provided and trained the 4 of us through school as my mum never had a job due to recurring illness......I moved overseas few years ago and settling down wasn't easy. But one thing my father kept telling me even before I got my first job was to invest back home.....after paying up all the loans I incurred from funding my travel, I saved hard and invested all my savings in a few plots of land running into millions. To secure the land I was advised to do the fencing just to mark my territory as Im not ready to develop it yet.

I respect and love my immediate family so much that I can't go a week without talking or skyping them. Dad is a senior pastor in one of the Pentecostal churches that preaches holiness and righteousness which was the basis of my trusting him....but he completely betrayed my trust when I sent some money to commence the fencing....

P.s I've not been selfish to my family. I spent close to a million on gift and their welfare that same year...and even promised to get them a car as soon as I can afford it...

Instead of commencing the project, he decided to spend the money on a car just because he couldn't wait. The worst part of it was that he warned my 3 younger siblings not to tell me about it until he's able to get back the money. Which they knew might never happen....But I got to know from an outsider after 6 months.

Whenever I asked my dad about the project, his excuse had always been the rain stopping them from commencing, not knowing the money was gone. When I confronted my siblings, they confessed he had warned them not to tell me. Then I confronted my mom who later confessed and apologized....till today my father hasn't call to explain anything to me. Instead he chose to be mad at his wife for confessing to it and even raised his voice when I questioned him.

Since that incident few months ago, the relationship between us has gone so cold and we barely talk anymore....he hardly call and I don't call him either....I had forgiven him but I can't forget. I'm so discouraged now that I don't see myself sending any more money in the nearest future. I don't even care about the land safety anymore...this is affecting me mentally, I wish to just let go but I can't....I feel taken advantage of by someone I trusted the most in this world.

Please for those who had been in this situation before what would u advise.......I feel like the strong and priceless connection I had with my parent is gone due to one person's decision.

I held grudges with my Dad too, until the day I saw his lifeless body, it dawned on me that there was no way of fixing things.
Don't wait for an apology from him, do whatever you can to fix that shii

Your old man bleeped up..big time.. You need to forgive him Bro...

People change when it comes to money, worse is family members, devil deceives them that it's not stealing. What you need to do
1. Be the matured person and call and behave like nothing happened, this is a test so don't allow it to seem like u prefer money over ur family
2. Get married so they wld stop seeing u as a person who dosent have wat 2 do with money
3.dont come back 2 Nigeria if possible

Do yourself a favor by depositing money into your naija account, find a way to come to naija ,get a plot or 2 plots of lands with genuine papers, clear the land,buy blocks in person from a block industry and put them on your land,you can achieve all this within 2 weeks if you have your cash, go back to your county of residence, don't let your family know about it, once you're ready to start the building project , you'll need to be sacrificing 2 or 3 weeks to come back to naija to monitor your building project, have a deal with those selling building materials, cement, sand, granite ,truck drivers and others, brick layers.

Be in contact with the people that have building beside your site so that you can be calling them know the situation of things on your site

Anytime you want the brick layers to work on your site, direct the truck drivers to go and deliver the cement to the brick layers, same with sand and others,

Don't let the workers know that you're outside the country. Be in touch with them with naija what'sapp number for picture and video

e.g, you need 1,000 blocks, send the block maker the money of 200 blocks, tell him to deliver 300 to your site, once the brick layers confirm the 300, you'll balance him the money for the debt of 100 blocks and you continue that same deal in your next block purchase.

When it comes to building projects , never trust your family and friends in any deal concerning the project, they will look for a way to feed fat from you while you can't do anything to fight back

Get a good lady to marry, it will help you a lot in having a secured property at home but the property must be in your name, even if you buy ordinary set of chairs, let your name be on the receipt

Been on this street before. It sure hurts a whole lot coming from the people who're supposed to have your back no matter what.

For your own peace of mind, let go of the hurt and be more guarded.

Keep extending the olive branch till he comes around. He's your dad first before anything.

Nawa ooo

Never trust anyone 100% when money is involved

Forgive him bc u don't have a choice

Since you have forgiven him... Just let it go... Don't ask him about it again... You're the only one that can make your relationship with your father good again.. His ego wouldn't allow him apologise... But he would still apologize eventually...

HRHQueenPhil:
People change when it comes to money, worse is family members, devil deceives them that it's not stealing. What you need to do
1. Be the matured person and call and behave like nothing happened, this is a test so don't allow it to seem like u prefer money over ur family
2. Get married so they wld stop seeing u as a person who dosent have wat 2 do with money
3.dont come back 2 Nigeria if possible

Not everybody changes when it comes to money, as you erroneously asserted; some people do change. I have had my younger brother oversee multi-million naira projects for me without any funny story.



@OP

It's very unfortunate that you have an opportunistic man as a father - small-minded people always think that expediency means cleverness. You just have to forgive him, however stop entrusting your projects into his hands - but never alienate him from your life, always extend goodness to him on personal level.

LordKO:



It isn't everybody who do change when it comes to money as you erroneously asserted; some people do change. I have had my younger brother oversees multi-million naira projects for me without any funny story.

@OP

It's very unfortunate that you have an opportunistic man as a father - small-minded people always think that expediency means cleverness. You just have to forgive him, however stop entrusting your projects into his hands - but never alienate him from your life, always extend goodness to him on personal level.

u are right, it's not everybody.. Am not like that

HRHQueenPhil:
u are right, it's not everybody.. Am not like that

lol, make I take fear agree say u are not like dat

Madisonsqua:

I don't even care about the land safety anymore...this is affecting me mentally, I wish to just let go but I can't.... I feel taken advantage of by someone I trusted the most in this world.

Please for those who had been in this situation before what would u advise.......I feel like the strong and priceless connection I had with my parent is gone due to one person's decision.

You can't let go because you're still stuck in a cyclical feeling of disappointment.

See I'll let you in on one of my personal mottos, learnt it from a dear friend of mine, exceptionally bright young woman...and I think it will help.

It says;
Before anyone is your father, mother, husband, wife, son, daughter, brother, or sister, they are first of all human.

The phrase is interpreted in two equal but opposite ways.
1. ...that before you decide to treat family a certain way, you must understand they are first of all human.
2. ...that before a family member treated you a certain way, they were first of all human.

The latter interpretation most applies to your present situation.

You must let go of the fact that because he is your father, therefore he is incapable of making mistakes & breaking your heart...he is after all, just a human before being your father.
And humans are everything but infallible.

Letting go doesn't mean you start sending him more money, hell no. You shouldn't do that for now or until at least he gets the point.
But for your own peace of mind, you must let it go.

Cheers...

Madisonsqua:
Please pardon the epistle, I'm a family guy who put my family first in all my decisions due to my upbringing and position in the family....my father single handedly provided and trained the 4 of us through school as my mum never had a job due to recurring illness......I moved overseas few years ago and settling down wasn't easy. But one thing my father kept telling me even before I got my first job was to invest back home.....after paying up all the loans I incurred from funding my travel, I saved hard and invested all my savings in a few plots of land running into millions. To secure the land I was advised to do the fencing just to mark my territory as Im not ready to develop it yet.

I respect and love my immediate family so much that I can't go a week without talking or skyping them. Dad is a senior pastor in one of the Pentecostal churches that preaches holiness and righteousness which was the basis of my trusting him....but he completely betrayed my trust when I sent some money to commence the fencing....

P.s I've not been selfish to my family. I spent close to a million on gift and their welfare that same year...and even promised to get them a car as soon as I can afford it...

Instead of commencing the project, he decided to spend the money on a car just because he couldn't wait. The worst part of it was that he warned my 3 younger siblings not to tell me about it until he's able to get back the money. Which they knew might never happen....But I got to know from an outsider after 6 months.

Whenever I asked my dad about the project, his excuse had always been the rain stopping them from commencing, not knowing the money was gone. When I confronted my siblings, they confessed he had warned them not to tell me. Then I confronted my mom who later confessed and apologized....till today my father hasn't call to explain anything to me. Instead he chose to be mad at his wife for confessing to it and even raised his voice when I questioned him.

Since that incident few months ago, the relationship between us has gone so cold and we barely talk anymore....he hardly call and I don't call him either....I had forgiven him but I can't forget. I'm so discouraged now that I don't see myself sending any more money in the nearest future. I don't even care about the land safety anymore...this is affecting me mentally, I wish to just let go but I can't....I feel taken advantage of by someone I trusted the most in this world.

Please for those who had been in this situation before what would u advise.......I feel like the strong and priceless connection I had with my parent is gone due to one person's decision.

call your father and tell him you have forgiven him. let me advise you bro. you only owe your father and mother assistance and nothing more. Never you give your family member money for anything to build for you. Even the land you are talking about might be audio. The best person would have been your wife if you are married.

MannaBbqgrilz:
Do yourself a favor by depositing money into your naija account, find a way to come to naija ,get a plot or 2 plots of lands with genuine papers, clear the land,buy blocks in person from a block industry and put them on your land,you can achieve all this within 2 weeks if you have your cash, go back to your county of residence, don't let your family know about it, once you're ready to start the building project , you'll need to be sacrificing 2 or 3 weeks to come back to naija to monitor your building project, have a deal with those selling building materials, cement, sand, granite ,truck drivers and others, brick layers.

Be in contact with the people that have building beside your site so that you can be calling them know the situation of things on your site

Anytime you want the brick layers to work on your site, direct the truck drivers to go and deliver the cement to the brick layers, same with sand and others,

Don't let the workers know that you're outside the country. Be in touch with them with naija what'sapp number for picture and video

e.g, you need 1,000 blocks, send the block maker the money of 200 blocks, tell him to deliver 300 to your site, once the brick layers confirm the 300, you'll balance him the money for the debt of 100 blocks and you continue that same deal in your next block purchase.

When it comes to building projects , never trust your family and friends in any deal concerning the project, they will look for a way to feed fat from you while you can't do anything to fight back

Get a good lady to marry, it will help you a lot in having a secured property at home but the property must be in your name, even if you buy ordinary set of chairs, let your name be on the receipt

my brother you have said it all. God bless you. Op please mend fences with your father. God forbid the day he is no more thats when you know the worth of a father.

Madisonsqua:
Please pardon the epistle, I'm a family guy who put my family first in all my decisions due to my upbringing and position in the family....my father single handedly provided and trained the 4 of us through school as my mum never had a job due to recurring illness......I moved overseas few years ago and settling down wasn't easy. But one thing my father kept telling me even before I got my first job was to invest back home.....after paying up all the loans I incurred from funding my travel, I saved hard and invested all my savings in a few plots of land running into millions. To secure the land I was advised to do the fencing just to mark my territory as Im not ready to develop it yet.

I respect and love my immediate family so much that I can't go a week without talking or skyping them. Dad is a senior pastor in one of the Pentecostal churches that preaches holiness and righteousness which was the basis of my trusting him....but he completely betrayed my trust when I sent some money to commence the fencing....

P.s I've not been selfish to my family. I spent close to a million on gift and their welfare that same year...and even promised to get them a car as soon as I can afford it...

Instead of commencing the project, he decided to spend the money on a car just because he couldn't wait. The worst part of it was that he warned my 3 younger siblings not to tell me about it until he's able to get back the money. Which they knew might never happen....But I got to know from an outsider after 6 months.

Whenever I asked my dad about the project, his excuse had always been the rain stopping them from commencing, not knowing the money was gone. When I confronted my siblings, they confessed he had warned them not to tell me. Then I confronted my mom who later confessed and apologized....till today my father hasn't call to explain anything to me. Instead he chose to be mad at his wife for confessing to it and even raised his voice when I questioned him.

Since that incident few months ago, the relationship between us has gone so cold and we barely talk anymore....he hardly call and I don't call him either....I had forgiven him but I can't forget. I'm so discouraged now that I don't see myself sending any more money in the nearest future. I don't even care about the land safety anymore...this is affecting me mentally, I wish to just let go but I can't....I feel taken advantage of by someone I trusted the most in this world.

Please for those who had been in this situation before what would u advise.......I feel like the strong and priceless connection I had with my parent is gone due to one person's decision.

Something similar happened recently to a distant relative. The lady in question spent years as a 'hustler' in Italy. She was always wiring money home to her older brother for a house project, and other projects. From what we learnt, the money ran into millions.

Well, things went south for her and she was deported. She came home in anticipation of starting live over, and realized no single project was in progress. And to worsen it, no money was accounted for.

She confronted the brother and his response was antagonistic. She took it calmly and left. Few days later, she returned to the house and stabbed the brother to death. Their mom was devastated! The whole street was thrown into a frenzy and the people were left in awe.

She was later handed over to the police, but a few weeks later, her family decided to withdraw the case tagging it as a 'family' matter.

What your dad did was wrong, but pardonable. You even attested in your post that he did so much for you guys, and I think that's enough reason to let his actions slide.

I guess he was expecting that you were going to gift him a car soon enough, and when that didn't happen, he decided to help himself.

The fact that he didn't authoritatively demand that you buy him a car, and was planning on paying back the money used shows he is responsible. And for what it's worth, don't make it any harder for him cos I believe he already feels bad himself.

Have a tete a tete with him and make him realize that actually you had the intention of buying him a car, but since he already got himself one, you would like to focus on something else.

Try not to fret over it, and continue whatever project you started. You guys are supposed to be a one big family, and what belongs to Peter should also belong to Paul. Life is short and never allow money create a rift between you and your loved ones.

I don't even now how to comfort you. It must be painful. The part that pains me more is the fact that a father's pride or entitlement mentality won't let him apologize to his son.

Sometimes elderly/older people think it is ok to use age to bully their kids or younger ones. It is very wrong. We should not use culture or respect to cover what is not right.

You said he trained you guys right? Typical Nigeria father expects you to train him in return. In fact, If a deadbeat father expects so much from his kids, how much more the one that suffered alone to raise you guys. Please forgive your father, call him and explain to him how he would have been open in telling you that he prefers to have a car instead of the fencing. He might be feeling ashamed of himself, help him to regain his confidence.

And he calls himself a Pastor..


Anyway just do your part..


Your father must go to hell because obviously he wasn't called by God..

These attributes ain't the attributes of a Godly man

ImaIma1:
I don't even now how to comfort you. It must be painful. The part that pains me more is the fact that a father's pride or entitlement mentality won't let him apologize to his son.

Sometimes elderly/older people think it is ok to use age to bully their kids or younger ones. It is very wrong. We should not use culture or respect to cover what is not right.

..
Beautiful inputs..

African parents and their silly pride/ego..
Smh...

Madisonsqua:
Please pardon the epistle, I'm a family guy who put my family first in all my decisions due to my upbringing and position in the family....my father single handedly provided and trained the 4 of us through school as my mum never had a job due to recurring illness......I moved overseas few years ago and settling down wasn't easy. But one thing my father kept telling me even before I got my first job was to invest back home.....after paying up all the loans I incurred from funding my travel, I saved hard and invested all my savings in a few plots of land running into millions. To secure the land I was advised to do the fencing just to mark my territory as Im not ready to develop it yet.

I respect and love my immediate family so much that I can't go a week without talking or skyping them. Dad is a senior pastor in one of the Pentecostal churches that preaches holiness and righteousness which was the basis of my trusting him....but he completely betrayed my trust when I sent some money to commence the fencing....

P.s I've not been selfish to my family. I spent close to a million on gift and their welfare that same year...and even promised to get them a car as soon as I can afford it...

Instead of commencing the project, he decided to spend the money on a car just because he couldn't wait. The worst part of it was that he warned my 3 younger siblings not to tell me about it until he's able to get back the money. Which they knew might never happen....But I got to know from an outsider after 6 months.

Whenever I asked my dad about the project, his excuse had always been the rain stopping them from commencing, not knowing the money was gone. When I confronted my siblings, they confessed he had warned them not to tell me. Then I confronted my mom who later confessed and apologized....till today my father hasn't call to explain anything to me. Instead he chose to be mad at his wife for confessing to it and even raised his voice when I questioned him.

Since that incident few months ago, the relationship between us has gone so cold and we barely talk anymore....he hardly call and I don't call him either....I had forgiven him but I can't forget. I'm so discouraged now that I don't see myself sending any more money in the nearest future. I don't even care about the land safety anymore...this is affecting me mentally, I wish to just let go but I can't....I feel taken advantage of by someone I trusted the most in this world.

Please for those who had been in this situation before what would u advise.......I feel like the strong and priceless connection I had with my parent is gone due to one person's decision.

I can't imagine the hurt but you need to let it go. Come buy land and build in Abuja. It will b your best decision

Thanks for all the contributions......they're really helpful....

I'm glad it's not more that it is. Yes, he messed up. You had plans of getting them a car. He diverted it. Meaning, no more car for him.

Please try and raise another money and do your fencing with someone new.

Forgive and let it slide.

no. but i can imagine your pains. sorry

zmpp:
no. but i can imagine your pains. sorry

thanks .....its all good

ImaIma1:
I don't even now how to comfort you. It must be painful. The part that pains me more is the fact that a father's pride or entitlement mentality won't let him apologize to his son.

Sometimes elderly/older people think it is ok to use age to bully their kids or younger ones. It is very wrong. We should not use culture or respect to cover what is not right.

how I wish some of those parents could see how kids in Western countries don't give a f***k about their parents once they move out....also see how they dump them at the Nursing homes once they aged.... only then will they appreciate what they have.

Madisonsqua:
Please pardon the epistle, I'm a family guy who put my family first in all my decisions due to my upbringing and position in the family....my father single handedly provided and trained the 4 of us through school as my mum never had a job due to recurring illness......I moved overseas few years ago and settling down wasn't easy. But one thing my father kept telling me even before I got my first job was to invest back home.....after paying up all the loans I incurred from funding my travel, I saved hard and invested all my savings in a few plots of land running into millions. To secure the land I was advised to do the fencing just to mark my territory as Im not ready to develop it yet.

I respect and love my immediate family so much that I can't go a week without talking or skyping them. Dad is a senior pastor in one of the Pentecostal churches that preaches holiness and righteousness which was the basis of my trusting him....but he completely betrayed my trust when I sent some money to commence the fencing....

P.s I've not been selfish to my family. I spent close to a million on gift and their welfare that same year...and even promised to get them a car as soon as I can afford it...

Instead of commencing the project, he decided to spend the money on a car just because he couldn't wait. The worst part of it was that he warned my 3 younger siblings not to tell me about it until he's able to get back the money. Which they knew might never happen....But I got to know from an outsider after 6 months.

Whenever I asked my dad about the project, his excuse had always been the rain stopping them from commencing, not knowing the money was gone. When I confronted my siblings, they confessed he had warned them not to tell me. Then I confronted my mom who later confessed and apologized....till today my father hasn't call to explain anything to me. Instead he chose to be mad at his wife for confessing to it and even raised his voice when I questioned him.

Since that incident few months ago, the relationship between us has gone so cold and we barely talk anymore....he hardly call and I don't call him either....I had forgiven him but I can't forget. I'm so discouraged now that I don't see myself sending any more money in the nearest future. I don't even care about the land safety anymore...this is affecting me mentally, I wish to just let go but I can't....I feel taken advantage of by someone I trusted the most in this world.

Please for those who had been in this situation before what would u advise.......I feel like the strong and priceless connection I had with my parent is gone due to one person's decision.

Truth is you don't get over it, if getting over it means sending him more money or trusting him.

It's a battle of the mind. If u have forgiven, let it go and don't deprive yourself of peace while he is enjoying your life.
It has also thought u a very big lesson on trust.

If in future u want o send money to him, make sure it's one u can easily let go.

Look for land somewhere else, buy and build without telling any one of them cos they all disappointed you.

And be very careful
That he did it now doesn't mean he won't do it again cos he has sense of entitlement and other members of your family are in support.

The only thing you can do is forgive him and please try to forget.

Call Him.


It's hard and sad. I was recently in a similar situation but what did I do? I tried to remember all the other good things and not allow satan(shaytan) take advantage of this single incidence to create bad blood between my folks and I.

From what you have mentioned, he sent you to school and made you what you are today. Remember that some people never had a parent to do that for them.

Be grateful, forgive and forget. Have the conversation with him, let him know how you feel and also let him know that you forgive him.

Hello OP.

Don't let a single indiscretion from your dad make you forget he has consistently cared for you since your were a kid.

Like someone said, call him up. And talk it out with him.

And if you have strong mind, tell him you still trust him and send him another money to build the fence. That's after you have found a way to conform the land is truly yours

Secondly, family can feel entitled to your wealth. It's wrong, but it doesn't make them bad.

Just be careful. Be stingy sometimes. And manage your family expectations from you

Life is people. Don't throw away the relationship with your father because of a one off incident.

Remember, he trained you right from birth. That counts for something

This is a common thing na. Family especially ones that may not be very well to do, like average income to low income, see their children or sibling's money as their right or entitlement. They trained you through school and suffered for you, so why not... they feel . Not necessarily the right mindset but what can we do... Sorry. Just take it as part of your returns to your Dad for his earlier sacrifices towards you guys in terms of education etc.

It's hard but let it go. You may not necessarily send him money for the project again. You can find another means of doing your projects. Most times, the people that will not pocket your money or swindle you are those who already have more than enough. Even within that bracket, it's narrowed down to those who value their integrity and honour above money. So the number of trustworthy people even dwindles when it comes to money issues.

Just let it go. Na your papa. Anybody can be tempted. That's the summary. Sorry you hear.
CC Madisonsqua

Madisonsqua:
how I wish some of those parents could see how kids in Western countries don't give a f***k about their parents once they move out....also see how they dump them at the Nursing homes once they aged.... only then will they appreciate what they have.

We can't treat our parents that way because some of those oyibo parents didn't do more than the basics for their kids. The kids took out student loans and worked part time or full time jobs to see themselves through school. They feel they don't owe their parents much if anything at all. We are Africans and take pride in blessing our parents as and when God gives us grace especially because of their selfless sacrifices when we were younger. Of course, balance is key. Not that we should go and be doing more than we can to our own detriment or allow family take advantage of us.
Like we say, may our parents reap the fruits of their labour of love over us. Amen.